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Post by Deleted on Jun 4, 2014 15:15:23 GMT -5
[/p] DH has no time for my brother and doesn't want the Boy around him at all. As soon as they got back together they started calling DS trying to get him to babysit but he's turned them down every time because the kids are unruly and DH has asked him not to be around my brother. Since DS doesn't care for his uncle it's not been a problem. [/quote] I'm having flashbacks! My mother's boss asked me to babysit for his demon spawn (aka children). At the end of the night, while driving me home, he told me they wanted me to become their regular babysitter. I flat out refused. When he asked me why, I told him that one day his children (then 5 and 3) were going to seriously injure or kill someone with their antics and I was not going to be that someone. He thought I was joking, but I wasn't. Three years later, the son set his little sister on fire while playing with a propane tank from the grill and a lighter. 20% of her body covered in 3rd degree burns.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 4, 2014 15:16:50 GMT -5
Three years later, the son set his little sister on fire while playing with a propane tank from the grill and a lighter. 20% of her body covered in 3rd degree burns
OMG, that's awful! Parents who live in such denial regarding their children should be beaten with bamboo rods. It's inexcusable that behavior can be allowed to escalate to that level.
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Jun 4, 2014 15:23:46 GMT -5
Nope- my brother will openly swear and argue with my sister and I in front of our parents, the kids, etc. I stopped going to my parents because of him. I go at Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter and the occasional birthday party. Otherwise I don't go to their house anymore. It's too stressful and always sets my brother off.
He is very insecure and paranoid. If I go to my mom's office/craft room and we start talking about card layouts he will get mad and demand to know what we are talking about and start claiming we need to include his 7 year old daughter in the conversation. My mom and I have very little in common and the card making is literally the ONE thing we do together and he hates that.
Example- over Memorial day weekend my sister had my nephew's 8th birthday at my parent house. She lives in Iowa and all the family (on both sides) is in our town so she figured she'd just have it here so only they had to drive. My sister had a special Abe Lincoln cake made since my nephew LOVES Honest Abe. My brother "A's (his DD) cake was bigger" "A remember, you had a two layer cake and T's is only one layer" "Remember? Your cake had more frosting"
Opening presents (again- my nephew loves to read and loves history) "why would you buy books for a kid?" "what kind of kid likes books?" "that's stupid, who the hell is Sheckleton?" (One of the books I got him was a kid's biography about Ernest Sheckleton since he had all the presidents ones already). "A remember when you got toys and not stupid books for your birthday?" "remember on your birthday I took you to the Mall of America?"
He pulls that stunt all the time in front of the kids. He likes to take the spotlight off the other kids and put it on his kids every time. He even makes them re-light the candles so his kids can blow them out too.
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Jun 4, 2014 15:25:06 GMT -5
I'm having flashbacks! My mother's boss asked me to babysit for his demon spawn (aka children). At the end of the night, while driving me home, he told me they wanted me to become their regular babysitter. I flat out refused. When he asked me why, I told him that one day his children (then 5 and 3) were going to seriously injure or kill someone with their antics and I was not going to be that someone. He thought I was joking, but I wasn't.
Three years later, the son set his little sister on fire while playing with a propane tank from the grill and a lighter. 20% of her body covered in 3rd degree burns.
Holy Crap! That's terrible. I can see why you refused. That's scary.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 4, 2014 15:26:44 GMT -5
I'm honestly surprised you haven't killed your brother, no jury would convict you.
And I feel very bad for his kids having him and his ex as parents. Those kids are going to be in for a world of hurt once they encounter kids big enough to kick their ass when they mouth off.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 4, 2014 15:28:07 GMT -5
Yeah even if there is someone I find to be the biggest waste of air and DNA ever, I will not be teaching my 4 year old to call someone a beyotch. Any of my grandmas or aunts would have knocked me into next week for such behavior. People like this who believe it is okay to raise their children like this make me very afraid for the future of this country. Public school anyone?
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mollyanna58
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Post by mollyanna58 on Jun 4, 2014 15:37:07 GMT -5
And nobody says no to him, because he's a violent bully. Move now. Don't wait for The Boy to graduate.
