AgeOfEnlightenmentSCP
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Post by AgeOfEnlightenmentSCP on May 25, 2011 11:52:47 GMT -5
Oh, this thread reminded me of my ex. While I make it a point to be a couple of minutes early for everything, he took it to an extreme. One evening we had dinner plans with one of his clients, who was also a friend. Dinner was scheduled for 7, in a town 35 minutes away. He decided we needed to leave at 6:00, and at 6:01 he pulled out of my work parking lot and headed off on his own. I have drilled, and drilled, and drilled, and drilled, and drilled it into my wife and others in my family that if you have to drive anywhere, you double the time you think it's going to take. This is particularly important for the inlaws as they have consistently underestimated drive times. In fact, they consistently underestimate how long ANYTHING takes. They consistently ignore my pleading that they take their time estimates, which have proven to be wrong consistently, and double them. My sister-in-law missed her flight on Tuesday. I just found out about this little incident (which involves a business my wife and I own with her) today because they knew what I'd say-- and I said it: I told you so. Fortunately, she got on standby and it didn't cost us all a lot of money. LIVE YOUR LIFE WITH MARGIN FOR ERROR! Get your ass up and be where you need to be when you're supposed to be there. NO EXCUSES!
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AgeOfEnlightenmentSCP
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Post by AgeOfEnlightenmentSCP on May 25, 2011 12:01:24 GMT -5
And everyone knows better than to be late when I'm involved. I have been known to leave without people. For me, it began with church. I was tired of walking in late. It's once a week, and you can't get there on time? You know on Sunday at 10:30 a.m. that the next service is next Sunday at 9:00 a.m. The bottom line, and the unspoken reality was that it just wasn't that important to my wife to be there on time-- so, I started leaving without her. I got ready, rounded up the kids, put 'em in the van and just left.
I had tried all the "be nice" and "let it roll off" stuff I know how to play-- but the bottom line is that she just didn't care, and so sometimes you have to demonstrate that YOU care before anyone else is going tocare.
The first time she was furious- and I reminded her that the previous Sunday I said that if she isn't ready to leave at 8:40 (it takes about 10 minutes to get there, we have to park, and it takes a few minutes to get the kids settled for Sunday school and nursery) that I would be leaving without her. I told her at least once a day that week because I really wanted her to know that I meant 8:40, not 8:40:01.
By my own rules we should have planned on being there at 8:45 and left even earlier, but this was my COMPROMISE time-- and 8:40 was a hard deadline due to the narrow margin for error. She couldn't even make that. So, I left.
She had her little fit, but I'll be a monkey's unlcle if we didn't leave at 8:35 the following week and we haven't been late since.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on May 25, 2011 12:07:49 GMT -5
By my own rules we should have planned on being there at 8:45 and left even earlier, but this was my COMPROMISE time-- and 8:40 was a hard deadline due to the narrow margin for error. She couldn't even make that. So, I left.
Wow. I'm completely amazed that a) you got away with that (if my fiance pulled a passive aggressive stunt like that on me, he'd be going by himself to whatever the recurring event was from that point on), and b) that it was necessary in the first place.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 25, 2011 12:11:35 GMT -5
I think its a great way to handle it. Don't we preach here that until the person doing wrong feels the pain, nothing will change.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on May 25, 2011 12:13:39 GMT -5
I guess I'm just surprised that polite requests like "It's really important to me that we be on time for x event, please do your best to be ready a little bit earlier than usual this week" don't seem to work for so many people on this board. If your SO can't even respect a simple request because it's important to you... that seems very odd to me.
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Waffle
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Post by Waffle on May 25, 2011 12:14:24 GMT -5
I don't see that as passive agressive. He was very direct in telling her upfront what he was going to do and then he did it.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 25, 2011 12:17:45 GMT -5
Because people who are perpetually late don't see an issue with it. YOU are the one making a big deal out of it, not them. THEY think there's something wrong with you.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on May 25, 2011 12:30:42 GMT -5
I don't see that as passive agressive. He was very direct in telling her upfront what he was going to do and then he did it.
Fair point.
Because people who are perpetually late don't see an issue with it. YOU are the one making a big deal out of it, not them. THEY think there's something wrong with you.
