gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jul 10, 2017 8:26:42 GMT -5
My parents set up 529s for my kids, but if they have to use those funds for a health crises they will and I wouldn't at all be disgruntled over it. I will plan as if that money is not available.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jul 10, 2017 6:11:50 GMT -5
I don't see it as that big of a deal since it's your choice to pack no snack, a junk food snack, or a healthy snack. I think it's only annoying when you are doing team snacks where you are kind of forced to participate and others are doing the choosing on the type of food. I'm in a middle to upper middle class area and don't see many fat kids in schools. I grew up in the 80's and think people are WAY unhealthier back then, even if we were snacking less. I too am in a more affluent neighborhood. 1600 homes, 1-4 kids in almost every house. I have never seen an overweight baby, toddler, kid or teenager and I get out a lot. The elementary school is a block away. Most of the women are petite size 2s and most of the men are in shape. Yeah, we are a stereotype.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jul 9, 2017 8:29:52 GMT -5
Two of my long time friends divorced after 10 years. Their son was 3. They both had good jobs and agreed to equal custody. That means no child support and no alimony for either parent.
She stayed in their home thinking it would be best for their son. She bought his share of equity out. He bought a town house less than 10 min. away. They rotate weekends and each get him exactly half the time sunday night-wed or wed-sunday night.
He is almost 6 now. They both date, but generally limit dates to the time they don't have their son.
The house is too big and too much maintenance for her. She does wish they had sold it so she could have a more manageable town house instead.
It is not perfect but they seem to be ok. They even got a gym family plan because it was cheaper than individual memberships. And they both come to his birthday parties. My own parents could never even be in the same room and never were, so mad respect.
She also perservered two job layoffs in 3 years, which was extremely stressful as a single recently divorced parent. But has landed on her feet. She was the one who wanted the divorce and filed.
Good luck. It's a tough situation. I hope more people who have been through it comment and offer actionable advice.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jul 9, 2017 6:57:58 GMT -5
I think student loans should be limited to tuition. Students (and parents) should find another way to fund dorm life, food, cell phones, parties, vacations and 4 years of non class related expenses.
If I get tuition reimbursement from work, I have to complete the class with a b or better and then submit the receipt. I don't get to submit the rest of my living expenses for the semester. There would be more accountability and hopefully less debt.
Speaking of which, if I could go back, I would be a bank teller on campus and take advantage of tuition reimbursement. And the experience would have been more resume worthy than waitress.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jul 8, 2017 22:56:44 GMT -5
I actually don't have a problem with majors students choose to finance with student loans. I know plenty of people in corporate amedical with liberal arts degrees, including womens studies and art history. What I do have a problem with is anyone who complains about their student loan but used it to fund non-tuition expenses for 4+ years. Many of my friends in college didn't get jobs and went shopping every weekend, had cell phones (way back in 2000 when almost nobody had them) and cars.
i had a job, no car, no cell phone, 3 roommates and lived on ramen noodles. I walked or took the bus. If i needed new clothes, I waited for the goodwill fill a bag for $5 sale.
Newsflash: Living with no job for 4 years is expensive and will most definitely hit 6 figures, whether you are in school or not, but throw in tuition on top of it and that debt is going to be huge.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jul 8, 2017 14:40:34 GMT -5
At her age, while it's fine and dandy to work in decoding, building a love of story is as if not more important. Maybe also pick a book to read out loud to her, or an audiobook you both listen to while you color or something. I have been reading her bedtime stories since she was a baby and we color and do art projects everyday. This reading challenge is about her reading though and not mine. I check out over 500 children's books a year at the library and read them each 5 times before returning. I still read to her, but it doesn't count on the summer reading challenge chart unless she is the one attempting to read the words aloud to me. In those instances, it is a short first reader book with pictures and lots of sight words and repeated words.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jul 8, 2017 13:14:41 GMT -5
There are still tasks I bribe myself to do, particularly while working to make them a habit. Do you read together? Listen to stories together? I have her read the books and help her sound out the words that she doesn't know. She has sights words down, but not phonetics. The other added benefit is that during these five dollar outings, I leave her sisters at home so we can talk 1:1. She hasn't been the easiest kid and can be extremely moody. So this gives her the chance to talk about whatever she wants without my attention being split between the 1 year old and 3 year old. I am still figuring out the best way to provide encouragement and positive reinforcement with her moods. I am hoping that if she starts school a little ahead, she'll have that much more confidence.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jul 8, 2017 12:35:15 GMT -5
My oldest is 5 and starts kindergarten in the fall. She's in day camp all summer and there isn't a lot of focus on learning during the summer.
