bean29
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Post by bean29 on Apr 9, 2014 9:54:57 GMT -5
Yes, because this is how he feels he has reached out to EAP and has an appointment on the 23rd, as I have a few hundred (sarcasm) appointments myself in the next few weeks we are going to wait and see what his counsellor wants to do, I am sure marriage and individual. I have no problem, just have no time in the next two weeks. But we are going to do. Will keep you updated. That's one of my problems Shooby, I don't know where my heart is at the moment. One moment I say screw it and I am leaving other moments I am no I want to be married, but then I get all stubborn and say hell he doesn't want me....God it is all confusing. I am so scared to cry in an interview. Naggie if you DH is willing to go to marriage counselling I would follow through and see if you can't work things out. If he is not willing to go to see a counselor, well, you can't work on your marriage by yourself - so then you will have to decide accordingly. I also remember a lot more backstory. I think you were a SAHM and you are currently providing daycare for your DGD. Does FL give alimony? Just read your post from this AM. Huggs. Divorce is hard and emotional. It will be even harder for you b/c you have not been working and apparently you have a BK going on.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Apr 9, 2014 10:13:32 GMT -5
Yes, because this is how he feels he has reached out to EAP and has an appointment on the 23rd, as I have a few hundred (sarcasm) appointments myself in the next few weeks we are going to wait and see what his counsellor wants to do, I am sure marriage and individual. I have no problem, just have no time in the next two weeks. But we are going to do. Will keep you updated. That's one of my problems Shooby, I don't know where my heart is at the moment. One moment I say screw it and I am leaving other moments I am no I want to be married, but then I get all stubborn and say hell he doesn't want me....God it is all confusing. I am so scared to cry in an interview. Naggie if you DH is willing to go to marriage counselling I would follow through and see if you can't work things out. If he is not willing to go to see a counselor, well, you can't work on your marriage by yourself - so then you will have to decide accordingly. I also remember a lot more backstory. I think you were a SAHM and you are currently providing daycare for your DGD. Does FL give alimony? Just read your post from this AM. Huggs. Divorce is hard and emotional. It will be even harder for you b/c you have not been working and apparently you have a BK going on. Yes...there are five types of alimony possible in the state: www.divorcenet.com/resources/divorce/spousal-support/understanding-and-calculating-alimony-fl
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Apr 9, 2014 10:25:39 GMT -5
Oh I also sucked up my pride and cried on his shoulder about not leaving me and divorcing me, and he didn't say anything, so I think it will happen. Ok going to have a cry now. That is...NUTS! Who does he think he is? Can you make something like pack and leave for vacation or go to mom's house or something... Sometimes they are getting cranky having it all and having no problems with it. Taking it for granted etc... So if you could just leave or bring home another man...yeah...handsome dude! DH deserved that by refusing to talk to you when you are in tears!!! My serious take on this. What if he likes someone who doesn't care about him and he is sad... You said he spent that night somewhere but maybe he was thrown out right after without permission to return? Now he is moaning...and the fact that you left him would sent him into panic attack and make him realize...something
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Apr 9, 2014 10:41:58 GMT -5
Thank you Nancy, and Looney. Yeah it was a heartbreaker, I broke down and said please don't leave me, and he didn't say anything, then I said will you help me. You said that he wasn't going to throw me out on the streets. Oh I have remembered more about the convo last night.. and this is where I get confused, I actually said look we have to talk about this and he shouted at me that he doesn't know what is going on in his head, it maybe him it maybe me but it doesn't feel like a marriage. Then I cried and that is when he actually sat down with me. But he doesn't seem to understand that what I am supposed to do while he sorts his head out? Which leads me to freaking want to leave again. I don't know if he really thinks I will though. I think he might sigh if I go or not, or be upset or if he wants me to make the decision cos he is chicken shit. And again this is where my stubborness comes in as like well shit I will show him, I don't need him etc..... I can and will do it by my self if I have too, I am not afraid, I am just hurt.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Apr 9, 2014 10:43:26 GMT -5
Well he just left for work and gave me a hug goodbye but that might have been because I was making my coffee and we were both standing there, kinda half hearted hug but a hug good bye never the less. I have signed up for two classes in the summer as well as filled in an application. At this point I really am only get a job through someone I know, so I am going to have to reach out to people. It is horribly painful, and my emotions are all over the place. I sat and cried in the bathroom and I was like what if I cry in an interview, that won't be cool. OMG! I am crying with you now...(I am sure you are not crying anymore but I do...so it is only technically 'with you') Listen, maybe he kind of getting it after crying on his shoulder...talking...maybe if you prepare dinner tonight...or left! I think you need to throw some fit at this point. Nice or naughty. Whatever you do - good luck, nutty!
