Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 8, 2015 20:21:42 GMT -5
About 15 years ago. This woman at my job got it in her head that I was fooling around with her boyfriend. I'd been working there a couple of years and he was one of the union guys. When I first got hired, he kind of took me and another new hire under his wings and taught us the ropes, the 3 of us became good friends.
The woman started confronting me about him, she got my cell phone number somehow and would call my phone back to back for hours on end and hang up if I answered. She acted a pure Dee fool with me for a long time, then got quiet and I thought it was over. Until she came behind me one day and pushed me and put her finger in my face when I turned around. Let's just say I don't react well to people putting their hands on me.
Later that night, when I was coming back from lunch, I was walking across the parking lot and she was creeping up the aisle slowly in a car, with a passenger. They both had baseball caps pulled down low over their faces. She'd got off work 6 hours prior. I don't know if she was looking for my car or looking for me, but that particular night I'd managed to convince a co-worker to ride with me to get something to eat because I didn't like going out in that neighborhood at night. I wasn't even thinking about the crazy woman inlol.
My co-worker was the one that noticed the car because they were going so slow. Even after he said something about the car, I didn't think anything about it until she got to us and I saw it was her. I don't know what would've happened if I'd been by myself.
We kept walking and I called the boyfriend on my cell and blasted him, telling him she was up there and he better get his bitch under control because if I lost my job because of their bullshit, I was going to risk going to jail too, for kicking his ass. He knew what she'd been doing and that I hadn't reported it, but if I had, we both would've been sitting at home indefinitely while our job decided what to do. He got off the phone with me, saying he was going to call her. I don't know what he said to her, but that was the last time she said or did anything to me. What made it all even worse was that he and I really were just friends, I never even flirted with him!
I've seen her occasionally since then, but since we don't work together, I've never said anything to her because I've always thought she must be crazy. They stopped dating years ago and she stalked the woman he ended up marrying.
So today out of the blue she said she wanted to ask me something. She wanted to ask me to accept her apology for everything she said and did to me back then. She said sometimes you get caught up in stuff and do things you end up regretting and she just wanted to apologize. I could tell she was kind of nervous, but she did it anyway. That was some GAW kind of stuff imo. I accepted her apology and was nice about it.
Later on, I started wondering what was going on in her life that she felt she needed to apologize for something that happened so long ago. Whatever the reason, I think it took some courage to say something, especially after all these years.
Nothing like that has ever happened to me before. Ime, people rarely circle back to things like that and apologize years after the fact. What do you all think? Have you ever had someone come back years later and apologize for something they did to you?
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DagnyT
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Post by DagnyT on Aug 8, 2015 20:35:47 GMT -5
Maybe she has started going to church. I have had lots of Sunday School lessons about apologizing and asking forgiveness from those you have wronged. Maybe just maturity also.
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msventoux
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Post by msventoux on Aug 8, 2015 20:44:15 GMT -5
i think one of the tenets of AA is that you have to apologize to those you have harmed. If it isn't AA, it is probably some sort of program with the same credo. I had a friend who went through AA and had to spend a lot of time making amends. Mostly old girlfriends he had cheated on. And friends whose girlfriends had cheated on them with him. It was really uncomfortable for him. Not only making amends, but reflecting and tallying up all of the people he had wronged and seeing what a hurtful jerk he had been.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 8, 2015 20:44:52 GMT -5
Great story and awesome of you to accept her apology!
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Post by Deleted on Aug 8, 2015 20:52:26 GMT -5
I didn't think about something like AA. I wondered if maybe she's sick (I hope not!), going to church now, or just going through something in her life that's made her reflect.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 8, 2015 21:05:02 GMT -5
There is also the possibility that she came to her senses and realized she acted like a total lunatic and it bothers her. Maybe she is generally a nice person that just went a little crazy for a while and she wanted to do what she could to make it as right as possible with you. Especially as she sees you every now and again and actually likes you.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 8, 2015 21:09:52 GMT -5
There is also the possibility that she came to her senses and realized she acted like a total lunatic and it bothers her. Maybe she is generally a nice person that just went a little crazy for a while and she wanted to do what she could to make it as right as possible with you. Especially as she sees you every now and again and actually likes you. I don't see how.she could know whether she likes me. I'd not said ONE word to her since then. The rest of it, I can see.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 8, 2015 21:13:00 GMT -5
I know whether I generally like people or not based on how they are in general, they don't need to interact specifically with me. She can know she likes you from either hearing about you or seeing you interact with other people. I'm not saying she wants to be your BFF, just that you come across as a nice person.
