Abby Normal
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 22, 2010 12:31:49 GMT -5
Posts: 3,501
|
Post by Abby Normal on Oct 9, 2014 15:06:37 GMT -5
Baby mama is 18 as well.
Baby mama had BF (I use the term loosely because they weren't together very long). Broke up with him on Friday and was sleeping with Friends son by the following friday. They "date" for about two weeks when son breaks it off. She has new BF three days later. So you can see where he would be questioning if it's his. But still the potential is there. The fact that she is so specific (I'm exactly x weeks along and that when we did it and dr says I was ovulating then) makes me think she's just wants it to be his- rather than him being the only possibility.
Yes, the can test for paternity now with a simple blood test from the mother- but at this point she is refusing to test until baby is born.
This has been a public service announcement from the "KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS, DUMBASS" coalition.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,912
|
Post by zibazinski on Oct 9, 2014 15:06:58 GMT -5
I'm one of those immediate pukers. Before my test is even positive, I'm praying to the porcelain god.
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,452
|
Post by Firebird on Oct 9, 2014 15:09:51 GMT -5
A girl who was worried about getting pregnant because she stupidly had unproductive sex with some guy.
If she was that worried, you'd think she would have done the morning after pill when it was still effective.
|
|
ArchietheDragon
Junior Associate
Joined: Jul 7, 2014 14:29:23 GMT -5
Posts: 6,380
Member is Online
|
Post by ArchietheDragon on Oct 9, 2014 15:10:53 GMT -5
A girl who was worried about getting pregnant because she stupidly had unproductive sex with some guy.
If she was that worried, you'd think she would have done the morning after pill when it was still effective. yup. Or maybe is against abortion.
|
|
raeoflyte
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 15:43:53 GMT -5
Posts: 15,014
|
Post by raeoflyte on Oct 9, 2014 15:14:22 GMT -5
To be fair, we don't know that the last 2 items are the case, and it sucks that our assumption is that this girl is lying and manipulating.
Fair point, but I wasn't assuming she was a manipulative liar because she was a girl. The fact that she immediately announced she was pregnant the week after they had sex suggests foul play to me though. Who gets an upset tummy and automatically assumes pregnancy the week after having sex with someone, particularly an 18 year old? To me, that doesn't pass the sniff test. Frankly, that suggests to me that the baby was some other guy's and she was further than one week into the pregnancy. It absolutely could be, but if you've seen other people have morning sickness and/or if you're nervous because you didn't get to the plan b pill in time... I was trying for a baby obviously and maybe I just imagined it, but I felt a lot of sensations and twinges that I had never experienced before or since in literally the week of conception. If you have that, and you feel like you want to puke... The idea that girls are trying to trap guys with pregnancy are pretty pervasive and these kinds of scenarios are why. OP friend wants to protect her son (totally understandable), girls story seems convenient. Both kids have been sleeping around a ton. I think the doubt would be cast on this girl regardless.
|
|
Abby Normal
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 22, 2010 12:31:49 GMT -5
Posts: 3,501
|
Post by Abby Normal on Oct 9, 2014 15:16:07 GMT -5
She had told him she was going to get the morning after pill- right after they finished copulating. She didn't.
When she told him she was pregnant- she told him she was going to get an abortion. Then changed her mind and that is when the FB post happened about him not stepping up.
The whole thing is weird.
|
|
ArchietheDragon
Junior Associate
Joined: Jul 7, 2014 14:29:23 GMT -5
Posts: 6,380
Member is Online
|
Post by ArchietheDragon on Oct 9, 2014 15:17:24 GMT -5
She had told him she was going to get the morning after pill- right after they finished copulating. She didn't. When she told him she was pregnant- she told him she was going to get an abortion. Then changed her mind and that is when the FB post happened about him not stepping up. The whole thing is weird. Maybe once the seed of life was in her she changed her mind about killing that life. Seeds of life are powerful.
|
|
raeoflyte
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 15:43:53 GMT -5
Posts: 15,014
|
Post by raeoflyte on Oct 9, 2014 15:18:37 GMT -5
It doesn't sound weird to me. It sounds like dumb teenagers. There could be other nefarious motives and actions at play, but until confirmed my gut is going with the simplest assumption which is just dumb teenagers whose luck ran out.
|
|
|
Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Oct 9, 2014 15:19:07 GMT -5
To be fair, we don't know that the last 2 items are the case, and it sucks that our assumption is that this girl is lying and manipulating.
