gooddecisions
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Gah!!!
Jul 7, 2015 21:48:04 GMT -5
Post by gooddecisions on Jul 7, 2015 21:48:04 GMT -5
Beer, it has nothing to do with paying on the mortgage. My mortgage was $686 when my first bf moved in. But, I also had taxes, insurance, hoa, garbage, water, sewage, power, gas, cable, internet and a home phone. By the time all that was added in- $1500. And that is just the basic predictable expenses. Instead of splitting things down the middle, we decided he would pay $500/month. You could argue it went to the mortgage or a couple of bills. Regardless, it was sharing living expenses- not a landlord/renter situation. After that relationship ended, another bf moved in and he refused to pay anything insisting I would have those bills with or without him. Drove me nuts. There is no excuse for an able working adult not to pay something for the roof over their head. You probably got a fully furnished place out of this deal as well. apparently - not nuts enough.... Oh no, I am pretty nuts. But it seems beer may have a similar stance and shouldn't have to pay towards anything but food since she would have the other bills with or without him.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jul 7, 2015 21:40:56 GMT -5
So we are not even talking miles. A half mile at the most. That is not very restrictive. This isn't a point. If you take daycare places, schools, parks and playgrounds into consideration, the radii of all these places merge into each other leaving very little area to live in. I am not missing the point. I am just pointing out that in my neighborhood one lives right across the from a very large daycare. He may creep over there everyday walking his dog. 500 ft is not very far
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jul 6, 2015 13:26:20 GMT -5
I would have assumed it was too close, but apparently not.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jul 6, 2015 13:25:15 GMT -5
It definitely doesn't exclude many places in my city. Like I said, one lives right across the street from a huge daycare. It is maybe 500 ft. The elementary school I would estimate 1000 ft. from his apartment. Less than a five min walk.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jul 6, 2015 12:56:33 GMT -5
So we are not even talking miles. A half mile at the most. That is not very restrictive.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jul 6, 2015 12:01:16 GMT -5
there are plenty of jobs he can do where he'd have no contact with kids. He can also live places, just not within a certain distance of a school. Have you seen some of the maps? I was looking at a map where a sex offender COULD live once you blacked out areas near schools, parks, daycare centers, etc. and there were very few places they could live. Add to this that if you are having a hard time being employed, you likely need to be on public transportation lines - which are very near the places that you need to avoid. It really is a no-win situation and I'm not sure of the solution. There is one currently on the list living right across from the daycare and elementary school in my neighborhood. Have far are they supposed to live?
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jul 6, 2015 10:47:52 GMT -5
Beer, it has nothing to do with paying on the mortgage. My mortgage was $686 when my first bf moved in. But, I also had taxes, insurance, hoa, garbage, water, sewage, power, gas, cable, internet and a home phone. By the time all that was added in- $1500. And that is just the basic predictable expenses. Instead of splitting things down the middle, we decided he would pay $500/month. You could argue it went to the mortgage or a couple of bills. Regardless, it was sharing living expenses- not a landlord/renter situation.
After that relationship ended, another bf moved in and he refused to pay anything insisting I would have those bills with or without him. Drove me nuts. There is no excuse for an able working adult not to pay something for the roof over their head. You probably got a fully furnished place out of this deal as well.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jul 6, 2015 10:22:16 GMT -5
My girls are little still, but when they are a bit older I will introduce them to the list and the map. For the violent offences, it will be a lesson on how even some neighbors are bad; and for the minor offences, a lesson on the horrible consequences of doing something stupid.
My neighborhood has a Facebook page and people sometimes post license plates or rants about kids doing something rude or reckless. I will also use it as a tool that they should be on their best behavior else the cops may get involved- people are always watching, filming and publicly shaming. Heck it keeps me on my toes and I try not to do anything that could be seen as rude or inappropriate!
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gooddecisions
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Gah!!!
Jul 5, 2015 22:23:36 GMT -5
Post by gooddecisions on Jul 5, 2015 22:23:36 GMT -5
We just don't know. Beer hasn't addressed specifically how much he pays for groceries and extras and how it compares to what it would be living on his own. Or even if he is the type to court all of his non-live in girlfriends with dinner out and extras- like trips together.
if I were to totally make up her side, it could sound like:
dear ymam, I've been struggling financially for awhile. I am a single mom with 3 teenagers. I make good money, but it isn't enough to make ends meet. I have the most wonderful boyfriend who gave up his place and moved in 10 months ago. He is great with my children and even pays for groceries and vacations. I love that we have the privacy in the hotel rooms he pays for to give us alone time together, but that means new lingerie and clothes so I can look sexy for him. I still give the kids lunch money and money to go out to eat with friends. I buy my lunch a lot at work as well so that the entire food bill isn't his. I am ashamed every time it have to ask him for money. Should I ask him for more money for the household bills or will i lose him?
