My Idiot Brother did it again.

[sheilaincali]

I've complained about my idiot brother before but I swear that guy never learns!.

Years ago on Thanksgiving (when their youngest was 3 months old) she announced that she'd been cheating on him and wanted a divorce. He did everything he could to beg her to reconsider. She moved out and moved into a crappy apartment and started dating her upstairs neighbor. Neighbor was actually a really decent guy.

My brother refused to move on and drug is feet big time. They finally finalized the divorce last summer (when their youngest was 4) As recently as February she is giving shout-outs on FB to the "love of her life" (the boyfriend) and 6 weeks later they are broken up and she is back to living with my brother.

So since she moved back in with my brother:

He has bought her a brand new car

Bought her another dog (that makes three)

sent her flowers to work half a dozen times

Dumped the kids on my folks every weekend so they can "go on dates" and go shopping.

My brother is a financial moron. I stopped by to help my SIL just after my nephew was born and she was afraid to answer the door because she thought it was the people to shut off their electricity again or the guy to repo their car. My mom took over his life and checkbook and pays all of his bills for him.  She was slowly digging him out of debt (he once got "depressed' and didn't open his mail for 6 months).

Now gossip is getting back to me that my SIL is talking shit at her work about having her sugar daddy back and bragging about all the money my brother is spending on her. He is a freaking idiot. She's going to string him along again for a couple of years, get bored and start hooking up with other guys again.

I was smart enough to maintain a cordial relationship with her because of my niece and nephew but now I'm pretty much over it. I don't get along with my brother at all but that doesn't mean I like hearing about her taking advantage of him again.

I don't see this ending well at all..... 

I just needed to get that out there. I can't say anything on FB because it would get back to my parents and my husband is sick of hearing about it.

[bookkeeper]

Facebook would not be the place to air any discussion of this situation. This is unfortunate and when things like this happen, I repeat to myself:

"This is happening to those around me. This is not happening to me. "

You can't run your brother's life. His drama is his own. You can focus on how to best lead your life and minimize any conflict between you, your parents, your brother and his ex-wife.

It doesn't sound to me like it would benefit anyone to get all worked up about something you cannot change.  I feel for you.  It is hard to watch people you care about make poor decisions that affect their lives going forward.

[mollyanna58]

Now gossip is getting back to me that my SIL is talking shit at her work about having her sugar daddy back and bragging about all the money my brother is spending on her. He is a freaking idiot. She's going to string him along again for a couple of years, get bored and start hooking up with other guys again.

If  you're hearing the gossip, chances are very good that your brother, his friends, and your parents will also hear it. 

Don't bother telling your brother, because he won't believe it even if you had concrete proof, and/or he won't care. There's nothing you can do.  Remain blandly pleasant to your SIL so that you won't be cut off from niece and nephew when things fall apart again.

[Deleted]

Welcome to my world !


My stupid brother was recently kicked out of his apartment by his wife that is pregnant with Baby #2. Wife is due in September.

He is using girlfriend / mistress to get:
- new phones (actually was stupid enough to give his wife the phone that another girl is paying for)
- money
- new car

He feels it is justified since he doesn't love the other girl and is using her to provide for his family.

Dude... How about a J.O.B?

His wife finally had enough and kicked him out and wants to file for divorce.

[Deleted]

And forgot to add: DSIL has been airing all that on Facebook!

Her kicking him out, being done and waiting to save the $400 needed to file for divorce.

[Bonny]

TheHaitian,

What a skank! I'm just amazed that your brother can find women who put up with this sh*t!

 There's just something really wrong when people seem to get more pleasure of "getting away" with their little scams than taking pride in their own work ethic (which is often easier than the scamming!).

[sheilaincali]

Yes- this is my "violent" brother. 

The same person that shared the gossip with me told me flat out "I told your brother all of this and he just told me to butt out"

He openly hates me and has taught his children to run up to me and say "Aunt Sheila is a stupid Bitch" so at this point I could care less if I'm in his life or his kids' life.

All the drama is so embarrassing at times. We had a huge benefit for a co-worker of ours a couple of weeks ago.  My brother was there with her. He followed her around like a puppy, carrying her giant bright pick purse. Everyone was laughing at him and kept asking me "Isn't that his EX wife?"