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dannylion
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Post by dannylion on Jun 4, 2014 15:38:11 GMT -5
Wow. This whole thread really makes me appreciate my family, just some cousins as i have no siblings. Some of them are a little odd, a few are really self-absorbed, a couple are moochers in a mild way, but for the most part we like each other or at least manage be polite for however long we have to be together. There are a couple of children with behavior issues, but their parents recognize that their behavior is bad and make an effort to modify it or at least control them. It must be a nightmare to be around children who are actively encouraged to behave badly, sort of like being surrounded by a pack of rabid hyenas.
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Jun 4, 2014 15:38:50 GMT -5
Pretty sad actually. My sister was making conversation with our niece A at Christmas. The whole "so how do you like 1st grade?" "what do you and your friends play at recess?" She told my sister "I don't have any friends, I just play by myself at recess" Was the saddest thing my sister ever heard. She didn't even know how to respond to that.
She did have a friend go to the MOA with them so I get the impression she has at least one friend now. Honestly- I totally can see her growing up to be a bully.
Away from their parents the kids aren't bad. I've babysat them before and they've been perfectly pleasant. Granted this was over a year ago and their behavior has gotten worse. My brother honestly brings out the worst in them. My dad claims the kids will be playing together and having fun and the minute my brother gets there they start fighting and swearing at each other.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 4, 2014 15:41:18 GMT -5
My dad claims the kids will be playing together and having fun and the minute my brother gets there they start fighting and swearing at each other
Can't really blame them. He doesn't seem interested in being a parent at all and their mother is busy screwing anything that stands still in-between manipulating your brother.
Kids can't exactly say what they are thinking to their parents, so they act out in other ways. Kids WANT guidance and they'll act out however they can to try to get their parents to notice them and show they care by enforcing boundaries.
If they do end up being decent adults I have a feeling that cheap state run nursing home care is in your brother's future.
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Jun 4, 2014 15:45:03 GMT -5
And nobody says no to him, because he's a violent bully.
Move now. Don't wait for The Boy to graduate.
We have seriously begged the Boy to let us move early. I'd hate to do that to him. He actually loves school and has a great group of friends. I'd hate to uproot him now. It's not common for a kid that likes to wear bow ties to school on a regular to fit in and be comfortable. I can deal with 2 more years if it means that my son has a good high school experience and goes off to college in a good place mentally.
However- if I find a job up there before he graduates we have threatened to rent him an apartment in town to stay in during the school week so we can move early.
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mollyanna58
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Post by mollyanna58 on Jun 4, 2014 17:22:49 GMT -5
Understandable. So keep limiting your time with dear brother as much as possible, and stop inviting him to birthday parties.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 4, 2014 17:28:33 GMT -5
No kidding. Your parents have their own choices but don't have to inflict them on you. You all need to be gone at holidays. I don't care how old my children are, I don't expose them to THAT.
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busymom
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Post by busymom on Jun 4, 2014 20:46:58 GMT -5
Maybe it's because I'm a "mean mom", but I don't have any problem correcting my nieces & nephews the few times they've misbehaved. I get it that you don't want to annoy your brother, but those kids aren't going to have any playmates the path they're on. (Remember back when I told you how shocked I was when my kids were in middle school, that the counselors actually have blank forms to fill in the names of kids that are on track to end up in prison.)
I'm with the others that if not one adult in your extended family will discipline or correct those kids, I'd totally skip the holidays with them. Life is too short to be miserable. Why not check the real estate listings now? DD has a friend whose parents rented their daughter an apartment in the cities, so she could attend a private high school. (The parents lived quite aways out in the country. This way their daughter could go to a good school, & easily attend after-school activities.)
In the meantime, <HUGS>!