Fair point, but I wasn't assuming she was a manipulative liar because she was a girl. The fact that she immediately announced she was pregnant the week after they had sex suggests foul play to me though. Who gets an upset tummy and automatically assumes pregnancy the week after having sex with someone, particularly an 18 year old? To me, that doesn't pass the sniff test. Frankly, that suggests to me that the baby was some other guy's and she was further than one week into the pregnancy. You'd be amazed as to how little teenagers know about how to get pregnant. If you want to have fun, go over to Yahoo Answers and read the pregnancy and relationship questions that are asked. And then you can cry as to how little teenagers know about their body.
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,452
|
Post by Firebird on Oct 9, 2014 15:19:27 GMT -5
The idea that girls are trying to trap guys with pregnancy are pretty pervasive and these kinds of scenarios are why. OP friend wants to protect her son (totally understandable), girls story seems convenient. Both kids have been sleeping around a ton. I think the doubt would be cast on this girl regardless.
Probably but if I were this guy, I wouldn't do or pay for a damn thing until there was a paternity test. And I'd frankly be very surprised if it came back to be me. I do understand what you're saying and there is definitely an inherent misogyny in this society that makes people automatically suspect the girl - I'm the last person you need to convince of that But her story really does sound suspicious to me. Admittedly we have only heard it from his side (via Abby Normal).
|
|
Abby Normal
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 22, 2010 12:31:49 GMT -5
Posts: 3,501
|
Post by Abby Normal on Oct 9, 2014 15:20:03 GMT -5
She had told him she was going to get the morning after pill- right after they finished copulating. She didn't. When she told him she was pregnant- she told him she was going to get an abortion. Then changed her mind and that is when the FB post happened about him not stepping up. The whole thing is weird. Maybe once the seed of life was in her she changed her mind about killing that life. Seeds of life are powerful. Possibly. I told my friend her son is screwed until she makes up her mind and agrees to a paternity test. But her refusal to get an early one casts some doubt on the situation.
|
|
|
Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Oct 9, 2014 15:20:37 GMT -5
Apparently she had a boyfriend a week before and the a new one right after they "broke up" . I have a hard time calling it that.
Isn't this a little like the pot calling the kettle black? BOTH were promiscuous.
|
|
Chocolate Lover
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 15:54:19 GMT -5
Posts: 23,200
|
Post by Chocolate Lover on Oct 9, 2014 15:22:21 GMT -5
Apparently she had a boyfriend a week before and the a new one right after they "broke up" . I have a hard time calling it that.Isn't this a little like the pot calling the kettle black? BOTH were promiscuous. It's more like saying there's multiple candidates but she only wants to mention one.
|
|
ArchietheDragon
Junior Associate
Joined: Jul 7, 2014 14:29:23 GMT -5
Posts: 6,380
Member is Online
|
Post by ArchietheDragon on Oct 9, 2014 15:22:22 GMT -5
Maybe once the seed of life was in her she changed her mind about killing that life. Seeds of life are powerful. Possibly. I told my friend her son is screwed until she makes up her mind and agrees to a paternity test. But her refusal to get an early one casts some doubt on the situation. From what I read, the earliest a paternity test can be done is 8 weeks into pregnancy.
|
|
|
Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Oct 9, 2014 15:23:15 GMT -5
Maybe once the seed of life was in her she changed her mind about killing that life. Seeds of life are powerful. Possibly. I told my friend her son is screwed until she makes up her mind and agrees to a paternity test. But her refusal to get an early one casts some doubt on the situation. An early paternity test is not inexpensive, nor is it easy. I seriously doubt that you can even get one at 6 weeks of pregnancy. So I wouldn't use this to cast doubt on the situation.
