gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jun 16, 2017 11:06:01 GMT -5
So I'm a week in and I've had one application since Tuesday. I'm really starting to get stressed out now. My report's last day is next week, and I'll have to do her job and my job until we get someone hired and on-boarded. This puts me working 80-90 hours a week until someone starts and gets up to speed (which isn't going to happen overnight). My stress level is off the charts. Because right now I don't even have a decent candidate to interview! This is really not helped by the fact that our HR person only wants to post the position on careerbuilder and isn't interested in having the organization pay to post it elsewhere. HR's answer to the lack of applications is to change the title we use in the job listing to something that better reflects the work. The problem the title that better reflects the work is considered to be about two grades above the official title, and so I'm very hesitant to do that so it doesn't get perceived as being a bait and switch. Have you thought about making your own posts on social media? Linkin? Facebook? Even here?
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jun 16, 2017 6:11:49 GMT -5
I read this and thought it might give you more to reflect on how to empathize and ease the stress. www.huffingtonpost.com/samantha-rodman-phd/7-reasons-your-wife-is-st_b_6621940.htmli know when I am whining about something needing to be done, I want to hear let's do it right now, not don't worry about it. And I must be on time to everything or I am extra anxious, don't worry about is never the right way to respond.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jun 14, 2017 12:35:43 GMT -5
No, I don't consider recipes heirlooms. It seems petty to say no and taking the high road is so easy.
On the other hand, If you would have a problem with how she used them, such as posting the recipes on Facebook, posting pics of dinner parties with food made from the recipes and claiming them her own, etc then I could see why you wouldn't want to share.
Sorry about the breakup, that's tough.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jun 13, 2017 15:54:17 GMT -5
Yep - 51 here and I agree with everything you posted!!! Bored was a 4 letter word for my working mom - it meant spending the ENTIRE day on Saturday with chores rather than just the morning. Mom started us doing smaller chores like dusting and washing dishes etc when we were young - she has a photo album with pics of us doing chores and at the time I was in 1st grade (oldest) so sibs were 4 and 5. By the time we were all in grade school - we were each assigned an entire room (LR, FR, DR) to pick up, dust, vacuum in addition to our bedrooms. This all happened on Saturday mornings and had to pass the 'white glove' test before we were allowed to head out for the day with friends. Slacking meant staying in until it was done right. TV time was at night for an hour or so, after all homework was done, and we three siblings had to agree completely on what to watch or no TV at all. Sunday was the day our parents slept in - until 10 or so when we all got ready for church so we could watch TV until then. Otherwise we were expected to 'have something to do' which meant plans with friends outside, riding out bikes to said friend's houses, playing games with each other, riding our bikes to softball/baseball practice, piano practice etc. I will add the caveat that we lived in 'Mayberry' - our town was a pretty small town in Northern Illinois and it was considered very safe (except for the time when I was maybe 12 or so when an older couple stopped me on the sidewalk and asked directions to the gas station that was literally on the main drag a block away and kept asking me to come closer to the car because they 'couldn't hear me'...so I ran in the opposite direction to a friend's house)...but I regularly rode my bike through town and out of town several miles to a friend's house as did my siblings when they wanted to hang out with kids who didn't live in town. Mom taught at the same school we attended until I was in 8th grade, the next year she found a job in Chicago and took the 0630 train so we were all responsible for getting up, showering, feeding ourselves and getting to school on time from that day on - we would have been 13, 11 and 10 at that point. No excuses were tolerated. My kids were raised pretty much the same way, in the same town, they are now 26 and 19 and understand that running a household is a FAMILY responsibility, not just mom or dad, even though I was a stay-at-home mom for most of their childhood. I wonder if we don't expect enough from today's kids? Mom's seem to do everything now. THIS!! Both of mine have said that their friends were 'spoiled' and didn't have to do the chores they did, have the responsibilities they did and they were right. I belonged to a mom's club when my youngest was small and the moms ALL talked about how terrible their childhoods were and how they weren't going to have the same expectations of their children as their parents had of them.....that was around 2002 and youngest grew up with all of those kids. Almost all of those kids have had different life experiences than my 19yo - she still kids me that she was the only one whose parents expected her to cook, clean and do her own laundry. But since she joined the National Guard, has a job and is going to school, we figure we did something right.