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Nazgul Girl
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Post by Nazgul Girl on Jun 4, 2014 20:55:11 GMT -5
Unfortunately, parents reap what they sow. DFs former stepson called to ask us to babysit. DF told him NO because the child was unpleasant to be around and still wasnt potty trained. Almost 4. Thinks its funny to go under the dining room table and poop in his pants. I'd have let him sit in it in the bathroom but DF handled it better. I won't mention what he did because I'm not starting a discussion about that. Former stepson admitted kid is not welcome at preschool anymore and no one will baby sit him. DF told him he'd best get a grip on that kid before he's worse and then ended the phone call. No way am I letting anyone add stress to him and it looks like DF feels the same way. That's terrible, Zib. What worm calls a man that just got out of the hospital, and is awaiting a heart transplant, to babysit a four year old ? I wouldn't sit the poopy kid, either. Good grief !
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 5, 2014 8:16:30 GMT -5
Unfortunately, DF and his ex raised some pretty bad kids who are, in turn, raising another generation of them. I'm glad I don't teach school anymore. I'd hate to have them in the classroom. Or others just like them. DF always tells people he is doing JUST FINE and getting on the transplant list is just a precaution. So that is on him. His kids are so used to him being sick, they think its normal. The bio brat is coming into town this weekend and wants to see him. Any guesses as to why?
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jun 5, 2014 8:33:38 GMT -5
I have no problems with family correcting my kids, as long as it's not done snidely/maliciously. Heck, my Mom's given my kids a whack on the butt once or twice. I know at least once when she told me about it, I said I'd have done the same thing.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 5, 2014 8:36:52 GMT -5
Yes, but the parents of the hellions don't discipline in any way. Which is why the kids are hellions.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Jun 5, 2014 9:10:54 GMT -5
Unfortunately, DF and his ex raised some pretty bad kids who are, in turn, raising another generation of them. I'm glad I don't teach school anymore. I'd hate to have them in the classroom. Or others just like them. DF always tells people he is doing JUST FINE and getting on the transplant list is just a precaution. So that is on him. His kids are so used to him being sick, they think its normal. The bio brat is coming into town this weekend and wants to see him. Any guesses as to why? Would bio brat (good phrase, BTW) be his princess DD? If so, then I'm thinking she's looking for that big green handout to pay for her wedding. Just a hunch on my part.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 5, 2014 9:24:24 GMT -5
Very good hunch. She wants him to meet her without me because, of course, she can wheedle more out of him if I'm not there. Won't she be pissed when she finds out we will be married.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jun 5, 2014 9:25:33 GMT -5
Very good hunch. She wants him to meet her without me because, of course, she can wheedle more out of him if I'm not there. Won't she be pissed when she finds out we will be married. Ooooh, please have a camera hidden and then post it to youtube for us. Pretty please?
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 5, 2014 9:27:21 GMT -5
What I'm trying to figure out is how he's planning on sneaking away without me knowing? The plot thickens.
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Jun 5, 2014 9:31:56 GMT -5
I have no problems with family correcting my kids, as long as it's not done snidely/maliciously. Heck, my Mom's given my kids a whack on the butt once or twice. I know at least once when she told me about it, I said I'd have done the same thing. My poor kid can't get away with anything at our family's houses. Fortunately our parents uphold our general rules, so if they see the kids misbehaving and we don't (in another room or something) they will get on to the kids and let us know. My sister gets mad, though, and takes her kids and goes home when my mom has to get on to them for being bad. I kind of feel bad that I didn't notice the behavior first, but I always agree that it needed to have been addressed and I am glad they don't mind helping out with that. It lets Aly know that she can't get away with something just because the location has changed and the consistency really does pay off. My cousins were raised like you niece & nephew, Sheila. They are 16 and 15 now, and the 15 yr old already has a bad reputation with the local police department. He steals from my grandpa every time they go over there so grandpa refuses to allow the kids in his house anymore. They are horrid bullies and, sadly, I see them being just like their parents when they are adults since they are so similar now. I hope and pray that changes but it's not very likely.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jun 5, 2014 9:37:49 GMT -5
