ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Dec 11, 2015 14:38:58 GMT -5
good riddance to the ice queen
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beergut
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Post by beergut on Dec 11, 2015 14:43:36 GMT -5
good riddance to the ice queen This. She said you could put your arm around her? Yup, sounds frigid. Better off without her.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Dec 11, 2015 14:43:57 GMT -5
sounds like she wanted the D and didn't get it. Nah, I think it may have been the opposit. We had held hands up to that point, and while watching the movie, I put my arm around her to see how she'd react. she didn't say anything, and said I could do it, but didn't react any way, just sat there like a statue, so that's as far as that went. There were some other issues. I suspect she might have been married, her online profile said "currently separated." She also wouldn't plan dates, or ever offer to pay for anything. I don't mind paying for the first few dates, but eventually, planning a date or offering to pay for something is nice. wow. FYI, don't date separated women anymore. I know I dated while separated, but I also knew I wasn't going back. Not everyone knows that. Now that I'm divorced, I only want to date other single people. If you're separated, you're married. No thank you.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Dec 11, 2015 14:44:16 GMT -5
We went on our first date in late August., and about one a week thereafter. The first date we met a a local pub for dinner after work. The following two weeks we went to dinner near places where we walked and talked afterward. Then we went to lunch and a museum. Then she came over to my place for dinner and a movie. I cooked for her and cleaned my apartment so it was spotless. I think after that was when our contact started getting more intermittent. I forget the exact timing, but I had to go on work travel at some point during that time, and we didn't meet one week in September. I was pretty busy in October too, I went on a short vacation in mid October and was gone for two weeks of work travel the last week of October and the first week of November. She also went on a work trip about that time. She came to your place for 'dinner and a movie', and you actually gave her dinner and a movie? The problem here is you completely missing her cues. She came to your place hoping to have sex with you, and you didn't progress to the next step. That is why the fade started, you can tell yourself it was business trips and both being busy, but in her mind, you rejected her that night and it was over right there. Nah, I started to put the moves on her, but she didn't reciprocate, so we just watched a movie. As I said, I'm not a mind reader. I just assume she's not ready or interested.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Dec 11, 2015 14:47:01 GMT -5
OK, I'm not passing a moral judgment here. If you knew this before you started dating her, I would have called this a big red flag. Again, I want to be clear, not for any moral issue - I'm not the person to do that to anyone. But for me, if she's separated and playing around, it says to me, "Hey, I'm looking to see what's out here that might be better, but I'm still hanging onto my husband. I have no real idea what I want/need in a relationship."
And you don't know if her husband knows about what she's doing. People get angry in situations like this, Phoenix. Maybe he can see her status, maybe not. But someone who knows them both certainly can, and will let him know what she's doing. And yes, I am aware of fake names on Facebook. But she's not that smart and cannot hide forever. Someone among her friends will know.
If you had no idea about her status prior to any of the dates, then there's nothing you can really do on that. Frankly, she's not only ill-mannered, she's dishonest, in my book.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 11, 2015 14:48:01 GMT -5
Yuck. I'd hate to think if I went to a guys house for dinner, I'd have to put out as payment. You definitely don't but in my experience a guy making you dinner tends to be a prelude to sex. I'll have to remember that. Been forever since I've dated. Looking around. It may be forever before I do again.
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Dec 11, 2015 14:51:19 GMT -5
Holy crap! 7 dates and you only held hands. I need to kiss on the 1st date to see if there is any spark for the possibility of a 2nd date.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Dec 11, 2015 14:51:28 GMT -5
Yuck. I'd hate to think if I went to a guys house for dinner, I'd have to put out as payment. You definitely don't but in my experience a guy making you dinner tends to be a prelude to sex. Well, I didn't have the expectation that she would "put out." I didn't really have specific expectations, just the expectation to see how things went.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 11, 2015 14:52:09 GMT -5
Please don't date anyone married again
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Dec 11, 2015 14:52:54 GMT -5
sounds like she wanted the D and didn't get it. Nah, I think it may have been the opposit. We had held hands up to that point, and while watching the movie, I put my arm around her to see how she'd react. she didn't say anything, and said I could do it, but didn't react any way, just sat there like a statue, so that's as far as that went. There were some other issues. I suspect she might have been married, her online profile said "currently separated." She also wouldn't plan dates, or ever offer to pay for anything. I don't mind paying for the first few dates, but eventually, planning a date or offering to pay for something is nice. Sounds like that date is when she decided she didn't want it to go further including being more physical. I'm sure it sucks to get the fade, but sounds like its OK it ended.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Dec 11, 2015 14:55:14 GMT -5
Holy crap! 7 dates and you only held hands. I need to kiss on the 1st date to see if there is any spark for the possibility of a 2nd date. I like your style How are you doing?
