gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Feb 12, 2016 14:37:43 GMT -5
That's Friday for you. They probably blew off their appointments and went to happy hour early. Have you called Verizon?
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Feb 12, 2016 14:28:45 GMT -5
Comcast did that to me and then had the nerve to tell me they came, but I didn't answer the door. My door was open and I was sitting in a chair facing the full-window storm door looking outside the entire time. I was livid.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Feb 12, 2016 12:32:03 GMT -5
I don't think Beergut has disclosed how much she actually makes, only that it's "more than $6K net/month" and she makes about $20K/year more than him. It sounds like she has a nice home plus 4 kids- a 13 yo, 15 yo, 17 yo and one married and in the marines. Even if she is making $20K/year more than Beergut, supporting 4 kids, herself and the roof over everyone's head is going to leave her with less than him every month. As someone else pointed out at least $500 goes out every month for activities and sports. Kids are expensive and single people who haven't experienced it first-hand don't always realize it. Not that BG isn't getting some insight into it living there for over a year, but since he isn't able to see the full financial picture, he really doesn't know. It would be nice to know what we're really working with. Is that $6K/month verified and does it include child support- or is it your best guess? I thought at one point he said he made around $50K and she made around $75K, but really can't remember. Obviously $75K does not net $6K/month unless you're adding in child support, which he also said isn't paid in full every month. So...
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Feb 12, 2016 10:19:31 GMT -5
If Shasta was paying all her obligations, I don't think anyone would have a problem with this post and would find it very inspiring. As it stands, it's similar to the strategic foreclosure posts from years ago. Some folks were impressed, others found it unethical and morally wrong. Same thing here. Nobody is right or wrong, it's just perspective. And, it seemed a little dishonest not to mention that she was not paying certain obligations in her original post. Others had to point it out.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Feb 12, 2016 9:45:06 GMT -5
It only seems odd because with a master room and a guest room, nobody should have to sleep on the couch. Regardless, I spent $1700 just on a sofa. People are constantly sleeping on it because it's 93" long and 46" deep, in other words longer and wider than a twin bed and we have two extra beds in private rooms as it is- one king and one queen, so I don't get it.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Feb 10, 2016 21:24:55 GMT -5
The real problem lies in the fact that your GF uses all of her income to pay for living expenses while you get to decide what "fun stuff" you all are going to do that month.
GF makes say $3k/month. It is eaten up by mortgage, utilities, insurance, car payment, some groceries, etc. GF makes more than double that amount monthly, and all of her income is not spent on living expenses. What does she spend her money on after she pays the mortgage, utilities, and car note? Good question. I can never get a straight answer on that, and she can't/won't show me a budget. Is more than $6K/month her net or gross? I make more than $6K/month but after taxes, insurance, 401k, HSA, dependent care FSA, united way, PAC and a prepaid legal service- my take home is sadly only about $3300/month. Mortgage, taxes, insurance, utilities, auto-insurance, phones, clothing, dr's visits, incidentals, food (and I know you say you pay for groceries, but I'd bet it's not 100% of all eating), etc would easily eat up that, but instead it all goes to daycare (for me). She doesn't have daycare expenses, but kids cost a lot of money.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Feb 10, 2016 7:06:09 GMT -5
Then he noticed I was stressed and asked me what was the problem. I told him "Well you said yesterday you needed to talk to me about so and so, that it was urgent and my report was wrong" He looked at me again and told me to relax. We'll take care of it later. So we did that later in the afternoon. He was really calm by then, he went over the problem so I could understand the issue and we fixed it together. It was big, not huge, but easy to solve. He told me Monday had been a crazy day for him and apologized if he sounded too aggressive. I adore this man. I'll seriously miss him when I move away. Only thing I wish is he didn't overreact every now and then. His emails sounded like I was in a serious problem. I guess I would have been if he didn't catch the review before it made further up to top management.
