gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Dec 18, 2015 1:38:07 GMT -5
My daughter's birthday is Oct. 14 and the county cut-off is 5 by Sept 30. She was born 1 week late at week 41, so if only she was born 1 week early or had I taken my doctor up on his induction offer, I'd at least have the option. I have no problem with people choosing to hold back, but it stinks for people like me whose kid just barely missed it and would do great. I find the cut-off date to be so incredibly arbitrary and it does not seem to be based on any science or studies as it's different in every county, district, state. She's 4 and goes to 9-5 preschool with 20 other 4 year olds in her class. She dropped naps by 2, easily writes her full name, writes all the letters, can count to 100, knows all her shapes, words in Spanish, can speak in front of the group for show and tell, has weekly homework, cleans up after herself, follows, directions, shares, etc. She is the only one in her class that is at the top of the behavior chart every single day because she- most importantly- knows how to listen. She never gets in trouble. She is also one of the tallest as I'm 5'10. We've started working on reading and I think she'll be reading fairly well by the summer. It kills me that I can't send her to kindergarten next year when she'll be 5. I'll have to pay $12,000 for private kindergarten and then I can send her to first grade instead of public kindergarten. I obviously need to get over it, but I'd much rather put that $12K in her 529.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Dec 16, 2015 22:18:19 GMT -5
Why would beergut want to get married? He has a free place to live (and if I recall he was living for free at his parents' before moving in with his girlfriend) a woman who loves him, and he gets to be a father figure to kids who adore him without being financially responsible for them. So the only real comparison he has for how much it costs to live was when it was free at his parents house. He concludes that he's actually paying more to live at her house (because he's supplementing food for 3 additional people, hence "3x the cost") than he would otherwise and she would have all those bills anyway. So, it's fair. Because he has no obligations other than some groceries and a utility bill every few months and that's only if his girlfriend miss-stepped and needs his help and he feels like "rescuing" her. It comes at a price for her, of course with lectures and no more marriage talk until she stops asking for money. With his girlfriend handling all those pesky monthly housing bills- because you know, paying rent would mean contributing to her mortgage and by golly she should not be able to get ahead on that since his name isn't on the mortgage- he's able to invest the bulk of his income and grow his wealth. Never mind that he lives there too. When he's finally ready to be done with her, he'll have a nice net worth and owe her nothing. This is not a bad situation for him. I hope this really isn't how it is, but all the post I've read about this arrangement, it's the only logical conclusion. Sorry if it's harsh.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Dec 15, 2015 22:36:55 GMT -5
It probably wouldn't go over well at my company, but your culture may be different. There has been a lot of training the past year on workplace violence and yeah- a knife would cause a lot of raised eyebrows. I'm obviously in the minority here though. Good luck!
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Dec 15, 2015 21:44:04 GMT -5
would much rather be writing about how I'm with someone who has learned from past financial mistakes and is building their wealth while living below their means instead of trying to figure out how to keep someone from continually attempting Russian roulette with their finances.
How about you stop trying? I think you enjoy getting to feel superior/getting to be a martyr and riding to her rescue. Otherwise why would you keep banging your head against the wall? If she hasn't gotten the message now, she's not going to. So either you enjoy your arrangement or there is something else in the relationship that makes it worth putting up with her. If it is the latter then you're going to have to learn to live with her finanical faults. Either you will need to step up to be a more equal contributor/take over the household finances as opposed to only paying for treats and bail outs. OR you are going to have to have completely separate finances and accept she's going to f*ck hers up from time to time. I enjoy building wealth. When that is put on hold because the money I was going to invest this month is used to help her fix another avoidable 'emergency', I naturally get frustrated. This isn't come need to feel 'martyred' or 'bragplaint' about how wonderful I am because I'm 'riding to her rescue'. If anything, I question my sanity because I keep trying to help her change, and it isn't happening. Everything else about her is pretty amazing, this is really her only issue. Since it is a fixable issue, I keep hoping she will come to her senses and fix it. Am I insane for believing this could happen? Possibly. Sorry beergut, I'm going to have to say it...aren't you still able to invest everything you'd otherwise be spending on housing if you weren't living at her house for free. Yes, we know you pay for groceries and vacations, but that's not the roof and all the bills that come with it. You got to give her some credit and take some responsibility for the reason she expects you to "rescue" her after years of this living arrangement that puts you ahead financially.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Dec 15, 2015 21:25:50 GMT -5
If it were me, I'd buy the Roku and antennae and hook up another t.v. maybe in a room you've been wanting a t.v and just see how much you like the experience before committing.
