Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Jan 12, 2016 23:43:33 GMT -5
If you remember the background on this, that's great. If not, I"m sorry. It will anger me even more to type it all out.
XH texted me tonight. I haven't heard from in months. XH wants me to just magically take his name off of the second mortgage of the house that is now only in my name but was originally in both of our names. I managed to get him off the regular mortgage only because of HARP.
He's mad because his debt to income ratio is too high for him to take out a credit card.
The conversation started out fine. His last text started with "Not to make it sound bad, but I've heard excuse after excuse from you for seven years about this."
HOLY FUCK!!! The housing market crashed. THAT IS NOT A THING I MADE UP!!! I cannot refinance the freaking house!!! I cannot refinance the second mortgage on its own when I am at least $50,000 underwater on the house!!! I have applied THREE times in the last seven years--the earliest was last summer before my lay-off was "official". STILL DIDN'T QUALIFY. Do you think I'd qualfiy now that I've taken a $25,000/year pay cut.
So here's the response I want to send:
Oh, well not to make it sound bad, but since you're still $11,000 in arrears on child support, I could have used that to pay 25% of the mortgage down. I don't mean to make it sound bad, but since I finally took you through Family Services and you lied to the mediator about your income and got your child support reduced , I could have used that money to pay down the mortgage. Oh, well not to make it sound bad, but you have a 401k loan, a car loan, and a garnishment against you from Discover, so I'm pretty sure it's not just the mortgage that is causing you a problem. In fact, since that mortgage has NEVER had a late payment, it's actually helping your credit score in that way. I don't mean to make it sound bad, but since you are 40 years old and make $14/hour and work 30 hours per week, it's not really my fault that you don't have enough to make it through the end of the month. But, hey, keep blaming your shitty life on me. Whatever.
Thank you for letting me vent.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 12, 2016 23:45:50 GMT -5
If it was me I'd send it
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moneymaven
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Post by moneymaven on Jan 13, 2016 0:16:46 GMT -5
What a prick. Send it.
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lund
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Post by lund on Jan 13, 2016 2:49:37 GMT -5
I'd send it too. And save print-outs of all the correspondence in a binder.
Though I might change the part about lying to the mediator to something more like "not reporting all your normal income" in order for him not to be able to accuse me for slandering.
I'd also add a line about the housing market crashing and the home being 50k under water.
(And if I could prove that he lied about his income, there would be Family Court again!)
(Please find out how to keep his debt to you and his children "alive" even after they are 18; he might belong to those who think that the arrears will magically disappear once the child is 18.)
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skubikky
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Post by skubikky on Jan 13, 2016 7:58:42 GMT -5
SEND IT!
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jan 13, 2016 8:02:12 GMT -5
Why waste your time with him? I would just ignore his texts and ignore him. Or, you can send it. Either way works.
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busymom
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Post by busymom on Jan 13, 2016 8:07:35 GMT -5
I'd send it too. And save print-outs of all the correspondence in a binder. Though I might change the part about lying to the mediator to something more like "not reporting all your normal income" in order for him not to be able to accuse me for slandering. I'd also add a line about the housing market crashing and the home being 50k under water. (And if I could prove that he lied about his income, there would be Family Court again!) (Please find out how to keep his debt to you and his children "alive" even after they are 18; he might belong to those who think that the arrears will magically disappear once the child is 18.) Definitely this!
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jan 13, 2016 8:09:02 GMT -5
I'd send it too. And save print-outs of all the correspondence in a binder. Though I might change the part about lying to the mediator to something more like "not reporting all your normal income" in order for him not to be able to accuse me for slandering. I'd also add a line about the housing market crashing and the home being 50k under water. (And if I could prove that he lied about his income, there would be Family Court again!) (Please find out how to keep his debt to you and his children "alive" even after they are 18; he might belong to those who think that the arrears will magically disappear once the child is 18.) Hah! My girlfriend is still collecting back child support and she is almost 61 years old!! It does not disappear.
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haapai
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Post by haapai on Jan 13, 2016 8:43:02 GMT -5
He's mad because his debt to income ratio is too high for him to take out a credit card.
Did he really say that? How did you keep yourself from giggling or snorting when you heard it? Even though credit card applications typically ask for income information, the decision to accept or reject the application is almost entirely driven by credit scores and FICO scores are blind to income. He may have been told that his "debt to income ratio" was the problem, but it probably wasn't true.
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garion2003
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Post by garion2003 on Jan 13, 2016 9:01:50 GMT -5
I don't know your situation..but that response is kind of freaking awesome I would send it!
Or at least, having typed it all out, hopefully you feel a little better!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 13, 2016 9:28:05 GMT -5
I don't think the debt to income ratio is his problem. Mine is outrageous and credit card companies don't seem to care.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 13, 2016 9:48:54 GMT -5
Why didn't he become responsible for one of the houses that is underwater? I'd offer to turn the whole thing over to him if he could get MY name off the mortgage!
ETA - sorry, now I see it is 2 mortgages not 2 houses. I'm in the camp tempted to send the email but I don't know if it would cause you more hassle. As satisfying as it would be it would not lower your stress level.