Although I do think kids have it tougher today, with less down time. I guess I get this based on kids being in daycare situations all day vs. being home. Although we were 'home alone' from 10, 11 & 13 on, with a list of things to accomplish after school/homework/extra-curriculars.
Maybe there isn't time to do it the old ways. Eh, both of my kids were involved in multiple extra-curricular events, tennis, soccer, ballet, dance, horse back riding lessons etc and it was a split as to whether they got themselves there or were driven based on parent's schedules or arranged their own carpool. The did have some AP classes too so I guess as far as less down time...maybe, but not much less than I had. They had lots of chores to do, their own laundry, making dinner, dishes afterwards etc.
Reading back, I suppose based on the freedoms kids have today that my childhood sounds 'harsh or extreme' but my parents divorced when I was 13 - mom went back to school so she worked downtown all day, came home and went to classes (no internet/online school stuff in the late 70's, early 80's). So she expected us to step up as members of the family - she put food on the table but we had to cook it. My parents were always planning excursions to Chicago for the museums, Art Institute etc - as well as LOADS of family get-togethers as my dad had a bazillion cousins with kids. We were plenty BUSY but there was still plenty of time for chores and friends. Caveat: TV time was VERY limited for us growing up - we were outside or busy with chores/homework etc. And no comps whatsoever until my brother was in HS and bought an Atari that we took turns playing PONG on, but that was severely limited too. No cable either til I was in HS. Boy was that the Dark Ages!!
I'm of the opinion that I'd rather have my kids focus on school, sports, and extra curricular while they are young rather than getting a job and doing a bunch of chores around the house. My rules are keep your room clean and clean up after yourself, but I'm not going to make them wash the windows or prepare dinner. Maybe it's because I grew up with my dad taking me to work (he owned a small business) and I feel like I just missed out a lot. I'd go 3 days a week during the summer when I was 10-16 years old and most Saturdays during the school year. If they were adamant about my future, they should've make me spend that time studying. The fact is that my dad was too cheap to pay for an employee to do the work, even though he was making good money at the time. My wife did not have summer jobs or many chores growing up, they just made her focus on schoolwork, sports, friends, etc. She had great summers of going up to their lake house and playing with friends. When it came time to work, she worked. Like you wife, my parents let me be a kid. As long as I made good grades and stayed out of trouble, I didn't have a lot of rules, chores or responsibilities. Somehow, I still grew up to be a fully functional adult who can keep a job, cook, clean, do laundry and pay bills. My parents even helped me through college and I still managed to launch. Not to veer off topic...
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gooddecisions
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Summer Fun
Jun 12, 2017 17:50:38 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by gooddecisions on Jun 12, 2017 17:50:38 GMT -5
We go to the pool and amusement park a lot, but other than that summer is bau. Daycare teachers/staff keep asking my kids if they are excited that it is almost summer as if my kids are not going to be there every day. Really bizarre. We do have a beach week planned, but it is not until late August.
Also I was added to a rising kindergarten Facebook group for the neighborhood school and all the moms are rallying for a mid week, mid morning Meetup, so that counts us out. I wish we had the summer off and the kids and I could do whatever we wanted.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jun 12, 2017 16:00:38 GMT -5
yes, i want positive time with them, and just feel like most of our during the week time is just us nagging them endlessly. it makes me very sad My wife keeps saying that she doesn't want to be remembered as a mom who just yelled all of the time... That exactly how I remember my mom and she has been dead a long time. And it is also why hate myself every time I yell because of the lack of cooperation and losing my patience because I don't have time to keep asking nicely.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jun 12, 2017 14:34:15 GMT -5
I also wanted to say that I think it is amazing that you are asking the question.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jun 12, 2017 13:53:14 GMT -5
I can't speak for Archie's situation, but as a mom of 3 young children and a full time job, what would help me most is if my partner took some stuff off my plate for several days consecutively, even a whole week. Get the kids dressed, dropped off, picked up, stuff put away, dinner made, cleaned up, laundry done and put away, kids in bed. I do all this stuff all by myself most of the time and when I ask for help he offers to send his parents over (who have never helped with anything and cause more anxiety) or helps out with some of it one day and then it's back on me. And if he did this, appreciate me more for doing it all the time instead of acting like he did me some big favor.
