NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Jun 18, 2014 6:42:28 GMT -5
Nutty, I waited about 6 months after my divorce before hitting the bar/dating scene. I hit it with both feet running but then I wasn't looking for someone to start breathing my air. I was just out to have one hell of a good time and I did. Oh, and I was only married 18 yrs!! As for meeting someone in a bar, hell I was a "quality" person and I picked up someone in a bar and we spent close to 8 yrs together. He started to use the "m" word and I started to back peddle. To each his own. You need to find a comfort level of your own first. You probably feel like a fish out of water and just floundering around right now. Just remember that "hungry people make lousy shoppers" or something like that OH I really should say that I think just like a man about a lot of the "you shouldn't do this and that things" so maybe I really shouldn't be posting on this thread.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Jun 18, 2014 7:18:54 GMT -5
Again my friends know lots of people. I dont make eye contact with strangers. These people are coming up to say hi to my friends and then being polite introducing me. Don't forget I have an English accent so they probably chat with me a little longer than they usually would with maybe someone else.A few posters have hit on what I believe to be true. Sizing up a booty call, something I am saying, maybe just what the always say, my friends are telling them and I am not catching that part...loud music. It's a club. I am there to listen to music.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Jun 18, 2014 7:20:09 GMT -5
I don't feel alone but I do feel abandoned.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Jun 18, 2014 7:24:00 GMT -5
Bunnysmom. I am being introduced by friends I have said that numerous times. Not going to say it again so don't insult me.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Jun 18, 2014 7:25:35 GMT -5
Jokes people. Wow. I like to make jokes. Me and my counsellor will be figuring out the other stuff.
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Jun 18, 2014 7:36:16 GMT -5
I wonder how much I can charge for a booty call? LMAO!!! That's called prostitution and it's illegal.. except in Nevada... You just give booty call, they roll over, go to sleep and you see what is in the wallet. This only works if they don't know your name, etc and you have the good sense to take your own car to booty call. I guess that could be called stealing or thanks for the memories
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Jun 18, 2014 7:40:39 GMT -5
"you generally don't meet quality people in bars. Not saying it's impossible, but quality men and women do quality things with their lives. Like feeding the homeless, teaching children to read, building Habitat for Humanity homes, getting a better education, and so on. " I've heard this so many times but i don 't get how going to a bar makes someone less quality. It has nothing to do with it. I know all types of people that go to bars. You may or may not meet someone that wants a relationship with someone they met at a bar but that has nothing to do with people going to bars being less quality! I don't know the bars you've been to but you cannot stereotype people that go to bars! Going to a bar is not a less quality activity. It is just different than volunteering. Maybe it's different when you are a little older and in a different area. Around my parts from 18-30, pretty much the only reason you go out to the bars is to get drunk and laid. I live in a college town with a population of 200K non-college inhabitants. Off the top of my head, I can't think of very many bars (maybe 2 or 3) that are geared towards something else other than that. We actually have very few places to go dancing. I don't know know that a person's sexual preferences makes them influences their "quality" as a person. I know, coming on 40, that I'd really wouldn't want to be with someone who mostly does one night stands. For me, that's a little bit of an ick factor. (Course, coming on 40, too, I'm rather shocked that DH and I aren't stale in bed since we've been together for 17 years.) I also don't think that folks who have habits for a long time are that easily changed. If I ever dated again, I wouldn't be doing the bar scene. But, that's the culture of our city...
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Post by Deleted on Jun 18, 2014 7:41:30 GMT -5
I don't feel alone but I do feel abandoned. Nutty, I know exactly how you feel. I was in that same place 10 years ago. You really need to be careful. Hang out with girlfriends. Join a gym. Take a class. Stay away from the men.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 18, 2014 8:39:27 GMT -5
Maybe tell your friends you don't want them bringing guys up to you and introducing them. If they stop bringing men to you and the comments go away, then you have your answer as to what is going on.
There's nothing wrong with treating men like they have cooties right now, it'd be understandable to most people. Hang out and enjoy time with just the girls and make it clear to them that's all you want, you're really not interested in meeting men right now in any form.
If you decide to chat with a guy sitting next to your standing in line and you're still getting "I'm not interested" comments then it's something you're doing.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Jun 18, 2014 8:49:16 GMT -5
Yes I am going to do that now drama. They do come up to her and I try to be polite. I must come up with someone like excuse myself.
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ZaireinHD
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Post by ZaireinHD on Jun 18, 2014 10:33:50 GMT -5
Bar scene: play by ear / laid back / no commitments/ just want to have drinks and hook up now and again Charity Scene: very busy with charity and work / no time for dating / commitment over load already with charity / play by ear / lets just hook up now and again
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Jun 18, 2014 11:30:09 GMT -5
You certainly picked the right username for yourself. I read yours like it has to do something with gland. So am I safe to assume you have glands problem? ( ewe n gland part) Or good healthy glands?