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Jan 13, 2016 9:58:51 GMT -5
Hmmm, I can see why he is your ex.
Sounds like he's one of those guys who will spend the rest of his life thinking he is always getting the financial short end of the stick, without realizing he's the one who made the short stick.
I think you should crack open a bottle of beer or wine tonight and celebrate the fact that you are no longer legally tied in marriage to this financial train wreck.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Jan 13, 2016 10:02:00 GMT -5
I'd send the text - with a big goon carrying a baseball bat to knock his douchecanoe head right up his sorry ass. What a dirtbag and a half.
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gregintenn
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Post by gregintenn on Jan 13, 2016 10:48:58 GMT -5
If you remember the background on this, that's great. If not, I"m sorry. It will anger me even more to type it all out.
XH texted me tonight. I haven't heard from in months. XH wants me to just magically take his name off of the second mortgage of the house that is now only in my name but was originally in both of our names. I managed to get him off the regular mortgage only because of HARP.
He's mad because his debt to income ratio is too high for him to take out a credit card.
The conversation started out fine. His last text started with "Not to make it sound bad, but I've heard excuse after excuse from you for seven years about this."
HOLY FUCK!!! The housing market crashed. THAT IS NOT A THING I MADE UP!!! I cannot refinance the freaking house!!! I cannot refinance the second mortgage on its own when I am at least $50,000 underwater on the house!!! I have applied THREE times in the last seven years--the earliest was last summer before my lay-off was "official". STILL DIDN'T QUALIFY. Do you think I'd qualfiy now that I've taken a $25,000/year pay cut.
So here's the response I want to send:
Oh, well not to make it sound bad, but since you're still $11,000 in arrears on child support, I could have used that to pay 25% of the mortgage down. I don't mean to make it sound bad, but since I finally took you through Family Services and you lied to the mediator about your income and got your child support reduced , I could have used that money to pay down the mortgage. Oh, well not to make it sound bad, but you have a 401k loan, a car loan, and a garnishment against you from Discover, so I'm pretty sure it's not just the mortgage that is causing you a problem. In fact, since that mortgage has NEVER had a late payment, it's actually helping your credit score in that way. I don't mean to make it sound bad, but since you are 40 years old and make $14/hour and work 30 hours per week, it's not really my fault that you don't have enough to make it through the end of the month. But, hey, keep blaming your shitty life on me. Whatever.
Thank you for letting me vent. Wow! How hard would two people have to work at it to create a mess like this??!!?
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jan 13, 2016 11:16:05 GMT -5
Oh, I would totally send it...what loser can't get a credit card? He has bigger issues and is just blaming you
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Jan 13, 2016 11:22:45 GMT -5
Oh, I would totally send it...what loser can't get a credit card? He has bigger issues and is just blaming you
AMEN!!
OP can you just sell the house and be done being linked to him for good?
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Gardening Grandma
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Post by Gardening Grandma on Jan 13, 2016 11:24:04 GMT -5
Why waste your time with him? I would just ignore his texts and ignore him. Or, you can send it. Either way works. I rarely agree with Shooby, but in this case I do. This kind of exchange is exhausting and unproductive. I'd block communication from him.
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dannylion
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Post by dannylion on Jan 13, 2016 11:24:25 GMT -5
How did you let a gem like that get away?
What a piece of work
I'd sit on the response for a little while, then rewrite it in a neutral tone just stating the facts. Really good snark is lost on people like that. It would be a shame to waste good snark.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 13, 2016 11:30:21 GMT -5
While I can understand why you wrote it the way you did (I was married to a deadbeat, too), you may want to make it less inflammatory. There are some good, solid facts that need to be ought out. Something like:
"If you would please forward to me the $11,000 in back child support that you owe, I will be happy to apply that amount to the mortgage principal to increase the chance of refinancing. Unfortunately, supporting our child solely on my income, especially after a 25% pay cut, has made it difficult for me to make any additional principal payments.
I look forward to receiving your share of the cost of supporting our child. "
You know he won't do it, but at least it lets him know he's the source of the problem.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Jan 13, 2016 11:31:44 GMT -5
I don't think the debt to income ratio is his problem. Mine is outrageous and credit card companies don't seem to care. I think it could be part of it though. Not sure what the numbers are on everything, but if the second mortgage is $44k and say the payment is $400/mo.( out of sky guess) its 22% of his gross monthly income. Add in the stuff he apparently can't get rid of fast enough, he easily could be at 50,60% or higher.
The OP can not fix this now, so he just has to live with it.
I'm not sure what I'd recommend. Sending it might just set off a firestorm from XH.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 13, 2016 11:40:00 GMT -5
I don't think the debt to income ratio is his problem. Mine is outrageous and credit card companies don't seem to care. I think it could be part of it though. Not sure what the numbers are on everything, but if the second mortgage is $44k and say the payment is $400/mo.( out of sky guess) its 22% of his gross monthly income. Add in the stuff he apparently can't get rid of fast enough, he easily could be at 50,60% or higher.
The OP can not fix this now, so he just has to live with it.
I'm not sure what I'd recommend. Sending it might just set off a firestorm from XH.