So if her situation is anything like mine, ask for a list of things you can do that she normally handles and then do it for a whole week without complaining or needing praise. If she doesn't give you a list, begin reciting what you know until she chimes in with all the tasks you've missed. Once the week over, see if there are some things that can be your responsibility going forward.
Facebook or competing with other moms does not cause me anxiety, feeling like there isn't an equal division of labor and I am burning out does.
Just my perspective 100% based on where I am in my own life.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jun 12, 2017 11:51:46 GMT -5
I struggle big time with a baby, toddler and preschooler. I have a somewhat demanding full-time job, but have huge guilt if my kids are stuck in daycare more than 9 house/day. So i take work home every night. Somehow I keep the house clean, laundry done, limit screen time and provide home cooked sit down dinners every evening. I exercise at 5 am. I am afraid if I let anything slide, everything will unravel.
My low point this weekend was taking all 3 to my 5 year olds soccer game, my 3 year old had to poop and there were only port on potties. I had to take the baby with me of course and there was no easy way to help the three year old while holding the baby.
I really wish I had more help then daycare. I try so hard, but when my kids get whiney, then I get whiney. I hate nagging and hate myself when I yell at them.
Also I don't have the time or patience to work with my 5 year old on her reading, so she might end up starting kindergarten behind.
Daycare wouldn't take my 1 year old this morning because she has a fever, but I don't have time to take a sick day. So I am trying to work from home and not fall behind. I would love to just take a sick day and not worry about work. Sigh, yes I am tired.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jun 11, 2017 8:27:05 GMT -5
I furnished my whole house second hand. The only things I bought néw were mattresses. My dining room table, chairs, buffet and China cabinet = $700. Home office with executive desk, credenza, executive chair, art, printer cabinet and Persian rug = $500. My basset king size slay bed, end tables and 2 dressers = $750. Just one end tables was $800 new. For the girls' room 2 twin bed $40. Sectional for the family room $300. Front porch glider and rocking chairs $50, back patio table, chairs, umbrella, teak set of loungers, another teak table with chairs, 2 outdoor rug $100. And there is more rugs, kitchen table, toy room. It is a big house and I did not have to spend a lot of money making it look nice and functional on good quality items. I also buy all my girls' clothes and most of their toys from my neighborhood facebook swap. The price is always really low and the location is near.
That said, I have seen ridiculous prices on other sites. I don't buy on those.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jun 7, 2017 20:03:24 GMT -5
A weekend backpack program provides 6 non perishable, kid friendly meals per weekend and the summer program provides meals at several locations all summer. The food bank manages these kid programs along with all the other hunger needs.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on May 29, 2017 13:56:32 GMT -5
I know I have to do an elimination diet, and we do keep track. She just wants to be able to eat everything her sisters and friends at daycare are eating. I didn't eliminate anything from my diet and so I was surprised by these reactions. She is still breastfed, but not like she was before she turned 1. She gets 10 oz of my milk a day. Truthfully I wanted her to be fully weaned by now, but I don't know how to get enough calories in her on an elimination diet. She was on finger foods starting at 6 months, which included eggs, cheese, yogurt, fruit, vegetables and meats- no issues until she was 1 year old and I backed down to 2 bottles a day.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on May 29, 2017 12:46:50 GMT -5
What will your moving expenses be? Do you have to sell a home? Can you skip a big move and liquidate anything you can't pack in a car?