I do tend to think it's not as much savings as you'd expect. People aren't just paying for the program service, they have to pay for internet too and internet is always more expensive without a bundle. Internet from a cable company is anywhere from $50-$85/month after taxes/fees and low introductory rates. Amazon Prime works out to $8.25/month, Netflix- $10/month, Hulu $11.99/month. And, no you're not going to get CNN, CNBC, MSNBC, Fox News or any of the other cable news channels. With the antennae, you'll get your local stations. With the other services you'll get series of shows- some old, some original, some current and movies. They may have what you like or may not depending on licensing agreements.
I'm tempted to cut the cable every time Comcast jacks my rates, but then I call them and it's bearable again. Yes, I pay about $50 more than if I cut the cable, but with the DVR and On demand, I'm watching what I want, when I want and without the commercials. My budget is not so tight that I have to worry about that $50. Let us know what you decide!
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Dec 14, 2015 9:42:15 GMT -5
Big believer in buying 2-4 year old cars and driving them a long time. I especially love to do this with luxury cars since they depreciate so quickly the first few years, are often leased (so don't have many miles and don't have any body damage), and the people who own them generally have taken care of them because they want them to look good.
That said, the thought of buying a used minivan is a little nauseating. Yes, there are the rare Phils and other childless adults who buy them, but the vast majority of minivans are owned by people with kids. And I seem to be the only heartless monster mommy who thinks her children will survive a 20 minute car ride without a meal so doesn't let her kids eat/drink in the car. So most of those used minivans have had all sorts of food and drink spilled in them, not to mention kids puking in them or having diapers changed in them.
Buying a used minivan is the vehicular equivalent of taking home an upholstered couch you found in the dumpster or out on the curb. Blech.
But that's not really what the OP is about - it's about relationships and control. OP wants control and is using money as a tool to establish the control. SO doesn't want to be controlled in this way. The decision about what type of car to buy, how much to spend or if a car is even needed isn't one where there is a definite right/wrong answer because there are legit answers for different people. This is about problem solving as a couple. Can you please talk to my husband? Although, he'd shrug and say so what, our kids are going to puke, eat and destroy it anyway so it would be stupid to buy anything new and nice.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Dec 14, 2015 7:18:24 GMT -5
Yep- we are having the car struggle in my house too. We've both been driving our paid off cars 15 years and they both still work fine. I drive a 98 sedan that I paid cash for, he drives a '00 sedan that he paid cash for. The problem is, we're having our third baby. I'm ready to go ahead and buy something a little more roomy. A minivan is probably the right decision. He keeps trying to convince me to buy an 8-10 year old one. No thanks, if I'm going through the trouble of buying a new car, I'd like it to be at least a 2012 or newer. All the 2-3 year old cars are almost as expensive as new cars, so he goes right back to looking at the 8-10 year old car. I figure, great, let's just buy a new car and I'll drive it for at least 15 years. There are 350 under 5 year olds running around at the daycare and over 500 kids at the elementary school. And the whole neightborhood is crawling with kids. If I'm driving a bigger car, it had better have back-up cameras and everything to keep me from running over a kid. He thinks I'm being a "princess," and it's really starting to piss me off. I wish he would be more supportive. I saved up the money a long time ago and I don't care what he decides to buy. We both work hard for our money and are good with it. Currently, I'm googling how to configure three car seats in my backseat because I don't see us figuring this out in the next 3 months if it's been a huge debate for the past year.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Dec 13, 2015 21:37:57 GMT -5
If my DD were to have her own place she would easily spend 50% or more on rent. I guess that's why she's still living at home. I'm really happy because she is finally starting to socialise with her colleagues (she started this job, her first "real job", in Sept). I know they all earn basically the same salary as DD, so I'm hoping that at some point one of them will ask her to share an apt. I'm not in a great rush but is it very mean of me to hope that she moves out one day? Not at all. That's what roommates are for. I've had them since college and now that I think about it- have never really lived alone. My first salary was 23K/year, but I had a roommate so my rent plus bills was $600/month. I continued to rent with roommates until I bought my first home at 26 and then still took in a roommate or boyfriend to share expenses. I don't know anyone who could afford to or were willing to spend that kind of money to live on their own until they were well-established.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Dec 11, 2015 18:50:43 GMT -5
It sounds like it just wasn't a good fit. I have mixed feelings about the fade-away. Sometimes that's easiest and the least awkward.
