movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Dec 11, 2015 12:16:02 GMT -5
Phoenix, did you sleep with this woman? If so, then yeah, she should have been more direct in "breaking up" with you. If not, then it's not really a big deal if she brushed you off. On the bright side least you don't have to worry about buying her Xmas gifts or planning the holidays with her! I actually hate starting a new relationship around a holiday. It can be very awkward.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Dec 11, 2015 12:21:39 GMT -5
Are you asserting that she did not exhibit common courtesy? After how many dates is a "break up" conversation necessary? The fact that Phoenix thought he was breaking up with her after she refused dates for a month is really rather bizarre, and shows that he is not the best reader of social situations. Based on that, I wonder what her perspective on it this whole thing is. that is my assertion. I agree with Archie on this one. And I am now waiting for hell to freeze over. The breakup isn't the issue for me. It was the fade-out. Call me an old fart, but this is one thing the digital age has brought us that has not been beneficial when it comes to good manners. It's too easy to ignore someone when your only options are dealing with it in person or by phone. I'm not giving her any points for good manners on this one. If she was no longer interested, she should have said so, plain and simple, and not claimed to be too busy or failed to respond to texts. And no, Phoenix is not, nor should he be, a mind-reader. A lack of information on her part tells him nothing, other than she is an ignorant twit who was raised by wolves. Good manners are universal, no matter what the situation or means of communication.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Dec 11, 2015 13:13:01 GMT -5
Interesting... my guess is there was something that happened that evening... or something didn't happen that she wanted to happen... There really is no way to tell and she possibly didn't want to broach the subject. I am NOT saying you did anything wrong but she may have, for one reason or another, decided the relationship wasn't right for her. People in general (not just women) find it much easier to just brush someone off rather than actually tell a person their true feelings. It sucks but I have been there. Men are just as guilty as women of giving a person the "brush off." sounds like she wanted the D and didn't get it.
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ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Dec 11, 2015 13:15:26 GMT -5
Interesting... my guess is there was something that happened that evening... or something didn't happen that she wanted to happen... There really is no way to tell and she possibly didn't want to broach the subject. I am NOT saying you did anything wrong but she may have, for one reason or another, decided the relationship wasn't right for her. People in general (not just women) find it much easier to just brush someone off rather than actually tell a person their true feelings. It sucks but I have been there. Men are just as guilty as women of giving a person the "brush off." sounds like she wanted the D and didn't get it. Netflix and chill was really just tjat
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Dec 11, 2015 13:21:20 GMT -5
sounds like she wanted the D and didn't get it. Netflix and chill was really just tjat and that should only happen when you're alone.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Dec 11, 2015 13:21:54 GMT -5
I have no idea what this is. I am really, really hopeless. And I need to hang out with MJ to learn new stuff.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Dec 11, 2015 13:25:20 GMT -5
I have no idea what this is. I am really, really hopeless. And I need to hang out with MJ to learn new stuff. rhymes with "stick"
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Dec 11, 2015 13:26:57 GMT -5
I have no idea what this is. I am really, really hopeless. And I need to hang out with MJ to learn new stuff. rhymes with "stick" Okey-dokey. Learned something big today. No pun intended.
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Dec 11, 2015 13:29:36 GMT -5
I have mixed feelings on this one. Seven dates, IMHO, is quite a few dates. I would assume she enjoyed his company. I personally wouldn't go on seven dates with a man whom I didn't enjoy spending time with. I would rather stay home and read a book or watch Netflix as opposed to wasting 7 dates worth of time with someone I had zero interest in pursuing a relationship with. Just speaking for myself, it takes no more than 2 dates for me know this information. Seven dates does seem like quite a few dates to just start ignoring a person with no explanation. On the other hand, they went on seven dates over the course of 2 months so it's not like they were seeing one another on what I would consider a regular basis and obviously they had not established any sort of relationship so I can see where she might find it easier to just ignore and figure he will get the message.
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Dec 11, 2015 13:31:14 GMT -5
Okey-dokey. Learned something big today. No pun intended. Don't feel bad. At first I thought she meant to put an O instead of a D but then I figure it out. It took me a few minutes
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beergut
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Post by beergut on Dec 11, 2015 13:33:44 GMT -5
How many times did you go out? And how much time passed between the first and last date? And how often did you talk to her not including the times you asked her on a date? We went on our first date in late August., and about one a week thereafter. The first date we met a a local pub for dinner after work. The following two weeks we went to dinner near places where we walked and talked afterward. Then we went to lunch and a museum. Then she came over to my place for dinner and a movie. I cooked for her and cleaned my apartment so it was spotless. I think after that was when our contact started getting more intermittent. I forget the exact timing, but I had to go on work travel at some point during that time, and we didn't meet one week in September. I was pretty busy in October too, I went on a short vacation in mid October and was gone for two weeks of work travel the last week of October and the first week of November. She also went on a work trip about that time. She came to your place for 'dinner and a movie', and you actually gave her dinner and a movie? The problem here is you completely missing her cues. She came to your place hoping to have sex with you, and you didn't progress to the next step. That is why the fade started, you can tell yourself it was business trips and both being busy, but in her mind, you rejected her that night and it was over right there.
