zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 13, 2015 5:48:09 GMT -5
If I start ever dating again, I know for sure I need to make it clear that I'm not hopping into bed with someone after some magical date number. The idea...
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Dec 13, 2015 10:12:49 GMT -5
...:::"If I start ever dating again, I know for sure I need to make it clear that I'm not hopping into bed with someone after some magical date number. The idea...":::...
That is probably a smart idea. Though these conventions may not be hard and fast rules, they have definitely taken on a "guidelines" kind of role. I'm not sure how I'd react if a woman said something like "don't expect sex until at least <time>". Some guys might interpret that as a challenge, and will try to break the rule. Others would see that as an attempt to gain control early and would walk long before that time came up. I'd probably just shrug and make sure that she wasn't my only avenue of supply.
...:::"Depending on how long you've been dating and how physical you've been to that point, you kind of know when an invitation is just an invitation to spend time together, and when it is an invitation to get physical.":::...
Or perhaps a kind of milestone/checkpoint to decide whether or not to continue? As in "if it doesn't happen tonight, I'm going to fade out.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Dec 13, 2015 10:35:46 GMT -5
And that is assuming that folks have the same definition of "date". Does that quick drink before your respective Wednesday night plans count as a date? What about that one when you didn't really do anything and just hung out? I don't like the current definition of 'date' as the great mate search it seems to have become. If you set up a time to meet with someone to do anything, it is a date. It doesn't have to be romantic, it doesn't have to be intimate, it can just be hanging out with a friend, but that is dating. I think if people defined dating that way, they'd actually feel like they have more practice, and relax about the meeting new people part. Note to everyone: next time boss is asking you to come to his office - its a date!
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Dec 13, 2015 10:42:21 GMT -5
If I start ever dating again, I know for sure I need to make it clear that I'm not hopping into bed with someone after some magical date number. The idea... Are again talking about woman being used for sex like they don't enjoy or want it ever? Why calling it hopping in a bed? Don't you ever like a man and want to do it? The truth!
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Dec 13, 2015 12:10:30 GMT -5
Phoenix84,
I know I'm late to the party but I wanted to let you know that I'm sorry this happened to you. I think with the profile checked "separated" this woman was sending out an "undecided" message. You really couldn't woo her because she wasn't ready to commit. Not your fault but it should be a learning experience for the future. Personally I wouldn't want to date someone who was still "attached". While I know that it does happen I think the probability of the person going back to the spouse is too high for me to invest my heart and time. Jmho of course.
Good luck, there's someone out there for you!
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 13, 2015 13:17:26 GMT -5
If I start ever dating again, I know for sure I need to make it clear that I'm not hopping into bed with someone after some magical date number. The idea... Are again talking about woman being used for sex like they don't enjoy or want it ever? Why calling it hopping in a bed? Don't you ever like a man and want to do it? The truth! Truth is I'm not comfortable hopping into bed with someone just for the hell of it. That's not me. I need to be emotionally committed. Which is why I think I need to stay out of the dating "game." I'm not up to being a player or to being "played."
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Dec 13, 2015 13:19:52 GMT -5
That has never been me either and it's why I expect I am done dating.
Since I have no children and most men my age have children and grandchildren, I don't want to go down that path either.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 13, 2015 13:23:31 GMT -5
But as I left a gathering today and saw all the couples together, it made me realize once again, that I'm not going to grow old with anyone. I miss DH. Today "It's A Wonderful Life" is playing at the Tampa Theater. I wanted to take him. It was on our bucket list. . Not having a good day
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Dec 13, 2015 13:24:39 GMT -5
That has never been me either and it's why I expect I am done dating. Since I have no children and most men my age have children and grandchildren, I don't want to go down that path either. It's not like you'd be playing stepmom to grown adults....
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Dec 13, 2015 13:30:06 GMT -5
Lizard King,
I know I'm late to the party but I wanted to let you know that I'm sorry this happened to you. I think with the profile checked "separated" this woman was sending out an "undecided" message. You really couldn't woo her because she wasn't ready to commit. Not your fault but it should be a learning experience for the future. Personally I wouldn't want to date someone who was still "attached". While I know that it does happen I think the probability of the person going back to the spouse is too high for me to invest my heart and time. Jmho of course.
Good luck, there's someone out there for you! I believe you meant to tag phenoix84 (Phoenix84) and not Phoenix (Lizard King).