My family is pretty well known in our city so I have no doubt that the gossip is getting back to my parents.  There entire relationship was gossip worthy from day one. He started dating her like a few weeks after she graduated from High School he is like 6 or 7 years older than she is. Moved her in to his townhouse after less than a month and promptly proposed. My parents are wealthy and well known and she was the first person in her family to graduate high school and when she moved in with my brother that was the first time anyone in her family had lived in a house without wheels.

 Not to be snotty but it was a culture shock.  My parents made me host a bridal shower for her at my house and she was so ungrateful and rude.  My mom was mortified when she opened a present from one of my mom's closest friends (who was in attendance) and started making rude comments about "what the hell is this?  I didn't register for this? Is there a receipt so I can return it?" 

Needless to say- she is pretty notorious in our circle of friends and family.  

[wvugurl26]

I feel sorry for the poor kids and Sheila for having to deal with it.

In caiwau's example why in the hell would you pay for a phone for a man with no job? I have no intention of going to work to pay for stuff for someone with no job! I wonder how little self esteem these women must have.

[sheilaincali]

Carl- crazy! I guess I should be thankful there isn't a current pregnancy involved. Fortunately she had her tubes tied after the youngest was born because she claims my brother "tricked her into getting pregnant".

No airing of dirty laundry actually on FB.  He posts long, glowing emails about how much he loves her and she posts things like "Look at the beautiful water fountain/pond in my In Law's back yard" and posts about how wonderful my brother is.

Now a year ago it was a different story- he'd post about how stupid she was when she couldn't help their daughter with her kindergarten math assignment and she'd post about how wonderful her BF was (he is the Ex now)

[sheilaincali]

She does currently work (assembly line job) but he is paying for her to go back and finish her bachelor's degree. He previously paid like $45,000 for her to get her associates. She did absolutely nothing with it and kept her original assembly line job (same factory that her mom and two sisters work at). Don't know why the push to get the Bachelor's since she will never leave her family at the factory. That'll cost my parents (because when the loans when in to default she begged my dad to take over payments and like a shmuck he did) another $45,000 to $50,000.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

. He previously paid like $45,000 for her to get her associates

Where on earth did she go to get her associates?!

[Wisconsin Beth]

God Sheila, no wonder you're out of there once the Boy graduates. 

[sheilaincali]

Drama- Rasmussen. It's one on of those "degrees for working adult" type places. Of course my brother is an idiot and would take all the student loans they could get and do things like buy a hot tub with the money. So she graduated with an associates degree in Criminal Justice. Had one interview at a prison and said "yeah, that's not what I want to do" and promptly left my brother a few months later.

Beth- EXACTLY! even the Boy doesn't blame us. I was talking to him the other day and he told me that "it's your life mom, I'll be off at college.  So long as there's a spare room for me to crash in when I come home to visit you and dad should do whatever makes you happy"

[NancysSummerSip]

Jun 4, 2014 11:17:54 GMT -5 sheilaincali said:

Drama- Rasmussen. It's one on of those "degrees for working adult" type places. Of course my brother is an idiot and would take all the student loans they could get and do things like buy a hot tub with the money. So she graduated with an associates degree in Criminal Justice. Had one interview at a prison and said "yeah, that's not what I want to do" and promptly left my brother a few months later.

Beth- EXACTLY! even the Boy doesn't blame us. I was talking to him the other day and he told me that "it's your life mom, I'll be off at college.  So long as there's a spare room for me to crash in when I come home to visit you and dad should do whatever makes you happy"

At least someone in your family raised a child right.

And as much as it would be nice to be there for your brother''s kids, it may not be a possibility. I don't necessarily hold the kids responsible for saying mean things to you; it's likely they were taught at a very early age, even before they knew how much words could hurt, to imitate what your brother and SIL told them to say. As they grow up, you have to hope they learn better and outgrow that crap.

Chances are, she will leave your brother again, especially if she got away with it before. Just curious: where did the kids go when she left the first time?

[mollyanna58]

That'll cost my parents (because when the loans when in to default she begged my dad to take over payments and like a shmuck he did) another $45,000 to $50,000.

Not to be rude, but your brother doesn't seem to be the only one in your family who doesn't learn. 

[sheilaincali]

Molly- Pretty much. My parents get sucked in to my brother's drama every time. They just can't seem to be able to say "No" to him. I do know they aren't amused with them being back together but they are keeping their mouths shut.

