The Home 6
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Post by The Home 6 on Aug 20, 2012 14:29:07 GMT -5
loony-I am referencing a game. That you play ONLINE. My parents live out in the sticks, without the requisite bandwith for Big Sarge to play.
BTDT- it could be that, or it could be that they found a good deal on plane tickets and jumped on it.
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Colleenz
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Post by Colleenz on Aug 20, 2012 14:45:57 GMT -5
Home 6 - that Looney called you a troll. Lots of grown men like Star Wars movies too. I also don't get BS's problem with your parents visit. IMO children cannot get too much love.
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Taxman10
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Post by Taxman10 on Aug 20, 2012 14:47:09 GMT -5
Sorry, but Big sarge sounds like a control freak douche canoe. Grandparents seeing their only grand kids twice a year and wanting to see them before they move to Alaska isn't unhealthy, it's normal. You don't have to justify it, just do it. I'd tell him to go eff himself, but I'm not known for being nice. and i find Swamp to be the epitome of pleasantness.... :-)
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Colleenz
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Post by Colleenz on Aug 20, 2012 14:48:25 GMT -5
And Taxman is a feminist!
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The Home 6
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Post by The Home 6 on Aug 20, 2012 14:52:18 GMT -5
BTDT-it wouldn't be a MAJOR obstacle, but it would be the furthest they have ever gone before. Rukh-I have SO much to talk about at my next counseling appointment. And Colleenz- I know, I'm such a troll. Not anything like loony at ALL.
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The Home 6
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Post by The Home 6 on Aug 20, 2012 14:52:40 GMT -5
Tax used to talk to me. Mostly about shoes.
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Taxman10
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Post by Taxman10 on Aug 20, 2012 14:55:39 GMT -5
ImAnAngel-I shouldn't be keeping things from him, that's true. It doesn't seem reasonable for him to say "No" to my family coming to visit before we move to AK, when he isn't even going to be here. Apropos of something, though I am not sure of what- I had an epiphany this morning. I told Big Sarge last night that the only time I feel some measure of peace is when I am sitting in front of my sewing machine, making a quilt to give away. He countered with that I should be able to channel that into making a meal, cleaning a house, etc.My ephiphany was this-when I am in front of the sewing machine, no one is telling me what to do. "You need to sweep the floor after every meal". "This has too much onion". NOPE. A quilt looks pretty. And then I give it away and make someone happy. DAY-UM!! Big Sarge's got a set on him, huh?? My wife said she's really happy when she gets out of the house and plays soccer. I told her she should channel that joy she feels while playing soccer, into making me a sandwich....
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Taxman10
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Post by Taxman10 on Aug 20, 2012 14:56:25 GMT -5
Tax used to talk to me. Mostly about shoes. Tax does love himself some shoes and feet... ;D ;D ;D
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Taxman10
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Post by Taxman10 on Aug 20, 2012 15:00:27 GMT -5
Tell Sarge that if he ever wants to get any, now or in the future, your parents are coming. He can deal with it. A couple times a year are NOT excessive. next time he needs some lovin' tell him "we've already done it twice this year...I don't want to be excessive..."
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Aug 20, 2012 15:02:13 GMT -5
Tell Sarge that if he ever wants to get any, now or in the future, your parents are coming. He can deal with it. A couple times a year are NOT excessive. next time he needs some lovin' tell him "we've already done it twice this year...I don't want to be excessive..."
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Colleenz
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Post by Colleenz on Aug 20, 2012 15:04:53 GMT -5
POTD Taxman!!!
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Taxman10
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Post by Taxman10 on Aug 20, 2012 15:06:24 GMT -5
And Taxman is a feminist! Taxman always looks at each situation objectively and fairly, then makes appropriate comments with full knowledge of all the facts. That's just how I roll.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Aug 20, 2012 15:06:53 GMT -5
Tell Sarge that if he ever wants to get any, now or in the future, your parents are coming. He can deal with it. A couple times a year are NOT excessive. next time he needs some lovin' tell him "we've already done it twice this year...I don't want to be excessive..." don't forget to tell him he has an unhealthy attachment to you.
