tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Apr 8, 2014 14:35:58 GMT -5
Loony, thanks for the laugh, you got it. Ses is on the money too, I am a stubborn, stubborn person and in my mind he WILL NOT WIN. I have decided to not leave. There is no back story. He didn't come home one night so obviously an argument happened and he said he was unhappy and has been unhappy for a few years. I was like well thanks for telling me that NOW. Really no back story in this situation. I am not working, I could get disability but was turned down because I had not worked ten years. Tell him this is how it supposed to be! Only mentally disabled people are happy in this world! If you are having a roof, you are clothed, fed, sexed...why do you have to be HAPPY Happy my ars...I don't even WANT to be happy, I am afraid I might get a heart attack if I am happy!
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swamp
Community Leader
THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Apr 8, 2014 14:36:51 GMT -5
As long as you're still on the deed and there is no court order keeping you out, you have alright to be there. Abandonment of your spouse, not the house. But hell, l'm not a lawyer. I could be full of it. That's if you need grounds for the divorce. Florida is a no fault state.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Apr 8, 2014 14:38:04 GMT -5
Loony, thanks for the laugh, you got it. Ses is on the money too, I am a stubborn, stubborn person and in my mind he WILL NOT WIN. Win what? You can't win a marriage. Of course you can, she won already! He thinks he is unhappy...isn't that all we have to accomplish?
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swamp
Community Leader
THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Apr 8, 2014 14:39:28 GMT -5
Win what? You can't win a marriage. Of course you can, she won already! He thinks he is unhappy...isn't that all we have to accomplish? I want my husband to be happy. To each his own.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Apr 8, 2014 14:40:23 GMT -5
You can't abandon a house. Ok, the semantics were correct. I know in Texas if you don't sleep in your house for some amount of time, it becomes abandonment or some shit like that. Texas doesn't even count! here friend bought a twin adjoined to a burnt down abandoned one and no one friggin knows who owes it but she had no rights to do anything without owner's permission...like painting it to make it look better
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Apr 8, 2014 14:41:18 GMT -5
Of course you can, she won already! He thinks he is unhappy...isn't that all we have to accomplish? I want my husband to be happy. To each his own. Exactly. Some have wives with sense of humor, some have lawyers...
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 8, 2014 14:46:53 GMT -5
I am not going to leave, I smile on the outside and I am crying on the inside but I am stubborn and when I said win I mean that I will not leave. No danger at all, just emotional stuff. Sounds like you will both grin and bear it 'till the end. Kudos for making it work.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Apr 8, 2014 15:14:30 GMT -5
He does have an appointment with a counselor through EAP, on the 23rd.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Apr 8, 2014 15:29:17 GMT -5
I am not going to leave, I smile on the outside and I am crying on the inside but I am stubborn and when I said win I mean that I will not leave. No danger at all, just emotional stuff. That sounds incredibly sad. Why would you want to stay married to someone that no longer wants to be married to you? Are you afraid of suddenly being single?
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Apr 8, 2014 15:38:52 GMT -5
No, I mean I am not leaving the house.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Apr 8, 2014 15:51:20 GMT -5
Naggie, you were preparing to leave him a year or two ago - hiding figurines and such. Then you didn't, obviously. So what has changed between then and now?
I remember a whole lot more backstory than you are sharing, which is fine, but the short answer is that you and he need to sit down with a counselor and talk as there are serious issues and changes that have happened in your lives and the lives of your family members. This isn't about winning or losing, this is about whether you want to spend the rest of your lives with each other.
My unsolicited advice: tone down the drama and increase the deep thinking about the situation. It will help everyone involved.
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milee
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Post by milee on Apr 8, 2014 18:01:23 GMT -5
I wish I could "like" bsbound's post twice. Or maybe 3 times.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 8, 2014 18:30:38 GMT -5
No, I mean I am not leaving the house. How do you propose to keep it on your own? If you are not working? ... I'm not sure it is reasonable to think you will be able to afford the house on your own...
