zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,910
|
Post by zibazinski on Dec 12, 2015 5:35:53 GMT -5
Geez, no kidding. I have a new acquaintance who is a walking buddy. I made it very clear that I'm not even remotely looking for anything more than a friend but if he wanted to accompany me on my long daily walks, welcome. Now I'm a terrible person who "led him on." Newsflash, two walks do not constitute a relationship. Thank heavens this apartment is like a fortress. Can you imagine if my place was easily accessible? Sorry, I was being nice and was talking to the person at the desk about places to walk and he was there and wanted to go along. Didn't see the harm in it. He seemed nice and if you live here, you've been hugely vetted. We talked about all kinds of stuff. I'm not hugely into looks anymore having had bad experiences with men that were considered good looking so it's not that. It's just that I'm not ready and if I ever get ready, he's not someone I'd date. But I guess I should be grateful that he's a man. Nope, sorry.
|
|
resolution
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 13:09:56 GMT -5
Posts: 7,244
Mini-Profile Name Color: 305b2b
|
Post by resolution on Dec 12, 2015 7:16:14 GMT -5
Geez, no kidding. I have a new acquaintance who is a walking buddy. I made it very clear that I'm not even remotely looking for anything more than a friend but if he wanted to accompany me on my long daily walks, welcome. Now I'm a terrible person who "led him on." Newsflash, two walks do not constitute a relationship. Thank heavens this apartment is like a fortress. Can you imagine if my place was easily accessible? Sorry, I was being nice and was talking to the person at the desk about places to walk and he was there and wanted to go along. Didn't see the harm in it. He seemed nice and if you live here, you've been hugely vetted. We talked about all kinds of stuff. I'm not hugely into looks anymore having had bad experiences with men that were considered good looking so it's not that. It's just that I'm not ready and if I ever get ready, he's not someone I'd date. But I guess I should be grateful that he's a man. Nope, sorry. What an ass!! Who would do that when you have just been bereaved? Girl, you have serious vultures circling right now so be careful!
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,910
|
Post by zibazinski on Dec 12, 2015 7:46:27 GMT -5
I know. Weird, huh? I just thought about being alone and how it feels and thought I was being nice and who doesn't like company sometimes? Takes your mind off your own problems to talk about just general stuff like how nice it is for December and where we both were brought up. Blah, blah, the usual. I think I'll confine my walks to myself or women only. It just happened and I must have missed some obvious to anyone else cue. He was interesting. He used to be a weatherman on channel 8. I didn't mention I only watched Baynews 9!!!
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 7, 2024 6:26:52 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 12, 2015 7:49:07 GMT -5
I'm not saying to treat anyone like crap, but I'm firmly with cawiau here. Be TOO giving and get taken advantage of. Quite frankly, I don't think it EVER changes, not for any age OR gender. People don't value that which comes too easy to them, but some find a challenge irresistible! I agree that it can be risky to be too giving, but how risky it is depends on the recipient. I'm dating a "nice guy" and I would never try to take advantage of his kindness and generosity. I have a job and my own money, I don't need him to do things for me but I know how to graciously accept thoughtful gestures and gifts. I don't try to keep it tit for tat, but I do try to be just as good to him as he is to me. All women aren't the devil. Some of us do know how to appreciate a nice guy that wants and tries to do things that make us happy. I think that when you share your giving side with the right kind of woman, she won't just take, take, take. She'll want to give too, not necessarily in the same exact way, but hopefully in a way that means something to you.
