what is more important, extracurricular activity or a job?

[beergut]

17 YO is a senior in HS, and works with some of the sports teams as a student athletic trainer. For a while, she said being an athletic trainer was what she wanted to do as a career, and I've tried to support her in that goal. However, she is now saying she wants to go to nursing school eventually, and become a nurse. Fine, no problems there. I figure she'll go to community college for two years, and we'll see if she can make the grades to get into nursing school. 

This Spring, however, she is set to work as an athletic trainer with the baseball team. I happen to have a co-worker who has a sister who is the manager of a popular local restaurant that is always looking for people, especially hostesses. I mentioned to the 17 YO that there is a job opportunity there, and a solid one since it is a restaurant she likes and she has an in with the manager. 

17 YO said she doesn't have the free time to work after school or on weekends because of the athletic training gig with the baseball team. Looking at the schedule, there is free time to work, but it would mean giving up her free time, which I'm sure she doesn't want to do. 

Since she no longer desires to be an athletic trainer, I don't see the need to work with the baseball team. I think she could drop that extracurricular activity, and get some work experience. She has worked as a lifeguard the last two Summers for a local water park, and worked a ton of hours, so it isn't like she is completely lacking a work ethic. She also babysits for the neighbor kids occasionally. 

A part-time job would also mean extra spending money and gas money. 

Working a part-time job while also doing the baseball gig would mean she would always be busy between school, baseball, and working, but I think finding out what it means to work hard would be a good thing for her. 

This isn't going to happen, because she doesn't want to do it, but I'm interested in your opinion, purely as an intellectual exercise. Given the choice between doing an extracurricular activity or working a part-time job, what do you think is a better option for a senior in high school? 

[MJ2.0]

Why not both? That's what I did.

[Lizard Queen]

She's got a whole lifetime to be able to work a shitty restaurant job if she wants or needs to. Does that answer your question?

[flutterby]

Work. I'm a mean mom.

Neither will probably make any difference in getting into a college, but extracurricular activities are usually fun. And work, while it can be fun, is work. Seventeen is plenty old enough to get into the mindset that not everything is fun, a lot of times we (as adults) have to do things we don't really want to do, and earning your own spending money is much more mature than begging mom or dad for cash all the time. It shows responsibility.

I know some people will say kids have the rest of their lives to work and they should play while they can, but it seems to me, teenagers can always seem to find the time to fit the fun stuff in, too.

[Shooby]

She has all her lide to work. I dont think it is all that important. Sounds like she has worked and done fine with that.

[Apple]

I told my son when he was a sophomore that if he stayed involved in theater, I would not make him work.  We've kept that deal.  Do I think it would be good for him to have a job and earn some money?  Yes.  However, theater did wonders for him and he lights up when he is on stage.

He has the rest of his life to toil away at a job, and will have to do so, beginning this summer.  I worked from the time I was 11 and missed pretty much any opportunity for school activities.  Yes, it gave me some savings to start out my life with, but I wish I had been able to do the things I wanted at the time.

One big difference-- I had to pay my own way from Jr. High on for anything outside of food, basic clothing, and a place to live.  Field trip?  I had to come up with the money.  Lab fees, graduation costs?  I had to pay for my stuff.  My son doesn't, I feel it's my job to pay for his school needs and some of his wants (he does have ways to earn money when he wants something extra though).

ETA: He also has to "work" with theater, building the sets, learning the lines, working with other people, working as a team.  It just also happens to be fun.

[swamp]

Jan 21, 2016 20:28:42 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

Why not both? That's what I did.

Me too. 

[justme]

Pretty sure if her new goal is nurse a gig as an athletic training gives her way more experience for that than being a waitress.

[suesinfl]

My 18 year old daughter has worked since she was 16. She also played volleyball and softball at HS. Was she busy? Sure, but she had spending money, learned a great work ethic and still had a somewhat of a social life. It all depends on the kid.

[Tiny]

Jan 21, 2016 21:04:24 GMT -5 justme said:

Pretty sure if her new goal is nurse a gig as an athletic training gives her way more experience for that than being a waitress.

      While it's good to have work experience... sometimes extra curricular things give you that - you just don't get paid.

Why not have her try to find a 'job' for the summer (between HS and college)  that's not sports related (in her current comfort zone) -  sometimes having a Part time crappy paying job for 3 months isn't such a bad thing. 

FWIW:  it sounds like she doesn't NEED the $$ so the waitress job doesn't sound particularly appealing to her.   I don't recommend forcing the kid to take the job she really doesn't want - especially since she's got other 'productive' uses of her time.    

I'm assuming you've talked about what financial contributions she'll need to make to her college education (with maybe some actual examples and walking thru the math - showing how MUCH $$ she'll need etc...)?    Have you had some conversations along the lines of how now is the time to try new things?

[wvugurl26]

If she works in the summers that's probably fine. When I did scholarship applications they tended to want to see extracurriculars and a variety of them more so than a job. I had a baby sitting gig as my only work experience and I landed a full ride scholarship paying for everything including books and room and board. I had the GPA, the test scores and a ton of activities. A little free time is not a bad thing. If they always need new hostesses she should easily be able to land a gig this summer.