For a bank loan I could see being turned down because they verify income, but I had a 200K mortgage on 35K income and have never been turned down for a credit card. Heck, I think I have close to 100K available credit if I add them all up. I don't run that up much though...less than 1% utilization.
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emma1420
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Post by emma1420 on Jan 13, 2016 11:49:37 GMT -5
I think it could be part of it though. Not sure what the numbers are on everything, but if the second mortgage is $44k and say the payment is $400/mo.( out of sky guess) its 22% of his gross monthly income. Add in the stuff he apparently can't get rid of fast enough, he easily could be at 50,60% or higher.
The OP can not fix this now, so he just has to live with it.
I'm not sure what I'd recommend. Sending it might just set off a firestorm from XH.
For a bank loan I could see being turned down because they verify income, but I had a 200K mortgage on 35K income and have never been turned down for a credit card. Heck, I think I have close to 100K available credit if I add them all up. I don't run that up much though...less than 1% utilization. If his income is low, and his credit is poor enough that his application goes under review before being approved I can see the debt-to-income ratio being an issue. However, I think when you have good credit, then most credit card companies don't care. I bet that Chloe's ex is confusing debt-to-income ratio with credit utilization. And rather than realize that perhaps paying down one of his other debts might help, he's latched onto the second mortgage. The ex sounds like a trainwreck. Glad that he's an ex.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Jan 13, 2016 12:06:08 GMT -5
I think it could be part of it though. Not sure what the numbers are on everything, but if the second mortgage is $44k and say the payment is $400/mo.( out of sky guess) its 22% of his gross monthly income. Add in the stuff he apparently can't get rid of fast enough, he easily could be at 50,60% or higher.
The OP can not fix this now, so he just has to live with it.
I'm not sure what I'd recommend. Sending it might just set off a firestorm from XH.
For a bank loan I could see being turned down because they verify income, but I had a 200K mortgage on 35K income and have never been turned down for a credit card. Heck, I think I have close to 100K available credit if I add them all up. I don't run that up much though...less than 1% utilization. The debt ratio is often based on your payments, but certain companies have cracked down and now treat all your open credit as potential liabilities. So in your case your debt to income ratio is likely much lower than you think. $1K/monthly payment plus mortgage pymt against your yearly/monthly income.
He's being garnished so likely he's counted at 100% or utilization on Discover plus all the other stuff. I'm curious. What kind of credit cards did you apply for and get when you had the 200K mortgage and 35K in income?
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Gardening Grandma
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Post by Gardening Grandma on Jan 13, 2016 12:10:38 GMT -5
The XH's inability to get credit isn't Chloe's problem. His failure to pay child support is.
My exDIL periodically tries to start a text conversation with me. She has no interest in a real conversation and I've learned to respond with brief polite answers.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 13, 2016 12:21:52 GMT -5
For a bank loan I could see being turned down because they verify income, but I had a 200K mortgage on 35K income and have never been turned down for a credit card. Heck, I think I have close to 100K available credit if I add them all up. I don't run that up much though...less than 1% utilization. The debt ratio is often based on your payments, but certain companies have cracked down and now treat all your open credit as potential liabilities. So in your case your debt to income ratio is likely much lower than you think. $1K/monthly payment plus mortgage pymt against your yearly/monthly income.
He's being garnished so likely he's counted at 100% or utilization on Discover plus all the other stuff. I'm curious. What kind of credit cards did you apply for and get when you had the 200K mortgage and 35K in income?
Man, what card didn't I get? I'm kind of a credit card rewards junkie and jump ship for the sign on bonuses and stuff all the time. In the past few years, Chase Sapphire, Marriott, Priceline Rewards (Barclay), Sam's Club, Amazon...I have a Citi card and a Capital One card, American Express for a long time, Target, Wells Fargo.... A lot. My mortgage now is only 147K, income is about the same, but I think when I fill out the applications I put more for income due to child support.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jan 13, 2016 12:32:15 GMT -5
If you include "I could have used that to pay 25% of the mortgage down" in your response, he'll just think "so you could have been making the payments to get out of this, but didn't." People like that always think others have money and are not doing what they need to do to spite them. Hence, the 7 years of excuses comment.
It's best to leave it at, "the housing market crashed and despite making 7 years of on time payments, we still can't sell or refinance it because the value has dropped so low the mortgages are higher than it's worth." Then tell him if he really wants his name off it, he can send the $11K he owes you and you might have enough to sell or refinance (you know it's not enough, but he's not going to send it anyway). Tell him it's not an option for you, because you don't have the money.
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Ombud
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Post by Ombud on Jan 13, 2016 13:07:31 GMT -5
Why waste your time with him? I would just ignore his texts and ignore him. Or, you can send it. Either way works. I rarely agree with Shooby, but in this case I do. This kind of exchange is exhausting and unproductive. I'd block communication from him. Dont respond & block unless there some reason you need to maintain communication
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Jan 13, 2016 14:27:06 GMT -5
The only thing I'd text back is: I'll get right on that when your child support balance is 0.
no need for him to have ANY other information about you.
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Jan 13, 2016 15:35:57 GMT -5
My suggested redlines above
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