NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Dec 11, 2015 16:31:57 GMT -5
Sorry, but that is awesome! Misspelled or not, it's awesome!
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Dec 11, 2015 16:33:35 GMT -5
I hate it when guys say this because it translate as if women want to be treated like crap. We don't want to be treated like crap. We like nice guys but also want them to be confident. There is a difference between confidence and ego. A big ego is a huge turnoff to me. Because it is true, I have witnessed it times and times again... Girl have a guy that will walk to the end of the earth for her... Treat him like crap / friend zone him. The dickwat that mistreat her, spend her money, bring on the drama... She is all over! I only see that change when some women reach the mid 30's - 40's and have enough of being treated like crap then give the "nice guy" a shot. I will give you that younger women may put up with a little more crap. I know the man I was with in my early 20's was not anyone I would have given a second thought to once I hit 30. Women tend to get more confident as they get older. That being said, I never allowed anyone to treat me like crap no matter the age but when I was younger I did put up with a few things I probably wouldn't today. I think it mainly just had to do with the fact I was in college and living a different type of life. ETA: I am not sure what is says about me now that I am dating a man 14 yrs younger than me but I can say he is a nice guy!
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Dec 11, 2015 16:36:54 GMT -5
I hate it when guys say this because it translate as if women want to be treated like crap. We don't want to be treated like crap. We like nice guys but also want them to be confident. There is a difference between confidence and ego. A big ego is a huge turnoff to me. Because it is true, I have witnessed it times and times again... Girl have a guy that will walk to the end of the earth for her... Treat him like crap / friend zone him. The dickwat that mistreat her, spend her money, bring on the drama... She is all over! I only see that change when some women reach the mid 30's - 40's and have enough of being treated like crap then give the "nice guy" a shot. Maybe that's your circle and people you know? In my circles I can't think of anyone who was into dickwats no matter their age.
Maybe those women you know finally grow some self worth and decide they deserve to be treated well. Maybe they liked or thought they liked the dickwats because then they believed they shouldn't be treated well. So nice guys, even if they were attracted to them, went against their internal script.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Dec 11, 2015 16:37:22 GMT -5
Huh maybe only having had two boyfriends (one in HS and then DH) isn't that terrible. I'd have ended up as a crazy cat lady if I had to date around. I can't keep up with all the stuff you guys are posting it seems horribly complicated. I still don't have any clue how I managed to get hooks into DH and marry him.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 11, 2015 16:39:45 GMT -5
Huh maybe only having had two boyfriends (one in HS and then DH) isn't that terrible. I'd have ended up as a crazy cat lady if I had to date around. I can't keep up with all the stuff you guys are posting it seems horribly complicated. I still don't have any clue how I managed to get hooks into DH and marry him. I think your DH is the one that lucked out.
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Post by mojothehelpermonkey on Dec 11, 2015 17:03:26 GMT -5
I hate it when guys say this because it translate as if women want to be treated like crap. We don't want to be treated like crap. We like nice guys but also want them to be confident. There is a difference between confidence and ego. A big ego is a huge turnoff to me. Because it is true, I have witnessed it times and times again... Girl have a guy that will walk to the end of the earth for her... Treat him like crap / friend zone him. The dickwat that mistreat her, spend her money, bring on the drama... She is all over! I only see that change when some women reach the mid 30's - 40's and have enough of being treated like crap then give the "nice guy" a shot. I have seen my friends do this, and they are not friend zoning the guy because he is nice to her. It's usually because she has no chemistry with him. Also, women are not immune to the whole wanting what you can't have thing, and I think that explains why a lot of women continue to pursue dickwats.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Dec 11, 2015 17:04:18 GMT -5
Because it is true, I have witnessed it times and times again... Girl have a guy that will walk to the end of the earth for her... Treat him like crap / friend zone him. The dickwat that mistreat her, spend her money, bring on the drama... She is all over! I only see that change when some women reach the mid 30's - 40's and have enough of being treated like crap then give the "nice guy" a shot. Maybe that's your circle and people you know? In my circles I can't think of anyone who was into dickwats no matter their age.