|
|
justme
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 10, 2012 13:12:47 GMT -5
Posts: 14,618
|
Post by justme on Dec 12, 2015 8:02:40 GMT -5
I know. Weird, huh? I just thought about being alone and how it feels and thought I was being nice and who doesn't like company sometimes? Takes your mind off your own problems to talk about just general stuff like how nice it is for December and where we both were brought up. Blah, blah, the usual. I think I'll confine my walks to myself or women only. It just happened and I must have missed some obvious to anyone else cue. He was interesting. He used to be a weatherman on channel 8. I didn't mention I only watched Baynews 9!!! News channel 8?! Dontcha know that makes him practically a celeb do you should be falling all over him! Lol
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,910
|
Post by zibazinski on Dec 12, 2015 8:05:24 GMT -5
I know. Weird, huh? I just thought about being alone and how it feels and thought I was being nice and who doesn't like company sometimes? Takes your mind off your own problems to talk about just general stuff like how nice it is for December and where we both were brought up. Blah, blah, the usual. I think I'll confine my walks to myself or women only. It just happened and I must have missed some obvious to anyone else cue. He was interesting. He used to be a weatherman on channel 8. I didn't mention I only watched Baynews 9!!! News channel 8?! Dontcha know that makes him practically a celeb do you should be falling all over him! Lol Emphasis on used to be.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,910
|
Post by zibazinski on Dec 12, 2015 8:07:56 GMT -5
I just know that by reading these posts and others , that I'm so removed from the reality of the dating scene that I need to stay as far away as possible. Im too far out of the loop.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,910
|
Post by zibazinski on Dec 12, 2015 8:09:06 GMT -5
To me it was a walk. Maybe my mistake was two days in a row? Don't know, don't care. Changed the time I walked.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,910
|
Post by zibazinski on Dec 12, 2015 9:31:09 GMT -5
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,910
|
Post by zibazinski on Dec 12, 2015 9:31:33 GMT -5
Good one!!!
|
|
billisonboard
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 22:45:44 GMT -5
Posts: 38,227
|
Post by billisonboard on Dec 12, 2015 9:39:10 GMT -5
Time for a song:
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,910
|
Post by zibazinski on Dec 12, 2015 9:44:37 GMT -5
|
|
8 Bit WWBG
Administrator
Your Money admin
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 8:57:29 GMT -5
Posts: 9,322
Today's Mood: Mega
|
Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Dec 12, 2015 10:16:23 GMT -5
Based on the focus on Phoenix's mistake possibly being from the "dinner at my place" incident, I have a 2-part question (which has kind of been addressed, and I'd like to hear more opinions). Phoenix (and a few other gals met guys who) thought that dinner and a movie was just that. I feel like I've heard accounts of men who either made it or broke it when the girl came to his place. So:
Part 1: If a guy invites you to his place so he can cook you dinner, do you suspect/expect he is trying to show you that his domestic skills game is strong, and that he is probably hoping it will lead to sex?
Part 2: If you accept the invitation, are you basically saying that you are open to the possibility of having sex with him that night? I do NOT mean in the sense that accepting the date = contract for sex. More just that accepting knowing his likely hopeful outcome means you yourself aren't opposed to the possibility, and if things go well, you'll go along with it?
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,910
|
Post by zibazinski on Dec 12, 2015 10:23:03 GMT -5
I certainly know I won't be going to any man's house ever. Ugh.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,910
|
Post by zibazinski on Dec 12, 2015 10:24:31 GMT -5
I would have never suspected that dinner at someone's house equals the expectation of sex. But now I know.
|
|
|
Post by mojothehelpermonkey on Dec 12, 2015 10:58:13 GMT -5
If a guy invited me over for dinner after a few dates, I wouldn't be surprised if he made some sort of move. If I had already decided I wasn't that interested in the guy romantically, I would probably just decline the invitation. However, even if I am into a guy, all kinds of things can happen (including the guy being too aggressive) that can make me no longer interested in getting laid by the end of the night. This thread reminds me of a story my SO told me about our third date. When he dropped me off, he pulled into my neighbor's parking spot. I told him he couldn't park there because people get crazy about their parking spots in my neighborhood. He said he was just pulling in so he could watch me walk into my building. When he got home, his roommate told him that I was giving him the signal to come in and have sex, and he totally blew it. The thing was that I wasn't inviting him in for sex at all. I was just worried that my neighbor would go crazy if he saw a car in his spot, even if it was just for the 5-10 minutes it took him to walk me to my door and say goodnight. I would have been really turned off if he had taken my comment about the parking situation as an invitation for sex.
|
|
taz157
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 20:50:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,934
|
Post by taz157 on Dec 12, 2015 11:17:45 GMT -5
I would have never suspected that dinner at someone's house equals the expectation of sex. But now I know.