What I'm trying to figure out is how he's planning on sneaking away without me knowing? The plot thickens. My evil self wants you got go get a huge rock from DF and wave it around when she's there. And again, record the reaction. But I guess I'm in a mood today.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jun 5, 2014 9:39:07 GMT -5
I have no problems with family correcting my kids, as long as it's not done snidely/maliciously. Heck, my Mom's given my kids a whack on the butt once or twice. I know at least once when she told me about it, I said I'd have done the same thing. My poor kid can't get away with anything at our family's houses. Fortunately our parents uphold our general rules, so if they see the kids misbehaving and we don't (in another room or something) they will get on to the kids and let us know. My sister gets mad, though, and takes her kids and goes home when my mom has to get on to them for being bad. I kind of feel bad that I didn't notice the behavior first, but I always agree that it needed to have been addressed and I am glad they don't mind helping out with that. It lets Aly know that she can't get away with something just because the location has changed and the consistency really does pay off. My cousins were raised like you niece & nephew, Sheila. They are 16 and 15 now, and the 15 yr old already has a bad reputation with the local police department. He steals from my grandpa every time they go over there so grandpa refuses to allow the kids in his house anymore. They are horrid bullies and, sadly, I see them being just like their parents when they are adults since they are so similar now. I hope and pray that changes but it's not very likely. My kids don't "get away" with much but we (and my family) will let certain things slide and the kids think they're getting away with something.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 5, 2014 9:42:49 GMT -5
The rock is big enough and she's already seen it. She's pissed because her mothers wasnt as big or as of good of quality. She using her mothers now. Seems fiancé has no money. What a surprise that is. It isn't just women who marry for money. The fiancé is and so did DFs former stepson.
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Jun 5, 2014 9:49:25 GMT -5
Oh I've disciplined the kids before. When I catch them swearing or calling people "Stupid Bitch" (that's a favorite phrase of theirs) I'll scold them and try to put them in a time out. I don't spank because I don't think it's a productive form of punishment and DH has issues with spanking.
Typically this is what will happen: A is playing with her cousins. She will get mad and call them "stupid Bitches". I overhear the comment and tell A "it's not nice to call your cousins names like that, you need to apologize and go sit in the chair by the front door in a time out for 5 minutes" DBro will conveniently only hear me scold A and start screaming "God Sheila, like you're so f&*king perfect! You can't tell my daughter what to do! You are such a f&*king Bitch" At which point A will start to smile, the cousins will go find their parents to tattle on their Uncle for screaming and swearing. My mom will start to cry and say "calm down, everyone stop yelling it's fine. The kids were playing together nicely and you ruined it" Inevitably my sister will jump in to the fray and yell at my brother for swearing in front of her daughter. Dad will tell everyone to calm down and try to distract the kids with ice cream My older brother will charge into the room and demand that all the kids go outside because they shouldn't be inside anyway.
At the end I am the bad guy for starting the drama because A called her cousins a bad name.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Jun 5, 2014 9:50:29 GMT -5
What I'm trying to figure out is how he's planning on sneaking away without me knowing? The plot thickens. My evil self wants you got go get a huge rock from DF and wave it around when she's there. And again, record the reaction. But I guess I'm in a mood today. I'll join you in that evil mood. Zib, install a backbone in DF. No more money. Let princess open a Kickstarter fund or GoFundMe account if she needs more money.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jun 5, 2014 9:52:54 GMT -5
Since I'm in the mood today - I'd round on brother and put HIM in time out. The "rule" for timeout is 1 minute per age year, once you're over 2-3 years of age. So your brother is, what, 40? So 40 minutes in a corner, after apologizing. And every time he comes out or says something, the clocks starts over.
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Jun 5, 2014 9:53:22 GMT -5
My dad came in to my office today and asked what my plans were for after the Boy graduates. I think he's heard me talking to other people. He said "I imagine with N working up in the Cities that you guys might be thinking of moving up there, huh?"
I told him "yup, in two years you'll have sold XYZ company and have handed the keys to ABC company to boy wonder. We all know that there's no way in Hell I'd survive working for him. Your son is going to run the company into the ground in less than a year. So yes, my plan is to sell the house and move to the Twin Cities after S graduates".
He actually admitted that I was right about my brother's lack of management skills and that moving to the Cities was probably a good idea on our part.
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