Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Oct 9, 2014 16:31:14 GMT -5
Funny, I've been thinking you're saying what I'm trying to say better for the last couple of pages
Haha, thanks
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Oct 9, 2014 16:31:16 GMT -5
He only mentioned getting a paternity test after she asked him to sign his rights off. I told my friend she should tell him not to sign anything until they have a pat test.This is really weird to me too. Why would she want him signing his rights away automatically? Is she planning to put the baby up for adoption? Otherwise, why would she want to cut the father out right from the get go? If I got pregnant from a one night stand, I certainly wouldn't ASSUME he wanted to be a father or contribute - but I wouldn't assume that he would run for the hills either. If I wanted to keep the baby, I would certainly not turn down child support. Of course, this is why I never had one night stands. I don't understand how people deal with this level of uncertainty when it comes to potential parenting partners. It makes my brain break. Guys have feelings too and advocating for him to be as involved as you want him to be sets him up for huge heartbreak once he's gone through all this with her if it's not his. It's not going to be easy to stay totally detached and not start to care.
EXACTLY! That's basically what I was trying to get at with my last post, but you said it better. If he doesn't want to be involved as the father, he shouldn't be playing like he's the father when he's not sure he IS the father. Geez, that's convoluted. But hopefully clear enough in context. I wouldn't want to be tied to someone I didn't now. Raising babies with someone I love is hard enough, raising babies with someone I hardly knew? No thank you. I'd much rather go it alone. Just to reiterate--I don't think he should be acting like the father but he should be acting like someone who *might* be the father. That doesn't mean being a husband or life partner to baby mama.
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Oct 9, 2014 16:33:01 GMT -5
It says no ultrasound. Can't date what's not there. They can also come pretty close based on HCG levels rising. I was always told HCG level itself is meaningless, it's only that it doubles every 24hr that really matters. The only thing I remember is that if it is excessively high it could be twins.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Oct 9, 2014 16:37:18 GMT -5
They can also come pretty close based on HCG levels rising. I was always told HCG level itself is meaningless, it's only that it doubles every 24hr that really matters. The only thing I remember is that if it is excessively high it could be twins. It is, within certain parameters (high and low). However, it should double every 48 hours. If she goes in and has a level of 98 (which is what I had at my 4 week appt), you can divide back pretty quick to get to implantation and thus ovulation, plus or minus a couple days on either side.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Oct 9, 2014 16:37:51 GMT -5
I wouldn't want to be tied to someone I didn't now. Raising babies with someone I love is hard enough, raising babies with someone I hardly knew? No thank you. I'd much rather go it alone.
You'd have nine long months to get to know him Especially when you apparently found out you were pregnant 3-4 days after the magic moment! In all seriousness, a random one night stand COULD be a great co-parent. Allowing for that possibility doesn't mean you have to marry the guy or even be involved with him. I think I'm a little confused because it seems like you're saying the guy should be emotionally supportive during the pregnancy in case it's his baby, yet you're also saying that you wouldn't want to co-parent with someone you didn't know. I understand those two viewpoints independently, but they sound kind of strange coming from the same person. If you wouldn't want the guy in the picture, why would you want or need him to be emotionally supportive during pregnancy?
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Oct 9, 2014 16:38:18 GMT -5
A girl who was worried about getting pregnant because she stupidly had unproductive sex with some guy.
If she was that worried, you'd think she would have done the morning after pill when it was still effective. you have changed to angry bird Just a Halloween costume, I'll change back in November I finally retired the Big Bird thing.
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Oct 9, 2014 16:38:45 GMT -5
I was always told HCG level itself is meaningless, it's only that it doubles every 24hr that really matters. The only thing I remember is that if it is excessively high it could be twins. It is, within certain parameters (high and low). However, it should double every 48 hours. If she goes in and has a level of 98 (which is what I had at my 4 week appt), you can divide back pretty quick to get to implantation and thus ovulation, plus or minus a couple days on either side. That's true. I still don't believe they could get within +/- 1 week though, which is the range we have to deal with in this scenario! LOL Did she get bloodwork done? I thought she had nothing done at all.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Oct 9, 2014 16:41:28 GMT -5
It is, within certain parameters (high and low). However, it should double every 48 hours. If she goes in and has a level of 98 (which is what I had at my 4 week appt), you can divide back pretty quick to get to implantation and thus ovulation, plus or minus a couple days on either side. That's true. I still don't believe they could get within +/- 1 week though, which is the range we have to deal with in this scenario! LOL Did she get bloodwork done? I thought she had nothing done at all. She would have to have bloodwork in order to confirm a pg at a dr's office. Regardless, in the absence of an ultrasound, I think the likeliest explanation is that the doctor asked "When was your last period?" added 14 days and said "That's when you ovulated." He may or may not be correct, but if she's 18 with regular cycles, again, it's prob pretty close.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Oct 9, 2014 16:41:54 GMT -5
Oh, for the record, I would absolutely allow a guy to sign away parental rights and not pay child support (if such a thing were legally possible) if I got pregnant by a random who didn't want to be a father.