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Apr 9, 2014 10:43:46 GMT -5
What he does or doesn't do is up to him. You need to focus on YOU and what you feel you should do.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Apr 9, 2014 10:50:33 GMT -5
Oh I also sucked up my pride and cried on his shoulder about not leaving me and divorcing me, and he didn't say anything, so I think it will happen. Ok going to have a cry now. That is...NUTS! Who does he think he is? Can you make something like pack and leave for vacation or go to mom's house or something... Sometimes they are getting cranky having it all and having no problems with it. Taking it for granted etc... So if you could just leave or bring home another man...yeah...handsome dude! DH deserved that by refusing to talk to you when you are in tears!!! My serious take on this. What if he likes someone who doesn't care about him and he is sad... You said he spent that night somewhere but maybe he was thrown out right after without permission to return? Now he is moaning...and the fact that you left him would sent him into panic attack and make him realize...something Loony, her family lives across the pond (in England), so packing up and going to mom's isn't that easy. And while Naggie can leave and go elsewhere, it may very well impact the distribution of assets, should a divorce occur. By Florida law, the judge can give more consideration to the person living in the house at the time the divorce is granted. Since there are no minor children involved here (if I recall correctly), a judge would likely order the house sold and the money divided. Assuming, of course, both their names are on the deed. If Naggie's DH is the only one on the deed, then that's another set of problems entirely.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Apr 9, 2014 10:56:58 GMT -5
UGH really, that is what i wanted to know, so there is the possibility of something happening should I leave. BTW I love that link Nancy, I am going for permanent alimony.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Apr 9, 2014 10:59:42 GMT -5
That is...NUTS! Who does he think he is? Can you make something like pack and leave for vacation or go to mom's house or something... Sometimes they are getting cranky having it all and having no problems with it. Taking it for granted etc... So if you could just leave or bring home another man...yeah...handsome dude! DH deserved that by refusing to talk to you when you are in tears!!! My serious take on this. What if he likes someone who doesn't care about him and he is sad... You said he spent that night somewhere but maybe he was thrown out right after without permission to return? Now he is moaning...and the fact that you left him would sent him into panic attack and make him realize...something Loony, her family lives across the pond (in England), so packing up and going to mom's isn't that easy. And while Naggie can leave and go elsewhere, it may very well impact the distribution of assets, should a divorce occur. By Florida law, the judge can give more consideration to the person living in the house at the time the divorce is granted. Since there are no minor children involved here (if I recall correctly), a judge would likely order the house sold and the money divided. Assuming, of course, both their names are on the deed. If Naggie's DH is the only one on the deed, then that's another set of problems entirely. You know that I said 'for a week', right? And why are you telling me stuff that if you were nutty? Is it possible that what you wrote is totally NOT what she would write? What judge? What consideration? Who is out of the house? They are not even divorcing yet...geez!
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Apr 9, 2014 11:17:42 GMT -5
UGH really, that is what i wanted to know, so there is the possibility of something happening should I leave. BTW I love that link Nancy, I am going for permanent alimony. I suspect that this is very rarely awarded, nutty. I wouldn't count on it as I would imagine that this is used in conditions where there is no possible way of you making your own living and/or that you contributed significantly to your spouses position in the workforce today (like a wife paying her husband's way through medical school).