Ditto. But DF isn't the most punctual person in the world and if I tell him it's really important to me that we're on time for this particular event, he makes the extra effort anyway. I don't understand why so many others do not.
If something really matters to your SO, it shouldn't matter if you completely understand why or not.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 25, 2011 12:37:37 GMT -5
And everyone knows better than to be late when I'm involved. I have been known to leave without people. For me, it began with church. I was tired of walking in late. It's once a week, and you can't get there on time? You know on Sunday at 10:30 a.m. that the next service is next Sunday at 9:00 a.m. The bottom line, and the unspoken reality was that it just wasn't that important to my wife to be there on time-- so, I started leaving without her. I got ready, rounded up the kids, put 'em in the van and just left. I had tried all the "be nice" and "let it roll off" stuff I know how to play-- but the bottom line is that she just didn't care, and so sometimes you have to demonstrate that YOU care before anyone else is going tocare. The first time she was furious- and I reminded her that the previous Sunday I said that if she isn't ready to leave at 8:40 (it takes about 10 minutes to get there, we have to park, and it takes a few minutes to get the kids settled for Sunday school and nursery) that I would be leaving without her. I told her at least once a day that week because I really wanted her to know that I meant 8:40, not 8:40:01. By my own rules we should have planned on being there at 8:45 and left even earlier, but this was my COMPROMISE time-- and 8:40 was a hard deadline due to the narrow margin for error. She couldn't even make that. So, I left. She had her little fit, but I'll be a monkey's unlcle if we didn't leave at 8:35 the following week and we haven't been late since. wow. I need to give DH extra hugs and kisses when I get home. He has his faults, but he would never do something THAT douchey.
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Colleenz
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Post by Colleenz on May 25, 2011 12:38:36 GMT -5
What a horrible way to communicate with your spouse. I would have been tempted to siphon the gas out of the car the next Saturday night to "teach you a lesson" back.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on May 25, 2011 12:48:31 GMT -5
What a horrible way to communicate with your spouse. I would have been tempted to siphon the gas out of the car the next Saturday night to "teach you a lesson" back.
I imagine Paul's lesson would be a very effective way to teach a CHILD how to be on time (assuming s/he actually wanted to go to whatever the event was) but it always rubs me the wrong way when people use such tactics on their spouses.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 25, 2011 12:49:49 GMT -5
yeah, well Paul strikes me as one of those people who treats everyone like a child.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 25, 2011 12:50:55 GMT -5
They shouldn't have to. Arriving late to something like church is beyond rude. If she doesn't want to go to church then she needs to say so, not dawdle like a kid that doesn't want to go to bed. If you don't act like a child, you won't be treated like one.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on May 25, 2011 12:52:08 GMT -5
I'm going to take a wild guess that both Paul and Mrs. Paul consider him the head of the household. I saw a lot of that growing up, and it DOES cause a lot of men to be very paternal to their wives. Yuck.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on May 25, 2011 12:53:00 GMT -5
They shouldn't have to. Arriving late to something like church is beyond rude. If she doesn't want to go to church then she needs to say so, not dawdle like a kid that doesn't want to go to bed. If you don't act like a child, you won't be treated like one. What church do you go to? The one I occasionally attend has people strolling in all through Mass.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on May 25, 2011 12:53:27 GMT -5
They shouldn't have to. Arriving late to something like church is beyond rude. If she doesn't want to go to church then she needs to say so, not dawdle like a kid that doesn't want to go to bed. If you don't act like a child, you won't be treated like one.