|
|
Miss Tequila
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 10:13:45 GMT -5
Posts: 20,602
Member is Online
|
Post by Miss Tequila on Dec 12, 2015 11:35:44 GMT -5
I hate it when guys say this because it translate as if women want to be treated like crap. We don't want to be treated like crap. We like nice guys but also want them to be confident. There is a difference between confidence and ego. A big ego is a huge turnoff to me. Because it is true, I have witnessed it times and times again... Girl have a guy that will walk to the end of the earth for her... Treat him like crap / friend zone him. The dickwat that mistreat her, spend her money, bring on the drama... She is all over! I only see that change when some women reach the mid 30's - 40's and have enough of being treated like crap then give the "nice guy" a shot. I sort of agree with this. Im 44 and will no longer out up with a man's crap treatment of me. Im much more secure in who I am as a person and how I deserve to be treated. I also care more about the personality than rhe looks. I was married to a very attractive, shallow asshole. I want the polar opposite of him! A guy with a good heart that can make me laugh means so much more than if he has defined abs...because the latter was all my ex had to offer!lol.
|
|
Miss Tequila
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 10:13:45 GMT -5
Posts: 20,602
Member is Online
|
Post by Miss Tequila on Dec 12, 2015 11:36:11 GMT -5
I would have never suspected that dinner at someone's house equals the expectation of sex. But now I know. After 7 dates you wouldn't think that? Because I would
|
|
MJ2.0
Senior Associate
Joined: Jul 24, 2014 10:27:09 GMT -5
Posts: 11,049
|
Post by MJ2.0 on Dec 12, 2015 11:36:49 GMT -5
I would have never suspected that dinner at someone's house equals the expectation of sex. But now I know. I don't think there's an expectation, but it will certainly be on the host's mind. I've turned down/canceled dates because I knew it was a soft implication.
|
|
8 Bit WWBG
Administrator
Your Money admin
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 8:57:29 GMT -5
Posts: 9,322
Today's Mood: Mega
|
Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Dec 12, 2015 13:18:56 GMT -5
Right, exactly -- on their mind. Not expected, but very probably the preferred outcome. Sounds like I'm not entirely wrong.
ETA:
...:::"I would have been really turned off if he had taken my comment about the parking situation as an invitation for sex.":::...
The roommate is crazy if that was really the only context. You didn't technically invite the guy in, so it is hard to see it as any sort of lost opportunity. I'd have asked where I should park so I could walk you to your door -- or otherwise tried to secure an invitation or a clearer sign.
|
|
tloonya
Junior Associate
What status?
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 16:22:13 GMT -5
Posts: 8,452
|
Post by tloonya on Dec 12, 2015 14:12:08 GMT -5
You'll find the "one" and soon. I'm sure of it. Isn't it supposed to be "the one"? It seems like you saying he will find the "one" or "two"...
|
|
tloonya
Junior Associate
What status?
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 16:22:13 GMT -5
Posts: 8,452
|
Post by tloonya on Dec 12, 2015 14:23:01 GMT -5
Okey-dokey. Learned something big today. No pun intended. Don't feel bad. At first I thought she meant to put an O instead of a D but then I figure it out. It took me a few minutes Oick?
|
|
tloonya
Junior Associate
What status?
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 16:22:13 GMT -5
Posts: 8,452
|
Post by tloonya on Dec 12, 2015 14:27:30 GMT -5
sounds like she wanted the D and didn't get it. Nah, I think it may have been the opposit. We had held hands up to that point, and while watching the movie, I put my arm around her to see how she'd react. she didn't say anything, and said I could do it, but didn't react any way, just sat there like a statue, so that's as far as that went. There were some other issues. I suspect she might have been married, her online profile said "currently separated." She also wouldn't plan dates, or ever offer to pay for anything. I don't mind paying for the first few dates, but eventually, planning a date or offering to pay for something is nice. THERE you go! Man who puts a hand around you and sits like a statue would be a deal breaker for me! What are you 12? Its not her, its YOU were sitting like a statue. Watch some porn would you?