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,452
|
Post by Firebird on Oct 9, 2014 15:24:52 GMT -5
If you want to have fun, go over to Yahoo Answers and read the pregnancy and relationship questions that are asked.
I've seen a bunch of them before. It's pretty sad.
"How can I be sure my gf is really my baby's mother?"
"Can I get pregnant in the bathtub?"
"Is it okay to reuse a condom?"
And so forth. Which is why it would be very weird to me if an 18 year old experienced and recognized a legitimate symptom of week-old pregnancy. Sure, it's possible, but I'd say the odds are not in her favor.
|
|
raeoflyte
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 15:43:53 GMT -5
Posts: 15,014
|
Post by raeoflyte on Oct 9, 2014 15:25:31 GMT -5
The idea that girls are trying to trap guys with pregnancy are pretty pervasive and these kinds of scenarios are why. OP friend wants to protect her son (totally understandable), girls story seems convenient. Both kids have been sleeping around a ton. I think the doubt would be cast on this girl regardless.
Probably but if I were this guy, I wouldn't do or pay for a damn thing until there was a paternity test. And I'd frankly be very surprised if it came back to be me. I do understand what you're saying and there is definitely an inherent misogyny in this society that makes people automatically suspect the girl - I'm the last person you need to convince of that But her story really does sound suspicious to me. Admittedly we have only heard it from his side (via Abby Normal). This is the part that gets tricky for me. What if it IS his child? If he is an ass to baby mama the whole pregnancy they are going to get off to a really bad start. I think he needs to be cautious, not sign anything, but keep that relationship open until he has more info. Why won't she get the paternity test before the baby is born? Could it be for concern about the baby? (I don't know if that valid, but people be crazy and finding out a why instead of assuming its because she's hiding something seems like a good start). Can he go with her to doctors appointments to find out if the concern is valid? How accurate are paternity tests when baby is still in utero? Even if it isn't his kid, this time--he needs to realize that he dodged a bullet, but she didn't and hopefully he could show her some compassion.
|
|
HoneyBBQ
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 27, 2010 10:36:09 GMT -5
Posts: 5,395
Mini-Profile Background: {"image":"","color":"3b444e"}
|
Post by HoneyBBQ on Oct 9, 2014 15:25:57 GMT -5
I want to see a positive pee stick. Don't teenage girls make stuff up, too?
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,452
|
Post by Firebird on Oct 9, 2014 15:26:07 GMT -5
An early paternity test is not inexpensive, nor is it easy. I seriously doubt that you can even get one at 6 weeks of pregnancy. So I wouldn't use this to cast doubt on the situation.
They're probably stuck until the baby is born....
|
|
|
Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Oct 9, 2014 15:26:23 GMT -5
Apparently she had a boyfriend a week before and the a new one right after they "broke up" . I have a hard time calling it that.Isn't this a little like the pot calling the kettle black? BOTH were promiscuous. It's more like saying there's multiple candidates but she only wants to mention one. Maybe the timing is better for this? I dunno.....but I really think it is crappy that there is a lot of questioning the girl when the boy was just as promiscuous. A condom is cheaper than a round of morning after pills, I wonder if friend's son even bothered to ante up the $50 that a dose costs?
|
|
ArchietheDragon
Junior Associate
Joined: Jul 7, 2014 14:29:23 GMT -5
Posts: 6,380
Member is Online
|
Post by ArchietheDragon on Oct 9, 2014 15:26:24 GMT -5
The idea that girls are trying to trap guys with pregnancy are pretty pervasive and these kinds of scenarios are why. OP friend wants to protect her son (totally understandable), girls story seems convenient. Both kids have been sleeping around a ton. I think the doubt would be cast on this girl regardless.