But if the random DID want to be a father for some reason, I'd probably at least give him a chance.
And either situation would drive me batshit insane which is why I never slept with randoms. I've only been pregnant once - my daughter was planned, very wanted by both me and DH, and completely healthy. Plus I had an easy pregnancy. It still sucked and I am in NO hurry to do it again. I can't even imagine dealing with stress like this during a time like that. In that sense, I do pity this girl.
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billisonboard
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Post by billisonboard on Oct 9, 2014 16:43:46 GMT -5
Who gets an upset tummy and automatically assumes pregnancy the week after having sex with someone, particularly an 18 year old? To me, that doesn't pass the sniff test. A girl who was worried about getting pregnant because she stupidly had unproductive sex with some guy. Wait! I thought the sex did create a product.
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Abby Normal
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Post by Abby Normal on Oct 9, 2014 16:44:49 GMT -5
It is, within certain parameters (high and low). However, it should double every 48 hours. If she goes in and has a level of 98 (which is what I had at my 4 week appt), you can divide back pretty quick to get to implantation and thus ovulation, plus or minus a couple days on either side. That's true. I still don't believe they could get within +/- 1 week though, which is the range we have to deal with in this scenario! LOL Did she get bloodwork done? I thought she had nothing done at all. According to what she has told him- She pee'd on a stick and went to Dr. Dr did no additional testing that he knows of. She has not mentioned any. He only knows what she is telling him which is that she is six weeks along which matches exactly to when they had sex.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Oct 9, 2014 16:51:25 GMT -5
I wouldn't want to be tied to someone I didn't now. Raising babies with someone I love is hard enough, raising babies with someone I hardly knew? No thank you. I'd much rather go it alone.
You'd have nine long months to get to know him Especially when you apparently found out you were pregnant 3-4 days after the magic moment! In all seriousness, a random one night stand COULD be a great co-parent. Allowing for that possibility doesn't mean you have to marry the guy or even be involved with him. I think I'm a little confused because it seems like you're saying the guy should be emotionally supportive during the pregnancy in case it's his baby, yet you're also saying that you wouldn't want to co-parent with someone you didn't know. I understand those two viewpoints independently, but they sound kind of strange coming from the same person. If you wouldn't want the guy in the picture, why would you want or need him to be emotionally supportive during pregnancy? You have that correct. I'm complicated. My thought on it is that as a guy, you really don't get a vote on any of this so you better play nice to up your chances of her taking your wishes into consideration. As a girl these are my choices and I don't need to be weighed down by any baby daddy nonsense. I've seen bad but involved parents do more damage than absentee parents, and since I feel confident that I would do everything I could for my child, I'd rather have an absentee baby daddy then deal with the risk and hassles of trying to make a blended family work with someone I was barely involved with.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Oct 9, 2014 16:56:00 GMT -5
My thought on it is that as a guy, you really don't get a vote on any of this so you better play nice to up your chances of her taking your wishes into consideration.
As a girl these are my choices and I don't need to be weighed down by any baby daddy nonsense.
Okay, got it. That makes more sense.
I'd probably go it alone too, for the same reason. On the other hand, if I were keeping the child and the guy wanted to be involved, I would feel obligated to at least let him have a shot.
It would really depend on circumstances though.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Oct 9, 2014 16:57:04 GMT -5
The other night, I mentioned to DH that I kinda hope Babybird is a lesbian - that way she can't possibly have an unplanned pregnancy in high school (or any other time).
I wasn't really kidding...
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Oct 9, 2014 16:57:14 GMT -5
Ah, that makes sense, Rukh. I still call fake baby.