I decided we should try to read 1 short bob book a day. That didn't go over well, so I made a colorful chart and told her I'd give her $5 for every week she read every day. I told her she could save it or spend it at sweet frog of 5 below (her choice). That did excite her. She loves to x each day, color it in and add a tick mark for each book she reads. We are two weeks in and some days she reads 10 books and other days just one can be difficult, but the chain on the chart isn't broken yet. On Thursday, she got upset when I wouldn't give her $5/day. I told her that was not our goal and she pouted and said she didnt care anymore. Right before bed I asked one more time and she agreed. When we started, it was 10 weeks until school starts. Her reading has significantly improved and I feel confident that if we keep it up for another 8 weeks she will be excelling.
On the one hand, I don't like the idea of bribing. On the other hand, I'd probably spend $5 week on her anyway and now she gets to learn more about how money works all while learning how to read. Since this morning was the final day in the week, the first thing she wanted to do is read so she could check the last box and get $5. She wanted a pink fidget spinner. They were on sale 2 for $5. So she bought one for her and one for her 3 year old sister. Which I thought was nice. Still mixed feelings.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jul 8, 2017 12:03:02 GMT -5
My parents were also denied coverage for long term care insurance when they tried to get it in their 50s. They were in great health, great shape and never smoked. But both had seen a doctor at some point in their lives for back issues due to too much golf and tennis. The underwriters reviewed MRIs, X-rays, and health records, didn't like it so no coverage. They are still in great shape, great health and play too much golf at 70. They both say they will swallow a bottle of pills when they can no longer take care of themselves. That's horrible, but they are proud people and wouldn't want me changing their diaper or given them baths.
The problem with long term care insurance is the premium is not locked in for life. You could pay for 20 years or 30 years and they could gradually increase your rates until one day they are no longer affordable and you have to drop it to afford basic living expenses. You've contributed a fortune and get nothing. You'd be better off putting that $3000/year (for example) in a brokerage account for 30+years and reaping the compounding rewards of the Phil plan.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jul 7, 2017 21:58:11 GMT -5
I always tip 20% on the total, but i rarely go out to eat anymore. Eating out is a huge rip-off and not worth it. I'd much rather put together a picnic and go to a park if I want to eat out. I would never tip 20% if I got lousy service. I am not picky and my expectations are not high when it comes to wait service. I rarely require a refill or extra services. I don't care if they take the plates early or leave them until we're gone. I don't care if they are extra friendly or succint. I order from the menu without asking a bunch of questions or asking for substitutions. So, I can't think of a single time I've had service so poor I reconsidered 20%. But again, I am not picky, needy or demanding and I worked in restaurants for 5 years, so I know the drill.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jul 7, 2017 19:55:25 GMT -5
I always tip 20% on the total, but i rarely go out to eat anymore. Eating out is a huge rip-off and not worth it. I'd much rather put together a picnic and go to a park if I want to eat out.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jul 7, 2017 14:03:40 GMT -5
Since this is a camp, if everyone is eating snack at the 10:00 break and 11:15 wrap-up, the one who doesn't have a snack is left feeling left out.
i hate snack culture too. I stopped bringing snacks to the pool this year. Without fail, if some kids opens a bag of chips, my kids start begging for snacks as if they hadn't just eaten. Last weekend, I fed them a huge breakfast before walking to the playground, same scenario, some kids opens a bag of goldfish and more I'm hungry whining, sigh.
my oldest is 5 and joined her first soccer team in the fall. as expected a signup sheet went around for who's bringing snacks to each game. I made a comment that it seemed unnecessary for a 50 min game and I felt like a jackass when somebody said it is supposed to be fun. After experiencing the season, the snacks did seem to be what the kids enjoyed most.
i guess it is what it is. Fortunately we are active and don't buy desserts or junk food to keep in the house. So I will go along in the interest of social acceptance.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jul 6, 2017 14:41:35 GMT -5
My company pays for 10 sick days/year, but it is use it or lose it. With this law, employees in AZ will get to carry over up to 40 hours of unused time for the next year.