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 8, 2014 19:09:34 GMT -5
I left with the kids and abandoned the house. I still got my half when it sold.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Apr 9, 2014 4:29:33 GMT -5
Yes. What is the point? Don't try to hold on to a house. Houses come and go. If u think your marriage has a chance go to a counselor. If not get a lawyer and move on with your life.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Apr 9, 2014 4:33:12 GMT -5
Oh he wants a divorce but HE won't leave, I am so confused, he is still doing things that he knows pisses me off so I am wondering if he is passive aggressively trying to get me to leave first. Yes he is being passive aggressive . Or his lawyer just told him to stay put. Who cares? YOU need to figure out what YOU are going to do.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Apr 9, 2014 4:43:14 GMT -5
I am writing this to thank those that like to psycho analyse their point from their point of view.
My question was and obviously would I lose anything/ground should I leave the house first.
We talked last night, well he did I cried my eyes out. Which I happen to think he likes because it shows emotion to him ( I am a hard ass)
He went through that it is not a marriage, when the kids where at home we had something in common, if we weren't in BK he would probably go buy that mid life crisis corvette, he is feeling that we are just existing, I asked him to stop saying we as he does not know how I feel. He keeps insuating how "I" feel, not sure what that is about. Is he trying to make himself feel a little better. I don't know.
I am disgusted by thought of being here with someone that clearly is not interested and extremely hurt to the 9th degree, it really has shattered me. If you knew me I always try to think positively, in between crying jags I shout at my self to pull my bootstraps up. I am so confused.
I want to say that I will not be interested in the house long term as I can't afford it, I meant in a few months as I am able to get a job and a apartment.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Apr 9, 2014 4:46:34 GMT -5
Oh I also sucked up my pride and cried on his shoulder about not leaving me and divorcing me, and he didn't say anything, so I think it will happen. Ok going to have a cry now.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Apr 9, 2014 4:57:11 GMT -5
Aww. Hugs to you. It is a difficult process. I really don't know the backstory or how long you have been married. When did things take a downturn,?
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 9, 2014 5:45:04 GMT -5
It's painful to lose something, even a bad something. Get counseling for yourself and start searching for a job.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Apr 9, 2014 6:02:34 GMT -5
Well he just left for work and gave me a hug goodbye but that might have been because I was making my coffee and we were both standing there, kinda half hearted hug but a hug good bye never the less.
I have signed up for two classes in the summer as well as filled in an application. At this point I really am only get a job through someone I know, so I am going to have to reach out to people.
It is horribly painful, and my emotions are all over the place. I sat and cried in the bathroom and I was like what if I cry in an interview, that won't be cool.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Apr 9, 2014 6:29:50 GMT -5
I am writing this to thank those that like to psycho analyse their point from their point of view. My question was and obviously would I lose anything/ground should I leave the house first. We talked last night, well he did I cried my eyes out. Which I happen to think he likes because it shows emotion to him ( I am a hard ass) He went through that it is not a marriage, when the kids where at home we had something in common, if we weren't in BK he would probably go buy that mid life crisis corvette, he is feeling that we are just existing, I asked him to stop saying we as he does not know how I feel. He keeps insuating how "I" feel, not sure what that is about. Is he trying to make himself feel a little better. I don't know. I am disgusted by thought of being here with someone that clearly is not interested and extremely hurt to the 9th degree, it really has shattered me. If you knew me I always try to think positively, in between crying jags I shout at my self to pull my bootstraps up. I am so confused. I want to say that I will not be interested in the house long term as I can't afford it, I meant in a few months as I am able to get a job and a apartment. ((Nutty)) I am truly sorry. I know this is devastating to you right now. But trust me, you are a strong woman and you WILL be ok, regardless of what happens to your marriage.
I would definitely focus on updating your skills and networking. It is very difficult to enter the work force after so many years of unemployment. This is exactly why I do not think a woman should ever make herself financially dependent on a man. Sorry, I am not trying to kick you when you are down. It is what it is and you need to move forward from here. Since you are in BK it doesn't sound like there will be much beyond the house to split. I definitely recommend getting a good attorney so you know what your rights are.