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Jun 18, 2014 12:17:10 GMT -5
Its too late now
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Post by Deleted on Jun 18, 2014 12:24:06 GMT -5
Maybe for "older" people, they want to skip step 1-3 and get right to step 4 (I'm making up a scale here).. They have been in multiple relationships, maybe multiple marriages, and they just don't want to go through all those relationship baby steps you want. They have done it many times and they are burnt out.
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mrnewengland
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Post by mrnewengland on Jun 18, 2014 12:55:24 GMT -5
You certainly picked the right username for yourself. I read yours like it has to do something with gland. So am I safe to assume you have glands problem? ( ewe n gland part) Or good healthy glands? You're as loony as nutty.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Jun 18, 2014 12:58:33 GMT -5
I read yours like it has to do something with gland. So am I safe to assume you have glands problem? ( ewe n gland part) Or good healthy glands? You're as loony as nutty. How is your gland?
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imawino
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Post by imawino on Jun 18, 2014 13:22:19 GMT -5
You're as loony as nutty. How is your gland?This goes on the list of things NOT to ask random men in bars.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Jun 18, 2014 13:45:08 GMT -5
This goes on the list of things NOT to ask random men in bars.
Unless you want to see glands randomly flashed at you... I need a drink to imagine that...well, lehaim, Margo?
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Jun 18, 2014 14:13:23 GMT -5
Me. Nice to meet you Them. Hello. Me. Are you having a nice time this evening. Them. I sure am..... Then bam.
No. Never have those generic greetings been followed by a spontaneous "I am not interested in a relationship right now!!"
You are either steering the conversations towards relationships and not realizing you are doing it (or just don't want to own up to it right now), giving off a completely desperate and crazy vibe, or have friends telling these random men that you are desperate to be in a relationship. You should take a little time and figure out which one of those it is.
I kind of agree that you might be giving off a vibe & then who knows what your friends are saying. I also kind of agree that you should be mostly staying away from men. You are newly separated, divorce not finalized, and been all over the place in how you seem to be dealing with it. The guys you should be interested in will run screaming because it is obvious that you are a hot mess, then the guys that are interested should send you screaming. I would make a list of where you need to be before you start dating. If it was me, I would want the divorce finalized & I would want to be happy with my life. If you are happy with your life as it is, then you aren't dating out of desperation & that is a much better place to be.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Jun 18, 2014 16:05:20 GMT -5
"you generally don't meet quality people in bars. Not saying it's impossible, but quality men and women do quality things with their lives. Like feeding the homeless, teaching children to read, building Habitat for Humanity homes, getting a better education, and so on. " I've heard this so many times but i don 't get how going to a bar makes someone less quality. It has nothing to do with it. I know all types of people that go to bars. You may or may not meet someone that wants a relationship with someone they met at a bar but that has nothing to do with people going to bars being less quality! I don't know the bars you've been to but you cannot stereotype people that go to bars! Going to a bar is not a less quality activity. It is just different than volunteering. I never said it made someone lesser in quality. Lesser quality folks are who they are and the bar scene is immaterial. FWIW, I'm old enough to know what kinds of people typically head to a bar as a lifestyle. Also old and experienced enough in volunteer work to know what kind of people you find in that situation. And if Naggie is looking for what a bar scene has to offer, in the hopes of feeling better about herself, she won't likely find it there. As Lassie stated, she's coming across as trying to fill a need. What you need to be happy after a life change like that isn't fulfilled by anything you find with your foot on the bar rail.
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ZaireinHD
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Post by ZaireinHD on Jun 18, 2014 16:28:08 GMT -5
nope - relationship advise recommends the best way to get over an x / ex is to date. too stay away from men gives time to think and close off from people, not socializing. if you have the strength to socialize do so and sooner than later. replacing the x /ex and meeting people provides stimulation and excitement. compared to not socializing, staying home, thinking things over and over.
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ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
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Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on Jun 18, 2014 16:35:36 GMT -5
It's not the same as single people dating/breaking up then begin dating someone else right away, Zaire - Naggie is just coming out of a VERY long marriage - she's still hurting, and trying to get her new living situation in order - she can (and does) still get out & socialize - but now's not the time for her to be looking for a new serious long-term romance or commitment to jump into.
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ZaireinHD
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Post by ZaireinHD on Jun 18, 2014 16:47:18 GMT -5
No. Never have those generic greetings been followed by a spontaneous "I am not interested in a relationship right now!!"
You are either steering the conversations towards relationships and not realizing you are doing it (or just don't want to own up to it right now), giving off a completely desperate and crazy vibe, or have friends telling these random men that you are desperate to be in a relationship. You should take a little time and figure out which one of those it is.
