gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Dec 17, 2014 13:48:26 GMT -5
I will totally agree that "stay at home mom" is a horrible title and we need a new word for it. It was a step above "house-wife" but I think now everyone agrees, not much of a step. Labeling "full time parent" versus "part-time parent" will solve nothing. When you write about parenting, you quickly learn that there is no way to describe mothers and their relationship with the paid workforce that doesn’t insult someone.
Stay-at-home mother? “Makes me sound like a shut-in!”
Working mother? “Don’t ALL mothers work!”
Non-working mother? “Really? You think I’m eating bonbons?”
Full-time mother? “What, you think because I have a job I am only a mother part of the time?!”
Let’s ignore for a moment the excellent point that we never seem to feel the need to modify “fathers” with “working” and focus instead on whether it is time to change what we call mothers who do or do not receive a paycheck. Because what we call them simultaneously reflects and alters the way we perceive them. www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/27/we-need-a-new-word-for-sahm_n_2966251.html
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Dec 17, 2014 12:20:15 GMT -5
Isn't he almost 70 years old? Let the poor man retire already. Don't you guys have well over $1MM net worth? I also thought you moved your investments to stable funds a long time ago.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Dec 16, 2014 11:30:34 GMT -5
I actually agree with this. I cash flow $2400/month to daycare and stash $800/month in 529's.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Dec 16, 2014 11:24:13 GMT -5
And now how old are they? It sounds like your heart is in the right place. Continue to be an advocate and eventually the relationship will be more functional. My step mother never once said a bad thing about us, even if we deserved it and she never once did a bad thing to us. She cooked for us, cleaned up after us, taught us fun camp games and crafts and even defended our behavior.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Dec 16, 2014 10:56:31 GMT -5
How old are your step kids again? My dad remarried when I was 5 or so. He had a good paying job with a wife with a good paying job. When we visited over summers, it felt rich to me. We each had our own rooms, a big yard, a nice neighborhood, took beach vacations and trips to the amusement parks. Back at my moms house, we lived on child support, alimony, food stamps and welfare while my mom went to school. We moved from one to the next since she was always late paying the rent. Anyway, she often talked about how it was my dad's fault, he walked out and married "that whore" and he should be paying more. She became very ill and was never able to work full-time. At 13, he got custody and we finally had a stable home. My step-mother is an amazing woman to put up with everything over the years. She never had children of her own, so I don't know how she had the patience. 30 years later, they are still happily married. My mom died a long time ago and the drama ended for good. It seems like you mentioned your step kids being over 18? Where are they living? With their mom, at school or on their own? This describes our situation however Ex left DH after they had the two kids. she continued to party and would say she was crashing at her friends houses sometimes and not come home. One night DH told her if she didn't come home that night to not come home at all. And she never came back. In her defense, they both partied until the kids were born, then he changed, and she never did (til this day). The big difference here is that the kids are psychologically attached to their mom and whatever she tells them IS. They are currently living with mom's parents (their grandparents). The mom is single again and has two little ones living in her 2 bedroom. The grandparents have tons of space and provide everything the kids need. But, how old are they now and how old were they when you first got together? Yes, I was psychologically attached to my mom as well and was not always the nicest to my step-mother as my mother always sent us with a list of terrible things to do. We never did anything she insisted we do, but the relationship was definitely damaged by the constant hateful brainwashing. They lived 5 hours away from each other, so I only spent summers, Thanksgiving break and winter break. It always took a few days to warm up. My dad drove in one weekend every month, but a lot of those visits my mom would make us hide under the bed while she told him to go away.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Dec 16, 2014 10:31:25 GMT -5
I've been toying with the idea of having an annual gingerbread house building contest. We made one together one year from a kit. But, to be authentic, I'll skip the kit and buy gingerbread crackers, candy, icing, sprinkles, etc. I'll set up all the supplies in bowls, give each person a baking sheet covered with wax paper and go to town. Christmas music will set the mood. I'm thinking the Saturday or Sunday before Christmas. Yikes, Christmas is next week!
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Dec 16, 2014 9:59:18 GMT -5
I pay $560 week for two in daycare = about $2400/month. I'm also in a MCOL county. After all the additional fees are tacked on it's almost $30,000/year.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Dec 16, 2014 7:58:32 GMT -5
How old are your step kids again? My dad remarried when I was 5 or so. He had a good paying job with a wife with a good paying job. When we visited over summers, it felt rich to me. We each had our own rooms, a big yard, a nice neighborhood, took beach vacations and trips to the amusement parks. Back at my moms house, we lived on child support, alimony, food stamps and welfare while my mom went to school. We moved from one to the next since she was always late paying the rent. Anyway, she often talked about how it was my dad's fault, he walked out and married "that whore" and he should be paying more. She became very ill and was never able to work full-time. At 13, he got custody and we finally had a stable home. My step-mother is an amazing woman to put up with everything over the years. She never had children of her own, so I don't know how she had the patience. 30 years later, they are still happily married. My mom died a long time ago and the drama ended for good.