Thanks again guys for all the support. It's great to count on you. Sometimes I really don't have anybody else.
It doesn't sound like an over-reaction to me at all. You have a lot of excuses for your mistakes and even blame your boss for over-reacting. Then, when he is nice about it- you still "wish he wouldn't over-react." I know you're just venting here, but if my employees had that attitude, I would have a problem. ETA- an MBA and CPA does not give you an excuse to have a poor work ethic and produce sloppy work- that's going to catch up with you in any job. More is going to be expected of you, not less.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Feb 9, 2016 3:29:00 GMT -5
Thanks for coming back. I can't say I would have blamed you for peacing out on this thread.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Feb 8, 2016 17:42:57 GMT -5
Cotillion is extremely popular in my neighborhood. Sigh, my girls will have to beg me. So many things I'd rather spend money on than fancy dresses and primping. Why would they have to beg? Either you'll pay for the dresses or you won't. Making them beg seems kind of cruel. If you've already decided you won't spend money on "dresses and primping", let them know in advance so they can make arrangements to earn the money/save somehow to pay for it themselves.
My mom let me know well in advance of school shopping that she would NOT be paying for blue jeans with holes in them. I worked during the summer so I could buy them myself.
Not beg me to buy them dresses, beg me to enroll them in cotillion. If people think prom is expensive, cotillion is a whole new level. I'm not sure if its popularity is due to the parents or the kids. But, I'm athlete and my girls are 1, 4 and coming in March, so what do I know.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Feb 8, 2016 17:24:22 GMT -5
Every boyfriend I ever had paid for those "extras". The ones who lived with me paid 1/2 rent, 1/2 utilities and extras. You make it sound like there have been a lot of boy friends paying 1/2 rent, 1/2 utilities and extras lol Just a couple, but really my point was that many boyfriends pay for extras because they love their women and want to treat them. Paying rent does not automatically excuse you from paying for extras nor does it validate not paying living expenses. In my opinion, it shouldn't be one or the other. Although dinner and vacations is one thing, summer camp and prom dresses is another.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Feb 8, 2016 17:20:41 GMT -5
Cotillion is extremely popular in my neighborhood. Sigh, my girls will have to beg me. So many things I'd rather spend money on than fancy dresses and primping.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Feb 8, 2016 16:22:47 GMT -5
I get that, but how about the good ol' fashion mail? It's been months of phone calls now and not one single piece of mail explaining what they are calling about. the mail is going to whatever address they have linked to that phone number. It may even be the proper address for the person they're trying to reach. I guess I'll pull my credit report. I've had this phone number for 12 years.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Feb 8, 2016 16:16:50 GMT -5
Something must be in the air, because I'm getting dozens of collections calls (I assume?) as well. They always call my house when I'm at work and never leave a message. I have no idea what they want, so leaving a message or sending something through the mail would be helpful. It's Allied Interstate and I have no idea if it's legit. some either gave them a fake number or someone transposed a number when it was being entered. They have to be careful about what they say wwhen they leave messages, might be due to the federal credit laws. I get that, but how about the good ol' fashion mail? It's been months of phone calls now and not one single piece of mail explaining what they are calling about.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Feb 8, 2016 16:11:31 GMT -5
Something must be in the air, because I'm getting dozens of collections calls (I assume?) as well. They always call my house when I'm at work and never leave a message. I have no idea what they want, so leaving a message or sending something through the mail would be helpful. It's Allied Interstate and I have no idea if it's legit.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Feb 8, 2016 15:59:07 GMT -5
Seriously, the dress in PIP was the ugliest dress ever made. I would be horrified if anybody suggested I make my own and referenced Pretty in Pink. Also, young girls bodies change so much from year to year, that buying a year in advance is not always practical. I couldn't wear any of my dresses in college because I ballooned up to a size 6 and finally had breasts. I was able to borrow a lot of dresses from girls on the hall my freshman and sophomore years and then from my roommates- and that was definitely a bonus.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Feb 8, 2016 14:59:22 GMT -5
There are two types of employees- one who takes criticism as an opportunity for improvement and one who gets defensive and disgruntled about it. I reviewed some really sloppy work last week and tried to provide feedback to the employee so she could fix it. She immediately got defensive and argumentative about it, so I got on the phone with her manager. If she had been reasonable, listened to the feedback, corrected the mistakes and was even a little bit decent about it- it wouldn't have needed to be escalated. I heard she got off the phone and was pissed off about it. Maybe the bigwigs don't come to you because you're not easy to give feedback to. Try not to take it so personally.