Agreed. Hence my comment that this never should have been "necessary" in the first place. I think Paul and his wife were both in the wrong.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 25, 2011 12:53:33 GMT -5
And passive-aggressive on her part.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on May 25, 2011 12:53:43 GMT -5
Oh, this thread reminded me of my ex. While I make it a point to be a couple of minutes early for everything, he took it to an extreme. One evening we had dinner plans with one of his clients, who was also a friend. Dinner was scheduled for 7, in a town 35 minutes away. He decided we needed to leave at 6:00, and at 6:01 he pulled out of my work parking lot and headed off on his own. I have drilled, and drilled, and drilled, and drilled, and drilled it into my wife and others in my family that if you have to drive anywhere, you double the time you think it's going to take. This is particularly important for the inlaws as they have consistently underestimated drive times. In fact, they consistently underestimate how long ANYTHING takes. They consistently ignore my pleading that they take their time estimates, which have proven to be wrong consistently, and double them. My sister-in-law missed her flight on Tuesday. I just found out about this little incident (which involves a business my wife and I own with her) today because they knew what I'd say-- and I said it: I told you so. Fortunately, she got on standby and it didn't cost us all a lot of money. LIVE YOUR LIFE WITH MARGIN FOR ERROR! Get your ass up and be where you need to be when you're supposed to be there. NO EXCUSES! That was mature.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 25, 2011 12:56:50 GMT -5
I can't believe that anyone would treat others and even a church or wherever you worship in such a disrespectful manner and that some people are "okay" with it. The speaker is speaking and people stroll in and out with no regard? Just plain rude and disrespectful. You are too good to be on time, then stay home. It interrupts others as well while you sashay around finding a seat.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on May 25, 2011 13:00:01 GMT -5
I can't believe that anyone would treat others and even a church or wherever you worship in such a disrespectful manner and that some people are "okay" with it. The speaker is speaking and people stroll in and out with no regard? Just plain rude and disrespectful. You are too good to be on time, then stay home. It interrupts others as well while you sashay around finding a seat. . There seems to be a lot of behavior that you can't believe, but actually happens. BTW, it's a HUGE Catholic Cathedral. You can slip in and out without anyone noticing, as long as you're not noisy, because it echos horribly.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 25, 2011 13:03:27 GMT -5
I like shows where they won't seat you until its a good time for the performers for you to interrupt the show. It's still rude for you to be tromping on others toes while you find your seat but at least you aren't going to mess up the show/actors.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 25, 2011 13:03:54 GMT -5
I like shows where they won't seat you until its a good time for the performers for you to interrupt the show. It's still rude for you to be tromping on others toes while you find your seat but at least you aren't going to mess up the show/actors.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 25, 2011 13:15:03 GMT -5
They shouldn't have to. Arriving late to something like church is beyond rude. If she doesn't want to go to church then she needs to say so, not dawdle like a kid that doesn't want to go to bed. If you don't act like a child, you won't be treated like one. wow.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 25, 2011 13:17:15 GMT -5
Sorry but barring some emergency, being late is rude and childish. Only a toddler/kid purposely does this to make a point. A so-called adult should be beyond such behavior.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 25, 2011 13:18:26 GMT -5
They shouldn't have to. Arriving late to something like church is beyond rude. If she doesn't want to go to church then she needs to say so, not dawdle like a kid that doesn't want to go to bed. If you don't act like a child, you won't be treated like one. What church do you go to? The one I occasionally attend has people strolling in all through Mass. seriously. I doubt God/Jesus cares if you are a few minutes late for church.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 25, 2011 13:20:21 GMT -5
Probably not but others do so unless you are totally self-centered, you get there on time so as to not disrupt others.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on May 25, 2011 13:31:51 GMT -5
Making people wait is a measure of power, control, and importance. Every time I've gone to a professional I've waited at least a few minutes. When I go to see a doctor, lawyer, see my boss I normally have to wait. I'm usually one time but I'm starting to wonder if being late and running behind shows power and control. It means that your time is more important than someone else's.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 25, 2011 13:34:51 GMT -5
I guess I see waiting 3 minutes in the exam room as the same as waiting 1 minute in line at the grocery store. It is just a way to keep the business running at optimal profitability, and therefore prices efficent. I would feel really weird if the doctor was sitting in the exam room waiting for me the minute I walked in. I would assume that practice is going under any minute now. Just like I don't like to see 5 cashiers standing around talking to each other, but having no customers to take care of, when I walk into Target.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 25, 2011 13:36:07 GMT -5
Exactly. I do realize that its hard to get places on time especially with kids but if you already know its going to be hard, allow for that. It's like not allowing for the fact your baby may cry. Get a seat where you can exit easily. That's just considerate of others.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on May 25, 2011 13:37:34 GMT -5
I am not in a business of changing people, especially my spouse. So, if my DH was constantly late, I would suggest taking two cars instead of "leaving" him behind. It's not like his lateness magically appeared the day AFTER we got married.
Lena
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