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jul 5, 2015 19:45:56 GMT -5
I may be mistaken, but I thought Beer was still renting. If he's not, or even if he is, I agree, if he wants to continue living there, he should pay part of the expenses. But relationships don't work on a formula. Relationships are hard, taking on stepkids is harder. There is no formula for this, they need to find their own way, and that may take some time. I'll let beer chime in here, but he was pretty clear on another post that he lives at her house and his contributions are limited to groceries and vacations. People struggling financially for all kinds of reasons. Maybe the house is too much for her to afford on her own. All we know is beer says she's bad with money.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jul 5, 2015 19:27:53 GMT -5
There is a huge difference in not paying anything because you still have your own place- even if you are spending most nights away and not having any housing bills at all.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jul 5, 2015 19:25:12 GMT -5
But did your bf at the time live with you rent free for a year+?Yes, he did sort of. No rent, no expenses, just "extras". First he spent a couple of nights a week, then 3 or 4, then 5 or 6. It was very gradual. He had a 1BR apt, I had a house with 3 kids in it. After a year, I preferred to let him stay here without "charging" him rather than to farm my kids out so I could spend some nights with my love. Since you seem shocked by my post, what's your deadline? At what point do you tell a bf or gf, you've spent X nights over the last Y months, now you need to start contributing to this household! I chose to "go with the flow". I spent a BOMB on babysitting that year when we were hiding our relationship from my kids LOL. It helped that I didn't NEED DH to contribute financially, although my finances were indeed very tight in those days. The other issue is, a guy with an apt (like Beer or my DH, although my DH owned his apt) probably has NO clue about the expenses of running a home at the beginning. The best way I can formulate this is, sometimes even people who love each other can take time to get on the same page. It didn't happen instantly for us, but it happened. ETA: I edited the first paragraph of my response. Because his gf is obviously struggling financially while her boyfriend lives there rent-free. Beer doesn't pay rent anywhere else. He is able to save all the money that would otherwise go to monthly water, internet, power, rent, garbage, cable, gas, etc. so of course he has money for extras.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jul 5, 2015 19:17:39 GMT -5
If it was the other drivers fault, their insurance will pay it. Your inlaws don't have to worry about a deductible.
Somebody just hit us from behind. It didn't do much damage to our 2000 maxima, and we could still drive away. We called their insurance company, who told us which body shop to take it. Body shop estimated $750 and we drove it home. Within a week, their insurance company sent a check for $750. Their insurance company called to check up. My dh said he still felt a little stiff but was fine. They sent another $500 to close the claim.
We won't be getting the bumper repaired and will continue to drive the car until the wheels fall off. That $1250 can now go to whatever. No fraud was committed.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jul 5, 2015 18:57:46 GMT -5
Crap 13 pages in I finally decide to post and then I lost my post LOL. Here is the short version: I was in GF's position. I was alone with 3 kids when (now) DH came along 22 years ago. I did NOT want him to have ANY say in how I spent my money / CS, either on myself, or especially on my kids. So I made damn sure I didn't need to ask him for a dime. Like Beer's GF's ex, my ex was fairly absent, but he paid regular CS. Initially, like Beer, DH paid for extras/treats. For the family as a whole though ... he never offered to pay for something for just one child (I'm not talking about birthday / Xmas gifts). A year into the relationship, no way would I have allowed that, let alone let a second kid approach Beer with a catalogue for another camp. A year later, none of us knew we would last. Although DH DID start sleeping here, with the kids at home, a year into our relationship. I'm truly glad I wasn't as rigid as some of you about that! He would make them pancakes or a full English breakfast and he was fun and the kids were always THRILLED to wake up and find him here LOL. (I DO understand they wouldn't have been thrilled if there had been a "revolving door" of men ... but, there is a happy medium between zero men and a parade of men, and these kids are 13-17, IIFC.) Beer is visibly a concerned and extremely generous person to be with a mom of 3 kids. GF must have a bunch of qualities too, but visibly, money management is not one of them LOL. Please forgive me but I'll be frank: I think she was very wrong to insist on taking that vacation. It really struck me that you recently justified it by saying 'she didn't want to make the trip twice in two days'. But IIRC, initially, you posted that YOU had offered to do one of those two arduous round trips. It also struck me that she ABSOLUTELY didn't need to buy