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Apr 9, 2014 11:34:19 GMT -5
Thank you Nancy, and Looney. Yeah it was a heartbreaker, I broke down and said please don't leave me, and he didn't say anything, then I said will you help me. You said that he wasn't going to throw me out on the streets. Oh I have remembered more about the convo last night.. and this is where I get confused, I actually said look we have to talk about this and he shouted at me that he doesn't know what is going on in his head, it maybe him it maybe me but it doesn't feel like a marriage. Then I cried and that is when he actually sat down with me. But he doesn't seem to understand that what I am supposed to do while he sorts his head out? Which leads me to freaking want to leave again. I don't know if he really thinks I will though. I think he might sigh if I go or not, or be upset or if he wants me to make the decision cos he is chicken shit. And again this is where my stubborness comes in as like well shit I will show him, I don't need him etc..... I can and will do it by my self if I have too, I am not afraid, I am just hurt. naggie, I really do hope your marriage works out for you. But even if you reconcile, you now know what happens to women who are financially dependent on a man. I really do hope your marriage works out for your but even if it does, you need to make yourself employable. My theory is that I want to WANT to be in a marriage, I don't want to HAVE to be in a marriage. You will feel so much more confident and less willing to accept poor treatment if you could live your life with or without your husband (strictly in a financial sense).
Best of luck to you
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Post by Deleted on Apr 9, 2014 11:39:07 GMT -5
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Apr 9, 2014 11:49:54 GMT -5
Loony, her family lives across the pond (in England), so packing up and going to mom's isn't that easy. And while Naggie can leave and go elsewhere, it may very well impact the distribution of assets, should a divorce occur. By Florida law, the judge can give more consideration to the person living in the house at the time the divorce is granted. Since there are no minor children involved here (if I recall correctly), a judge would likely order the house sold and the money divided. Assuming, of course, both their names are on the deed. If Naggie's DH is the only one on the deed, then that's another set of problems entirely. You know that I said 'for a week', right? And why are you telling me stuff that if you were nutty? Is it possible that what you wrote is totally NOT what she would write? What judge? What consideration? Who is out of the house? They are not even divorcing yet...geez! Florida law does not care how long you leave. A week is still counted against you. And you apparently missed the phrase should a divorce occur. I never said it would. Naggie never said it would. I never mentioned a judge specifically. Try reading the post again, instead of taking a flying leap to conclusions. In Naggie's case, she and her DH are in bankruptcy. The house is likely all they have for significant assets, plus whatever retirement accounts he may have. So occupancy matters a great deal. If Naggie were to leave for her parents' house, as you suggested, that is quite a trip, and a judge could see that as abandoning the marital home.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Apr 9, 2014 12:03:19 GMT -5
You know that I said 'for a week', right? And why are you telling me stuff that if you were nutty? Is it possible that what you wrote is totally NOT what she would write? What judge? What consideration? Who is out of the house? They are not even divorcing yet...geez! Florida law does not care how long you leave. A week is still counted against you. And you apparently missed the phrase should a divorce occur. I never said it would. Naggie never said it would. I never mentioned a judge specifically. Try reading the post again, instead of taking a flying leap to conclusions. In Naggie's case, she and her DH are in bankruptcy. The house is likely all they have for significant assets, plus whatever retirement accounts he may have. So occupancy matters a great deal. If Naggie were to leave for her parents' house, as you suggested, that is quite a trip, and a judge could see that as abandoning the marital home. So in Florida you people can't vacation because in case while on vacation - spouse decides to file for divorce - BOOM! You are out of luck? and to your Try reading the post again, instead of taking a flying leap to conclusions
my answer is Try to let people talk for themselves . Also I did not ordered nutty to go to mom's house, I merely suggested she left. All this 'mama overseas' drama is just that...uncalled for.