Also, I don't mean any disrespect to another poster, but please don't give the person you are dating salad dressing for Christmas or any gift. That's a nice gesture, I suppose but very weird as a gift.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Dec 11, 2015 16:46:56 GMT -5
That stinks. There are 15 of us in my secure section of a huge building. We have a break room with a table, a full-size fridge, microwave and sink. There are no company-provided food or supplies, but occasionally somebody brings something in to share. It usually goes uneaten. There haven't been any issues with taking food or leaving messes. We'll have potlucks and if the leftovers don't go home with the person who brought the dish in, then they go uneaten. Everyone is too polite and would be worried they were eating something that didn't belong to them.
The Halloween candy is still out and going strong, with the exception of the chocolate. I wouldn't have noticed but one woman made her disappointment known yesterday when she was digging through it and couldn't find any.
I'm fortunate to work with professional and self-aware people.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Dec 11, 2015 14:08:37 GMT -5
If you're not obligated to support her, make payments to her and your husband gave no written or oral instructions to pay her, then cut her off. You don't have to make an announcement or provide excuses, just don't do anything. Let people whisper.
Frankly, I think it's very odd that anyone would expect you to send her money.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Nov 30, 2015 14:42:28 GMT -5
I totally agree. Why is this on the DIL? Why not the SON? 3 people have asked this, and so far no answer.......... Honestly I am not sure what difference this makes, my Mom could talk to my Brother about their plans, but he would discuss it with his wife first, not because he is henpecked, but because they have a good relationship. On the other hand, my MIL an DH make the plans for their family together all the time, and I don't necessarily have a lot of say in the situation. I am not the cook though. MIL and DH do all the cooking.
Because DILs always become the bad guy which contributes to tense relationships between MILs and DILs- case in point, the original post only mentions her DIL not cooking, not having them over for dinning, not bringing food to Thanksgiving and vetoing the Christmas hosting idea, nothing about her son. We have a firm rule in my house- you manage your own family. Sure, he talks to me about it and I have to push him into making phone calls and making things happen with his family, but he's the one that communicates and finalizes the plans. My influence is purely between us and behind the scenes.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Nov 30, 2015 12:01:15 GMT -5
May be it's a cultural thing,but I never go to my parents house with anything other than the kids. The "food train" usually goes from my parents' house to mine. My mom always makes all my and kids' favorite things and brings them over, even though they live 400 miles away. That's amazing. Can they adopt me?
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Nov 30, 2015 11:38:46 GMT -5
The other thing that stood out to me is that you singled out your DIL for not bringing anything. Did you ask her to bring something? I am always happy to contribute what the host wants me to bring, but if they don't tell me then I don't know what to bring. The southern woman in me won't allow me to show up empty-handed, but the practical person in me won't allow me to bring something that is already covered. My SIL told me I didn't need to bring anything to Thanksgiving after I asked, so she got flowers, wine and chocolate as a host gift. I hope they are not talking about how we showed up with nothing. A simple, do you mind bringing the mashed potatoes or apple pie, works great.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Nov 30, 2015 8:30:48 GMT -5
So, who came over for Thanksgiving? Nobody? Did you know nobody was coming over before you cooked and prepared for a week?