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resolution
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Post by resolution on Aug 8, 2015 23:19:07 GMT -5
You never know the things that people carry around inside of them. When I was in my late 20s I was apologized to by someone from my junior high that apparently got into my lunch bag and squished my lunch. I have no memory of this but it really bothered her for years.
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beergut
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Post by beergut on Aug 9, 2015 0:08:58 GMT -5
Good on her for apologizing.
My first guess was going to be AA, but it is also possible she was chemically imbalanced, and is now normal. If she looked back now and realizes how insane she was in the past and is trying to make amends, good on her.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Aug 9, 2015 1:13:22 GMT -5
It was very kind of you to accept her apology. Hard to say why she decided this was the time to right the wrong. My first thought was AA or one of the related organizations. Then, again, it could be she just grew up and realized what a fool she'd made of herself. It's to her credit she took it upon herself to try to make it right.
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Works4me
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Post by Works4me on Aug 9, 2015 4:15:30 GMT -5
12 Step Group of one sort or another - how great that she is doing it and how wonderful that you were willing to listen.
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busymom
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Post by busymom on Aug 9, 2015 7:25:08 GMT -5
Sorry you went through all of that drama so many years ago. And, I'm glad you weren't hurt.
When I was in my 20's, one of the managers in my office was having an affair (unknown to me at the time) with one of the girls I worked with. What I also didn't know was, his wife found out about the affair, & assumed I was the one he was having the affair with! I've thought back on how badly things could've gone, as she had a reputation as having a bad temper. She could've come storming into the office to scream at me, or worse, & I wouldn't have had a clue what her problem was. Never assume! (Hire a private investigator if you think your SO is cheating on you.)
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Virgil Showlion
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Aug 9, 2015 9:37:35 GMT -5
Good on you for forgiving her. It couldn't have been easy for either of you, and accepting her sincere apology will help her to heal.
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sarcasticgirl
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Post by sarcasticgirl on Aug 9, 2015 11:20:49 GMT -5
Good on her for apologizing. My first guess was going to be AA, but it is also possible she was chemically imbalanced, and is now normal. If she looked back now and realizes how insane she was in the past and is trying to make amends, good on her. she sounds CRAZY... and possibly drunk too. that's nice that she apologized.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Aug 10, 2015 7:59:07 GMT -5
I find things like this to be very insincere. More about them than the harm they may have caused me.
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Aug 10, 2015 8:02:53 GMT -5
I saw a post on my HS message board from a woman in my HS class. It was a blanket apology. I only remembered her vaguely as one of the 'troubled' girls who got busted for smoking, skipped school a lot and had an 'attitude.' She wasn't in the crowd of people I hung out with.
Apparently she was also a bully, because she apologized for having been such a dick. She said she had a lot of stuff going on at home, but she reacted badly and took her anger out on people who never did anything to her. She said she was obnoxious and mean. She claimed she had since gotten her life under control, but she felt bad for all those people she was mean to, years ago.
I thought it was a brave thing to do, since this was a public message board and it opened her up to all kinds of snarky responses, but I was pleased to see that everyone who responded was nice about it.
You never know what's going in in other people's lives. Maybe this woman had MH issues that she's since gotten help for, maybe she was just immature, maybe she was spurred on by her friends, or maybe her BF was goading her. It's nice that she has gotten to the point that she recognizes her behavior was out of line and apologized for it, and nice that you accepted that graciously.