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Apr 9, 2014 12:05:41 GMT -5
Thank you Nancy, and Looney. Yeah it was a heartbreaker, I broke down and said please don't leave me, and he didn't say anything, then I said will you help me. You said that he wasn't going to throw me out on the streets. Oh I have remembered more about the convo last night.. and this is where I get confused, I actually said look we have to talk about this and he shouted at me that he doesn't know what is going on in his head, it maybe him it maybe me but it doesn't feel like a marriage. Then I cried and that is when he actually sat down with me. But he doesn't seem to understand that what I am supposed to do while he sorts his head out? Which leads me to freaking want to leave again. I don't know if he really thinks I will though. I think he might sigh if I go or not, or be upset or if he wants me to make the decision cos he is chicken shit. And again this is where my stubborness comes in as like well shit I will show him, I don't need him etc..... I can and will do it by my self if I have too, I am not afraid, I am just hurt. I'm sorry for everything you are going thruogh right now, but honestly at this point, this is when you ask DH to leave. Time apart will be good for both of you. Inconvenience him a bit and give him a wake up call and also give yourself a chance to understand that regardless of what happens with the marriage you will ultimately be okay either way! Let me get this straight - she hasn't worked in how many years, brings constant drama into the household, let's the grandbaby's things take over the house, (and I'm not sure the DD and DGD are his biokids) gives the DD a car, has DH pay for DD's gas, hair and nails while going through Bankruptcy and DH (the only one working) needs to leave the house? Why is that exactly? And she now expects him to continue supporting her for the rest of her life? I'm not seriously trying to be a bitch, but someone needs a wakeup call. How long can anyone expect someone else to be the only one pulling the cart?
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 9, 2014 12:13:47 GMT -5
Funny, I left the house IN FLORIDA with my kids and it didn't matter at all when it came to my divorce. House was sold, proceeds divided in half. Trust me, I tried to get more because I knew the alimony and CS I was awarded would never happen but the law was the law.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 9, 2014 12:14:32 GMT -5
I had forgotten this backstory until Captain reminded me. Oh, boy.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Apr 9, 2014 12:15:44 GMT -5
Florida law does not care how long you leave. A week is still counted against you. And you apparently missed the phrase should a divorce occur. I never said it would. Naggie never said it would. I never mentioned a judge specifically. Try reading the post again, instead of taking a flying leap to conclusions. In Naggie's case, she and her DH are in bankruptcy. The house is likely all they have for significant assets, plus whatever retirement accounts he may have. So occupancy matters a great deal. If Naggie were to leave for her parents' house, as you suggested, that is quite a trip, and a judge could see that as abandoning the marital home. So in Florida you people can't vacation because in case while on vacation - spouse decides to file for divorce - BOOM! You are out of luck? and to your Try reading the post again, instead of taking a flying leap to conclusions
my answer is Try to let people talk for themselves . Also I did not ordered nutty to go to mom's house, I merely suggested she left. All this 'mama overseas' drama is just that...uncalled for. No one mentioned that you ordered it, although your statement isn't the most lighthearted or helpful suggestion so far: And her "mama oveseas" isn't drama...her family is in fact living in another country. Just picking up and leaving, especially with her daughter and grandchild here, and no money of her own to just leave, isn't exactly a practical idea, regardless of the reason. Furthermore, Naggie is free to speak as much as she wishes. Thus far, nothing has hindered her from posting.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Apr 9, 2014 12:19:02 GMT -5
Funny, I left the house IN FLORIDA with my kids and it didn't matter at all when it came to my divorce. House was sold, proceeds divided in half. Trust me, I tried to get more because I knew the alimony and CS I was awarded would never happen but the law was the law. Zib, the laws are different if minor children/child support is involved. Even though you did not receive what you were rightly due, the allocation of marital assets is done differently when children are involved. In Florida, leaving the marital home is less of an issue with kids; the judge looks at it as what's in the best interest of the children and their needs, too. In Naggie's case, I don't believe there are any minor dependent children at issue here. Throw in the bankruptcy, and the house is likely the only asset to work with.
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Apr 9, 2014 12:23:36 GMT -5
Just a reminder to those who may not know, in FL your primary residence (regardless of value) is protected in bankruptcy - so there is a valid asset to protect there.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Apr 9, 2014 12:23:48 GMT -5
Wow, captain, seriously, if you ever ever met me I am the MOST drama free person in this world, I NEVER talk about my Husband or anything TO ANYONE, I am a quiet little mouse, what you get here is because I don't know you all. No minor children and no leaving the county because of my children. I really need to think about asking him to leave, he has reconnected with an old friend who happens to be single and could probably go to him whereas I am left with two dogs and a cat a 2200 square foot house to keep up. Doesn't seem much of being a door mat as I seem to have been.
