Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Jan 20, 2011 11:51:18 GMT -5
Tag-team #star#POTD#star# Was it good for both of you? ;D Oooooooohhhhhhh!! You know it was!! ;D Especially coming from you!
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Jan 20, 2011 11:53:31 GMT -5
I think someone's Cheerios got peed in this morning.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 20, 2011 11:54:54 GMT -5
There is nothing that DH could do to make me have the same feelings towards him if he cheated on me. No amount of "working on it" would ever bring that back because the trust would be destroyed.
So go ahead and stay in a miserable marriage "for the kids" if that's what you think is best. I just feel sorry for the children.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 20, 2011 11:57:06 GMT -5
So now I am to spend the majority of my life contemplating those that are less fortunate than me? And when is a person supposed to enjoy their time on this planet in your world?
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Jan 20, 2011 11:57:53 GMT -5
Snerdley are you always this cheerful and non judgemental? You must be fun at parties......
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jan 20, 2011 11:58:49 GMT -5
There is nothing that DH could do to make me have the same feelings towards him if he cheated on me. No amount of "working on it" would ever bring that back because the trust would be destroyed. So go ahead and stay in a miserable marriage "for the kids" if that's what you think is best. I just feel sorry for the children. ding ding ding...we have a winner...I also wouldn't tolerate verbal or physical abuse. I'd be out the door the first time it happened. You are doing your children a great disservice if you stay in an abusive household. but who cares, right??? At least the parents are under one roof
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jan 20, 2011 11:59:37 GMT -5
So go ahead and stay in a miserable marriage . Do you have trouble reading? I am saying that both parents need to grow up and stop acting like babies and put their children ahead of themselves which often involves a hefty dose of forgiveness and unselfishness and effort to move forward. If you want to continue to eat worms, have a feast! And if you'd be ok with being your husband's punching bag, I hope you enjoy your knuckle sandwhich
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jan 20, 2011 12:00:13 GMT -5
Yes, but I can't say them or EFCO will report me
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 20, 2011 12:01:14 GMT -5
In my eyes I would be putting my children's welfare ahead of my own by leaving. And that is the beauty of being in charge of our own lives. It doesn't matter what other people think.
When DH and I started dating almost 20 years ago, I told him that as long as he doesn't cheat on me or hit me we can work through anything else. So he's been warned.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Jan 20, 2011 12:03:11 GMT -5
You SHOULD do this and you SHOULD do that, ever wonder what happens when a person won't do what they SHOULD do? No matter how hard you try or how long you wait?? Some people have said that the kids are better off not being around miserable parents and YOU see NO way that this could be a true statement. Are you so unimaginative as to see that at some point they COULD actually be right? Tell me, how many years do you expose a kid to an alcoholic, verbally abusive father before you take off? 1? 5? Where's the cut off? It's ok to stay forever and let them learn that that behavior is ok?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 20, 2011 12:03:19 GMT -5
Just because I don't think about the homeless or the infirm during my down time doesn't mean that I have my head in the sand.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jan 20, 2011 12:04:02 GMT -5
Are you saying that there are situations in which divorce is better???
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 20, 2011 12:06:03 GMT -5
I will make sure to include the kid's opinions in all aspects of my marriage from now on Snerdly I wonder if they'll tell daddy and me to do it missionary or if we should just spoon tonight........
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 20, 2011 12:08:51 GMT -5
I consider my children's opinion in matters that concern them.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Jan 20, 2011 12:09:17 GMT -5
I'm so glad to see that you do have a line where it is OK with you if someone divorces. Your divorced friends may be SAYING publicly that they just didn't get along but that could be because the root of it was no one else's business and it was much uglier in their home than you can imagine. Then again, maybe they are indeed just spoiled brats, but you sure assuming a lot.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jan 20, 2011 12:10:04 GMT -5
This becomes the "all or nothing" argument". If I say "people should do try to work on their marriage and stay together", it becomes, "you want men to beat their wives". Try listening to your own posts. And, tell me what I wrote that is so controversial? You never said "try"...
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jan 20, 2011 12:10:52 GMT -5
Susie, daddy wants a blow job....are you ok with that?
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Jan 20, 2011 12:10:52 GMT -5
This becomes the "all or nothing" argument". If I say "people should do try to work on their marriage and stay together", it becomes, "you want men to beat their wives". Try listening to your own posts. And, tell me what I wrote that is so controversial? There comes a point where trying to save a marriage isn't going to happen if both parties don't agree to try. If both parties agree, then yes, by all means stay together and try to repair the problems. However, if only one person disagrees and doesn't try, no amount of trying by the other is going to fix the problems. You're posts come across (to me - I can't speak for anyone else) like the couple is a failure if they don't try to mend the relationship. Maybe one or both did try - sometimes it still doesn't work out dispite our best efforts.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Jan 20, 2011 12:12:43 GMT -5
Exactly, the rigidity of her stance is what got her such crap from the rest of us. Makes me also wonder how old she is and if she's ever had any substantial problems...