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 7, 2024 6:26:52 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 12, 2015 14:50:44 GMT -5
Nah, I think it may have been the opposit. We had held hands up to that point, and while watching the movie, I put my arm around her to see how she'd react. she didn't say anything, and said I could do it, but didn't react any way, just sat there like a statue, so that's as far as that went. There were some other issues. I suspect she might have been married, her online profile said "currently separated." She also wouldn't plan dates, or ever offer to pay for anything. I don't mind paying for the first few dates, but eventually, planning a date or offering to pay for something is nice. THERE you go! Man who puts a hand around you and sits like a statue would be a deal breaker for me! What are you 12? Its not her, its YOU were sitting like a statue. Watch some porn would you? maybe the problem is Phoenix didn't attempt "The Naked Man" move from "How I Met Your Mother" "The Naked Man, where one takes advantage of a distraction in order to get naked in front of their date in hopes of sex, by means of confidence or by pity"
|
|
tloonya
Junior Associate
What status?
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 16:22:13 GMT -5
Posts: 8,452
|
Post by tloonya on Dec 12, 2015 14:52:59 GMT -5
After 7 dates you wouldn't think that? Because I would And you should...
|
|
|
Post by mojothehelpermonkey on Dec 12, 2015 14:59:16 GMT -5
Right, exactly -- on their mind. Not expected, but very probably the preferred outcome. Sounds like I'm not entirely wrong. ETA: ...:::"I would have been really turned off if he had taken my comment about the parking situation as an invitation for sex.":::... The roommate is crazy if that was really the only context. You didn't technically invite the guy in, so it is hard to see it as any sort of lost opportunity. I'd have asked where I should park so I could walk you to your door -- or otherwise tried to secure an invitation or a clearer sign. I think his roommate was going by the rule that the third date is when the sex happens. All the more reason why trying to use a set of rules to form a lasting relationship is a bad idea.
|
|
8 Bit WWBG
Administrator
Your Money admin
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 8:57:29 GMT -5
Posts: 9,322
Today's Mood: Mega
|
Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Dec 12, 2015 23:06:06 GMT -5
And that is assuming that folks have the same definition of "date". Does that quick drink before your respective Wednesday night plans count as a date? What about that one when you didn't really do anything and just hung out?
|
|
beergut
Senior Member
Joined: Jan 11, 2011 13:58:39 GMT -5
Posts: 2,184
|
Post by beergut on Dec 13, 2015 4:18:12 GMT -5
Based on the focus on Phoenix's mistake possibly being from the "dinner at my place" incident, I have a 2-part question (which has kind of been addressed, and I'd like to hear more opinions). Phoenix (and a few other gals met guys who) thought that dinner and a movie was just that. I feel like I've heard accounts of men who either made it or broke it when the girl came to his place. So: Part 1: If a guy invites you to his place so he can cook you dinner, do you suspect/expect he is trying to show you that his domestic skills game is strong, and that he is probably hoping it will lead to sex? If I want to cook for a date, I simply ask if I can come over to her place and do it, unless she has already been at my place. Reality is that if I like her enough to cook for her, we've probably already had Thai food.Part 2: If you accept the invitation, are you basically saying that you are open to the possibility of having sex with him that night? I do NOT mean in the sense that accepting the date = contract for sex. More just that accepting knowing his likely hopeful outcome means you yourself aren't opposed to the possibility, and if things go well, you'll go along with it? I think this is kind of in the realm of "watch Netflix and chill". Depending on how long you've been dating and how physical you've been to that point, you kind of know when an invitation is just an invitation to spend time together, and when it is an invitation to get physical. GF has a close group of girlfriends, and they used to pass around an invisible award they called the "Golden V". (you only get one guess what the 'v' stands for) After I brought GF over once and cooked a whole dinner from scratch for her (baked manicotti), her friends gave her the "Golden V". It seems no man had ever done that before for any of them. (I don't think they date many Italians.)
|
|
beergut
Senior Member
Joined: Jan 11, 2011 13:58:39 GMT -5
Posts: 2,184
|
Post by beergut on Dec 13, 2015 4:20:01 GMT -5
And that is assuming that folks have the same definition of "date". Does that quick drink before your respective Wednesday night plans count as a date? What about that one when you didn't really do anything and just hung out? I don't like the current definition of 'date' as the great mate search it seems to have become. If you set up a time to meet with someone to do anything, it is a date. It doesn't have to be romantic, it doesn't have to be intimate, it can just be hanging out with a friend, but that is dating. I think if people defined dating that way, they'd actually feel like they have more practice, and relax about the meeting new people part.
|
|