It seems like you mentioned your step kids being over 18? Where are they living? With their mom, at school or on their own?
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Dec 15, 2014 21:58:48 GMT -5
Taking a vacation doesn't have to be super expensive or elaborate. I get a 3 bedroom condo at the beach every year for a week in the summer. I budget about $1000 for the condo, food, entertainment and gas. We have a great time.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Dec 15, 2014 20:34:17 GMT -5
Any old buttermilk pancake recipe will work. It's the syrup and toppings that makes a difference. I gave up pancakes when I couldn't find a decent maple syrup.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Dec 15, 2014 16:47:10 GMT -5
Sigh........the memories. In those college days of old we used to hit this "dive" (it really was, downstairs underground extending even under part of the sidewalks) called Lola's Last Step". Beer was 25 cents a glass and pitchers of beer were a buck with the 13th free on Wednesday nights. They made a song later about that...We're gonna Party like its 1969" ..cause that's about when it was! Anyway, information we had then from Schmidt Brewing Company indicated they needed 2 cents a bottle to cover the costs of making the beer. A six pack in 1969 cost $1.10 a six pack. The difference then was state tax, federal tax, shipping and profit for the handlers/sellers. My 25 cent dive bar happy hour was 2000-2005. The cups were only 8 oz, but that was fine because we could order as many as we wanted. They also offered 10 cent tacos. Then they upped beers to 50 cents and now they are $2. Happy hour is until 9:00 pm, too. Of course, you have to be content with Coors Light, PBR or Miller High Life. High balls are all rail liquor.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Dec 15, 2014 16:24:13 GMT -5
I always pick at least 3 things to do during the holiday season because there is a fine line between tradition and being stuck in a rut. When the kids get a little older, I'll print out a list and they get to choose. The list currently includes:
Pictures with Santa Tacky lights tour in a limo, Caroling with the neighborhood kids Baking several dozen cookies, decorating them and spreading the Christmas spirit by doing porch drop-offs Picking an angel off the tree and/or toys for tots Day trip to the local amusement park that reopens in December with lights for Christmas Fancy brunch at the fancy hotel The ice show at the Baltimore harbor Day trip to D.C. to see the Christmas lights at the White House Disney on Ice Christmas jammies, hot cocoa and holiday movies Creating a Winter themed mural Making a gingerbread house Making salt dough ornaments Having a Christmas party (mid-December) Christmas lights at the botanical gardens Destination Christmas skiing/snowboarding or Walt Disney World Tacky 6k run The nutcracker ballet Tacky light boat show on the River Christmas bed-time stories every night of December Sending personalized holiday cards Christmas parade Downtown Illumination
Decorating the house the Friday after Thanksgiving, snapping a quick family photo in Christmas hats, opening an annual ornament on Christmas eve and opening presents on Christmas day is a given. We also just got the elf on the shelf this year. We don't go to church, but if they wanted to go to a midnight mass or Christmas day service, I would take them.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Dec 15, 2014 16:03:08 GMT -5
Interesting how people can live in a home for 40 years and not do a thing to it, but when somebody with expensive tastes buys it- it NEEDS renovations to be liveable. That's probably a $100,000 kitchen. I'm sure they could have come up with a cheaper solution for the foundation issues with the addition that didn't involve draining their savings and borrowing more money.
I write this as my bathroom is being gutted and I cuss out the previous homeowners for not doing a darn thing other than paint rooms horrible bold colors the 16 years they lived here. But at least I know making a completely functional ugly bathroom more functional and beautiful, is not a NEED. Regardless, they are the smart ones because they left things alone and managed to sell the place to a couple of suckers for $135K more than they purchased it.