In my 16 years here, I have only used 2 sick days. I think it's great that time can rollover and will benefit an employee who requires a longer recovery. I am not in AZ and don't currently have any employees in az. But I used to and might again, so it is good to know.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jul 5, 2017 19:56:59 GMT -5
Nobody in my family has gone into a nursing home or had extensive elderly care. My paternal grandma died at 92 and live in her home alone for the last 40 years. My maternal grandma moved in with my aunt after living with us. She died at 86. Both grandfathers died in their 50s. My mom died at 43. None of my great aunts and uncles went into nursing homes either.
As as far as I know, none of husband's family has gone into nursing homes either. His grandad lived alone in his house until he died at 95. I think maybe our families are not rich or poor enough for nursing homes or expensive elderly care to be an option.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jul 3, 2017 14:55:32 GMT -5
Ha, that goes for just about every food. I don't eat cereal often, but when I do, the serving is usually closer to 2 cups, not one. Even my three year old wants a second bowl when I only give her a 3/4 cup size "serving" and she usually gets a serving of fruit with it. A serving size for eggs is 1. Who eats just one scrambled egg? Everyone gets two in my house. Nobody is overweight.Me! One fried egg and half a bagel is enough for breakfast! It's either that or Greek yogurt with peanut butter for my weekend breakfasts at home. I just read an article that said a proper serving size for a bagel is 2 oz, or a third of most bagels or half with most of the inside carved out. Point is, if you are not overweight, then you are probably doing a fine job moderating your serving sizes, regardless of what a "proper" serving size is. I am guessing few here are eating 16 oz porter steaks daily.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jul 3, 2017 13:25:07 GMT -5
Regardless, most people do not limit their portion of meat to the size of a deck of cards. It's usually way, way more. Ha, that goes for just about every food. I don't eat cereal often, but when I do, the serving is usually closer to 2 cups, not one. Even my three year old wants a second bowl when I only give her a 3/4 cup size "serving" and she usually gets a serving of fruit with it. A serving size for eggs is 1. Who eats just one scrambled egg? Everyone gets two in my house. Nobody is overweight.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jul 1, 2017 9:37:31 GMT -5
I just bought a barrel, Spanish moss, pebbles and a variety of succulents to improve the fairy garden.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jun 30, 2017 11:15:51 GMT -5
I am glad you found a solution. Just out of curiousity, do you find the solution or your wife?
i also think it was a little unfair of so many people to come down so harshly on your wife, calling her entitled and whatever else. From your post, she didn't demand to bring the puppy, but asked if you could talk to your mom again obviously out of concern on the limited alternatives. I don't have a dog, but I am pretty sure if I did, I wouldn't want to board a puppy or leave a puppy unless it was with somebody I trusted (thank goodness her parents stepped in). Whose puppy is it and why has the burden of what to do about the puppy fallen squarely on your wife?
also, I think it is great and a rare thing for your families to enjoy spending time together so much that you choose to spend your precious vacation time with each other in perhaps less than idle accommodations. Have a great trip and a wonderful 4th of July holiday!
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jun 29, 2017 19:44:07 GMT -5
Also, the grandparents just pulled out of my driveway. They took my 3 year old and 5 year old and are expecting two of their grown kids this weekend as well. They live an hour away. We were welcome to come, but squeezing in the 5 of us, another couple, and another man (plus the original 2) does not sound like fun. They only have 1 extra bed. I have 0 feelings of FOMO.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jun 29, 2017 19:36:19 GMT -5
My last dmv experience was a piece of cake. I was returning some library books, when I noticed a dmv to go van parked at the library. I walked right in, scribbled my info on a form, they took a pic, I paid and was on my way in a manner of minutes. My renewed drivers license arrived within a week.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jun 29, 2017 19:19:19 GMT -5
Call your mom. Explain that you don't have a place to board the puppy and he is too young to leave alone. Tell her you are not sure what to do about the weekend. Bring whatever suggestions back to your wife and go from there. You did say you would talk to your mom, so do it.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jun 27, 2017 9:32:31 GMT -5
I think they are both beautiful. Normally I would go for color, but a 4:00 wedding puts you in cocktail hour for the reception, the darker dress looks more cocktail than the color dress. Or just dress up either with the right shoes and accessories. I only say this because I underdressed once for a 4:00 wedding opting for more sundress than cocktail. Nobody said anything, but I didn't like that I didn't look as formal as the majority of the guests.