BTW I have worked, I took a back seat which we both decided to do, he is a high earner. I have never shirked my duties as a mother, he travelled for years and I kept the home front.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 9, 2014 12:26:39 GMT -5
Must have been another poster then.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Apr 9, 2014 12:27:00 GMT -5
So in Florida you people can't vacation because in case while on vacation - spouse decides to file for divorce - BOOM! You are out of luck? and to your Try reading the post again, instead of taking a flying leap to conclusions
my answer is Try to let people talk for themselves . Also I did not ordered nutty to go to mom's house, I merely suggested she left. All this 'mama overseas' drama is just that...uncalled for. No one mentioned that you ordered it, although your statement isn't the most lighthearted or helpful suggestion so far: And her "mama oveseas" isn't drama...her family is in fact living in another country. Just picking up and leaving, especially with her daughter and grandchild here, and no money of her own to just leave, isn't exactly a practical idea, regardless of the reason. Furthermore, Naggie is free to speak as much as she wishes. Thus far, nothing has hindered her from posting. I didn't say it was, YOU made it into a drama. Suggestions to go to moms house or something...you turn into 'her family is overseas'... Could just let it be. I said mom's or something...so I didn't need to know about location of poster's mother! because if you went into details - you should had told me where the 'something' is as well as where is the mother. And about my post being not lighthearted or helpful suggestion so far...LET nutty decide and speak for herself!
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 9, 2014 12:30:44 GMT -5
Naggie, it's YOU! Now I remember the back story. Anyway, as far as the house, if your name is on it, you get your half regardless because you have to sign off a property settlement. I wouldn't leave the country though. If your name isn't on it and you are LEGALLY married, you get a third. It'll never get to a judge so mediator, at the most, will get involved.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Apr 9, 2014 12:56:33 GMT -5
Naggie, it's YOU! Now I remember the back story. Anyway, as far as the house, if your name is on it, you get your half regardless because you have to sign off a property settlement. I wouldn't leave the country though. If your name isn't on it and you are LEGALLY married, you get a third. It'll never get to a judge so mediator, at the most, will get involved. I had wondered about that earlier; whether both their names were on the deed. And FWIW, is the house paid off? And it's not even possible to respond to this, as it is completely unreadable and incomprehensible.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Apr 9, 2014 13:22:57 GMT -5
HMMMM, I did ask him last night and he said he has nothing to say, he doesn't know why he feels the way he does and that he doesn't have anything to say to me.
This is all so confusing, I just spent the last hour getting stuff together and telling myself I can do this, screw him but I am sure in a hour I will be crying my eyes out. This sure is a rollercoaster and I want off.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Apr 9, 2014 13:24:04 GMT -5
I need a drink or something.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Apr 9, 2014 13:30:26 GMT -5
No. You need to tell your husband that if he wants a divorce he needs to go get one ... NOW ... and show him the nearest exit. Let him know you don't want to hear another thing about it and you're not interested in watching him pout. If he wants it, get it. If he doesn't want to get it, then shut up about it. Seems simple to me.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Apr 9, 2014 13:32:13 GMT -5
Yes. He doesn't get to only run HIS agenda of waffling. You have the right to make decisions for yourself and should.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Apr 9, 2014 13:32:45 GMT -5
Naggie, it's YOU! Now I remember the back story. Anyway, as far as the house, if your name is on it, you get your half regardless because you have to sign off a property settlement. I wouldn't leave the country though. If your name isn't on it and you are LEGALLY married, you get a third. It'll never get to a judge so mediator, at the most, will get involved. I had wondered about that earlier; whether both their names were on the deed. And FWIW, is the house paid off? And it's not even possible to respond to this, as it is completely unreadable and incomprehensible. -rofl-and just think...you wouldn't have to deal with all of this if you just let nutty to drive... Also everyone blaiming on a writer when they can't understand but often it is a reader...
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