This couple is lucky they even have equity considering it is likely due to the market rather than a large down-payment and/or paying down the mortgage.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Dec 15, 2014 14:19:17 GMT -5
I really liked this eyes on the road campaign video. I hope it wakes a few people up:
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Dec 15, 2014 14:13:39 GMT -5
In my drinking days, I only went to places with awesome happy hours...as in $.25-$1 beers or $2 highballs. And, if happy hour didn't go until at least 7, they didn't get our business. A quick text blast out to all my friends changed any dive bar to a fun bar. In my glory days, I could round up 50 people in a moments notice. Once happy hour was over, we'd bounce on over to the "in" place and not need to order anything. On the rare occasion we went out later, we just drank up at our apartments before heading out and stashed an airplane bottle or two in our purses. Ahh, the good ol' days. Granted, this is stuff you can't really get away with the more mature you are. Well, I suppose you could... ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/tongue.png)
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Dec 14, 2014 11:56:29 GMT -5
I think they need to stop referring to it as "texting and driving." Everyone who uses their phone while driving just shrugs off the texting since that's not what they are doing on their phones. People are browsing news, snapchatting, facetiming, g-chatting, facebooking, instagraming, scoreboarding, listening/browsing for music, shopping, pulling directions- all kinds of things, but not technically "texting." I really don't like being a passenger in a car with a driver on his or her phone. They are usually going 5-10 mph under the speed limit, not staying entirely in their lane, late on going after the light turns green and not driving defensively at all. But, they all insist they're good at it. I probably do need to find something else to do while driving though, because I have a lot of road rage when it comes to other drivers not paying attention.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Dec 14, 2014 11:34:22 GMT -5
My dad usually gives me a really nice gift for Christmas- an item between $500-$2000. The year I bought a house, he gave me $5000 cash to help with closing costs/down payment/moving expenses. The following year he told me he wanted to get me something for the house and asked me what I wanted. I had a long list of things in my mind, but the thing I wanted and didn't "need" was a storm door. I priced them and one would be a little less than $300 installed. He sent me $300 and I immediately ordered the storm door and took a picture to send him when it was installed. I was thrilled and he was happy because I used the cash for something I wanted for the house that I probably never would have done if it wasn't ear marked.
You could just ask what they really want and send them cash in that value. If it's less than $700, maybe set the rest aside to do something nice this summer. I would think it would be very difficult to earn much money on a $700 investment.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Dec 12, 2014 14:15:04 GMT -5
So, anyone who is either employed or stays at home during school hours, is a "full-time" parent while everyone else is just a part-timer or no-timer. Seriously the dumbest thing I've ever read.
What about the stay at homes who send their kids over to the grandparents house a few days a week for some grandparent bonding or to get a "break." It seems like they should be dinged for that, but maybe it's okay since they aren't using that time for work.
Many "daycares" are actually pre-schools, so just like in k-12 school, they are learning and have defined curricula. I know stay at home moms who send their kids to pre-schools for the socialization and education, but I guess they still get to be "full-time" parents because they aren't collecting a paycheck during those hours.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Dec 11, 2014 22:22:32 GMT -5
I hope you'll forgive me for not reading all 5 pages of this thread. I just want to say that I don't like the thread title because I've stopped using the term SAHM, and replaced it with FULL TIME mom / dad. I just feel its time to be honest and admit that there are two kinds of parent- full time, and part time. Some parents choose to work full time and parent part time, and others choose to work part time and/or not work and parent full time. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/wink.png) So, if your kids are in school until 3:30 and then practice or clubs until 4:30 or 5, does that stay at home parent get credit for being a "full-time parent" even though they aren't necessarily with the kid anymore time than the "part-time" parent. Help me understand because plenty of working parents are still active with the school activities, appointments, taking sick days when the kids are sick, doing laundry, cooking, homework, attending recitals/games, cleaning up and everything else that goes into parenting. My co-worker (full-time) won a volunteer award from our company for serving her community. Her 1000+ volunteer hours were for being a room mom in her kid's classroom. But, she is a full-time employee, so I guess she is somehow still only a part-time parent. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/huh.gif)
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Dec 11, 2014 16:16:01 GMT -5
If it were me and I owned my own business, I'd structure it so that the employee/contractor is responsible for their own office equipment. It's very generous of you to provide the equipment, technology and services, but likely- you could still find talented, competent people without offering those perks. Working from home is a huge perk in itself and if somebody can't get a lamp and chair for their home office, well they probably weren't a good applicant anyway.
Also, my company has a $150 expense reimbursement limit on phone and internet. It's the employees responsibility to renegotiate if they start getting close to the limit. Not surprisingly, most people can keep those expenses under $100/month if they will be stuck paying the difference.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Dec 11, 2014 14:41:59 GMT -5
I have hobbies...not 50 - 60 hours worth of hobbies. I honestly don't know what people do all day long...but I'm a Type A so maybe it is my personality
They can do whatever they want and hopefully it's something that makes them happy. But, I suspect no stay at home mom actually has 50-60 hours/week of time to fill up. If they are school age, they still have to get the kids up, fed and to school, probably handle follow-up with school activities, after school activities, homework activities, appointments, getting them from school and to whatever other activities. I'm guessing a SAHP might have 5-6 hours/day, if that- to work with and maybe only 1-2 hours once all the other responsibilities are handled. That's only enough time to get in a good work out and eat something. The only people who might actually have 50-60 hours/week to work with are either voluntarily or involuntarily unemployed with no children.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Dec 11, 2014 11:00:51 GMT -5
My company does not come after chairs, desks, phones, keyboards or even printers- but it absolutely requires the return of the laptop. I wouldn't have a problem returning anything my company wanted back. I'm fully aware of everything they provided even though it's been 10 years.
