nutty
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Post by nutty on Apr 8, 2014 12:12:08 GMT -5
Is there anything I need to be aware of should I leave the house first. I seriously think he is trying to wait me out and get me to leave first.
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swasat
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Post by swasat on Apr 8, 2014 12:14:05 GMT -5
Huh  ? Hard to answer without any past details  |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 8, 2014 12:16:56 GMT -5
You're still living together??!?!
If he's been unfaithful I'd kick his sorry ass out! After I had proof for the divorce proceedings, of course.
ETA: so I recommend hiring a PI to catch him in the act.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Apr 8, 2014 12:17:05 GMT -5
Oh he wants a divorce but HE won't leave, I am so confused, he is still doing things that he knows pisses me off so I am wondering if he is passive aggressively trying to get me to leave first.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Apr 8, 2014 12:18:11 GMT -5
I am not sure of the cheating part, I have no proof, so yes we are still in the house though I sleep in my office, I guess I just don't know where to start.
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swasat
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Post by swasat on Apr 8, 2014 12:19:59 GMT -5
Did he cheat on you? Or do you "suspect" he cheated on you? Are there other issues between the two of you which is causing problems? Sorry, I don't know any back story....  |
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Apr 8, 2014 12:21:20 GMT -5
Start with a lawyer or several. Make some free appointments (I've forgotten what they are called atm).. In my state, if you leave the house, you are considered abandoning the house, which doesn't look so good.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Apr 8, 2014 12:22:31 GMT -5
TBH swasat, it came out of the blue, no disrespect to mid lifers but it sure seems like a mid life crisis. I am still in shock but I WILL NOT FALTER. I suspect he cheated on me, if I find out for sure I WILL RIP HIS HEAD OFF.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 8, 2014 12:24:04 GMT -5
Start with a lawyer or several. Make some free appointments (I've forgotten what they are called atm).. In my state, if you leave the house, you are considered abandoning the house, which doesn't look so good. Consultations. |
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Apr 8, 2014 12:24:16 GMT -5
Start with a lawyer or several. Make some free appointments (I've forgotten what they are called atm).. In my state, if you leave the house, you are considered abandoning the house, which doesn't look so good. Good advice.
Start with a lawyer ASAP.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 8, 2014 12:24:50 GMT -5
Oh he wants a divorce but HE won't leave, I am so confused, he is still doing things that he knows pisses me off so I am wondering if he is passive aggressively trying to get me to leave first. Have you started the divorce or don't you want one? If not, that would be the way to go I guess. Probably one of you will have to buy the other out on the house or you'll have to sell it. |
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Apr 8, 2014 12:30:13 GMT -5
Start with a lawyer or several. Make some free appointments (I've forgotten what they are called atm).. In my state, if you leave the house, you are considered abandoning the house, which doesn't look so good. Consultations. Thanks.  I suggested several, because well, you may not like the first lawyer you meet. (The exception would be Swamp.) I always think it's a good idea to arm yourself with all the knowledge you can. Knowledge is power, and it's always better to operate from a position of strength. |
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souldoubt
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Post by souldoubt on Apr 8, 2014 12:36:36 GMT -5
I agree with consulting with a few different divorce lawyers and don't leave the house before then. Every state is different and I live in the 'no fault drag it out in court until you die' state of CA (probably an extreme case) but wherever you are I'd consider it a CYA situation.
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swasat
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Post by swasat on Apr 8, 2014 12:45:36 GMT -5
TBH swasat, it came out of the blue, no disrespect to mid lifers but it sure seems like a mid life crisis. I am still in shock but I WILL NOT FALTER. I suspect he cheated on me, if I find out for sure I WILL RIP HIS HEAD OFF. I am still not clear why would you want a divorce on cheating suspicions, without confirming the suspicions first. Did you talk to your DH about the issue? Or is something else going on? |
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Apr 8, 2014 12:47:55 GMT -5
Trying to remember, but is your DD (and DGD) his by blood also?
If not, are you going to be able to support them yourself? If I recall the granddaughter's father wasn't much of a winner...
I also have to wonder how much of the drama cause by the whole baby situation is spilling over onto your marriage?