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Oct 9, 2014 16:58:53 GMT -5
That's true. I still don't believe they could get within +/- 1 week though, which is the range we have to deal with in this scenario! LOL Did she get bloodwork done? I thought she had nothing done at all. According to what she has told him- She pee'd on a stick and went to Dr. Dr did no additional testing that he knows of. She has not mentioned any. He only knows what she is telling him which is that she is six weeks along which matches exactly to when they had sex. This isn't flying with me. When I was pregnant (all three times) the first thing they did was a blood test to confirm. If she had no idea how far along she was, you can bet your bippy they'd do a vaginal ultrasound to see if they could see the fetus and do a dating scan. I always knew EXACTLY when I ovulated, and they would do an ultrasound anyways (possibly because of my age?). In any case, they'll do a 12 week ultrasound for sure (unless of course... she doesn't go??) and so you'll know for sure in 6 weeks.
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Oct 9, 2014 16:59:47 GMT -5
Oh, for the record, I would absolutely allow a guy to sign away parental rights and not pay child support (if such a thing were legally possible) if I got pregnant by a random who didn't want to be a father. But if the random DID want to be a father for some reason, I'd probably at least give him a chance. And either situation would drive me batshit insane which is why I never slept with randoms. I've only been pregnant once - my daughter was planned, very wanted by both me and DH, and completely healthy. Plus I had an easy pregnancy. It still sucked and I am in NO hurry to do it again. I can't even imagine dealing with stress like this during a time like that. In that sense, I do pity this girl. You don't get a choice. If he is the father of the baby it doesn't matter what so ever what your desires are. He has a right to be involved. He can be the biggest asshole in the world and treat you like shit (and the baby as well) but as long as he is not a threat to the child you cannot deny him involvement. I point this out frequently to DD when she see's guys acting like assholes and remind her that anyone she chooses to sleep with can be in her life, forever. Make sure you know them REALLY well before getting "serious".
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Oct 9, 2014 17:03:50 GMT -5
This whole thing kind of reminds me of Sum Dum Gai's brother's (?) situation a few years back. IIRC he was in a similar bind - a girl he was only with briefly got pregnant and he went through some long shitty months not knowing if he was the father or not.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Oct 9, 2014 17:04:37 GMT -5
Oh, for the record, I would absolutely allow a guy to sign away parental rights and not pay child support (if such a thing were legally possible) if I got pregnant by a random who didn't want to be a father. But if the random DID want to be a father for some reason, I'd probably at least give him a chance. And either situation would drive me batshit insane which is why I never slept with randoms. I've only been pregnant once - my daughter was planned, very wanted by both me and DH, and completely healthy. Plus I had an easy pregnancy. It still sucked and I am in NO hurry to do it again. I can't even imagine dealing with stress like this during a time like that. In that sense, I do pity this girl. You don't get a choice. If he is the father of the baby it doesn't matter what so ever what your desires are. He has a right to be involved. He can be the biggest asshole in the world and treat you like shit (and the baby as well) but as long as he is not a threat to the child you cannot deny him involvement. I point this out frequently to DD when she see's guys acting like assholes and remind her that anyone she chooses to sleep with can be in her life, forever. Make sure you know them REALLY well before getting "serious". You don't have to tell the guy you're pregnant though, and as long as you're not going after state assistance its not like they can force you to name a father. It is possible to truly not know who it is. Not that I've considered doing that.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Oct 9, 2014 17:08:12 GMT -5
You don't get a choice. If he is the father of the baby it doesn't matter what so ever what your desires are. He has a right to be involved. He can be the biggest asshole in the world and treat you like shit (and the baby as well) but as long as he is not a threat to the child you cannot deny him involvement.
Indeed. People say I'm way too OCD about birth control but stories like this are the reason why. They scare the living daylights out of me. This is one of the worst situations I can imagine for my 18 year old daughter who should be thinking about college or a career or at least moving out of my house
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 9, 2014 17:14:11 GMT -5
Oh wow. I know someone whose 22yo son just went through something similar. HIs girlfriend of a couple of months told him she was pregnant earlier this year. The baby was supposedly due this month, in October. The girl announced the pregnancy on FB, then soon after deleted all the boy's family as her FB friends. The boy's Mom kept asking about the girl's Dr. visits and if she'd had an ultrasound, but she never went to a doctor for any prenatal care. The Mom started wondering if the girl was even pregnant, because she wouldn't go to the doctor. She already had a pudgy belly, so it wasn't obvious whether it was a pregnant belly or not.
Right after they'd started dating, the girl's ex-boyfriend (who she'd just broke up with before she got with the new boy), called the new boy and told him to be careful with her, she's crazy and she'd lied to him about being pregnant. He brushed it off, which is kinda understandable since it was a call from a random guy he didn't know.