However, it's a security risk and violation not returning the laptop given that there are proprietary systems and applications and access to customer sensitive data. They nor I have never asked for a serial number. I can't even imagine the gull of somebody sending me a letter like that. Seems a little unethical.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Dec 11, 2014 10:36:37 GMT -5
I like to think of myself as a work outside the home mom/employee 9a-5p M-F and a stay at home mom 5p-9a M-F, all weekends, holidays, vacations and maternity leaves. All that non-working time at home or doing stuff with my kids has got to count for something. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/smiley.png) I've never understood the "bored out of my mind" if not working comments. If they are little and not in school yet, the sky is the limit on all the activities and fun things to do. And, if they are in school, the sky is the limit on all the fun things and special projects you could do while they're gone. And if you're a home school teacher, well- you've got it the hardest. But, at least if you're bored on your own time, you don't have to sit at a desk, wiggling the mouse and watching the clock... That said, I can appreciate that what's easy or stimulating for some is hard or boring for others. Personality and temperament of you and the kids makes a difference. For me, during my time off- it's a lot easier keeping up with everything when it's not squeezed into the limited evening and weekend hours. So, I just smile and nod when somebody tells me how hard it is not working outside the home or how much easier I have it. If it comes up, I enthusiastically agree that I have great kids, a great job and a great life. I'm not sure if that means I'm winning the mompetition or losing. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/wink.png)
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Dec 9, 2014 14:31:30 GMT -5
I think I'll do $20 gift cards. I would love to do something a little more personal, but everyone works in different states, so I'll have to put it in a card and in the mail. If it seems a little cheap, the compensation structure is such that everyone who works for me actually makes more money than me. Sigh.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Dec 9, 2014 13:30:32 GMT -5
Do you get a holiday gift from your manager? If you're a manager do you give a gift to your direct reports? I'm not talking about something from the company or the company's budget, but rather something from you- that shows you care.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Dec 9, 2014 11:58:54 GMT -5
I actually would classify myself as an extrovert, but can't stand noise if it's not my main focus. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/huh.gif)
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Dec 9, 2014 11:54:02 GMT -5
I must be really slow this morning, because I couldn't figure out what started with P until I read further. But, maybe men are different from women with that regard. I did my fair share of partying in college, but it wasn't on my radar at all when I was a high school student even when I got my early acceptance in the fall of my senior year. F would have been a better letter as far as my expectations- fear of the unknown, fear of failing , freedom, missing my old friends and family. ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/idunno.gif)
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Dec 9, 2014 11:33:32 GMT -5
I took a good 15 year break from Christmas because I didn't have kids and don't go to church. Now, I have two little ones and love making the magic come alive for them. We pick out a tree, deck the halls, put up lights, go caroling, make cookies and salt dough ornaments, have fun with elf on the shelf, take pictures with Santa, fill stockings and open presents on Christmas morning. I spend maybe $100 on gifts, not a big deal. It's fun to finally have a family to create these memories with. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/smiley.png)
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Post by gooddecisions on Dec 8, 2014 23:37:31 GMT -5
I really can't listen to music when I'm reading anything, including this forum. I will have re-read the same sentence 5 times.
I prefer quiet for the work I do, which involves a lot of reading and writing. That said, I'd rather music if I'm in an environment where I can hear phone conversations and such. My old office had music piped in, but when I traveled, other buildings had no music. It was miserable trying to focus while conversations were happening all around me. I dread going back into an office where I no longer get to control my environment. I know, first world problems.
Pretty much the only time I like to listen to music is when I'm in the car or exercising. If the t.v. is on, I'm watching it- otherwise, I turn it off and leave it off.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Dec 8, 2014 11:19:30 GMT -5
Different people have different definitions of the word "party." My friend always said he was having a "party" if there were two other friends at his house. For me, it wasn't a party unless there were at least 50 and 3+ kegs.
This was a freshman and there could definitely be some confusion over which frat. I got them all mixed up all the way through college and still don't know the difference between sigma nu and sigma pi. I went to my fair share of frat formals, date nights and socials as well. I even went to my fair share of parties on Rugby Road, probably even at the Phi Psi house.
As a freshman, I most definitely didn't know the difference between a true "pledge" and someone planning to pledge in the spring. I suspect the writer took some liberties with the language, just like WCP took some liberties with using the word "hoax" when none of the articles stated it didn't happen.
Still don't know if it happened or didn't happen, so no sense of relief for me.
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