Maybe those women you know finally grow some self worth and decide they deserve to be treated well. Maybe they liked or thought they liked the dickwats because then they believed they shouldn't be treated well. So nice guys, even if they were attracted to them, went against their internal script.
There are plenty of stupid women on this planet that think drama = true love & romance. So if dude isn't being mean or she's not being mean something is wrong. I am sure there are guys out there with the same issue, but I usually see this more in the females I know.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 11, 2015 17:07:52 GMT -5
Nice women appreciate nice men. Make sure you're not the one that is friend zoning the nice ones.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Dec 11, 2015 17:08:36 GMT -5
Maybe that's your circle and people you know? In my circles I can't think of anyone who was into dickwats no matter their age.
Maybe those women you know finally grow some self worth and decide they deserve to be treated well. Maybe they liked or thought they liked the dickwats because then they believed they shouldn't be treated well. So nice guys, even if they were attracted to them, went against their internal script.
There are plenty of stupid women on this planet that think drama = true love & romance. So if dude isn't being mean or she's not being mean something is wrong. I am sure there are guys out there with the same issue, but I usually see this more in the females I know. I blame romance novels, TV, and soap operas. The people that are truly in love are always fighting, screaming at each other then followed by the hot make up session. A nice regular guy with no drama that will provide a a safe stable life is not exciting enough.
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Dec 11, 2015 17:08:58 GMT -5
sounds like she wanted the D and didn't get it. Nah, I think it may have been the opposit. We had held hands up to that point, and while watching the movie, I put my arm around her to see how she'd react. she didn't say anything, and said I could do it, but didn't react any way, just sat there like a statue, so that's as far as that went. There were some other issues. I suspect she might have been married, her online profile said " currently separated." She also wouldn't plan dates, or ever offer to pay for anything. I don't mind paying for the first few dates, but eventually, planning a date or offering to pay for something is nice. ARE YOU SERIOUS?? You "Suspect" ??
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Post by mojothehelpermonkey on Dec 11, 2015 17:09:10 GMT -5
There are plenty of stupid women on this planet that think drama = true love & romance. So if dude isn't being mean or she's not being mean something is wrong. I am sure there are guys out there with the same issue, but I usually see this more in the females I know. Our culture somewhat encourages this too. I was raised with people telling me that the boys who pulled my hair and insulted me did it because they liked me. Don't even get me started on the way tv and movies portray stalking and harassment as romantic.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Dec 11, 2015 17:11:38 GMT -5
There are plenty of stupid women on this planet that think drama = true love & romance. So if dude isn't being mean or she's not being mean something is wrong. I am sure there are guys out there with the same issue, but I usually see this more in the females I know. I blame romance novels, TV, and soap operas. The people that are truly in love are always fighting, screaming at each other then followed by the hot make up session. A nice regular guy with no drama that will provide a a safe stable life is not exciting enough. Even at 14 I only read romance novels for the smut. I knew they were dumb and unrealistic, and it continues to make me sad how many people find all that BS in those books "romantic". Then again, I've always hated drama and distanced myself from as many drama queens as I could.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Dec 11, 2015 17:48:51 GMT -5
Seven dates over two months...unless you guys were talking every day or every other day and the infrequent dates wasn't a timing issue I would think 1) this guy isn't that into me and 2) not be very concerned about following through on answering texts/calls. Honestly if I'm hearing from you mainly to set up the next date, that are a week or more apart, and the other communication is a hey what's up short convo I probably would have just not responded after the third or fourth date unless I was bored and hanging out with you was better than staying home. A date every week or so only says the guy is actually interested in me only if it's accompanied by having actual conversations between dates. And even then he better start making more frequent time for me sooner than later. I was open to dating more, but she only wanted to meet once a week. In fact, I asked to meet up with her during the week and during the weekend, but she only wanted to meet on weeknights mostly.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Dec 11, 2015 17:55:17 GMT -5
Some people do seem to thrive on drama and conflict.