Then you could rent a furnished room in someone's house looking for a roommate to keep your expenses down until you know what your full time employment situation would be. You won't have to pay as much for utilities or require a big deposit. If that's not an option, it may still be cheaper to liquidate everything and buy what you need second hand once you've moved. Whatever you do, don't spend down your savings moving.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on May 29, 2017 12:39:41 GMT -5
I do when I pig out on strawberries More hives this morning. She didn't have dairy, but she did eat 3 strawberries and a biscuit. I bet we're dealing with multiple food allergies. At least it is just rashes and nothing more scary happening with her breathing or digestive system.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on May 29, 2017 8:50:13 GMT -5
My 14 month old has been breaking out into itchy hives and eczema from something she's eating. It only just started after she turned 1. So the poor baby has been dealing with this for two months as we try to figure out the culprit. I suspect anything from a dairy cow. This is my first time dealing with food allergies as my other two had no issues and I am not allergic to anything. Poor baby.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on May 29, 2017 8:33:24 GMT -5
If it were me and I was that desperate to move, I would need to have at least a year's worth of living expenses saved up.
i really think you need to focus on the exam, keep saving (go for any jobs that pay more at your current company) and pull the trigger after you are done studying and can catch your breath. Good luck!
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on May 26, 2017 11:25:29 GMT -5
The gift thing is tricky. Etiquite says you shouldn't say anything about gifts on the invite. It is up to your guests. Some kids bring them, some don't, no biggie.
I have my kids bring gifts to all the birthday parties they go to unless the invitation says no gifts. Out of 20+ kids parties I have gone to, only 3 expressly said no gifts.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on May 26, 2017 9:15:33 GMT -5
My DD also went to a bowling alley party earlier this year. I know my kid is a year younger than yours, but let me tell you..the kids were tired of bowling after an hour...and they were just done. At the bowling alley we went to, there was nothing else to do. There's no way I'd want to be around even 4 kids by myself in a place where they can run around and get into trouble due to boredom. I try to limit parties at that age to 1.5 hours. But we are very un-fun and ask for no gifts. But, it also depends on the kids. You don't know until you have a party or two. DS and his friends always could entertain themselves and he could have 4-5 hour parties (think sleepover minus the sleep over part). I've even had 8 boys stay overnight in our house, and we've never, ever had a problem. DD1's friends need to be entertained every minute and get bored easily, and start to complain when they don't like activities. We had a smaller party for her this year, and it was the best. This was my observation as well at a 5 year bday party. It worked out to 60 min of bowling, 30 min eating pizza and cake, and 20 min of arcades (host provided tokens). It was fine and in the winter, so I get why they chose the bowling ally.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on May 26, 2017 8:30:18 GMT -5
Where I live, you can rent a shelter at any of the county parks and rec playgrounds, splash grounds and parks for $30.
To stay on budget, you can spend less than $30 at Dollar tree on cups, plates, napkins, table cloths, party favors and balloons.
Then, spend $20 on cupcakes at walmart and 5 large pizzas at little ceasers is $50.
Hand out invitation to his whole class plus whoever else in your circle of family, friends and neighbors 3-4 weeks in advance if you want a good showing. 2 weeks in advance if you need a lot to not come.
That's how you have a kids party for $150. I don't know how many people or lanes, but $500 is a lot for bowling. But that is what i spend when i rent out a place for a kids party. Good luck, he will have a blast!
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on May 19, 2017 10:27:12 GMT -5
I have been dirt poor, middle class and now I don't know what I am. I have never been miserable. I honestly believe some people are just predestined to be miserable and others rewrite their narratives or choose narratives (in the case of the media) to suit an agenda.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on May 8, 2017 15:49:16 GMT -5
I don't know why it is so hard for some parents to just say I am proud of you. But I also don't know why it is so hard for some folks to be proud of themselves. I hope your cousin has a full recovery and can look at the life she created and know that she did it right.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on May 8, 2017 14:56:47 GMT -5
I've never resigned and had an employer counter to keep me. That's just how my industry works. Usually, though, I'm glad for that. Once I've made the decision to interview, then accept an offer, I've mental moved on to the new employer and it would take A LOT to get me to stay. Like a doubling of my salary, adding in extra vacation time, adjusting my title up at least a couple notches type of stuff. And that would never happen. This is my experience as well. In fact, managers and top leaders are trained not to negotiate a resignation for the very reason you sited. It doesn't matter if they are at the top their game or not. Since one foot was already out the door when they started interviewing, stats show that even with a generous renegotiation to stay, that employee is even more likely to leave with a year. No point in wasting time and money to get them to stay.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Apr 18, 2017 12:46:10 GMT -5
Rent a car for the week so you are not trapped. Over 8 days, I would alternate a day at the house/with the family and a day out on your own. That way, you will have space and so will they. Plan to do red rock, the strip and Hoover damn on your excursion days and maybe one more. You can get tickets for a show at the half price ticket booth by the MGM. if it we're me, I would pay for 1 night at one of the hotels on the strip and hang by a niece resort pool the next day.