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Virgil Showlion
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Aug 10, 2015 8:17:42 GMT -5
I find things like this to be very insincere. More about them than the harm they may have caused me. Why would somebody contact you out of the blue to apologize more than a decade after the fact if they weren't genuinely contrite? While an apology is more about the offender's healing than it is about righting a wrong, that doesn't mean the individual isn't genuinely remorseful. Apologizing is difficult, especially for older men. It requires a great deal of humility. If somebody apologizes to you, give them the utmost benefit of the doubt as to their sincerity. Accept the apology with grace. If they wronged you, their apologizing is a part of their healing process and your forgiving them is part of yours. Skepticism can be an impediment to your own peace of mind. I sound like a fortune cookie, but it's true.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Aug 10, 2015 8:23:00 GMT -5
Apologizing is difficult impossible for men. fixed.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 10, 2015 10:07:03 GMT -5
Maybe this woman had MH issues that she's since gotten help for, maybe she was just immature, maybe she was spurred on by her friends, or maybe her BF was goading her
The coworker that was on the parking lot with me the night she came up there told me, "look, I'm a man. You don't know what he's telling her. He might be telling her that you like him or you're chasing him, to make her jealous and she's just taking it too far". That seemed like a real possibility, because I really couldn't understand why she had such a huge problem with me. That's why I blasted the boyfriend and told him he better handle it. zibazinski, I don't think she was insincere. There was always the chance that I'd tell her "biyatch get outta my face. I don't want to hear anything you have to say. EVER!" She knew from the past that I had no problem saying whatever awful thing popped into my head if she provoked me. Why risk me being mean and hateful if apologizing wasn't something she really felt she needed to do? I do think it was about her, because I would have been perfectly fine if she never apologized. I'd moved from mad to indifferent about her a long time ago. If she had some kind of ulterior motive, that's on her. I responded in the way that felt right to me, with acceptance and kindness. Honestly, she seems kind of sad sometimes when I see her. I really think she's going through something. I have a few people I wouldn't piss on if they were on fire, but they've done way worse things than she did. And besides, a lot of women have that one man that they acted a damn fool over. Maybe I'm a sucker, but I choose to believe it was an act of courage since she was clearly nervous and seemed relieved by my reaction, and I choose to believe she was sincere.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Aug 10, 2015 10:33:32 GMT -5
You're a better person than I am, Pink. I can hold a grudge for a long, long time. And I never forget someone who treats me badly. I always assume if they did it once, they are capable of repeating the offense. It's a good thing for both of you that she apologized and you accepted.
Just curious, if you know....is she still with the boyfriend?
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Aug 10, 2015 11:25:21 GMT -5
Good to hear that people can, and do, change and acknowledge their past behaviors. And, I am in awe at your ready willingness -- on the spot! -- to accept her apology. I, on the other hand, am a flawed person. While I would sincerely accept an apology from just about anyone, there are some people who caused such grievous harm in the past, that I simply can never forgive them. I have moved on, trust me. Those folks and the pain they caused do not occupy my thoughts or my day. But, I am absolutely certain that any apology I might accept from them would be twisted and misconstrued to imply that I condoned their acts. Far from it. Far, far from it.
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Aug 10, 2015 11:42:09 GMT -5
I find things like this to be very insincere. More about them than the harm they may have caused me.Zib C'mon, Zib. Not everything in the universe is shit ALL the time.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 10, 2015 12:20:38 GMT -5
You're a better person than I am, Pink. I can hold a grudge for a long, long time. And I never forget someone who treats me badly. I always assume if they did it once, they are capable of repeating the offense. It's a good thing for both of you that she apologized and you accepted. Just curious, if you know....is she still with the boyfriend? I can hold a grudge for forever too. Did you miss where I said there are a few people I still wouldn't piss on if they were on fire? In the grand scheme of things, she's not the only person that's ever had an issue with me when I haven't done anything to them. I wouldn't have room in my life for anything positive if I nurtured negative feelings against every person that's ever acted a fool with me. When she pushed me, she was the one that ended up enraged and crying, so that was good enough for me lol. But then, I guess that's why she showed up sneaking around later that night, sneaking up on me earlier hadn't gone so well and she wanted vengeance. Anyway, my main concern was that I didn't have any trouble with my job and I didn't, so whatever. They stopped dating a long time ago. He started dating someone else that worked with us. The second GF and I had always been friendly, but she stopped speaking to me after they started dating. That's when I became pretty sure he was the root of the problem his women were having with me, and we drifted apart. The first girlfriend actually stalked the second one (who he eventually married and divorced). Like running up on her in public and fighting her stalking. The funny thing is, he's soooo unattractive to me, no woman ever had to worry about me trying to get with him. He's a nice guy, but I could never understand why they were fighting over him lol. But then, I've never really understood why women would fight over any man. Unless she's bold enough to come to my house looking for my husband or something, I'd deal with him about whatever issue I have.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Aug 10, 2015 13:10:39 GMT -5