Personally I hate drama and conflict. It's all too much work.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Dec 11, 2015 18:01:44 GMT -5
In theory I agree. There's a book out there called "he's not that into you" it's written mostly for women, but I think the premise applies to men as well. The premise is basically that, if they're interested in you, and you click, they'll want to spend time with you. Maybe not manopilize it, but you shouldn't have to twist their arm to spend time together. And they'll show their interest. But, I stuck it out mostly because, what do I have to lose? It's not like I got other women waiting in the wings.even if that's true, don't behave that way. Don't be cocky about it, but the person you're spending time with should feel lucky that they're in your company. If a guy calls me at 6pm for a 7pm date, I'm busy. Whether or not I'm actually busy is irrelevant. Plan to go out with me because I'm not someone you hang out with because you have nothing else going on. Value your time. I planned the dates at least several days in advance. But I agree. I know any woman would be lucky to have a guy like me. remember, I broke up with her. I was the adult, and refused to play her game anymore. And it's not like I sit around pining after women. I live my life to the fullest as is. I'm planning a Alaska vacation next year by myself, and smaller trips throughout the year. I went to WASHINGTON DC this year, and the surrounding cities. I see friends many weekends, and will be studying for professional certification. A woman in my life would be nice, but I've gotten by without one just fine so far.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 11, 2015 18:05:29 GMT -5
Phoenix I wouldn't really qualify it as a break up. You weren't going out.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 11, 2015 18:12:57 GMT -5
Try to ignore the nasty comments, it isn't easy. You're a good person and a good person will find you and appreciate you. But you have to give them a chance to find you.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Dec 11, 2015 18:44:44 GMT -5
This is why I don't have the energy to date. So sorry, Phoenix. Don't give up. The perfect woman for you is out there. Don't settle for anything less. There are no perfect people but there is the perfect person for you. This is where I am. I'm in my 60's and I'm done with dating. I've been through one really great guy and some total jerks. Just not going to put myself out there to get hurt again.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Dec 11, 2015 18:45:08 GMT -5
I'm not saying to treat anyone like crap, but I'm firmly with cawiau here. Be TOO giving and get taken advantage of. Quite frankly, I don't think it EVER changes, not for any age OR gender. People don't value that which comes too easy to them, but some find a challenge irresistible!
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Dec 11, 2015 18:50:43 GMT -5
It sounds like it just wasn't a good fit. I have mixed feelings about the fade-away. Sometimes that's easiest and the least awkward.
Also, I don't mean any disrespect to another poster, but please don't give the person you are dating salad dressing for Christmas or any gift. That's a nice gesture, I suppose but very weird as a gift.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Dec 11, 2015 18:53:32 GMT -5
...:::"I was open to dating more, but she only wanted to meet once a week. In fact, I asked to meet up with her during the week and during the weekend, but she only wanted to meet on weeknights mostly.":::...
Did she ever pay? That is ALSO something that would be VERY important to me going forward.
It probably seems obvious in hindsight that she wasn't that in to him, but I can see how as it was going on, especially if Phoenix84 was busy with other stuff, that it wouldn't be as easy to figure out. Either or, level of interest matters, and someone who is interested is willing to give.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 11, 2015 18:54:36 GMT -5
Holy crap! 7 dates and you only held hands. I need to kiss on the 1st date to see if there is any spark for the possibility of a 2nd date. I actually never went out with a guy again because he, in my mind, kept pawing me on a first date. You taking me out does not entitle you to physicality touch me unless I wish it.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 11, 2015 18:57:10 GMT -5
...:::"I was open to dating more, but she only wanted to meet once a week. In fact, I asked to meet up with her during the week and during the weekend, but she only wanted to meet on weeknights mostly.":::... Did she ever pay? That is ALSO something that would be VERY important to me going forward. It probably seems obvious in hindsight that she wasn't that in to him, but I can see how as it was going on, especially if Phoenix84 was busy with other stuff, that it wouldn't be as easy to figure out. Either or, level of interest matters, and someone who is interested is willing to give. I'm too old fashioned in some ways I think. It isn't that I expect a guy to pay all the time but it's a test. Pass or fail, up to each party.