that "swag". She's the one with the three kids, so financially they are HER responsibility, and not yours. Yet when there was a conflict between you helping out your parents (with their dog), she opted to take that vacation anyway, without you. Despite the fact that YOU were paying for the kids' camps, and that the "incidentals" (which she should have been able to cover) turned out to be ... shopping. That REALLY bothers me. I'm sorry, but that sounds incredibly selfish on her part. GF needs to learn to manage her money. If she feels ashamed at what happened, I think that's understandable. It shouldn't have happened. If Beer is indeed spending all or most of his time there (is he?), IMO he needs to contribute to the RUNNING of the household, and not just the "extras". If he's really there all the time or nearly all the time, he needs to contribute and his contribution needs to be factored into the expenses of running the house. Will that help the GF budget better? Dunno. Hopefully this situation will make you both think about what you want for the future, and get on the same page. I wish you the best of luck. But did your bf at the time live with you rent free for a year+? Yes, beer lives there and only contributes to groceries and vacations of his choosing. I am actually surprised his gf feels guilty when asking for help, I would feel entitled.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jul 5, 2015 9:20:43 GMT -5
If beer is her idea of a sugar daddy, she is doing wrong. Remember folks, he doesn't pay towards anything except some food and vacations of his choice. Just everyday boyfriends do that. He should have plenty of disposable income without all the pesky living expenses.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jul 4, 2015 8:54:18 GMT -5
First, I never ask people to bring stuff to my parties, if they do- fine but it is never requested. Stuff happens, people's plans change. In my opinion, your frustration should be with the host, not the guest who cancelled.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jul 3, 2015 12:33:51 GMT -5
Just a regular account or credit card from boa gets you free admission to museums on the first weekend of every month. You don't need a special "private client" relationship.
I walked into Wells Fargo with my 3 year old and they really wanted to open an account for her. I told them, sure if it comes with free children's museum admission...they had no idea what I was talking about. I shrugged and said we would stay with boa.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jul 2, 2015 19:47:24 GMT -5
I love growing pretty flowers and even edible things, but I live in the south and I learned a long time ago never to plant anything in June, July, or August. If it is not in the ground by the first week of May, I wasted my time and money. I might buy an orchid or potted flower to keep inside for a few months.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jun 21, 2015 21:21:38 GMT -5
Beergut pays his share of the household bills with food and vacations. If I had a bf who lived with me and didn't pay anything toward the main living expenses (I have), then yes I would probably feel entitled to ask for the money for this trip. Especially given that it wouldn't have been necessary in the first place if he handed bought the camps...
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jun 15, 2015 19:23:38 GMT -5
I found the old board in 2004. I wasn't making much money, but was proud to not be in any non-mortgage debt, contributing the 5% match to my 401(k) and prepaying my mortgage. I read many Phil posts- stopped prepaying my mortgage, maxed out my retirement and continued to increase my salary and opened a brokerage account. I also picked the right partner after almost settling for financial losers.
I had a lot of good habits already, but I really think the board fast-tracked me to the millionaire club.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jun 14, 2015 16:05:34 GMT -5
Yeah, it drives me crazy. I agree with southernsusana- I worry that these people who HAVE to take their kids to Disney are the same ones who claim they can't save for retirement or college. My ex-BIL and his wife took their 5 kids to Disney World last year, just the airfare had to be quite a chunk of change. SIL told me once that her kids were her retirement plan. I don't know if she was joking or not, but she doesn't work and her husband, while an engineer, doesn't make a lot considering the family size and the fact that they just bought a 4500 square foot house. My MIL said the same thing. She was a stay at home mom of 5 who made extra money crafting.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jun 14, 2015 14:55:46 GMT -5
I gross about 90K/year in financial services. DH grosses about $180K/year in technology. We gross another $40K or so in rental income. We're in the south east, MCOL.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jun 14, 2015 13:18:08 GMT -5
It's not just Disney. I was at Busch Gardens Tampa last week and a single ticket for ages 3 and up is $97 after taxes. Age 3! Think about that for a minute- they can't even ride 90% of the rides. Sea World is also just under $100. Universal Studios, you guessed it- just over $100 for a single day's admission.