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Taxman10
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Post by Taxman10 on Aug 20, 2012 15:08:35 GMT -5
I really think Swamp had the POTD on this thread....but since she's not here...I guess I'll take it. I'd like to thank BlueRobin, who actually inspired the comment, and Home for starting the thread. And of course all the lovely ladies who find my wit and charm irresistible. ;D
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Taxman10
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Post by Taxman10 on Aug 20, 2012 15:09:34 GMT -5
next time he needs some lovin' tell him "we've already done it twice this year...I don't want to be excessive..." don't forget to tell him he has an unhealthy attachment to you. LOL I love when Swamp and I make sweet comment-harmony on PB.
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tloonya
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What status?
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Post by tloonya on Aug 20, 2012 15:22:03 GMT -5
loony-I am referencing a game. That you play ONLINE. My parents live out in the sticks, without the requisite bandwith for Big Sarge to play. BTDT- it could be that, or it could be that they found a good deal on plane tickets and jumped on it. So the only way your husband can live is by being plugged in???
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The Home 6
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Post by The Home 6 on Aug 20, 2012 15:32:31 GMT -5
You're thinking of BOB, loony, and he only needs batteries.
(Thanks for the levity, everyone!)
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Aug 20, 2012 16:15:19 GMT -5
I have certain expectations of a thread entitled "I am SCREWED". I was expecting an $8,000 car repair after the EF had been depleted, or a relative declaring Bk and showing up on your doorstep with suitcases and creditors hot on his/her trail. For god sakes, SCREWED was in capital letters! There is an expectation of a serious crisis.
What I am saying is, you are referring to what should be an inconsequential event, as an apocalyptic crisis, and this is of course not normal or healthy. Understand when I say this, I TOO am married to someone who sometimes has very disproportionate reactions to things that shouldn't be given a second thought. So in some ways, I empathize. I understand the thought process of dancing on eggshells because you are just so tired of unnecessary drama, it is easier to hide the truth. In some ways, you feel totally justified doing so. After all, why can't the other person just stop being so ridiculous?
Part of me also thinks there is a piece missing to this specific incident. Many posters have put forth very thoughtful theories on what is motivating each persons behavior. Big Sarge sounds more like an old school man who expects final say, and who doesn't want to show emotion. That has its place and its time.
For those telling you to just stand up and say "this is how its going to be", I don't think it is that simple. It would be one thing if you were still defining boundaries in a new relationship. You, however, have very well established parameters and protocols; and they require much more time and effort to break.
Do you honestly think that a man who is used to getting his way instantly, is going to react tolerantly, much less back down to being asserted to? You are dealing with someone who has a military mindset, and the only response to a challenge is to back the opponent down. That strategy only works if you are 100% committed to winning at all costs. If you are going to attack the king, you have to be able and willing to kill the king.* Yes, you absolutely need to redefine what you are willing to allow. The first thing you need to do is believe that it is possible.
*This is not intended to imply that Big Sarge is the king, or any kind of monarch. So please do not take it as such.
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Aug 20, 2012 16:19:31 GMT -5
I have certain expectations of a thread entitled "I am SCREWED". I was expecting an $8,000 car repair after the EF had been depleted, or a relative declaring Bk and showing up on your doorstep with suitcases and creditors hot on his/her trail. For god sakes, SCREWED was in capital letters! There is an expectation of a serious crisis. New to YM *Off-Topic* (or "EE South" as it also known), WWBG?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2012 16:20:12 GMT -5
Do you plan on seeing your future adult children and grandchildren more than twice a year???