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justme
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Post by justme on Dec 11, 2015 19:13:03 GMT -5
Seven dates over two months...unless you guys were talking every day or every other day and the infrequent dates wasn't a timing issue I would think 1) this guy isn't that into me and 2) not be very concerned about following through on answering texts/calls. Honestly if I'm hearing from you mainly to set up the next date, that are a week or more apart, and the other communication is a hey what's up short convo I probably would have just not responded after the third or fourth date unless I was bored and hanging out with you was better than staying home. A date every week or so only says the guy is actually interested in me only if it's accompanied by having actual conversations between dates. And even then he better start making more frequent time for me sooner than later. I was open to dating more, but she only wanted to meet once a week. In fact, I asked to meet up with her during the week and during the weekend, but she only wanted to meet on weeknights mostly. Aww yea, that was probably a sign. Especially if she turned down more frequent dates more than once. That whole if they really like you they'll make time for you is pretty true.
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justme
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Post by justme on Dec 11, 2015 19:24:45 GMT -5
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cronewitch
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Post by cronewitch on Dec 11, 2015 19:46:32 GMT -5
Also, from a women's perspective, sometimes it can be scary to directly tell a man you are not interested in him. I would mostly just get insulted ("you are not that pretty anyway", "good luck finding someone else", etc..). However, a lot of my friends have had men they have only been on a handful of dates with stalk them or get violent. I am not saying you would behave this way, but it can be really hard to tell after a couple of months how someone will react to you rejecting him. so much this. I don't even respond to online suitors that I'm not interested in because then they rope you into a conversation about why you're not interested. And I had one guy seriously insult me. Silence serves lots of purposes. I didn't tell my ex why I divorced him. It would have lead to him arguing with me about it, I was direct with him, told him I am leaving and not coming back and don't want to talk to you for at least a year. A year later he called and I told him I said at least a year, after two I talked to him again until he made me mad and I told him I am never speaking to you again. Later another guy whined "you're tired of me aren't you" so I said he was right and I didn't want to see him again. A nice clear ending works for me. Not all guys would want to be told you are done with them.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Dec 11, 2015 21:47:09 GMT -5
I used to subscribe to the "nice guy theory" but I can see flaws in it. Put simply, everyone thinks they're a "nice guy." Just like most people think they're "good drivers." It can just become a convenient excuse to justify your own failings. But I do think there are a cadre of women (and men, for that matter) that thrive on drama and/or have low self esteem and/or poor role models growing up that lead to choosing the wrong partners for them.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Dec 11, 2015 21:58:01 GMT -5
Holy crap! 7 dates and you only held hands. I need to kiss on the 1st date to see if there is any spark for the possibility of a 2nd date. As far as when and how to "get physical" it's always kind of been a struggle for me. In general, I've usually been fairly slow to start the physical stuff. There's really no hard and fast rule of when you "should" be doing this stuff, it depends on the people and what's comfortable for them. The way I see it, you can always wait but you can't take it back once you try something. And it's especially difficult for men because if you do the wrong thing, it can be taken the wrong way. Ultimately, some women want to get to the physical stuff sooner, some want to wait, there are no hard and fast rules that everyone plays by. So you have to make up your own rules and hope that the other person also plays by your rules and hope for the best. That's how dating works, it seems.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 11, 2015 22:12:25 GMT -5
Phoenix84 if she wanted more physically she could have responded more enthusiastically when you approached her or she could have made the moves. I think your attitude towardsthat aspect is great and will help you find the right woman. Don't ever let anyone put you down for being respectful.
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obelisk
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Post by obelisk on Dec 11, 2015 22:24:39 GMT -5
good riddance to the ice queen Yup in my previous life, the door closed for good. Move on!
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