No dating?

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

Jun 17, 2014 8:18:58 GMT -5 nutty said:

I am meeting new people and every single male over the age of 35 have said they don't date and not looking for a relationship. Not that I am this is just in conversation but what the heck is that all about? Given up on love? Just want a booty call. Weird.

You moved out to be on your own for the first time in years just a week or two ago.

It's nice you're meeting new people, but why would these new acquaintances who you've just met (the males over 35) make such a blanket statement - unless you've brought up the fact that you're newly separated.

Normally when I meet someone new, I don't immediately share my life story or status with them (single, married, divorced, separated, widowed).

You're just recently separated from your DH - you need time to heal you and get your new life in order before thinking of booty calls or a new relationship.

When my DH passed away, it took me over 6 months to even think about dating or a possible new relationship.

I've made new male friends since that time, and they're fun - and I have lots in common with most of them - we share many of the same interests, go out to dinner, or go on dates (some weekend dates), or nights together , and we just enjoy each others' company. I'm not rushing into anything permanent at the present time - if somewhere along the line everything clicks and it just happens, then it'll happen.

Are you worried about - or uncomfortable with - being alone? You've been separated for such a short time it seems too soon to be rushing into meeting new men. Get used to your new status first - and find your own peace before worrying about "being with someone".

[TrixAre4Kids]

It takes awhile to learn how to be alone. 

[nutty]

Thats what I am saying. I am trying to make/meet friends female or male so when that comes up without a prompt as far as I can tell it puts up my radar. I do not talk about myself. I never have much and I certainly do not and would not say such intimate (to me) to anyone. I have zero interest in any one right now. The only way these people could possibly know I am single is by checking my hand. If I had any problem being alone I would stayed in the shitty situation and not left HIM.

[Nazgul Girl]

Jun 17, 2014 16:47:55 GMT -5 Nazgul Girl said:

   Don' do booty calls until you're stable.   I wish you the best, but you have a way to go before you are standing on solid ground.   Your emotions are still running hot, I think.

   Well, that's what a lot of people think, but being incautious with one's emotions during the breakup can lead to a lot of things.   I've been there.   Just be careful.

[nutty]

I AM NOT MEETING MEN. I am out with friends. I do not hook up. I am not interested.

[nutty]

Anyway.....I will ask my friends if I am giving off a vibe or something. That would be give info for me. All I am doing is trying to be polite with conversation. A few minutes then I turn away. They invariably come back to talk to me and the same thing repeats itself.

[Abby Normal]

Maybe you are giving off a vibe that you don't want anything, so they are stating they don't either.  Nothing wrong with a casual relationship (aka transitional guy) as long as you can deal with it. 

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

Jun 17, 2014 17:43:06 GMT -5 nutty said:

I AM NOT MEETING MEN. I am out with friends. I do not hook up. I am not interested.

YOu said in post 90 "When can I have sex?" - you can have sex anytime (see POM's earlier post with the spoiler alert. You need to introduce yourself to "Bob".

[Nazgul Girl]

  I'm sorry for the loss of your husband, S.L.  

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

Thanks, Nazul - it was something completely sudden & unexpected. Which is probably why it took me a while to get back into the social scene.

[zibazinski]

Make sure they wrap the weasel. If they're out screwing everything that will screw them, you don't want any diseases. Or unwanted pregnancies with booty calls.

[Abby Normal]

   No glove, no love.

[Deleted]

Jun 17, 2014 17:30:02 GMT -5 nutty said:

Jeez now I must tell my booty call that he is being too picky.....

I didn't say not to keep the packaging nice and neat. I said to do it for you, not for a man.

I don't "get ready", I stay ready. That means if I decide on the spur of the moment that I want to go out or take someone up on an offer, I don't have to worry about "ooh, my hair isn't done", "damn, I need to shave here or there" or whatever. I don't sit around the house all dressed up, but I can pull myself together pretty quickly because the basics are usually done. But most importantly, I don't like looking in the mirror and seeing a hot mess staring back at me.

And maybe it became a habit from being a single parent, but I don't even let guys know where I live when I'm first getting to know them. Even though I don't have kids at home anymore, I still prefer to be the visitor. Sometimes I have a short attention span and it's less awkward for me to be able to leave when I get ready than to be trying to figure out how to tell him I'm ready for him to leave my house. I don't entertain unexpected guests. I'm old enough and get up early enough in the mornings that if somebody calls me in the middle of the night talking about a booty call it's probably going to piss me off. All that to say, my house is usually clean, but that's for me too.

[nutty]

Since everyone was giving advice thought i would ask.

[Deleted]

Jun 17, 2014 18:41:12 GMT -5 nutty said:

Since everyone was giving advice thought i would ask.

Lol, we're YM! Of course we give (often unsolicited) advice and tell you (and everybody else) what to do.

[nutty]

You are funny Pink. It's all cool. I read them all and think about them all.

[nutty]

I think I will give sex 6 months and dating 12 months.

[nutty]

I am very sorry about your loss SL. How heartbreaking.

[nutty]

I would def not tell anyone that I didn't know through friends where I live. Its good that these people know my friends. We have a 1 through 5 condom vetting system.