have a great trip.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Apr 2, 2017 15:07:25 GMT -5
To each their own. My toddler got a coin jar with a digital counter for Christmas. I get rid of useless junk once a month. 4 months of looking at it on a shelf and last weekend, it went into the donation pile. We don't have coins or cash around the house. Oh well if I missed a teaching opportunity.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Mar 25, 2017 20:09:39 GMT -5
I have no idea. I am great at finding things to do so it will depend where I end up. It would be fun to do something with theater or improv. I am not particularly artsy, but I might try some water color classes. I might join an old timers co rec softball team. I love being outiside and active so could see doing some hiking groups.
My parents are definitely living the retired life, so I hope to follow in their steps.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Mar 25, 2017 19:56:24 GMT -5
First, you have a very useful degree and 10 years experience running a department. Apply those marketing skills to yourself. Make that LinkedIn profile sparkle and do it now. The more time you have to hunt while still employed, the better.
I got a severance package in 2004, two months after I bought my first home. I had two weeks before my last day and I was devastated. I wiped my tears and had my resume updated in an hour. I had applied for 5 jobs that evening and another 3 the next day. Within days I had 4 interviews, all scheduled immediately. Before my two weeks was up, I had 3 offers and started my new job the very next day that I would have been unemployed. And, talk about worthless degree, I have a liberal arts education.
you have two months, start hustling! once you have a new job, you can re-evaluate whether you want to go back to school and start over.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Mar 25, 2017 13:04:55 GMT -5
My employer employees over 200,000 full time us employees, even more contractors and part-timers. They increased minimum wage to $15/hour last year. But, at the same time majorly ramped up robotics projects. I predict there will be a lot less of those $15/hour jobs.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Mar 23, 2017 8:19:27 GMT -5
Also, she is not fully functioning. She can't even lift a box on her own.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Mar 23, 2017 8:18:02 GMT -5
My grandma died in 2012. She lived to 91. Her husband died in 1978. She lived in the same 3 bedroom 1 ba house for 60 years all the way until the end...by herself those last 35 years. Like most people of her generation, she kept every magazine, t.v. guide, jars, containers, etc. Her house wasn't cluttered at all, but my parents knew she had too much stuff. So they cleaned all that stuff out when she was around 80. When she died, there was a lot less to get rid of. i would do exactly what crone suggested. Pack it all up without labeling and sorting and take it straight to a donation center. Save that $200/month because it doesn't sound like there will be room for all the extra crap in a smaller condo. Lie if you have to. Only keep essential stuff and down the line, replace anything that got tossed if it is missed. Essential stuff should easily fit in the drawers and cabinets in her home without needing to be in a box somewhere. I assume you have your own life and don't have time to be sorting, labeling and selling. And like someone else said, if she gets foreclosed, it all goes on the curb anyway. good luck, sucks that you have to deal with this. I still think this is a bad idea. The mother is mentally sound and an adult. What you are suggesting is theft. It is not ok to throw away someone else's stuff. An 80-90 yo being moved into a nursing home or other facility is an entirely different story than a fully functioning 61 yo adult. She can't afford to stay in the house and can't afford storage. Either her daughter steps in and is able to help her keep the stuff she needs or she loses everything. My sister is homeless and lost everything, so I get the severity.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Mar 23, 2017 7:58:50 GMT -5
I miss the way a Twinkie tasted like when I was a kid. I had one for the first time in twenty years. I took one bite and threw it away. Disgusting.
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