But, that's if you are paying full value and not getting a package or using a coupon. Nobody does that.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on May 17, 2015 9:07:26 GMT -5
I do NOT understand X's not paying child support. Here in IL there is a set formula for the amount of payment required per the number of kids involved AND employers are REQUIRED to forward the payments to the primary, custodial parent. I suppose the X could give up a W-2 job & work only under the table for cash but in all reality how many can actually pay even their own basic living expenses that way? Everyone I know who divorced with young children, shared custody. 50/50 means nobody pays child support. I'm fairly certain that's the way it would go down if we split. We'd sell the house, each get smaller houses and share custody. We are stronger financially together, but we'd be fine. There is only one person I know how has primary custody and her ex doesn't have a job, so no child support for her. Both had to move back in with their parents 2 years ago. They have a 3 year old. I don't know anyone who gets child support (purely anecdotal as of course many out there do). Just throwing it out there as no, child support is not a given. A co-worker of mine just went through her second divorce, she was the one who had to give up half her retirement. Her husband never saved anything for retirement as he preferred spending the money on expensive hobbies. She is 60 and they were married for 15 years. This was his third marriage. She thought he would do the right thing and let her keep her retirement, but he knew he was "entitled" to it and went after it. She is devastated.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on May 14, 2015 13:12:03 GMT -5
I had a queen size bed when I was a little girl. The first thing I did when I bought my first place as a single, young woman with no pets was buy a king size bed. The queen went into the guest room and these days it's my little girl's bed. I still have no pets and my children don't sleep in my bed. I really don't even spread out and I'm not a big person, but i still want that space. My mattress has a 15 year warranty.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on May 13, 2015 16:10:38 GMT -5
I've gone to the grocery store looking pretty rough. I keep my head down and hope to run into nobody I know. Other times, I go to the grocery store looking pretty good, I keep my head up and secretly judge everyone looking frumpy as if I'm soooo much better.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on May 13, 2015 14:27:52 GMT -5
Very few weddings I've attended have specified attire in the invitation. I have to rely on clues, which aren't always reliable. I opted for a business professional look (tailored button down, pencil skirt w/ blazor and closed-toe heels) for one winter indoor 3:00 pm wedding thinking it would be more appropriate than a cocktail dress. I've always worn cocktail dresses and was thrilled to not to have to worry about getting a spray tan or pedicure and shivering with bare arms in the winter. I looked nice, wasn't going to outshine the bride, was feeling pretty good and was so much more comfortable.
Well, I blew it and should have worn the cocktail dress. I felt like I stood out like a sore thumb. I will always wear a cocktail dress from now on. Men should always wear suits. There is always one guy trying to be a little more business casual in khakis and a polo who ends up ruining all the pictures. Disclaimer, I live in the south and maybe dressing up for weddings is more common here.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on May 8, 2015 22:04:08 GMT -5
The biggest thing that saves me money is I buy everything second-hand. I joined 10 different neighborhood facebook swap pages. I get clothes, toys, gear, sports, etc- all off these pages. I check out 15 children's books/week at the library, so I don't buy books and I don't get bored reading the same bed-time stories. We can afford brand-new everything, but we want to retire one day and a 1 and 3 year old don't care if something is brand-new. We also do a lot of activities through the county parks & rec department.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on May 8, 2015 21:52:08 GMT -5
I am also curious to know if some places are better than others for shopping for recurring needs, like diapers. I imagine that things are going to be much more hectic in the future, so I don't know that my wife (or screaming child) are going to tolerate me standing in the diaper aisle with my calculator app seeing which is really the best price like I do now for paper towels/TP/etc. amazon mom. But, if you really want to save money- just buy 24 one-size cloth diapers and be done with it. I did that for my first and used them all again for my second. It wasn't "hard" at all. I don't buy paper-towels either, cloth towels and napkins are easier. Toilet paper is no big deal- Costco.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on May 8, 2015 20:32:15 GMT -5
One place not to scrimp on expense for your wife is a breastpump - get a good one for when she returns to work.
Congrats! As everyone else has said, you don't need much of any of the stuff that is marketed to new parents. Be prepared to experiment with diaper brands - my boy could only wear huggies - he would pee out the sides of any other brand! That said, don't stock up too early on diapers until you know what will work for baby. ACA pays for that now- 100% for double electric.
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