[Lizard Queen]

Jan 21, 2016 21:11:51 GMT -5 Tiny said:

Jan 21, 2016 21:04:24 GMT -5 justme said:

Pretty sure if her new goal is nurse a gig as an athletic training gives her way more experience for that than being a waitress.

      While it's good to have work experience... sometimes extra curricular things give you that - you just don't get paid.

Why not have her try to find a 'job' for the summer (between HS and college)  that's not sports related (in her current comfort zone) -  sometimes having a Part time crappy paying job for 3 months isn't such a bad thing. 

Double 

[Deleted]

If you guys can afford it, the extra-curricular is better.  No college is going to be impressed with waitressing no matter how hard she worked.

My daughter cheered so she didn't work.  We got her a job at the local pharmacy that started the day after she cheered at her last game.  She is now a pharmacist.  If you can help her get a job related to her future career interests, great.  

If not, then let her enjoy the athletic training bit.  Of corse, if she needs to work to support the family, that is different.

[beergut]

Jan 21, 2016 21:18:23 GMT -5 @bamafan1954 said:

If you guys can afford it, the extra-curricular is better.  No college is going to be impressed with waitressing no matter how hard she worked.

My daughter cheered so she didn't work.  We got her a job at the local pharmacy that started the day after she cheered at her last game.  She is now a pharmacist.  If you can help her get a job related to her future career interests, great.  

If not, then let her enjoy the athletic training bit.  Of corse, if she needs to work to support the family, that is different.

She's going to a local community college, so her extracurriculars have nothing to do with getting into college. 

She is doing this because she enjoys it. 

She doesn't need a job, but she wants to have a social life. Some of her social life is going out to eat with friends, which does cost money. She doesn't have any money, so having a part-time job would help in that area. 

[Tiny]

Jan 21, 2016 21:42:00 GMT -5 beergut said:

Jan 21, 2016 21:18:23 GMT -5 @bamafan1954 said:

If you guys can afford it, the extra-curricular is better.  No college is going to be impressed with waitressing no matter how hard she worked.

My daughter cheered so she didn't work.  We got her a job at the local pharmacy that started the day after she cheered at her last game.  She is now a pharmacist.  If you can help her get a job related to her future career interests, great.  

If not, then let her enjoy the athletic training bit.  Of corse, if she needs to work to support the family, that is different.

She's going to a local community college, so her extracurriculars have nothing to do with getting into college. 

She is doing this because she enjoys it. 

She doesn't need a job, but she wants to have a social life. Some of her social life is going out to eat with friends, which does cost money. She doesn't have any money, so having a part-time job would help in that area. 

This begs the question: Where is she getting money to go out with friends? If you are supplying it - it might be time have the Talk with her about how much money you will continue to give her.

[giramomma]

I would say both..but only you know this girl and how she handles being busy, how her grades are, if she's the type that needs to study or if school comes easy for her.

I wish someone had encouraged me to have a balanced life.

No one did, and I learned to use work and activities as an unhealthy escape mechanism. I did it with my parents, and I did it with my husband when our marriage was in the crapper.

Now I'm burned out from everything and there's little opportunity to replenish in the way that I need to.  Not exactly a path I'm going to encourage my kids to follow.

I also suck ass at maintaining friendships because work and activities come first.

[beergut]

Jan 21, 2016 21:46:06 GMT -5 Tiny said:

Jan 21, 2016 21:42:00 GMT -5 beergut said:

This begs the question: Where is she getting money to go out with friends? If you are supplying it - it might be time have the Talk with her about how much money you will continue to give her.

She doesn't get any money from me, I've already explained that I will not fund her social life. 

Mostly, she gets it from her mother, although her mother said that would stop. 

She has a bad habit of telling her friends she will get together with them somewhere without having the money, figuring she'd just ask one of us and we'd fund it, but that issue has been nipped in the bud. 

[obelisk]

She is not your daughter and her mother is not on the same page as you.  You wishes are null. You will not control the outcome.

You are a bystander in the outcome.

[justme]

Well, she's basically an adult. Let her make her decisions and live with them. When she has no money to do the things she wants maybe she'll get a job. Maybe not.

[beergut]

Jan 21, 2016 22:00:00 GMT -5 obelisk said:

She is not your daughter and her mother is not on the same page as you.  You wishes are null. You will not control the outcome.

You are a bystander in the outcome.

No, really? 

Thank you for completely missing the point of the thread. 

Here's your sign.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

My daughter is in the exact same boat. She is choosing not to work. She will have her final track season starting next week, ending in late May. After that, we expect her to get a job. We do pay her an allowance that is connected to the amount of chores she completes to our standards. She must pay us to use our car, pay for her own toiletries, make-up, and school supplies, and pay for the majority of her social engagements.


When I in high school, I chose to work part time.  

[busymom]

My DD did a LOT of activities in high school, which actually did help her get into a good college. But, she also worked every weekend, because Mom & Dad just couldn't afford (and weren't willing to pay for) everything she wanted.