It would be nice if dress code was always on the invite!
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jun 26, 2017 0:44:48 GMT -5
I probably read on this board a hundred times that health insurance companies only had a 4% profit margin. Only ym could defend the insurance pricing gauging tactics.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jun 23, 2017 15:44:24 GMT -5
Good luck haitian. I can see why you are getting impatient, but if you have 3 more years and it's only been 5 months for your wife to move on, why add pressure to a situation that is working? She may not be ready to give up perks like working from home in a job she knows how to do with people she likes all the while learning how to nurture and care for her first born. In the grand scheme of things, this transitional stage is only a very short time in your careers. Try to take a step back and give her some credit for all that she is balancing right now.
Also, as a working mom, I would take a 50% pay cut if it meant I could work full time from home again. I always used daycare, but my work/life/mental sanity balance was significantly better when I worked from home. My expenses were also significantly lower.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jun 21, 2017 19:54:18 GMT -5
I think I will win this one. I spontaneously bought a bunch of fairy garden items: 3 small houses, 3 fairies, animals and lots of accessories. I have 3 little girls who play outside a lot and I just couldn't resist. i err, I mean we are setting up something like this.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jun 20, 2017 13:48:00 GMT -5
but they already know what they are willing to pay - what I think I'm worth should have ZERO effect on that. The salary range for my position is between $37k and around $50k. If I don't now the range and I say I'll take $35k, because this was a required question on nearly every application I filled out... they can offer me $37k which will appear to be a really good deal since it's $3k higher than what I asked for. In reality I've managed to get myself stuck at the bottom of the wage ladder. I would say the majority of us cannot walk out on our jobs if we find out we are being underpaid. So we're stuck unless we can quickly get another job lined up. In a perfect world salary would be tied to level of experience/knowledge period but we all know that's not how it works. It's to their advantage to get me at the lowest salary possible and it's to my advantage to get the highest salary possible. Keeping me in the dark about what the job pays stacks the deck in their favor. In my opinion, a perfect world would pay for performance regardless of experience. Sure, in many cases, experience may improve performance and that individual should be paid accordingly. When I was fresh out of college, my salary was a joke. I ran circles around all the more experienced, much older people and could totally see why older, higher paid people get laid off. Now I am older and more experienced and I do a great job, but my 23 year old self would run circles around me! I am a sitting duck!
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jun 19, 2017 9:15:35 GMT -5
In central va, we turn irrigation on for 15 min in the early morning, 3 days a week in July and August. It is green and beautiful with minimal effort year round. I don't know what kind we have though. I am sure whatever is most common.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jun 19, 2017 8:12:24 GMT -5
I would add, that Bermuda is fine if it is common in your area. It is not common in my area, which is why I associate it as an invasive, ugly, hard to kill weed and not grass. If you are in a neighborhood, just don't be the outlier.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jun 19, 2017 7:45:08 GMT -5
I am in Virginia too. Bermuda isn't a common selection other than maybe a golf course. But my friend had just bought a new house and had a house warming in April. Her whole lawn looked like it was killed and then I realized it was Bermuda. Since it was April, every other lawn was lush green (except the patches where the bermuda had spread to neighboring yards)and hers was the eye sore. It wasn't until May that it finally turned green again and then by November it was brown again. I suspect they will want it replaced. Nobody wants to have the ugly yard.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jun 19, 2017 5:54:51 GMT -5
I wouldn't choose Bermuda because it turns whitish/strawlike all winter. It looks dead half the year, unless there is a hybrid that doesn't go through that. Or i suppose you could overseed every year to avoid it, but that's not low maintenance anymore. Also you better be sure it gets full sun or it would like terrible even in the green months.
If you have neighboring yards, they may not like it spreading to their yards, I know I wouldn't because of the deathlike appearance.
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