Also, don't just sit there and listen. Apologize for the error and listen, learn and apply. If you want to be gracious, thank them for catching it and letting you know so that it won't happen again. I promise if you handle it this way, your manager will be okay with you.
Good luck!
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Feb 8, 2016 13:06:57 GMT -5
Beer refuses to consider a monthly contribution until she reveals a very detailed budget. It is only at that point he will consider what a fair contribution should be.
I strongly disagree that she needs to show her complete and detailed financial picture for him to know what fair market value is to rent a house in her neighborhood (and divide in half as he is 1/2 of the adults in the house) and whatever they think is fair for utilities- I would again say half. One could definitely argue that he shouldn't have to pay half, but if it weren't her house and they found a house together to rent- I bet it would be split evenly. There is no possible way anybody who was receiving nothing wouldn't find this agreeable. Which, is why I suspect beer wouldn't offer anything nearly as fair.
For whatever reason, she hasn't handed over the requested budget. Maybe she doesn't have one that meets his requirements.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Feb 8, 2016 12:55:50 GMT -5
Well, what kind of extras every month? If he is consistently paying for things like going out to eat, movies, games, ect... Do they add up to near the amount she pays for the non fun stuff? If so I think it's unreasonable to then have him pay for a $500 dress because it will be much more than that, shoes, hair, whatever else... That's asking an awful lot. She needs a budget for sure. Every boyfriend I ever had paid for those "extras". The ones who lived with me paid 1/2 rent, 1/2 utilities and extras. Beer's contribution would likely not be fair market rent and instead be something along whatever he gave his parents before he moved in with his girlfriend. He seems very petty when it comes to money, so I suspect at most he would offer 1/4 of the living expenses because he'd reason he's only 1 out of 4 people living there and only cover enough food to feed himself. The situation would be more like roommates and I could totally see why the gf would object. Plus, he said once that if he contributed anything resembling "rent" he would feel he was owed a stake in the home equity and he doesn't want partnership in the house. Never mind, that rent doesn't mean you're all of a sudden entitled to ownership.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Feb 7, 2016 9:29:00 GMT -5
My mom was deceased and I only had my dad's help with prom dress shopping. I suppose there were plenty of dresses that cost hundreds or even thousands of dollars, but we only looked at the ones that were $200 or less. I ended up with one for $150 and thought that was a lot. If you start shopping at the $500 price point, there is no coming down. Just like with wedding dresses, her heart will be set on the one she tried on, loved and just happens to be $500.
I told my niece I would sponsor her prom, but may have to rethink that if it's means $1000 (yikes!) She is extremely self-less though and would never ask for that kind of money- not to mention she would rather skip prom and divert the funds to helping with college expenses. Which is exactly why I said she should go and I will pay for it. The conversation started because she couldn't believe how expensive the tickets are.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Feb 5, 2016 15:58:54 GMT -5
If you're going to do it, make sure it's perfect. Go to every open house and every parade of homes. Talk to your neighbors. People love showing off their renovations. The floor plans may not be exactly what you have, but you'll start to piece it together. This should be at least a 12 month process. I've been thrilled with the remodels we've done so far, but I put a lot of thought and research into every detail. And trust me, the details matter.