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Dec 11, 2015 15:08:57 GMT -5
Holy crap! 7 dates and you only held hands. I need to kiss on the 1st date to see if there is any spark for the possibility of a 2nd date. I like your style How are you doing? CARL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Dec 11, 2015 15:10:11 GMT -5
i am so glad I never dated. what a pain in the ass.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Dec 11, 2015 15:11:33 GMT -5
OK, I'm not passing a moral judgment here. If you knew this before you started dating her, I would have called this a big red flag. Again, I want to be clear, not for any moral issue - I'm not the person to do that to anyone. But for me, if she's separated and playing around, it says to me, "Hey, I'm looking to see what's out here that might be better, but I'm still hanging onto my husband. I have no real idea what I want/need in a relationship." And you don't know if her husband knows about what she's doing. People get angry in situations like this, Phoenix. Maybe he can see her status, maybe not. But someone who knows them both certainly can, and will let him know what she's doing. And yes, I am aware of fake names on Facebook. But she's not that smart and cannot hide forever. Someone among her friends will know. If you had no idea about her status prior to any of the dates, then there's nothing you can really do on that. Frankly, she's not only ill-mannered, she's dishonest, in my book. Well, I don't know for sure she is married. The status of "currently separated" could mean any number of things on a dating forum. I agree, but asking about past (and possibly current) relationships isn't something you do on the first few dates. I had every intention of asking her about it if things progressed, but they never got that far.
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Dec 11, 2015 15:14:43 GMT -5
Maybe you should try meeting people the old fashioned way - drunk and in a bar
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Dec 11, 2015 15:19:16 GMT -5
Oh, and it might be worth mentioning she originally contacted me. Normally when dating, I only go for people who are single, never married or widowed. I might consider dating someone who was divorced too.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Dec 11, 2015 15:29:18 GMT -5
Maybe you should try meeting people the old fashioned way - drunk and in a bar I am researching other ways to meet women. It's kind of hard, because I travel for work, and work fairly long hours, so i have to find stuff that doesn't require specific time commitments. I'm going to look into meetup groups and church singles groups.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 11, 2015 15:29:26 GMT -5
My respect for you has taken a huge jump! I'm sorry she wasn't interested, but I personally like the fade out better even when I'm on the receiving end. Who needs to hear why someone isn't attracted to you?
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Dec 11, 2015 15:29:38 GMT -5
This is why I don't have the energy to date. So sorry, Phoenix. Don't give up. The perfect woman for you is out there. Don't settle for anything less. There are no perfect people but there is the perfect person for you.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Dec 11, 2015 15:29:41 GMT -5
OK, I'm not passing a moral judgment here. If you knew this before you started dating her, I would have called this a big red flag. Again, I want to be clear, not for any moral issue - I'm not the person to do that to anyone. But for me, if she's separated and playing around, it says to me, "Hey, I'm looking to see what's out here that might be better, but I'm still hanging onto my husband. I have no real idea what I want/need in a relationship." And you don't know if her husband knows about what she's doing. People get angry in situations like this, Phoenix. Maybe he can see her status, maybe not. But someone who knows them both certainly can, and will let him know what she's doing. And yes, I am aware of fake names on Facebook. But she's not that smart and cannot hide forever. Someone among her friends will know. If you had no idea about her status prior to any of the dates, then there's nothing you can really do on that. Frankly, she's not only ill-mannered, she's dishonest, in my book. Well, I don't know for sure she is married. The status of "currently separated" could mean any number of things on a dating forum. I agree, but asking about past (and possibly current) relationships isn't something you do on the first few dates. I had every intention of asking her about it if things progressed, but they never got that far. You're right, and she could be totally lying on her FB status. "Currently separated" could mean from her boyfriend, not her husband, for all anyone knows. She was definitely not a prize, and you live and learn. Now, as Beergut mentioned, you make yourself the desired one. Put yourself out there, but don't think of yourself as the corner convenience store, with a little of everything to offer everyone who comes down the pike. You're more of a specialty boutique, as it were. Focus on less quantity and more on better quality. Put yourself in quality situations to find high-quality people, not just high-quality women. Don't be afraid to attend cultural events, do volunteer work and and accept social invitations where you meet men and couples - you won't be dating them, obviously, but they will know fine women that you will want to date. Be willing to be friends with women - not necessarily women who become more than friends, just friends. They, in turn, will introduce you to their friends, and it may be those secondary introductions where you find the one. I know a lot of people met their someone in a loud place - concerts, bars, etc. I'm not personally a fan of any venue where the noise is jet engine-loud. Your local paper will have listings of small music clubs, comedy clubs, art galleries, plays, charity events and other public gatherings where people who want both entertainment and conversation gather.