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 20, 2011 12:12:52 GMT -5
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Jan 20, 2011 12:14:08 GMT -5
chocolate - My point is that divorce isn't always the answer that it seems. That sometimes people need a bit of help through a rough patch and that with some counseling and encouragement might be able to put down the ax they are grinding over each other. Not always but sometimes possible. I have also found that when friends began going through marital difficulty, that the reflex response of other friends isn't "maybe you should see his point of view" but instead the "throw the bum out" type of encouragement. Neither is it the armageddon to a child's life that you're making it out to be. Plenty of kids do better without all that strife in their daily lives.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jan 20, 2011 12:15:15 GMT -5
chocolate - My point is that divorce isn't always the answer that it seems. That sometimes people need a bit of help through a rough patch and that with some counseling and encouragement might be able to put down the ax they are grinding over each other. Not always but sometimes possible. I have also found that when friends began going through marital difficulty, that the reflex response of other friends isn't "maybe you should see his point of view" but instead the "throw the bum out" type of encouragement. And again, this is not the hard ass stance you took in all of your previous posts...
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josie
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Post by josie on Jan 20, 2011 12:16:57 GMT -5
In answer to your thread title, its no one's business if I choose to spank my children or not unless it crosses the line into being abusive as defined by law. Otherwise stay out of my business.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jan 20, 2011 12:17:45 GMT -5
That sometimes people need a bit of help through a rough patch and that with some counseling and encouragement might be able to put down the ax they are grinding over each other
I think couples like John and Kate Goselin you don't know if they tried to work it out or not. Just because we did not see episodes on TLC with marital counseling does not mean either of them did not try while the cameras were OFF.
By the time the show and the media caught wind of their divorce they may have already exhausted all their options.
Those shows are not RL, they are edited to entertain. No one wants to see a NORMAL couple. They want to see all the nasty dramatic bits and pieces.
No one wants to see a couple on TV getting counseling, they want to see fur flying. Makes good ratings.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Jan 20, 2011 12:18:38 GMT -5
And, I find this especially so with women. And, in the long run, the families break up and the wives are far poorer, working 2-3 jobs to survive, the kids are shuttled back and forth, they lose their home and on and on. It becomes a very difficult situation and something that needs to be carefully thought through. And, even if I came to a point where i didn't like my spouse all that much, divorcing would mean I instantly became a part time parent and would only get to tuck my kids in 3 days a week. And, I would have to step back and realize that my spouse is also a good parent and even if we dont' get along, they need both of us, and both of us in the same home caring for them 24/7 would still be better than the shuttle from place to place. Ask kids whose parents did this if they knew this was what was going on and if they felt guilty about their parents being so miserable for them. Some will say yes and some will have no clue. It's a crap shoot at best but kids with happy (not resigned) parents are going to be happier. That's just how it is.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Jan 20, 2011 12:19:21 GMT -5
chocolate - My point is that divorce isn't always the answer that it seems. That sometimes people need a bit of help through a rough patch and that with some counseling and encouragement might be able to put down the ax they are grinding over each other. Not always but sometimes possible. I have also found that when friends began going through marital difficulty, that the reflex response of other friends isn't "maybe you should see his point of view" but instead the "throw the bum out" type of encouragement. My DH and I are both divorced from our first spouse. We frequently (several times are year anyway) will ask the other what we saw in them to want to marry them (when the ex is doing something particularly crazy that week). We will also ask each other what we think our life would have been like now if we had continued to be with our ex's at this point (we would have both been married to the first over 15 years if we had stayed). Neither of us can say we wouldn't have eventually divorced our ex's anyway if we hadn't when we did. Our ex's had no interest in changing and would not have based on their actions today. It was in all of our best interest (kids included) for those marriages to end.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jan 20, 2011 12:19:32 GMT -5
And, I find this especially so with women. And, in the long run, the families break up and the wives are far poorer, working 2-3 jobs to survive, the kids are shuttled back and forth, they lose their home and on and on. It becomes a very difficult situation and something that needs to be carefully thought through. And, even if I came to a point where i didn't like my spouse all that much, divorcing would mean I instantly became a part time parent and would only get to tuck my kids in 3 days a week. And, I would have to step back and realize that my spouse is also a good parent and even if we dont' get along, they need both of us, and both of us in the same home caring for them 24/7 would still be better than the shuttle from place to place. And that statement is exactly why I chose to be a working mom. I make as much as my husband and if I really applied myself at work (stop laughing, it could happen ) I could easily double or triple his salary. I never put myself in a position where I would need to stay with my husband or else be poor. BTW, this comment was not meant to start a SAHM vs WOHM debate...just countering a comment. I don't care what anyone does
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jan 20, 2011 12:20:59 GMT -5
That sometimes people need a bit of help through a rough patch and that with some counseling and encouragement might be able to put down the ax they are grinding over each otherI think couples like John and Kate Goselin you don't know if they tried to work it out or not. Just because we did not see episodes on TLC with marital counseling does not mean either of them did not try while the cameras were OFF. By the time the show and the media caught wind of their divorce they may have already exhausted all their options. Those shows are not RL, they are edited to entertain. No one wants to see a NORMAL couple. They want to see all the nasty dramatic bits and pieces. No one wants to see a couple on TV getting counseling, they want to see fur flying. Makes good ratings. It was doomed from the start. She's a black hole of attention and a control freak. He's a lazy and passive aggressive douchebag.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Jan 20, 2011 12:21:03 GMT -5
How about giving them the benefit of the doubt and hope that you'll get the same kindness if you ever need it??
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Post by BeenThere...DoneThat... on Jan 20, 2011 12:21:58 GMT -5
<<< I don't care what anyone does >>>
...can we apply this to the "should we spank our kids" question?
;D
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