Best of luck to you
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Apr 9, 2014 6:41:08 GMT -5
Nutty - I don't know where your heart is or your husband's. And, maybe this relationship will end. But, honestly, many of us have gone through very difficult periods in our marriages verging on divorce. We did go to counseling. And, it didn't change anything at first. It was a lot of one step forward, 2 steps back. I don't know if that is an option for you at this point or not. And, a lot of people say they don't want to spend the money, etc. But, you can talk to a pastor or find free counseling. Airing your problems out loud to a 3rd party often helps you find clarity and helps you sort out the decision making process. I highly recommend talking to someone.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Apr 9, 2014 7:00:45 GMT -5
Yes, because this is how he feels he has reached out to EAP and has an appointment on the 23rd, as I have a few hundred (sarcasm) appointments myself in the next few weeks we are going to wait and see what his counsellor wants to do, I am sure marriage and individual. I have no problem, just have no time in the next two weeks. But we are going to do. Will keep you updated.
That's one of my problems Shooby, I don't know where my heart is at the moment. One moment I say screw it and I am leaving other moments I am no I want to be married, but then I get all stubborn and say hell he doesn't want me....God it is all confusing. I am so scared to cry in an interview.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Apr 9, 2014 7:41:12 GMT -5
Hugs Naggie.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 9, 2014 8:13:35 GMT -5
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Apr 9, 2014 9:02:24 GMT -5
Nutty-do your husband's EAP benefits also extend to you too? If yes, contact the program administrator to ask for help.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Apr 9, 2014 9:17:32 GMT -5
I am writing this to thank those that like to psycho analyse their point from their point of view. My question was and obviously would I lose anything/ground should I leave the house first. We talked last night, well he did I cried my eyes out. Which I happen to think he likes because it shows emotion to him ( I am a hard ass) He went through that it is not a marriage, when the kids where at home we had something in common, if we weren't in BK he would probably go buy that mid life crisis corvette, he is feeling that we are just existing, I asked him to stop saying we as he does not know how I feel. He keeps insuating how "I" feel, not sure what that is about. Is he trying to make himself feel a little better. I don't know. I am disgusted by thought of being here with someone that clearly is not interested and extremely hurt to the 9th degree, it really has shattered me. If you knew me I always try to think positively, in between crying jags I shout at my self to pull my bootstraps up. I am so confused. I want to say that I will not be interested in the house long term as I can't afford it, I meant in a few months as I am able to get a job and a apartment. ((Nutty)) I am truly sorry. I know this is devastating to you right now. But trust me, you are a strong woman and you WILL be ok, regardless of what happens to your marriage.
I would definitely focus on updating your skills and networking. It is very difficult to enter the work force after so many years of unemployment. This is exactly why I do not think a woman should ever make herself financially dependent on a man. Sorry, I am not trying to kick you when you are down. It is what it is and you need to move forward from here. Since you are in BK it doesn't sound like there will be much beyond the house to split. I definitely recommend getting a good attorney so you know what your rights are.
Best of luck to you
I agree with this more than I can express. When you have your own money, you can call your own shots. My question for the legal/financial eagles is this: in the event of a divorce during bankruptcy, are the debts split as well as the assets? If I am reading the law correctly, any marital debt they incurred together is also split between the two of them. Oh, and Tina would never kick anyone when they were down... unless they were a Democrat, or had bigger hair, or something.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Apr 9, 2014 9:24:22 GMT -5
As I understand it, nutty, it's your husband who said he wants a divorce. I'm not necessarily a "hard-ass", but I am very logical. I'd want to know why (if he wants a divorce) he's still sitting there, looking at me - and, I'd expect a logical answer to my question.
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andreawick
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Post by andreawick on Apr 9, 2014 9:30:12 GMT -5
Loony, thanks for the laugh, you got it. Ses is on the money too, I am a stubborn, stubborn person and in my mind he WILL NOT WIN. Win what? You can't win a marriage. but you can lose a marriage!!
you can tune a car, but you can't tune-a-fish!!
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