My MIL and FIL have never hosted anything in the 9 years I've been around. They are wonderful and raised 5 children, but just aren't into it. I think it's a shame because once you lose the matriarch/patriarch, you lose a lot of the family connection. The 5 children rarely get together. I pulled off 70th birthday parties for both of them where all 5 kids attended; and, all 5 were at their daughter's wedding and grandfather's funeral. But, that's it- 4 occasions in 9 years where they were all together.
My parents moved to Florida and don't host anything either. They've never been particularly sentimental about holidays. So, each of us visit on our own and we have not all been together in over 10 years.
I think it's odd that you single out the dinner thing. My inlaws like to drop by at dinner time and it really annoys me. It's a burden cooking for the 4 of us, but adding 2 means I have to put more thought into it and double the recipe. I don't always have double the amount to whip up. If I schedule play dates with friends it's generally 10-12 or 2-4, which means nobody has to figure out feeding people. I wish my inlaws would pick up their grandkids to do stuff instead of just wanting me to entertain and feed them. But, it is what it is.
If it were me and I felt obligated to host because nobody else would/could and didn't want to lose the holiday, I would just start budgeting for catering/fully prepared food.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Nov 20, 2015 21:04:51 GMT -5
I don't understand the meme either. This probably doesn't help, but our toilets were getting clogged all the time in our 1998 house. We purchased it in 2013 and replaced all the toilets in 2014. No more issues with clogging. Since you replaced all your toilets, I guess it's not going to be so simple. Do you have vents on your roof for them? Have you inspected the vent pipes on the roof recently?
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Nov 19, 2015 22:33:51 GMT -5
My friend just went through this. Like you, she was the breadwinner (although nowhere near your salary) and her husband had extremely expensive hobbies and could never get his act together to keep a job. They didn't have children together. They were married 20 years. She is 65 and he is 15 years younger, cheated on her throughout the marriage, had someone on the side at the end and demanded the divorce. She chose the lump sum and sweetened the pot with keeping him on her benefits in hopes he would take it easy on her as far as going after more. He didn't and demanded 50% of her retirement. She's relieved she doesn't have to pay alimony, but she'll never be able to retire. He just got approved for social security disability, so he'll never have to work. I don't understand how these cheaters get away with so much.
Tough situation. I hope you can find a good network of friends to help you through the transition.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Nov 17, 2015 21:23:24 GMT -5
I bought mine from eyebuydirect. I hadn't considered that you could get them adjusted somewhere, I was just thrilled to pay $30 shipped instead of $500.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Nov 16, 2015 18:51:35 GMT -5
We've been maxing retirement accounts since before we had kids and have healthy brokerage accounts. I opened 529's for my first in 2011 and second in 2014 as soon as I had SSNs for them, which was when they were about 1 month old. $415.67/month goes to each so $5000/year for each. It's going to be tough when number 3 is here to divert $15000/year on top of the $45,000/year daycare bill. Now I know why people just have 1 kid. At this point, I really think cash-flowing college will be a breeze next to cash-flowing daycare. We would be rolling in it if it weren't for funding daycare at $45 grand, retirement at $36 grand and college accounts at $15 grand.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Nov 15, 2015 13:16:54 GMT -5
I personally want my parents to enjoy every minute of their retirement. I told them straight up if they have money beyond their needs, they better use it to travel and fulfill every wish rather than leave me an inheritance. And, they did- they bought their perfect home in Florida and travel several times/year. It would bring me very little joy if I knew they sacrificed their dreams for me to have an inheritance.
I get it if it's earmarked as just in case medical/hardship needs and those medical needs never happen. But the OP said his wife wants it solely for their kids and they have pensions that will cover any needs until death.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Nov 15, 2015 10:17:58 GMT -5
Mine were set up because I made some changes to my plan, so it was a technician that set it up instead of the self-install. When he first set it up, it was super slow as well. He went outside, did something, came back and it wasn't slow anymore. There is no delay.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Nov 15, 2015 7:58:55 GMT -5
It takes some getting used to. My initial reaction was definitely frustration and I want my old one back. I could scroll faster and still see whatever I was watching without the whole guide taking over the screen. It's been a couple of months and I feel a little better about it. They've definitely dumbed it down for people since there are images for everything and you don't have to be able to read. I'm not crazy about the remote control, it's way too sensitive.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Nov 15, 2015 7:33:00 GMT -5
But he won't have the same choice. When she got her inheritance, it was 10 years ago and they were both still healthy. Now his health is declining to the point where he can't even drive a car anymore and may decline further by the time he gets his inheritance. Sure, he can choose to share it or keep it, but the ship has sailed as far as spending it on their dreams.