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beergut
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Post by beergut on Dec 11, 2015 13:45:18 GMT -5
Phoenix, did you sleep with this woman? If so, then yeah, she should have been more direct in "breaking up" with you. If not, then it's not really a big deal if she brushed you off. On the bright side least you don't have to worry about buying her Xmas gifts or planning the holidays with her! I actually hate starting a new relationship around a holiday. It can be very awkward. Okay, buy this jar. Put oil and vinegar in a mason jar, and mix up. Then add salt and pepper to taste, and some dijon mustard. Mix thoroughly. You now have a nice salad dressing. Pour dressing into your gift jar. Put a bow on gift jar. Tie a small card on bow ribbon that gives "your family recipe" for your salad dressing. Easy gift, costs ~$10 with shipping and ingredients, and it is thoughtful. Jar also has other salad dressing recipes, so it is practical. If you don't want to spend $6 on that jar, just put a bow on the mason jar, and deliver it that way. Stress-free gift giving for the person you're dating.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Dec 11, 2015 13:48:12 GMT -5
or homemade cookies, spiced nuts... maybe even just a nice homemade dinner featuring their favorite foods.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Dec 11, 2015 13:50:32 GMT -5
Phoenix reminds me of my DH. Once when we were dating, I showed up outside DH's apartment door, unannounced, dressed for a booty call. So, here I am in the hallway, half exposed, when DH answers. Know what he says "Oh. I wasn't expecting you. I'm washing the dishes right now." That exchange ended up being the highlight of the evening.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Dec 11, 2015 13:53:43 GMT -5
I'm new to dating in the new world, but I agree...she broke up with you long before. While it would have been nice of her to tell you that she wasn't interested, she really did throw you enough hints.
I went out with a guy last week...nice enough guy, funny, etc...but we were either the same height or I was slightly taller. Call me shallow but I don't want to feel like the big one in a relationship! I never said anything but my replies got shorter, briefer and took much longer for me to reply. He got the hint and stopped texting. I don't give anyone the benefit of the doubt. If you are into me you are going to make time for me. If not, I won't waste my time.
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beergut
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Post by beergut on Dec 11, 2015 13:54:11 GMT -5
But, I stuck it out mostly because, what do I have to lose? It's not like I got other women waiting in the wings.Squash that shit right now!! You are not a damn convenience for her, you are not her bitch to be at her beck and call!! You are a MAN, start acting like it. She should be freaking thrilled to go out with you, because it is you. Your problem here is your own lack of self-confidence, and no one can fix that but you. You need to believe you are worthy of being dated, of being pursued, and act accordingly.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Dec 11, 2015 13:56:27 GMT -5
We went on our first date in late August., and about one a week thereafter. The first date we met a a local pub for dinner after work. The following two weeks we went to dinner near places where we walked and talked afterward. Then we went to lunch and a museum. Then she came over to my place for dinner and a movie. I cooked for her and cleaned my apartment so it was spotless. I think after that was when our contact started getting more intermittent. I forget the exact timing, but I had to go on work travel at some point during that time, and we didn't meet one week in September. I was pretty busy in October too, I went on a short vacation in mid October and was gone for two weeks of work travel the last week of October and the first week of November. She also went on a work trip about that time. She came to your place for 'dinner and a movie', and you actually gave her dinner and a movie? The problem here is you completely missing her cues. She came to your place hoping to have sex with you, and you didn't progress to the next step. That is why the fade started, you can tell yourself it was business trips and both being busy, but in her mind, you rejected her that night and it was over right there. 7 dates is a lot of dates with no Thai food!lol
But I agree...if I were into someone and he invited me over for dinner and a movie...I'm kind of thinking that's code...I wouldn't be happy to actually get dinner and a movie!lol
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Dec 11, 2015 13:56:57 GMT -5
But, I stuck it out mostly because, what do I have to lose? It's not like I got other women waiting in the wings.Squash that shit right now!! You are not a damn convenience for her, you are not her bitch to be at her beck and call!! You are a MAN, start acting like it. She should be freaking thrilled to go out with you, because it is you. Your problem here is your own lack of self-confidence, and no one can fix that but you. You need to believe you are worthy of being dated, of being pursued, and act accordingly. Aka, what I said on page 1.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Dec 11, 2015 13:57:29 GMT -5
But, I stuck it out mostly because, what do I have to lose? It's not like I got other women waiting in the wings.Squash that shit right now!! You are not a damn convenience for her, you are not her bitch to be at her beck and call!! You are a MAN, start acting like it. She should be freaking thrilled to go out with you, because it is you. Your problem here is your own lack of self-confidence, and no one can fix that but you. You need to believe you are worthy of being dated, of being pursued, and act accordingly.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Dec 11, 2015 13:58:24 GMT -5
She came to your place for 'dinner and a movie', and you actually gave her dinner and a movie? The problem here is you completely missing her cues. She came to your place hoping to have sex with you, and you didn't progress to the next step. That is why the fade started, you can tell yourself it was business trips and both being busy, but in her mind, you rejected her that night and it was over right there. 7 dates is a lot of dates with no Thai food!lol
But I agree...if I were into someone and he invited me over for dinner and a movie...I'm kind of thinking that's code...I wouldn't be happy to actually get dinner and a movie!lol
uh no, you said dinner - I expect to be fed. THEN we can....