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 13, 2015 13:35:56 GMT -5
That has never been me either and it's why I expect I am done dating. Since I have no children and most men my age have children and grandchildren, I don't want to go down that path either. It's not like you'd be playing stepmom to grown adults.... True but sometimes if you haven't experienced your own, it makes tolerating someone else's more challenging. Some people don't want to go down that path.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Dec 13, 2015 13:37:13 GMT -5
But as I left a gathering today and saw all the couples together, it made me realize once again, that I'm not going to grow old with anyone. I miss DH. Today "It's A Wonderful Life" is playing at the Tampa Theater. I wanted to take him. It was on our bucket list. . Not having a good day Sorry, Zib. MJ, I've seen people marry someone with adult children. Lots of drama came from those adult children, especially when the husband died. One actually had the gall to come to their home and take all the food out of the fridge that he thought his father had purchased. Yes, she had to have the locks changed as somehow he had gotten a key from his dad. There was also drama over the two cars they owned jointly and she ended up getting the worst end of that deal also.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 13, 2015 13:39:11 GMT -5
But as I left a gathering today and saw all the couples together, it made me realize once again, that I'm not going to grow old with anyone. I miss DH. Today "It's A Wonderful Life" is playing at the Tampa Theater. I wanted to take him. It was on our bucket list. . Not having a good day Sorry, Zib. MJ, I've seen people marry someone with adult children. Lots of drama came from those adult children, especially when the husband died. One actually had the gall to come to their home and take all the food out of the fridge that he thought his father had purchased. Yes, she had to have the locks changed as somehow he had gotten a key from his dad. There was also drama over the two cars they owned jointly and she ended up getting the worst end of that deal also. You're preaching to the choir. I struck up a conversation today with a widower. A nice man. He had some stories about dating that surprised me. We had a sad little chuckle over it.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Dec 13, 2015 13:45:15 GMT -5
But as I left a gathering today and saw all the couples together, it made me realize once again, that I'm not going to grow old with anyone. I miss DH. Today "It's A Wonderful Life" is playing at the Tampa Theater. I wanted to take him. It was on our bucket list. . Not having a good day Sorry Zib.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 13, 2015 13:48:07 GMT -5
I know. Just little things set it going. Seeing old couples together. Looking in the paper and seeing the things to do today in Tampa Bay and seeing that. I couldn't wait to show him that cool old theater. I knew he would love it. Crap
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Dec 13, 2015 16:20:38 GMT -5
Lizard King ,
I know I'm late to the party but I wanted to let you know that I'm sorry this happened to you. I think with the profile checked "separated" this woman was sending out an "undecided" message. You really couldn't woo her because she wasn't ready to commit. Not your fault but it should be a learning experience for the future. Personally I wouldn't want to date someone who was still "attached". While I know that it does happen I think the probability of the person going back to the spouse is too high for me to invest my heart and time. Jmho of course.
Good luck, there's someone out there for you! I believe you meant to tag phenoix84 (Phoenix84) and not Phoenix (Lizard King). Thanks. I know he doesn't spell phoenix as phoenix but I didn't realize I had tagged Lizard King.
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Dec 13, 2015 16:23:34 GMT -5
I know. Just little things set it going. Seeing old couples together. Looking in the paper and seeing the things to do today in Tampa Bay and seeing that. I couldn't wait to show him that cool old theater. I knew he would love it. Crap It will get better.
Not that it's ever EASY but this is a tough time to have lost a partner. Spend some time around people who love you.
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emma1420
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Post by emma1420 on Dec 13, 2015 17:00:21 GMT -5
I don't think this was the right women. And the right one will come along. But fading out at this stage isn't uncommon, especially if one person doesn't feel a connection.
But, if after 7 dates the guy hasn't made a move then I do wonder if he's not attracted to me. However, I say that with the caveat that I like to see if there is physical chemistry before I get too emotionally involved.
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ZaireinHD
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Post by ZaireinHD on Dec 13, 2015 17:57:45 GMT -5
if she waits until she is emotionally involved to have sex. then he becomes ...say distant. that makes the breakup more difficult!
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 13, 2015 18:21:52 GMT -5
Oh well. You know people used to get to know each other before hopping into bed with each other. Shockingly, some even waited until marriage. I'm not advocating that but anyone who thinks I'm hopping into bed after three or seven dates is in for a royal surprise.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 13, 2015 18:56:48 GMT -5
For me it would depend on the guy whether I thought Netflix and chill meant a movie or possible sex. But for me having sex has never been a guessing game. If I can't even talk to the man about sex then I don't know him well enough to be getting naked.
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beergut
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Post by beergut on Dec 14, 2015 1:42:19 GMT -5
I know. Just little things set it going. Seeing old couples together. Looking in the paper and seeing the things to do today in Tampa Bay and seeing that. I couldn't wait to show him that cool old theater. I knew he would love it. Crap Is it something you would go see by yourself? If so, go and talk to him while you're there. You know he's listening.
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emma1420
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Post by emma1420 on Dec 14, 2015 2:16:58 GMT -5
Oh well. You know people used to get to know each other before hopping into bed with each other. Shockingly, some even waited until marriage. I'm not advocating that but anyone who thinks I'm hopping into bed after three or seven dates is in for a royal surprise. I don't think that a move needs to be sex. Kissing someone tells you quite a bit about physical chemistry.
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beergut
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Post by beergut on Dec 14, 2015 3:28:19 GMT -5
I'm sorry Zib .
Can you please tell us about something that you guys did that was on your bucket list? Or maybe not even necessarily on your bucket list, but something you did together that you enjoyed?
For what it's worth, I've never had a "one night stand." I'll be honest that it used to be bother me when I'd go out with friends and they would chat up women and get numbers or go home with someone new. I just never had that "game" or the lines that had been rehearsed and all that.