Nancy- They had a 50/50 custody split. So they'd spend 50% of the time in my brother's big house with their own rooms and big backyard and 50% of the time in her crappy apartment sharing a tiny bedroom. They are somewhat confused that their parents are back together. They split up when C was 3 month sold and A was 2 1/2 so it's a change for them to have their parents living together again.  

They are very ill-behaved. He brings them to work and they break things, scream at people, draw on the walls, swear, etc.  My brother will try to discipline them and they will literally laugh in his face and tell him that he isn't the boss of them.  So he shrugs his shoulders and lets them keep doing whatever it was they were doing in the first place.   

Neither one of them wanted the responsibility of Full time parenting so the 50/50 thing seemed the best option. Honestly on my brother's 50% they spent most of their free time at my parents house anyway. When she had the kids for her 50% she'd call people up and try to pawn them off on them. They spent a lot of time with her mom too.  In the beginning I tried but it was such an uphill battle that I gave up.  Not my finest moment but it is what it is.  

Nancy- thanks    My kid is my favorite person in the world. I'm going to miss him like crazy when he leaves me for college.  He has a great head on his shoulders and is really quite wise for his age.

[Deleted]

Jun 4, 2014 11:00:49 GMT -5 wvugurl26 said:

I feel sorry for the poor kids and Sheila for having to deal with it.

In caiwau's example why in the hell would you pay for a phone for a man with no job? I have no intention of going to work to pay for stuff for someone with no job! I wonder how little self esteem these women must have.

I love watching the Judge Judy shows when I'm in the kitchen working and it amazes my how many people just hand over their hard earned money to just any person that shows them the least bit of attention. Then, they come on the show wanting it all back after they get dumped. Over and over again I see this happening. I'm assuming it's an attempt to buy love. Doesn't work like that.

[NancysSummerSip]

Neither one of them wanted the responsibility of Full time parenting so the 50/50 thing seemed the best option. Honestly on my brother's 50% they spent most of their free time at my parents house anyway. When she had the kids for her 50% she'd call people up and try to pawn them off on them. They spent a lot of time with her mom too. In the beginning I tried but it was such an uphill battle that I gave up. Not my finest moment but it is what it is.

And sometimes, when it comes to relatives, you just have no choice but to say, "I'm done with this." I'd personally like to see you at least stay in touch with the kids, because I think you are the only really good influence they seem to have. But not at the cost of being severely disrespected. I know they are young, and hopefully, they may outgrow this mean phase they are in. But I worry that having been taught disrespect so early and often, they may think it's the norm, and treat everyone this way.

[souldoubt]

Kind of sounds like you brother deserves whatever he gets but it's unfortunate what they're directly and indirectly teaching those kids.  Not trying to be mean and it's easy for me to say when I don't have any siblings but I went through a similar experience with someone who was the closest thing I had to a brother.  He's his own worst enemy and continually makes poor choices and we're nowhere near as close as we used to be.  Chalk it up to walking different paths but after a while I just had to move away from it and worry about my own choices.  

[Sam_2.0]

My niece & nephew are like that, Sheila. I hate it but I really limit opportunities for DD to be around them because she picks up on their behavior quick. We had a family dinner on Sunday and my niece (5) was SCREAMING and throwing a tantrum because she wanted something, and her mom came right over to give her what she wanted and never addressed the behavior at all. So naturally DD tried the same thing, only I swatted her butt and told her that behavior would absolutely NOT be tolerated and she knew better (we've been dealing with this for a few weeks and now I know where she got it). DD asked correctly for what she wanted and I gave it to her. My niece just stood there with wide eyes staring at me and didn't scream again, lol!

Sorry your family has so much drama Glad that your DS is such a great kid though!

[HoneyBBQ]

Jun 4, 2014 10:26:23 GMT -5 sheilaincali said:

Years ago on Thanksgiving (when their youngest was 3 months old) 

I couldn't get past this part. What woman on earth wants sex 3 months PP?

[zibazinski]

Unfortunately, parents reap what they sow. DFs former stepson called to ask us to babysit. DF told him NO because the child was unpleasant to be around and still wasnt potty trained. Almost 4.  Thinks its funny to go under the dining room table and poop in his pants. I'd have let him sit in it in the bathroom but DF handled it better. I won't mention what he did because I'm not starting a discussion about that. Former stepson admitted kid is not welcome at preschool anymore and no one will baby sit him. DF told him he'd best get a grip on that kid before he's worse and then ended the phone call. No way am I letting anyone add stress to him and it looks like DF feels the same way. 