Anyway, when the girl should have been 7 months pregnant, she told the boy that she'd been to the hospital earlier that night and "had a miscarriage". The Mom told me she kept asking her son why was she only at the hospital a couple of hours if she lost the baby. Why didn't she call him from the hospital. Where was the baby, by 7 months of pregnancy, it wasn't just a tiny embryo. The son couldn't answer any of the questions and just accepted the girl's story without asking her any questions.
The Mom is convinced that she was right those months that she suspected that there was no baby. She was upset with her son for being so dumb (her words, not mine). She talked to me about it while all of it was going on, from the time she told me she was going to be a Grandma. I agree that there was definitely something shady about the whole thing, but I never understood what the girl hoped to gain by lying for months about being pregnant.
They're still dating.
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Oct 9, 2014 17:43:27 GMT -5
Wait till she has the baby and doesn't tell the father and then slaps his name on the birth certificate. Just her saying she wants him to sign away his rights doesn't mean squat.
I would be talking to an attorney to see what my son's rights were in this mess. To much going on and I am jaded about stuff like this.
ETA: Why did she tell him he was the baby daddy if she wanted him to sign away rights? She could have just kept her mouth shut.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Oct 9, 2014 17:58:47 GMT -5
I've never had a blood test, even at the doctors office, to confirm pregnancy. Always urine sample. Why a blood test?
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lynnerself
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Post by lynnerself on Oct 9, 2014 18:10:15 GMT -5
That's true. I still don't believe they could get within +/- 1 week though, which is the range we have to deal with in this scenario! LOL Did she get bloodwork done? I thought she had nothing done at all. According to what she has told him- She pee'd on a stick and went to Dr. Dr did no additional testing that he knows of. She has not mentioned any. He only knows what she is telling him which is that she is six weeks along which matches exactly to when they had sex. I find it very hard to believe that the doctor did not run a pregnancy test to confirm her "pee'd on a stick". It quite likely could have been a urine test (not blood) but the office would have done their own testing , I'm sure.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 9, 2014 18:16:26 GMT -5
I've only read page 1.
It's possible it's his, it's possible it isn't. It's probable that his family has more money, or scruples, than the other idiots who had unprotected sex w her.
This same scenario happened to DH's best friends' son. DH's friends paid for prenatal care, bought the baby gifts, etc. Took the girl (and her 2 other kids) under their wing. But they wouldn't let their son put his name on the birth certificate unless he did a paternity test, post-birth. They told him if it was his child, they would set them up in a house.
Turns out it wasn't his. She had 2 older kids from 2 different dads, and DH's friends' son had planned to adopt them.
When he found it the baby wasn't his, he changed his mind (his parents railroaded him into that, he would have done it, at 18.)
Then the girl's 2 brothers decided our friends' son needed to die, because "he'd gone back on his promise to their sister". No mention of what she did, of course. He left town for over a year, to Alaska. He was too scared to tell his parents where he was more than once every few months.
VERY crappy situation. Hopefully, your friends' son will learn from it.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Oct 9, 2014 18:16:49 GMT -5
Since a large part of the information is 4th hand, I wonder how much of it is really accurate? Especially since the first 2 stops of information are coming from a couple of teenagers.
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ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Oct 9, 2014 18:17:28 GMT -5
Since a large part of the information is 4th hand, I wonder how much of it is really accurate? Especially since the first 2 stops of information are coming from a couple of teenagers. who cares about accuracy? This is the internet.
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billisonboard
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Post by billisonboard on Oct 9, 2014 18:19:15 GMT -5
I've never had a blood test, even at the doctors office, to confirm pregnancy. Always urine sample. Why a blood test? I think that the blood test being discussed is one testing baby blood for paternity.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Oct 9, 2014 18:19:50 GMT -5
The saga in the opening post reminds me of this scene from Modern Family. Cameron and Mitchell's good friend Sal (Elizabeth Banks) is to marry them. Sal, who enjoys her booze, will also sleep with anyone who looks at her. In this short scene, Sal is clearly 9 months pregnant and her water breaks as the wedding begins. She tells her now fiance she is barely pregnant and has told him the baby is his (which she knows it is not). Her fiance is going to take her to the hospital. Sal tells her fiance she is going into premarure labor. Modern Family: Sal (Elizabeth Banks) Goes into Labor
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