Tough situation.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Nov 14, 2015 14:00:10 GMT -5
I've been looking for a decent used car for about a year. I would prefer a 2012, because really that's nearly 5 years old when you consider they were sold in 2011 and 2016 cars are already on the road.
Everyone wants more than 10 grand until they are closer to 10 years old. And, yes a 2006 would be 10 years old, not 5- big difference. It's not hard to find a decent used price on a 10 year old car, but really hard on anything newer than 6 years old.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Nov 14, 2015 13:43:30 GMT -5
No, I mean I literally used Martha Stewart 5-star recipes for Thanksgiving and while it was all very pretty and very nice, it was a lot more effort and a lot more expensive. With some shortcuts, I can get a green bean casserole, broccoli casserole, stuffed turkey, extra dish of stuffing on the side, mashed potatoes, gravy, watergate salad, yeast rolls, cranberry sauce and pies done and only spend 2 hours tops (not even at all once) in the kitchen. If people want beets, sweat potatoes or anything with coconut, they have to bring it. I took macronni and cheese off the menu a few years ago because I was making it with 7-cheeses, it cost a fortune and I really hate grading cheese. Plus, it's super fattening. What is watergate salad? You might know it as pistachio salad. Stir together pistachio pudding mix, cool whip, drained crushed pineapples, drained fruit cocktail and marshmallows. Some people add coconut, but I don't like coconut in anything. It's green cool whip with fruit and marshmallows when you're all done.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Nov 13, 2015 16:32:30 GMT -5
I save $500/month for each kid starting at birth (or technically a month later when I have their SSN) with the hopes that I'll be able to back off well before they reach college age. Our 401(k)s are maxed and investment funds are healthy for emergency, job loss or whatever. If we have a budget crisis, this would be the first to reduce. But for now it works. I love the idea of contributing more now and cutting back later. At least the money would have more time invested funding it early. Do you assume you would be paying for housing along with their college? Yes, my parents paid 4 years in state tuition, room and board for me and my sisters and I'd like to pay it forward if I'm able. But, I also chose the most affordable in state college- Virginia Tech. So, we'll see if I can raise reasonable kids with reasonable expectations.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Nov 13, 2015 16:16:43 GMT -5
I save $500/month for each kid starting at birth (or technically a month later when I have their SSN) with the hopes that I'll be able to back off well before they reach college age. Our 401(k)s are maxed and investment funds are healthy for emergency, job loss or whatever. If we have a budget crisis, this would be the first to reduce. But for now it works.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Nov 13, 2015 16:06:53 GMT -5
It's just not the same with homemade whip cream (common folk taste-buds showing themselves again). I try to ignore my knowledge of the hydrogenated vegetable oil and hfcs on the ingredient list and just remember a taste from my childhood.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Nov 13, 2015 15:57:53 GMT -5
No, I mean I literally used Martha Stewart 5-star recipes for Thanksgiving and while it was all very pretty and very nice, it was a lot more effort and a lot more expensive. With some shortcuts, I can get a green bean casserole, broccoli casserole, stuffed turkey, extra dish of stuffing on the side, mashed potatoes, gravy, watergate salad, yeast rolls, cranberry sauce and pies done and only spend 2 hours tops (not even at all once) in the kitchen. If people want beets, sweat potatoes or anything with coconut, they have to bring it. I took macronni and cheese off the menu a few years ago because I was making it with 7-cheeses, it cost a fortune and I really hate grading cheese. Plus, it's super fattening.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Nov 13, 2015 15:43:33 GMT -5
Not in my experience. But make some mashed potatoes this weekend and test it out (or anytime before Thanksgiving). It's been one of my best short cuts as I really do hate chopping and pealing especially if I'm rushed.
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