[NoNamePerson]

Jun 17, 2014 8:18:58 GMT -5 nutty said:

I am meeting new people and every single male over the age of 35 have said they don't date and not looking for a relationship. Not that I am this is just in conversation but what the heck is that all about? Given up on love? Just want a booty call. Weird.

Yep and it goes both ways!!!

[Opti]

Jun 17, 2014 12:11:28 GMT -5 nutty said:

Me. Nice to meet you
Them. Hello.
Me. Are you having a nice time this evening.
Them. I sure am.....

Then bam.

I'm wondering if the bolded is coming off as a pickup line.

The only place I can think of having an exchange like the

above is if someone(The Me) is hosting a party or an event and a friend

introduces you to this person. Otherwise the question seems

very personal after just meeting someone.

YMMV.

[nutty]

Ok will knock that one of my polite things to say.

[ZaireinHD]

relationships are tough / stressful / time consuming
yea - guys want to keep it light / casual / breezy!
see how things go with casual seeing each other / no schedule / ask to go out when or if available
no hassle / no restrictions / not be tied down / no expectations

[NoNamePerson]

Jun 17, 2014 21:17:20 GMT -5 ZaireinHD said:

relationships are tough / stressful / time consuming
yea - guys want to keep it light / casual / breezy!
see how things go with casual seeing each other / no schedule / ask to go out when or if available
no hassle / no restrictions / not be tied down / no expectations

Girls too.....  

[Deleted]

"I know that if I am chatting with someone that is in a relationship throws that out rather quickly too. But more like hey meet my girlfriend or I am out with my girl tonite. "

You are not being fully honest with us here. If the guys were actually coming to you, the above would not happen. It is obvious you are approaching the guys first. So then your " polite" chat as you call it is probably something that makes you look very desperate and they are "politely" shooting you down. You say you are not looking and dont want to date but just from a few threads of yours i think you are not being honest even to yourself.

And as far as having sex... I think it is way too soon. You were living with your husband until 5 minutes ago. Any guy you have sex with, you will get attached, at least you give off that vibe to me.

Who cares about what people on an anonymous board think but just start being honest with yourself.

[Deleted]

I don't see a conversation like you wrote happening. Maybe it would be belivable if it was one guy but you say it happens all the time. So that only leaves one option IMO, you are omitting part of the conversation (and that you've approached them, not the other way around).

[NancysSummerSip]

Nutty, after reading this thread, I'd suggest finding a new hobby or doing some volunteer work. For one thing, it takes you out of the bar/party scene. Whether you're just hanging out or (eventually) looking for a new relationship, you generally don't meet quality people in bars. Not saying it's impossible, but quality men and women do quality things with their lives. Like feeding the homeless, teaching children to read, building Habitat for Humanity homes, getting a better education, and so on. For another thing, it takes your mind off what you've been through.

And while there's nothing wrong with a booty call, it can be dangerous. You have no idea what these men bring with them.
They could be violent, dangerous, angry men who like to hurt women. They could simply have a lot of baggage, they could be looking for a babysitter for their kids. They could be mama's boys, living in the proverbial basement space and sleeping on an old futon.

I don't know if your divorce is final, and I'm not going to pull the morality police thing on you. Personally, I'd be staying far, far away from sexual encounters of any kind. You just got out of 20-plus years of marriage. Have friends by all means, but keep life simple.

[Deleted]

"you generally don't meet quality people in bars. Not saying it's impossible, but quality men and women do quality things with their lives. Like feeding the homeless, teaching children to read, building Habitat for Humanity homes, getting a better education, and so on. "

I've heard this so many times but i don 't get how going to a bar makes someone less quality. It has nothing to do with it. I know all types of people that go to bars. You may or may not meet someone that wants a relationship with someone they met at a bar but that has nothing to do with people going to bars being less quality! I don't know the bars you've been to but you cannot stereotype people that go to bars!
Going to a bar is not a less quality activity. It is just different than volunteering.

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

I've heard this so many times but i don 't get how going to a bar makes someone less quality. It has nothing to do with it. I know all types of people that go to bars. You may or may not meet someone that wants a relationship with someone they met at a bar but that has nothing to do with people going to bars being less quality! I don't know the bars you've been to but you cannot stereotype people that go to bars!
Going to a bar is not a less quality activity. It is just different than volunteering.

It doesn't make some less quality, per se, but Nutty is just very recently exited a long marriage/relationship.

She needs time to heal from this breakup and move forward before "jumping in the sack" or getting involved with someone.

She's feeling alone and abandoned (emotionally as well as physically). This is too soon to be looking to fill the void that's currently in her life. She needs to get herself settled into her new surroundings and life that's been dealt to her due to her recent break-up. From previous posts, this was a long marriage (they have grand-kids).

You don't just jump into a new relationship immediately - and a casual booty-call or hook-up isn't going to bring any lasting satisfaction - and probably still leave her feeling empty and alone.

Best to deal with her past and move forward, get her present in order, be comfortable with her new existence, then move on to the future and what it might bring from there.

Nutty (Naggie) is (IMHO) trying to hard to fill the void (heart-ache/pain, whatever) and jump into the "scene" too soon.

[truthbound]

Jun 17, 2014 12:12:08 GMT -5 nutty said:

These are people that I am being introduced to.

Sounds like you identified the problem.