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Post by BeenThere...DoneThat... on Aug 20, 2012 16:23:39 GMT -5
I have certain expectations of a thread entitled "I am SCREWED". I was expecting an $8,000 car repair after the EF had been depleted, or a relative declaring Bk and showing up on your doorstep with suitcases and creditors hot on his/her trail. For god sakes, SCREWED was in capital letters! There is an expectation of a serious crisis. What I am saying is, you are referring to what should be an inconsequential event, as an apocalyptic crisis, and this is of course not normal or healthy. Understand when I say this, I TOO am married to someone who sometimes has very disproportionate reactions to things that shouldn't be given a second thought. So in some ways, I empathize. I understand the thought process of dancing on eggshells because you are just so tired of unnecessary drama, it is easier to hide the truth. In some ways, you feel totally justified doing so. After all, why can't the other person just stop being so ridiculous? Part of me also thinks there is a piece missing to this specific incident. Many posters have put forth very thoughtful theories on what is motivating each persons behavior. Big Sarge sounds more like an old school man who expects final say, and who doesn't want to show emotion. That has its place and its time. For those telling you to just stand up and say "this is how its going to be", I don't think it is that simple. It would be one thing if you were still defining boundaries in a new relationship. You, however, have very well established parameters and protocols; and they require much more time and effort to break. Do you honestly think that a man who is used to getting his way instantly, is going to react tolerantly, much less back down to being asserted to? You are dealing with someone who has a military mindset, and the only response to a challenge is to back the opponent down. That strategy only works if you are 100% committed to winning at all costs. If you are going to attack the king, you have to be able and willing to kill the king.* Yes, you absolutely need to redefine what you are willing to allow. The first thing you need to do is believe that it is possible. *This is not intended to imply that Big Sarge is the king, or any kind of monarch. So please do not take it as such. ...and the twin elephant in the room is that her parents *might also* be described as having a very disproportionate reaction to things... in the wake of being told "maybe," they have forced their daughter's hand to choose between them and her husband... this is categorically unheathy... or are there some who disagree?
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Aug 20, 2012 16:59:00 GMT -5
A very good point beenthere... The root though could still be that the OP has let a lot slide over the years, and needs to start regaining ground from everyone.
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Post by BeenThere...DoneThat... on Aug 20, 2012 17:01:17 GMT -5
A very good point beenthere... The root though could still be that the OP has let a lot slide over the years, and needs to start regaining ground from everyone. ...and the slide could date back to the jungle jim in her childhood backyard... ETA ...so, Home 6, I really hope you have a good discussion with both husband and parents so that you can reclaim some authority, and confidence to assert it, within your own home and family...
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justme
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Post by justme on Aug 20, 2012 17:45:29 GMT -5
Do you plan on seeing your future adult children and grandchildren more than twice a year??? Ooh, I like that. From a nosy person on the internet, I'd like to hear BS's answer to that.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Aug 20, 2012 18:08:07 GMT -5
Home 6, I hope discussing this situation goes OK. I am concerned about some parallels I am noticing. Your Dad treats your Mom badly you say. Your husband treats you badly. I think its mean your parents put you in this awkward situation, but I wonder was it Dad who would have done so or Mom?
I think its good for your children to know their grandparents but I think its even more important for them to see marriages where the male partner does not steam roller over the female partner. I wish you well in however you choose to handle this, but it seems to me this may get worse instead of better. Do your husband and Dad ever play games of one upsmanship verbal or otherwise?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2012 18:40:55 GMT -5
Did I miss the thread where Home 6 said she is unhappy with her marriage? Or unhappy with Big Sarge and wants to change him?
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Aug 20, 2012 18:49:29 GMT -5
She never posted that. But from her prior posts it appears that Big Sarge has no qualms about telling Home 6 "how it's going to be" with little regard for her wants.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Aug 20, 2012 18:56:46 GMT -5
Well, she did say the only time she was at peace was while she was sewing (because BS wasn't telling her what to do)... that implies at least some level of unhappiness with the current situation.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Aug 20, 2012 19:18:05 GMT -5
I am probably more unhappy reading this thread and others than Home 6 is. I feel bad her parents put her in an awkward spot plus the comment of Dad treating Mom badly is an unpleasant puzzle piece for me.
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Jaguar
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Post by Jaguar on Aug 20, 2012 19:21:49 GMT -5
I am probably more unhappy reading this thread and others than Home 6 is. I feel bad her parents put her in an awkward spot plus the comment of Dad treating Mom badly is an unpleasant puzzle piece for me.
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