I've seen marriages broken up by disagreements on enabling adult children. |
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sarcasticgirl
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Post by sarcasticgirl on Apr 8, 2014 12:48:26 GMT -5
TBH swasat, it came out of the blue, no disrespect to mid lifers but it sure seems like a mid life crisis. I am still in shock but I WILL NOT FALTER. I suspect he cheated on me, if I find out for sure I WILL RIP HIS HEAD OFF. I am still not clear why would you want a divorce on cheating suspicions, without confirming the suspicions first. Did you talk to your DH about the issue? Or is something else going on? I thought she said her DH wanted a divorce... Sent from my Nexus 4 using proboards |
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Apr 8, 2014 12:59:00 GMT -5
TBH swasat, it came out of the blue, no disrespect to mid lifers but it sure seems like a mid life crisis. I am still in shock but I WILL NOT FALTER. I suspect he cheated on me, if I find out for sure I WILL RIP HIS HEAD OFF. Start ripping his head off a.s.a.p. and maybe while at it you will find out what ta heck got you in this situation. Trust me, it will end your agony faster and maybe will save you both from falling into the hole that gets deeper and deeper with your silence and all... OR ...jump in his bed naked and don't take no for an answer...you know him better so good luck! |
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Apr 8, 2014 13:46:16 GMT -5
TBH swasat, it came out of the blue, no disrespect to mid lifers but it sure seems like a mid life crisis. I am still in shock but I WILL NOT FALTER. I suspect he cheated on me, if I find out for sure I WILL RIP HIS HEAD OFF. Start ripping his head off a.s.a.p. and maybe while at it you will find out what ta heck got you in this situation. Trust me, it will end your agony faster and maybe will save you both from falling into the hole that gets deeper and deeper with your silence and all... OR ...jump in his bed naked and don't take no for an answer...you know him better so good luck!
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Gardening Grandma
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Post by Gardening Grandma on Apr 8, 2014 13:49:36 GMT -5
I've missed the back story.
You think he's cheated but not sure?
Are there other issues?
Do you want a divorce?
If so, why are you still there?
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sesfw
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Post by sesfw on Apr 8, 2014 14:17:02 GMT -5
If this idea is feasible.
To really irritate him, make a separate bedroom for yourself and become house-mates. Split the bills in half and let him do his own laundry, cooking, cleaning up after himself.
Good luck. Sorry you are going through this.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Apr 8, 2014 14:23:17 GMT -5
Loony, thanks for the laugh, you got it.  Ses is on the money too, I am a stubborn, stubborn person and in my mind he WILL NOT WIN. I have decided to not leave. There is no back story. He didn't come home one night so obviously an argument happened and he said he was unhappy and has been unhappy for a few years. I was like well thanks for telling me that NOW. Really no back story in this situation. I am not working, I could get disability but was turned down because I had not worked ten years. |
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Apr 8, 2014 14:23:41 GMT -5
Start with a lawyer or several. Make some free appointments (I've forgotten what they are called atm).. In my state, if you leave the house, you are considered abandoning the house, which doesn't look so good. Correct. Don't leave unless your life is in danger. |
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Apr 8, 2014 14:24:19 GMT -5
Divorce is a financial issue for the courts, not an emotional one. Nobody cares who,screwed around on who. Get copies of all financial documents (account statements, tax returns, retirement statements). You don't have minor kids so if you guys don't agree on who gets the house and how you buy the other out, it's going to be ordered sold.
You guys don't have a lot of extra money. If you're going to split, don't make it harder or more expensive than it needs to be.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Apr 8, 2014 14:25:13 GMT -5
Start with a lawyer or several. Make some free appointments (I've forgotten what they are called atm).. In my state, if you leave the house, you are considered abandoning the house, which doesn't look so good. Correct. Don't leave unless your life is in danger. You can't abandon a house. |
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Apr 8, 2014 14:26:19 GMT -5
Loony, thanks for the laugh, you got it. Ses is on the money too, I am a stubborn, stubborn person and in my mind he WILL NOT WIN. Win what? You can't win a marriage. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 8, 2014 14:27:40 GMT -5
Probably. Don't do it. And if I was you I would reclaim the bedroom. If he wants out he can do the heavy lifting.
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Apr 8, 2014 14:27:42 GMT -5
Correct. Don't leave unless your life is in danger. You can't abandon a house. Ok, the semantics were correct. I know in Texas if you don't sleep in your house for some amount of time, it becomes abandonment or some shit like that. |
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Apr 8, 2014 14:30:07 GMT -5
You can't abandon a house. Ok, the semantics were correct. I know in Texas if you don't sleep in your house for some amount of time, it becomes abandonment or some shit like that. As long as you're still on the deed and there is no court order keeping you out, you have alright to be there. |
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Apr 8, 2014 14:33:16 GMT -5
Ok, the semantics were correct. I know in Texas if you don't sleep in your house for some amount of time, it becomes abandonment or some shit like that. As long as you're still on the deed and there is no court order keeping you out, you have alright to be there. Abandonment of your spouse, not the house. But hell, l'm not a lawyer. I could be full of it. |
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Apr 8, 2014 14:35:15 GMT -5
I am not going to leave, I smile on the outside and I am crying on the inside but I am stubborn and when I said win I mean that I will not leave. No danger at all, just emotional stuff.
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