It's funny how your perspective changes, after getting married and getting older it all seems really lame now. I'm almost embarrassed to say that I was jealous because it all seems so ridiculous now. But it still happens, even my friend who is older (divorced) talks about this sort of thing and I guess it's a deal even with people in their 50's. At what point do people grow out of it? Or maybe I'm just boring and don't realize the fun to be had LoL!
It isn't something people 'grow out of', I think most people stop when they find someone they think is the 'right one' for them. You say "one night stand" like it is a bad thing, which I don't think it is. Consenting adults are just that, consenting adults. As long as both people know what is going on when they enter that bedroom, it is no harm, no foul. I think many people go out and go home with someone for just that night simply because they are lonely, and they want to experience some intimacy. Courtney Patton expresses it perfectly in her song, Need for Wanting And yes, people would do it in their 40s, 50s, or even 60s. Just because they're older doesn't mean they're dead.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 14, 2015 7:58:43 GMT -5
I wonder if I'll ever be able to go to St. Augustine again, even though I like it, because he liked it so much when I first took him. He's got a very funny picture of me eating a chocolate covered banana and you all KNOW how that looks!! I ate lunch with my girlfriends in the restaurant we had our dinner in after our ceremony. The girls ate outside for me so we didn't end up inside at our table. I know time will help heal it. I can listen to my EX's and my song now without turning to another station. 17 years later. But I want him back with me. I always teased him about me being an only child and not sharing growing up. It's not fair after all my years of unhappiness to get some joy and happiness and have it snatched away. Maybe I didn't deserve to be happy, it's the way it feels, but that doesn't mean I don't want to be.
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Dec 14, 2015 10:47:19 GMT -5
Now I want one. You people and your food!
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Dec 14, 2015 10:52:26 GMT -5
This is why I don't have the energy to date. So sorry, Phoenix. Don't give up. The perfect woman for you is out there. Don't settle for anything less. There are no perfect people but there is the perfect person for you. Are you kidding me? What are you 89, or something? Yes, absolutely not sorry for Phoenix...not really. Sorry, I'm going to say this...grow some balls and man up.
I know you are but what am I?
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Post by Deleted on Dec 14, 2015 10:58:19 GMT -5
I wonder if I'll ever be able to go to St. Augustine again, even though I like it, because he liked it so much when I first took him. He's got a very funny picture of me eating a chocolate covered banana and you all KNOW how that looks!! I ate lunch with my girlfriends in the restaurant we had our dinner in after our ceremony. The girls ate outside for me so we didn't end up inside at our table. I know time will help heal it. I can listen to my EX's and my song now without turning to another station. 17 years later. But I want him back with me. I always teased him about me being an only child and not sharing growing up. It's not fair after all my years of unhappiness to get some joy and happiness and have it snatched away. Maybe I didn't deserve to be happy, it's the way it feels, but that doesn't mean I don't want to be. I kind of understand that feeling. I feel like I deserve to be happy (and so do you. I think all good people deserve a shot at happiness), but sometimes I feel like maybe it's not meant for me to be happy. It seems like every time I stumble up on something that makes me happy, something comes along to screw it up quickly or something happens to steal that joyful feeling. It can be something as simple as having an awesome day, then that evening something happens to wreck my nerves. But I try not to let that keep me from trying to be joyful and finding things that I'm happy about and grateful for. You shouldn't let it stop you either. I understand that it's very hard for you to try to be happy right now. But as you slowly put yourself back together, keep in mind that you're no less deserving of happiness than anyone else. When you think you don't deserve it, those thoughts are from the devil. Don't listen to them.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Dec 14, 2015 13:24:55 GMT -5
Maybe I didn't deserve to be happy, it's the way it feels, but that doesn't mean I don't want to be. I kind of understand that feeling. I feel like I deserve to be happy (and so do you. I think all good people deserve a shot at happiness), but sometimes I feel like maybe it's not meant for me to be happy. It seems like every time I stumble up on something that makes me happy, something comes along to screw it up quickly or something happens to steal that joyful feeling. It can be something as simple as having an awesome day, then that evening something happens to wreck my nerves. But I try not to let that keep me from trying to be joyful and finding things that I'm happy about and grateful for. You shouldn't let it stop you either. I understand that it's very hard for you to try to be happy right now. But as you slowly put yourself back together, keep in mind that you're no less deserving of happiness than anyone else. When you think you don't deserve it, those thoughts are from the devil. Don't listen to them. I can so relate to this! A times when I am happy I am stopping myself and thinking if I am happy now - it will turn into something not so good. Always been like that. It sucks! And when I hear that no one can make you happy only you can - it drives me nuts. HOW am I supposed to perform this transformation? Anyone?
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Dec 14, 2015 13:28:07 GMT -5
Are you kidding me? What are you 89, or something? Yes, absolutely not sorry for Phoenix...not really. Sorry, I'm going to say this...grow some balls and man up.
I know you are but what am I?
Bobby, how many balls have you grown so far?
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