Probably but if I were this guy, I wouldn't do or pay for a damn thing until there was a paternity test. And I'd frankly be very surprised if it came back to be me. I do understand what you're saying and there is definitely an inherent misogyny in this society that makes people automatically suspect the girl - I'm the last person you need to convince of that But her story really does sound suspicious to me. Admittedly we have only heard it from his side (via Abby Normal). This is the part that gets tricky for me. What if it IS his child? If he is an ass to baby mama the whole pregnancy they are going to get off to a really bad start. I think he needs to be cautious, not sign anything, but keep that relationship open until he has more info. Why won't she get the paternity test before the baby is born? Could it be for concern about the baby? (I don't know if that valid, but people be crazy and finding out a why instead of assuming its because she's hiding something seems like a good start). Can he go with her to doctors appointments to find out if the concern is valid? How accurate are paternity tests when baby is still in utero? Even if it isn't his kid, this time--he needs to realize that he dodged a bullet, but she didn't and hopefully he could show her some compassion. they are 99.9% accurate.
|
|
Abby Normal
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 22, 2010 12:31:49 GMT -5
Posts: 3,501
|
Post by Abby Normal on Oct 9, 2014 15:26:39 GMT -5
Possibly. I told my friend her son is screwed until she makes up her mind and agrees to a paternity test. But her refusal to get an early one casts some doubt on the situation. An early paternity test is not inexpensive, nor is it easy. I seriously doubt that you can even get one at 6 weeks of pregnancy. So I wouldn't use this to cast doubt on the situation. You can do at 8 weeks preg. She is refusing to get one until after the child is born. And they only have to draw mom's blood now- so it isn't the invasive ones they used to have.
|
|
ArchietheDragon
Junior Associate
Joined: Jul 7, 2014 14:29:23 GMT -5
Posts: 6,380
Member is Online
|
Post by ArchietheDragon on Oct 9, 2014 15:27:57 GMT -5
An early paternity test is not inexpensive, nor is it easy. I seriously doubt that you can even get one at 6 weeks of pregnancy. So I wouldn't use this to cast doubt on the situation. You can do at 8 weeks preg. She is refusing to get one until after the child is born. And they only have to draw mom's blood now- so it isn't the invasive ones they used to have. Maybe she was diddling like the high school math teacher, too and she is worried that someone will find out so she is pushing it off as long as possible.
|
|
ArchietheDragon
Junior Associate
Joined: Jul 7, 2014 14:29:23 GMT -5
Posts: 6,380
Member is Online
|
Post by ArchietheDragon on Oct 9, 2014 15:28:42 GMT -5
An early paternity test is not inexpensive, nor is it easy. I seriously doubt that you can even get one at 6 weeks of pregnancy. So I wouldn't use this to cast doubt on the situation. You can do at 8 weeks preg. She is refusing to get one until after the child is born. And they only have to draw mom's blood now- so it isn't the invasive ones they used to have. It is amazing what they can do with the mom's blood, now.
|
|
raeoflyte
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 15:43:53 GMT -5
Posts: 15,014
|
Post by raeoflyte on Oct 9, 2014 15:28:48 GMT -5
An early paternity test is not inexpensive, nor is it easy. I seriously doubt that you can even get one at 6 weeks of pregnancy. So I wouldn't use this to cast doubt on the situation. You can do at 8 weeks preg. She is refusing to get one until after the child is born. And they only have to draw mom's blood now- so it isn't the invasive ones they used to have. I know the kids are 18, but is your friend able to talk to the girl's mom (with both kids present?) Why does she not want to do the test?
|
|
Chocolate Lover
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 15:54:19 GMT -5
Posts: 23,200
|
Post by Chocolate Lover on Oct 9, 2014 15:29:37 GMT -5
The idea that girls are trying to trap guys with pregnancy are pretty pervasive and these kinds of scenarios are why. OP friend wants to protect her son (totally understandable), girls story seems convenient. Both kids have been sleeping around a ton. I think the doubt would be cast on this girl regardless.