It's just too much money to spend if it's not going to be everything you want it to be and more.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Feb 5, 2016 15:46:52 GMT -5
If I didn't know better, I'd think you were my husband. Our financial and family picture is almost identical. The addition I want is a nice screen porch and patio. We spend tons of time in the backyard and the existing deck is old, too small and not ideal at all. But, it sucks shelling out the money to pay for it.
My next door neighbor added on a master to his downstairs. It turned out beautiful. Just about everyone on my street has done something whether it was extending the kitchen, adding a Florida room, adding an upscale backyard patio, or finishing the room over the garage or attic. Every single remodel has been beautiful. But, like yours- these are $500k+ homes and upper middle class homeowners. People aren't cutting corners on the additions/remodels.
I don't know whether you'll be able to add the full value of the addition when it comes time to sell. It seems like the market is a bigger player in value rather than upgrades. If you're there long enough, you may very well recoup the cost while improving your quality of life with the ideal master suite. Moving is not necessarily a solution because like you said, finding the home in your area will be tough and then I bet you'll still find stuff that doesn't quite work for your lifestyle. I say do it.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jan 25, 2016 16:34:03 GMT -5
Debt-free and financially independent is my goal by 55. For the time being, my mortgage allows me to maximize funds toward investments. Yeah, I pay 3% interest on the mortgage, but my brokerage accounts have a higher balance and hopefully a larger return. I have the funds available to pay it off, I'm paying interest (which clearly means I'm not debt-free), but hopefully getting paid more in dividends and shares long term. And, if something happens in the meantime, I have a big stash of assets to deal. So, it's really no different than using that credit card for the benefits, even though you pay the balance monthly. Benefits with this strategy are just longer term.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jan 25, 2016 13:28:32 GMT -5
Debt free? Or positive net worth? DEBT FREE. Don't owe anybody in the world a penny. I was just pointing it out because back on page one, you defined debt free as not owing anybody in the world a penny. My homeless sister is the only person I know like that and I wouldn't choose her lifestyle. Sorry for being a technical Tina or annoying Annie.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jan 25, 2016 12:03:10 GMT -5
I'm not debt-free, but my brokerage accounts are way higher than the mortgages (4 properties) and networth is in the millions. My sister is debt-free, but she is homeless and gets SSDI, food stamps and a phone paid for by the government.
I don't know how anybody could not owe anyone a penny unless you're like my sister. I have bills due every month- electric, gas, water, sometimes medical, etc. I even put groceries on a credit card that gets paid off each month. Unless you're able to pay for services in advance, everybody owes somebody.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jan 23, 2016 10:49:20 GMT -5
I've managed to stay on target, but only because I've been maxing out for a long time on a modest income. There have been very few years my contribution hasn't been 20%. My 3% employer match hasn't helped all that much. The market hasn't been great for me either- overall since I started working 15 years ago- just ok.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jan 23, 2016 7:13:20 GMT -5
Yup. Since she's not asking for money from you, I wouldn't even worry about it. Let Mom handle that conversation. I know you're trying to help and I really respect that, but this is definitely one of those "offer advice if prompted, but otherwise smile and nod" situations. If you REALLY want to help this girl, you'd have to get Mom to stop subsidizing her social life because you probably know that she goes to Mom for fun money, and Mom goes to you for fun money. Change has to be made from the ground up if you want attitudes about money and wants/needs to change. About two weeks ago, she wanted to go out to dinner with some friends because they were celebrating a birthday. She had already said she would go, but she didn't have any money. She came and asked me for $20. When I asked what it was for, she mentioned going to Red Lobster to celebrate a birthday. That's her MO, agree to go then ask for money from me or her mother, figuring since she already agreed to go, it will be embarrassing if she has to call back and say she can't afford it. I flat out told her I'm not subsidizing her social life. She goes right to her mother and asks for the money. GF gets upset and asks me, "Why didn't you tell me you already told her 'no'?" Because I'm supposed to tell you to not give your daughter money for social gatherings she can't afford to go to? That was when GF told 17YO that this would never happen again. I think my and GF's money attitudes may be incompatible. I'm going to see if I can send her to one of those financial workshops, and see if hearing it from someone else will help at all. That's rough. If she doesn't have a job and no expectations to get a job, what else is she supposed to do but ask her parents for money? I think it's interesting that so many people have piped in about a job not helping get into college or nursing school, so she shouldn't get one. From my perspective, it's not about whether it will help you get into college or nursing school, it's about being able to afford activities, save something for college and perhaps establish a stronger work ethic that is motivated by a paycheck.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jan 22, 2016 14:53:53 GMT -5
Tough situation. Depending on the complexity of the job, 4 months is not always enough time to get completely up to speed. There are holistic learners, serialistic learners, visual learners, audio learners, tactile learners, etc. You may or may not actually be giving her the type of training that works for her in a way that gets results quickly.