I kind of agree that you might be giving off a vibe & then who knows what your friends are saying. I also kind of agree that you should be mostly staying away from men. You are newly separated, divorce not finalized, and been all over the place in how you seem to be dealing with it. The guys you should be interested in will run screaming because it is obvious that you are a hot mess, then the guys that are interested should send you screaming. I would make a list of where you need to be before you start dating. If it was me, I would want the divorce finalized & I would want to be happy with my life. If you are happy with your life as it is, then you aren't dating out of desperation & that is a much better place to be. relationship advise that I have been reading up on suggests to get out and socialize. meeting people is fun and exciting and will keep your mind off the x / ex. meeting different guys seeing what is now out here compared to the x / ex and that past relationship, to something different with possibilities of what you may want or not want to diffidently not want. which can not happen if stay at home away from socializing.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Jun 18, 2014 16:50:12 GMT -5
It's not the same as single people dating/breaking up then begin dating someone else right away, Zaire - Naggie is just coming out of a VERY long marriage - she's still hurting, and trying to get her new living situation in order - she can (and does) still get out & socialize - but now's not the time for her to be looking for a new serious long-term romance or commitment to jump into.
I also would avoid the bar scene as a way to start dating. Nothing wrong with going and having fun, but if you are at a point where you want to have a serious relationship, there are easier places to find one. In your 20's it works, when you are older & have a ton of baggage, doesn't seem like the best place to meet great guys. That is just my opinion as someone who is older with a ton of baggage. YMMV
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Jun 18, 2014 16:55:25 GMT -5
I kind of agree that you might be giving off a vibe & then who knows what your friends are saying. I also kind of agree that you should be mostly staying away from men. You are newly separated, divorce not finalized, and been all over the place in how you seem to be dealing with it. The guys you should be interested in will run screaming because it is obvious that you are a hot mess, then the guys that are interested should send you screaming. I would make a list of where you need to be before you start dating. If it was me, I would want the divorce finalized & I would want to be happy with my life. If you are happy with your life as it is, then you aren't dating out of desperation & that is a much better place to be. relationship advise that I have been reading up on suggests to get out and socialize. meeting people is fun and exciting and will keep your mind off the x / ex. meeting different guys seeing what is now out here compared to the x / ex and that past relationship, to something different with possibilities of what you may want or not want to diffidently not want. which can not happen if stay at home away from socializing. No one said she shouldn't be out having fun and meeting people. I said she shouldn't be dating. Big difference IMO. She needs to be happy with herself and her life as it is before dating. Socializing & having friends will help big time with this. Maybe she meets someone along the way, but that shouldn't be the end goal right now. The end goal should be figuring out who she is without a husband & finding happiness with herself. When she feels like she is there, then start looking for a relationship. When you are in relationship for that long - especially if it is a bad relationship, you tend to lose your identity as a individual. You need to find yourself again before finding a new BF. ETA - Just my experience as someone that recently had my divorce finalized & had to figure out me & who I was. I felt lost for a while & it made me feel like I was going crazy. I made a lot of changes in my life & had to change how I felt about my life & my future. It doesn't happen overnight. Immediately replacing that relationship doesn't give you time to go through that process & ultimately will likely not lead to a good relationship.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Jun 18, 2014 16:58:10 GMT -5
BTW, I would have never dated anyone who was divorced/separated for 6 mo. At LEAST a year. go through all the holidays and then we'll talk
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ZaireinHD
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Post by ZaireinHD on Jun 18, 2014 16:58:49 GMT -5
I was suggesting what I have read from MSN relationship advise Scottish Lassie. also long term relationship is the same as marriage or two people living together. not sure why you think there is a difference?
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Jun 18, 2014 17:01:09 GMT -5
BTW, I would have never dated anyone who was divorced/separated for 6 mo. At LEAST a year. go through all the holidays and then we'll talk I would never date anyone that didn't have their divorce finalized. Don't really care about the timeframe at that point, but that generally takes 6-12 months after filing, so it probably has been a while. If you are just separated, even if for a year or two, to me that means your not really sure if the relationship is really over. I have no interest dating someone that is testing out single life or waiting to see if things work out eventually.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Jun 18, 2014 17:03:00 GMT -5
I was suggesting what I have read from MSN relationship advise Scottish Lassie. also long term relationship is the same as marriage or two people living together. not sure why you think there is a difference? How long have they been living together? 20 years living together vs 20 years married, yeah, same thing. 3 years living together vs. 20 years married, nope, completely different. Plus having kids makes the breakup different as well than a relationship without kids.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 18, 2014 17:04:01 GMT -5
The guys you should be interested in will run screaming because it is obvious that you are a hot mess, then the guys that are interested should send you screaming.
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