Probably but if I were this guy, I wouldn't do or pay for a damn thing until there was a paternity test. And I'd frankly be very surprised if it came back to be me. I do understand what you're saying and there is definitely an inherent misogyny in this society that makes people automatically suspect the girl - I'm the last person you need to convince of that But her story really does sound suspicious to me. Admittedly we have only heard it from his side (via Abby Normal). This is the part that gets tricky for me. What if it IS his child? If he is an ass to baby mama the whole pregnancy they are going to get off to a really bad start. I think he needs to be cautious, not sign anything, but keep that relationship open until he has more info. Why won't she get the paternity test before the baby is born? Could it be for concern about the baby? (I don't know if that valid, but people be crazy and finding out a why instead of assuming its because she's hiding something seems like a good start). Can he go with her to doctors appointments to find out if the concern is valid? How accurate are paternity tests when baby is still in utero? Even if it isn't his kid, this time--he needs to realize that he dodged a bullet, but she didn't and hopefully he could show her some compassion. Then you make time for the kid or act like a raging ass, depending on what kind of person you are. Seriously, if you can get everyone on baby mama's side of the fence to be civil when being told the wait and see approach is being taken, I'll be completely amazed. You've seen what she's already posted on Facebook. It's not going to be pretty whatever decision the kid makes.
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,452
|
Post by Firebird on Oct 9, 2014 15:30:05 GMT -5
If he is an ass to baby mama the whole pregnancy they are going to get off to a really bad start
You said yourself that you wouldn't care to raise a baby with someone you'd only dated for a couple of weeks. So I don't see that he's dissing her by asking for verification that it's his kid before taking responsibility. This isn't about how "slutty" either one of them is or was - it's about being smart. If this girl is reasonable, she'll understand that 2 weeks of dating = instant pregnancy might cause a tiny bit of doubt about paternity.
One thing he could do is start putting aside half of her expenses in a savings account. Copays, insurance, carseat, whatever. Then if it does turn out that he's the father, he'll have a head start on child support AND he can give her a check for half of her expenses incurred to date. That would probably go a long way toward smoothing the road for a good co-parenting relationship in the future.
|
|
imawino
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 22:58:16 GMT -5
Posts: 5,370
|
Post by imawino on Oct 9, 2014 15:30:09 GMT -5
It doesn't sound weird to me. It sounds like dumb teenagers. There could be other nefarious motives and actions at play, but until confirmed my gut is going with the simplest assumption which is just dumb teenagers whose luck ran out. To be fair, all dumb teenager stuff sounds weird to me. I'm 42. I think it's supposed to!
It could go any number of ways. If you have slept with 3 guys in less than 20 days it's probably impossible to know for sure who the father is without a paternity test. But I give her the benefit of the doubt and assume that friend's son is her best guess. It is odd she is pushing for him to sign away rights. Could be a bizarre nefarious reason - or it could just be more odd teenage emotional drama that I'm not equipped to understand. Maybe she's just hoping to hear "of course not, this is my baby too and I will always be there to support it. I love you, I'm so happy this happened!"
|
|
|
Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Oct 9, 2014 15:32:45 GMT -5
An early paternity test is not inexpensive, nor is it easy. I seriously doubt that you can even get one at 6 weeks of pregnancy. So I wouldn't use this to cast doubt on the situation. You can do at 8 weeks preg. She is refusing to get one until after the child is born. And they only have to draw mom's blood now- so it isn't the invasive ones they used to have. Prenatal paternity testing is more expensive, running between $400 and $2000. Is your friend's mother willing to pay the cost?
|
|
|
Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Oct 9, 2014 15:33:54 GMT -5
You can do at 8 weeks preg. She is refusing to get one until after the child is born. And they only have to draw mom's blood now- so it isn't the invasive ones they used to have. I know the kids are 18, but is your friend able to talk to the girl's mom (with both kids present?) Why does she not want to do the test? I imagine cost. A quick google for it has it running $400-$2000.
|
|