If it were me, I'd start a conversation with her about how she thinks she is doing in the role and how confident she feels about her responsibilities. I'd listen and take notes. Then I'd ask her very specific questions about the tasks she's expected to perform and how confident she feels with said tasks. Ask if anything is going on that's preventing her from becoming proficient. Then share your assessment of her performance and what you would have expected her to be proficient in at this point of time. List out all the things her peers have been doing to help her in her role and ask her what your team could be doing differently to help her succeed. Discuss the issue with spending too much time on the internet and water cooler conversations. End the conversation by stating you want her to be successful and that you'll be checking in on progress weekly with a thorough assessment in 30 days. (or whatever you're comfortable with).
Good luck!
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jan 22, 2016 11:37:14 GMT -5
I think they are both valuable for a teenager. Extracurricular activities, particularly sports taught me how to work as a team, how to lead a team and how to stand out from the team. It also taught me how perseverance, practice and hard work can take me from mediocre to MVP- all things that have served me well in my career and life.
My job as a teenager taught me more about earning money in the real world, getting along with co-workers, what it's like to answer to somebody other than teachers and parents and most importantly finance. Getting an allowance is not the same as getting a paycheck. I learned how to do my taxes, better understood how tax brackets really work, all about payroll taxes etc. and became more independent and matured more than I think I would have without a real job. And, I had a pretty decent resume by the time I got out of college that showed more than just my grade point average and activities.
That said, I was never expected to work during the school year. My job was to do well in school and keep my commitments to my teams and activities. I started weekends-only in May and worked full-time, with overtime in June, July and August starting at 16. It sucked getting up early in the summer, but getting that paycheck was awesome! It seems like it would be really challenging to juggle a normal school day (assuming school goes until at least 3:30 M-F and 5 days week practice until 5), homework, activities, a social life and a job. If school gets out really early where you are, then maybe it's possible to do it all.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jan 13, 2016 12:32:15 GMT -5
If you include "I could have used that to pay 25% of the mortgage down" in your response, he'll just think "so you could have been making the payments to get out of this, but didn't." People like that always think others have money and are not doing what they need to do to spite them. Hence, the 7 years of excuses comment.
It's best to leave it at, "the housing market crashed and despite making 7 years of on time payments, we still can't sell or refinance it because the value has dropped so low the mortgages are higher than it's worth." Then tell him if he really wants his name off it, he can send the $11K he owes you and you might have enough to sell or refinance (you know it's not enough, but he's not going to send it anyway). Tell him it's not an option for you, because you don't have the money.
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Post by gooddecisions on Jan 6, 2016 17:47:26 GMT -5
A full-size pantry was one of the first things I looked for in all the homes we were shown. Not having one would have been a deal-breaker. Cabinet pantries are okay, but inadequate compared to a closet pantry. A kitchen is just not as functional without one in my opinion. Even still, the home we settled on I wish the pantry was either walk-in or double-wide. It's too small with an annoying by-fold door.
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