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beergut
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Post by beergut on Dec 11, 2015 13:59:13 GMT -5
Phoenix reminds me of my DH. Once when we were dating, I showed up outside DH's apartment door, unannounced, dressed for a booty call. So, here I am in the hallway, half exposed, when DH answers. Know what he says "Oh. I wasn't expecting you. I'm washing the dishes right now." That exchange ended up being the highlight of the evening.I am so, so sorry, but
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Dec 11, 2015 13:59:30 GMT -5
7 dates is a lot of dates with no Thai food!lol
But I agree...if I were into someone and he invited me over for dinner and a movie...I'm kind of thinking that's code...I wouldn't be happy to actually get dinner and a movie!lol
uh no, you said dinner - I expect to be fed. THEN we can.... ha!
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beergut
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Post by beergut on Dec 11, 2015 14:05:07 GMT -5
or homemade cookies, spiced nuts... maybe even just a nice homemade dinner featuring their favorite foods. Dude, that's like a date #20 thing. You gotta wait a while before you break out the kinky stuff.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Dec 11, 2015 14:12:36 GMT -5
or homemade cookies, spiced nuts... maybe even just a nice homemade dinner featuring their favorite foods. Dude, that's like a date #20 thing. You gotta wait a while before you break out the kinky stuff. gotta know sooner than that if he can stand the heat!
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Dec 11, 2015 14:21:32 GMT -5
Oh, and we went to the botanical gardens at some point. The total number of dates was 7 over a two month time frame. Sounds like you were 'dating' and not exclusive. If you're just 'dating' it's pretty clear when they don't answer your call that they've moved on. It's different if you have the key to her apartment.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Dec 11, 2015 14:27:25 GMT -5
The ladies already covered it... You did not put out and she lost interest.
I mean really??? Nothing happened? Light kiss in the middle of the movie, hands disappearing where they usually wouldn't go? Nothing?
You did pick up on cues? Her getting closer? Pushing herself up on you? Being more open and casual?
Are you still a virgin???
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 11, 2015 14:30:41 GMT -5
Yuck. I'd hate to think if I went to a guys house for dinner, I'd have to put out as payment.
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Robert not Bobby
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Post by Robert not Bobby on Dec 11, 2015 14:30:44 GMT -5
It just kind of pisses me off that she didn't have the guts to break it off if she wasn't interested, and instead gave me the runaround. I've noticed this before when dating some women, it's like they're afraid to be the adult and say they're not interested. I wish more women would "woman up" and break it off if that's what they want. I'm a big boy, I can handle it.
No, you are not a big boy and you are not handling it very...it hurts, I get it.
Look, just move on...there is always another bus coming around the corner.
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Dec 11, 2015 14:34:07 GMT -5
Yuck. I'd hate to think if I went to a guys house for dinner, I'd have to put out as payment. You definitely don't but in my experience a guy making you dinner tends to be a prelude to sex.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Dec 11, 2015 14:38:05 GMT -5
Interesting... my guess is there was something that happened that evening... or something didn't happen that she wanted to happen... There really is no way to tell and she possibly didn't want to broach the subject. I am NOT saying you did anything wrong but she may have, for one reason or another, decided the relationship wasn't right for her. People in general (not just women) find it much easier to just brush someone off rather than actually tell a person their true feelings. It sucks but I have been there. Men are just as guilty as women of giving a person the "brush off." [http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B00NTBBZCO/ref=mp_s_a_1_4?qid=1449283703&sr=8-4&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=womens+north+face+fleece&dpPl=1&dpID=41+GfibGPEL&ref=plSrch&th=0r] sounds like she wanted the D and didn't get it. Nah, I think it may have been the opposit. We had held hands up to that point, and while watching the movie, I put my arm around her to see how she'd react. she didn't say anything, and said I could do it, but didn't react any way, just sat there like a statue, so that's as far as that went. There were some other issues. I suspect she might have been married, her online profile said "currently separated." She also wouldn't plan dates, or ever offer to pay for anything. I don't mind paying for the first few dates, but eventually, planning a date or offering to pay for something is nice.
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