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Robert not Bobby
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Post by Robert not Bobby on Dec 11, 2015 15:37:41 GMT -5
This is why I don't have the energy to date. So sorry, Phoenix. Don't give up. The perfect woman for you is out there. Don't settle for anything less. There are no perfect people but there is the perfect person for you. Are you kidding me? What are you 89, or something? Yes, absolutely not sorry for Phoenix...not really. Sorry, I'm going to say this...grow some balls and man up.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Dec 11, 2015 15:53:07 GMT -5
This is why I don't have the energy to date. So sorry, Phoenix. Don't give up. The perfect woman for you is out there. Don't settle for anything less. There are no perfect people but there is the perfect person for you. Are you kidding me? What are you 89, or something? Yes, absolutely not sorry for Phoenix...not really. Sorry, I'm going to say this...grow some balls and man up. I understand that if I want to change my life, it's up to me to find the solution and execute it. Believe me, I get it that I'm responsible for my own destiny, and need to make the changes needed to get what I want.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 11, 2015 15:55:43 GMT -5
NOW you will have someone marvelous come into your life. Good attitudes attract more good
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justme
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Post by justme on Dec 11, 2015 16:02:58 GMT -5
Seven dates over two months...unless you guys were talking every day or every other day and the infrequent dates wasn't a timing issue I would think 1) this guy isn't that into me and 2) not be very concerned about following through on answering texts/calls.
Honestly if I'm hearing from you mainly to set up the next date, that are a week or more apart, and the other communication is a hey what's up short convo I probably would have just not responded after the third or fourth date unless I was bored and hanging out with you was better than staying home.
A date every week or so only says the guy is actually interested in me only if it's accompanied by having actual conversations between dates. And even then he better start making more frequent time for me sooner than later.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Dec 11, 2015 16:05:01 GMT -5
I think that it could have been any one of 100 little details at any point in your time together that could have closed the door. Who knows what little detail may have triggered what response. Sure, maybe asking "can I put your arm around you" would have turned her off if she was hoping you'd make a different move. Or it might have been completely external to you -- she could have met someone else the next day.
I would much more appreciate a clearer sign, even a sugarcoated one. For example, I thought that any statement alluding to "being friends" was the happy balance of saying "it's over" without getting vicious. Of course as you are hearing other interpretations here based on experiences of being stalked, so who the hell even knows anymore.
It seems to me you just have to write your own rules and play by them, and hope that whoever you play with meshes with those rules?
If I were dating now though, I would definitely fight all my "nice guy" programming.
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Dec 11, 2015 16:19:32 GMT -5
I hate it when guys say this because it translate as if women want to be treated like crap. We don't want to be treated like crap. We like nice guys but also want them to be confident. There is a difference between confidence and ego. A big ego is a huge turnoff to me.
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Post by mojothehelpermonkey on Dec 11, 2015 16:26:23 GMT -5
I hate it when guys say this because it translate as if women want to be treated like crap. We don't want to be treated like crap. We like nice guys but also want them to be confident. There is a difference between confidence and ego. A big ego is a huge turnoff to me. When people say stop being a "nice guy", I hope they mean stop letting women treat you like doormat, not start treating women like crap.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Dec 11, 2015 16:27:17 GMT -5
I hate it when guys say this because it translate as if women want to be treated like crap. We don't want to be treated like crap. We like nice guys but also want them to be confident. There is a difference between confidence and ego. A big ego is a huge turnoff to me. Because it is true, I have witnessed it times and times again... Girl have a guy that will walk to the end of the earth for her... Treat him like crap / friend zone him. The dickwat that mistreat her, spend her money, bring on the drama... She is all over! I only see that change when some women reach the mid 30's - 40's and have enough of being treated like crap then give the "nice guy" a shot.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Dec 11, 2015 16:28:15 GMT -5
I hate it when guys say this because it translate as if women want to be treated like crap. We don't want to be treated like crap. We like nice guys but also want them to be confident. There is a difference between confidence and ego. A big ego is a huge turnoff to me. Exactly. Women who like assholes tend to have low self esteem.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Dec 11, 2015 16:30:10 GMT -5
Are you kidding me? What are you 89, or something? Yes, absolutely not sorry for Phoenix...not really. Sorry, I'm going to say this...grow some balls and man up. I understand that if I want to change my life, it's up to me to find the solution and execute it. Believe me, I get it that I'm responsible for my own destiny, and need to make the changes needed to get what I want. It isn't about "manning up" as the previous poster suggested. It's about looking up, and setting your sights higher than where they are now. That may mean waiting to get what you want, or looking in some unexpected places, or perhaps not looking at all, and letting the looking come to you. Class attracts class, always.
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