If your DD doesn't want to waitress, maybe she'd be willing to do fast food, retail, or another type of work. It IS possible to do it all, but with homework she will be up very late some nights just keeping up with everything. Welcome to being an adult.

[beergut]

Jan 22, 2016 0:31:00 GMT -5 busymom said:

If your DD doesn't want to waitress, maybe she'd be willing to do fast food, retail, or another type of work. It IS possible to do it all, but with homework she will be up very late some nights just keeping up with everything. Welcome to being an adult.

Nope, doesn't want to do fast food or retail. She has this funny idea that you're supposed to like what you do as a part-time job. 

[cronewitch]

For a teen who doesn't understand work I think a few crappy jobs they hate with bosses who don't like them and bully them is a good thing. It teaches that bosses aren't friends and don't have to say it nicely to get you to do it, they can fire you and will. Getting fired a few times is great for kids they learn they aren't the center of the universe. Kids grow up with parents and grandparents and others who care about them, bosses don't care. Jobs need done even if it isn't fair you have to do something not in your job description and the boss doesn't say please or thank you. The boss likes that other kid better so you are stuck cleaning bathrooms, taking out trash and sweeping floors when they get the fun jobs. Work sucks, sucks less when you understand nobody cares if you rather go to a party when they need you to work and you go anyhow and get fired.
This is the sort of thing that after a few crappy jobs they appreciate a decent job and want to go to college so they don't need to deal with the crappy jobs. These are jobs they can look back on after college and be glad they never have to do again. It can also teach them to manage staff that acts like children when they are middle aged.

[Shooby]

  Obviously your real job is more important than extracurriculars.  The job that supports you and your family is obviously the priority.  For a teen, I do think it is a good thing to work and learn the concepts of working, showing up on time, doing things you don't particularly want to do, dealing with bosses and coworkers, etc.  Of course that has value.
  On the other hand, teens only have so much time.  And, the real world is looming fast.  You can get spread too thin.  So, it's really up to you.  If you think it is highly important for your kid to work during that time, then great.  If not, then not.

[MJ2.0]

Jan 21, 2016 22:11:40 GMT -5 justme said:

Well, she's basically an adult. Let her make her decisions and live with them. When she has no money to do the things she wants maybe she'll get a job. Maybe not.

Yup. Since she's not asking for money from you, I wouldn't even worry about it. Let Mom handle that conversation. I know you're trying to help and I really respect that, but this is definitely one of those "offer advice if prompted, but otherwise smile and nod" situations. If you REALLY want to help this girl, you'd have to get Mom to stop subsidizing her social life because you probably know that she goes to Mom for fun money, and Mom goes to you for fun money. Change has to be made from the ground up if you want attitudes about money and wants/needs to change.

[Ryan]

I wouldn't push her to work.  It's not like she is just sitting around on the couch. She's busy with work, extra curricular, and wants to spend time with her friends. 

Working as a teenager is overrated.  They work some sh*tty job at a restaurant and probably get exposed to all sorts of sketchy characters that work there.  

I'd rather my kids participate in activities they enjoy, study, and then spend the free time doing things they want to do since you're only young once.

If they spent from 3:00 to Midnight playing video games, then that's another story.  

[Tiny]

Jan 22, 2016 0:57:17 GMT -5 beergut said:

Jan 22, 2016 0:31:00 GMT -5 busymom said:

If your DD doesn't want to waitress, maybe she'd be willing to do fast food, retail, or another type of work. It IS possible to do it all, but with homework she will be up very late some nights just keeping up with everything. Welcome to being an adult.

Nope, doesn't want to do fast food or retail. She has this funny idea that you're supposed to like what you do as a part-time job. 

She's not that far off... sometimes you 'like' a crappy job because the hours/pay fit into your schedule/put $$ in your pocket.   

Unfortunately, that's something you learn from experience - about all those various shades of "like" and how you have to compromise sometimes doing something you only minimally 'like'  to get what you really LIKE.  

If she's interested in nursing - is there some part time job that she could take that's at least kind of associated with the business of 'nursing'?   Maybe a front office type job or even a back office type job might be in line.

[justme]

Jan 22, 2016 10:35:22 GMT -5 Tiny said:

Jan 22, 2016 0:57:17 GMT -5 beergut said:

Nope, doesn't want to do fast food or retail. She has this funny idea that you're supposed to like what you do as a part-time job. 

She's not that far off... sometimes you 'like' a crappy job because the hours/pay fit into your schedule/put $$ in your pocket.   

Unfortunately, that's something you learn from experience - about all those various shades of "like" and how you have to compromise sometimes doing something you only minimally 'like'  to get what you really LIKE.  

If she's interested in nursing - is there some part time job that she could take that's at least kind of associated with the business of 'nursing'?   Maybe a front office type job or even a back office type job might be in line.

The athletic training gig is associated with nursing. From wiki:

An athletic trainer is a certified health care professional who practices in the field of sports medicine.

[ohmomto2boys]

I can understand not wanting all her "free time" tied up - it is her senior year.  Can she start working now 2 - 3 nights and then when baseball is in full swing can she cut back to just one night a week?  

If I am presented with this situation with my kids, I would try to find a balance, but sometimes it's not that easy.