Yeah treasure those apologies from men, they are few and far between.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 10, 2015 13:12:14 GMT -5
Good to hear that people can, and do, change and acknowledge their past behaviors. And, I am in awe at your ready willingness -- on the spot! -- to accept her apology. I, on the other hand, am a flawed person. While I would sincerely accept an apology from just about anyone, there are some people who caused such grievous harm in the past, that I simply can never forgive them. I have moved on, trust me. Those folks and the pain they caused do not occupy my thoughts or my day. But, I am absolutely certain that any apology I might accept from them would be twisted and misconstrued to imply that I condoned their acts. Far from it. Far, far from it. Trust me, I'm flawed too. My ex's 2nd wife, for years I vowed to myself that if I ever ran into her I was going to commence to kicking her ass without any words exchanged. And I meant it, even after they divorced and me and my children didn't have to deal with her anymore. When I finally did see her, she looked like life had already dealt with her. It took me a minute to even recognize her, she looked so terrible. She'd lost a lot of weight and looked like she was either really sick or on some serious drugs. Given her lifestyle, it's not hard to believe it was either one of those. That was when I finally let it go. But if SHE ever tries to apologize to me, I still might hit her just for reminding me that i owe her. She pissed me off so much because I started off being gracious. I didn't care about him having a girlfriend and I believed that if she was going to be around my kids, we should try to get along. I was polite and friendly to her in the beginning and she waged war anyway. So I'm not always a nice person. Some of my enemies will always be my enemy. Those are usually people that intentionally caused harm after I've been nice to them or they present themselves as friendly while they're aiming a knife at my back. I struggle with that more than some random woman that's mad because she thinks I want her boyfriend.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 10, 2015 17:30:17 GMT -5
I celebrate her ability to reach out with an apology which is no easy task (believe me, my online friends, I ain't good at that!) and I celebrate your ability to accept that apology. Regardless of why this person reached out to you, you are both so lighter going forward without this particular piece of baggage.
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Virgil Showlion
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Aug 10, 2015 18:30:21 GMT -5
Definitely AA, NA, or something similar. That's the only time my step father ever tries to reach out to me. I tell him to go fuck himself every time he does it. This last time he somehow got it in his head to contact all his children and step children to bring them together on Facebook. Thought we'd have a family reunion or something. His youngest kid in Florida used it to find out where he was and have his wages garnished for back child support. He seemed, from what I heard from other family members, completely bewildered that none of us wanted to have anything to do with him. What do you suppose it would take for you to accept his apology? Or are you resolved never to forgive him under any circumstances? This is just my curiosity talking. If it's too personal an issue, just say so.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 10, 2015 20:53:34 GMT -5
Definitely AA, NA, or something similar. That's the only time my step father ever tries to reach out to me. I tell him to go fuck himself every time he does it. This last time he somehow got it in his head to contact all his children and step children to bring them together on Facebook. Thought we'd have a family reunion or something. His youngest kid in Florida used it to find out where he was and have his wages garnished for back child support. He seemed, from what I heard from other family members, completely bewildered that none of us wanted to have anything to do with him. I remember some of what you've shared about your stepfather. I can't say that I wouldn't have a similar response in that situation. My father wasn't abusive, he just was absent. He tried to make amends when I was in my late 20's, after I cussed him out so bad my Momma would have been ashamed of me, for being all nonchalant when my younger brother was sitting there with tears running down his face, asking him why he abandoned us. When he started trying to reach out to me after that, I decided it was my turn to ignore him. My brother was more forgiving than I was, and they got to know each other. Then he got sick and didn't want my Mom to tell me..... he died, and that was that. Sometimes I feel some type of way that the last time we saw each other before he died, I'd talked to him so bad and refused to turn around when he was calling my name when I was walking to my car. And I wonder if I would've at least answered the phone if I'd known when he got sick. I honestly don't know. Seeing my thugged out brother crying and asking this man for answers and watching him be all nonchalant just pushed me over the edge into a whole new level of being angry with him and I couldn't get past it. I actually got even angrier that he had the audacity to die before I got through being mad at him. How crazy is that? lol I believe his death was the spark that eventually led to me trying to learn to forgive people and let shit go instead of holding on to it for forever, for my own well being.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 10, 2015 20:57:20 GMT -5
Well damn. I typed my post before I got to the 2nd page. That's awful. I'm sorry Dark.
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