[Angel!]

Jun 4, 2014 10:59:29 GMT -5 sheilaincali said:

 

He openly hates me and has taught his children to run up to me and say "Aunt Sheila is a stupid Bitch" so at this point I could care less if I'm in his life or his kids' life.

 

Holy Crap!  I just can't even comprehend ever teaching my children to say something like that to anyone no matter how much I may hate them.  This just blows my mind.

[sheilaincali]

Honey-  EXACTLY! Plus she "claims" it was in the front seat of a car. I say "Claims' because my brother confronted the guy and he said that she was lying about hooking up with him. She changed her story and claimed she said that so my brother would agree to a divorce. I have no clue if she actually cheated or not. She was vague and said the affair had been going on "a while". I said "How long is a while? 3 weeks or long enough that you should question the paternity of the baby?" Apparently that pissed her off big time. 

Zib-  They finally potty trained my nephew at 4 1/2.  He is still having pretty regular accidents.  They wanted to send him to Kindergarten this fall to save on the daycare expense as he will turn 5 in August but the Kindergarten Screening people said "Nope" he isn't ready.  So he gets another year of preschool I guess. 

DH has no time for my brother and doesn't want the Boy around him at all.  As soon as they got back together they started calling DS trying to get him to babysit but he's turned them down every time because the kids are unruly and DH has asked him not to be around my brother.  Since DS doesn't care for his uncle it's not been a problem.  

[sheilaincali]

Angel- I wish I was exaggerating. It's really kind of depressing to have a 4 1/2 year old walk up to you and say that to you in front of your co-workers and customers. His sister is just as bad. My mom needed to find her camera when my niece turned 5 to take a picture with her birthday cake.  My dad got the kids started teasing Nana saying "jeez louise Nana, where's your camera!" and my niece yells "Yeah, you stupid bitch! go get your camera". So it's been pretty much downhill from there.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Good grief my mother/MIL would have knocked Gwen into next Tuesday if she spoke to them like that. Course they'd have to get past me and her father!

What a shame the parents have taught their children that kind of talk/behavior is acceptable. I can't fathom wanting to raise such mean little brats.

I don't get along with my brother 95% of the time but I NEVER bad mouth him around Gwen or encourage her to do so. Her relationship with him is completely separate from mine and I have no right to color it with my baggage.  Even if I don't like him at times he's still her uncle and a human being, he doesn't deserve my kid talking to him like that.

[sheilaincali]

My brother claims it's all my fault and goes back to when my son was a little kid.

When DS was 3 or so we were joking around with him about animals- started with that Dr. Suess book when the kid wants a snout? I can't remember which one. Anyway I made a joke and told DS that Nana and Papa adopted his Uncle from the zoo and that if he asked nicely his Uncle would show him the scar from where his tail used to be. I didn't think anything of it at the time as this was a whole long day of joking around at the zoo and talking about animals. DS thought it would be awesome to have a tail.

So fast-forward to two weeks later he sees my brother and runs up to him and says "Can I see your scar?" and My brother is all "Huh?" and DS says "you know from the monkey tail you used to have!"

So yes my brother goes back to 13 years ago as justification because it's completely the same thing to teach you kid to say "You are a stupid bitch" as it is to make a joke while looking at the monkeys at the zoo.

Granted I should have known better but yes that's the excuse he goes back to every time.

[wvugurl26]

Yeah even if there is someone I find to be the biggest waste of air and DNA ever, I will not be teaching my 4 year old to call someone a beyotch. Any of my grandmas or aunts would have knocked me into next week for such behavior.

People like this who believe it is okay to raise their children like this make me very afraid for the future of this country.

[muttleynfelix]

Jun 4, 2014 14:39:13 GMT -5 sheilaincali said:

Angel- I wish I was exaggerating. It's really kind of depressing to have a 4 1/2 year old walk up to you and say that to you in front of your co-workers and customers. His sister is just as bad. My mom needed to find her camera when my niece turned 5 to take a picture with her birthday cake.  My dad got the kids started teasing Nana saying "jeez louise Nana, where's your camera!" and my niece yells "Yeah, you stupid bitch! go get your camera". So it's been pretty much downhill from there.

 Normal people do not raise their kids that way. 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Wow even my brother isn't that big of a douchebag. Even when we can't stand each other we grant each other a reasonable amount of respect for the sake of our parents.