Firebird
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Post by Firebird on May 20, 2011 15:33:56 GMT -5
Then there was an upsurge of "My MIL wants to wear blue and I specfically told her that I wanted all my guests to wear green! Is it all right to take back her invitation' type posts.
It makes you want to stab your eyes out after awhile.![](http://i239.photobucket.com/albums/ff155/JiminiChristmas/smileys/1-1.gif) DQ, I love you. We have to hang out sometime.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on May 20, 2011 15:35:03 GMT -5
If you are ever in the midwest feel free to stop by! ;D
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sil
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Post by sil on May 20, 2011 15:39:29 GMT -5
Reading this thread makes me realize that I caved much too quickly on the "last name" argument. Actually, it was never an argument because I never liked my maiden name, but my mistake was letting DH know this.
In hindsight, I should have told him that he can pick the kids last names, and I get to pick their first names.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on May 20, 2011 15:43:37 GMT -5
I got to choose DD"s name because DH wanted to name a boy something I REALLY didn't like. I told him that was fine he got to name the boy if I got to name a girl. He agreed because he was 100% convinced we'd have a boy. At 19 weeks we found out we were having a girl. ![:P](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/tongue.png)
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Loopdilou
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Post by Loopdilou on May 20, 2011 15:53:51 GMT -5
Wait, what are the valid points for changing your last name? I still haven't heard any. Would hating your current last name work? LOL! Frankly, this is the only one that makes sense to me! ![:)](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/smiley.png)
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Post by illinicheme on May 20, 2011 15:57:01 GMT -5
In hindsight, I should have told him that he can pick the kids last names, and I get to pick their first names. Ooh - I should definitely try this reasoning. Sounds great to me. ![8-)](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/cool.png) As far as liking your name or not, here's a bit of information that is guaranteed to make steam come out WWBG's ears....I've always disliked my last name. Still couldn't bring myself to change it when I got married!
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on May 20, 2011 16:06:08 GMT -5
I like the way my name flows and I've established myself professionally. Those are my reasons for wanting to keep my name besides the huge pain in the azz it would be changing it. If I were to lose my mind and have kids they can have the husband's name no problem.
And no, I would never suggest my husband change his name. I don't want to change my name why in the hell would I ask someone to do something I'm not willing to do? Yeah I admit it'll probably run some alpha males I'm the leader types off but let's be honest I am going to butt heads with them anyway.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 20, 2011 16:07:25 GMT -5
Wait, cats are Satan's minions? Does that ever explain things around here. I just thought we bought the Amity house.
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Loopdilou
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Post by Loopdilou on May 20, 2011 16:31:42 GMT -5
Wait, cats are Satan's minions? Does that ever explain things around here. I just thought we bought the Amity house. Well, I know mine is, but we prefer Satan's minions to evangelicals. ![;)](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/wink.png)
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 20, 2011 16:38:20 GMT -5
They look so sweet when they sleep, just like children-but then they wake up...... ![:(](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/sad.png)
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on May 20, 2011 16:41:07 GMT -5
I swear if my neighbor's cats don't quit darting out from in between cars in the parking lot in front of my car they are going to be dead cats. Damn near gave me a heart attack the other morning when it did that. And it did it again tonight to someone else after I had pulled into a parking spot. I'd be really upset if I killed something but he shouldn't just let them roam all over the damn complex.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 20, 2011 19:28:17 GMT -5
WWBG, totally your business but you don't seem all that happy with your fiancee'. Perhaps you should wait and/or re-think? There are posters on here married or engaged to people that they don't seem to have much respect or even use for and they aren't very happy. No one wants to see you that way and you already seem to be unhappy.
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Post by gsbrq on May 20, 2011 21:34:21 GMT -5
Guess mine is just a bitch then. That's not fair. It's possible you're just a doormat. You'd have to draw your line in the sand over something to find out. I see a third possibility: they're both a$$holes. ![:P](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/tongue.png)
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Post by gsbrq on May 20, 2011 21:38:40 GMT -5
Seriously, I don't understand why people think it's worth it to be in a relationship that makes them so grouchy...it's not a choice I would make. Every relationship has its speed bumps, but I'd far rather be single than be with someone who caused me so much bitterness & resentment.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on May 20, 2011 23:31:41 GMT -5
I think he has too much invested in her to leave now.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on May 21, 2011 2:20:14 GMT -5
I think he has too much invested in her to leave now. That definitely sounds like a good reason to fuck up your life by promising it to the wrong person!
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Post by gsbrq on May 21, 2011 4:19:25 GMT -5
He wants to lock in his losses.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on May 21, 2011 6:39:40 GMT -5
Thanks I think. This last name thing is definitely one of my hot buttons. Deep down, I'm sure she knows that I am not going to change my name -- I have already said as much. While she may not change hers, and I can live with that, it will be made clear that the only way we are going to have the same last name is if she adds mine (not like I'll ask her to erase hers). One of my friends has suggested to me that she probably will cave in the end so long as I stick to my guns. He's been married 3 or 4 times and each of them have changed their name, so on that subject I guess he is knowledgeable.
Those of you who know me get the balanced perspective. DF can be extremely thoughtful, and she does put a lot of effort in. Over the past year our financial management has evolved and improved. We are a much better household.
Is it frustrating that others get these things so easily? Well sure, why wouldn't it be. Thats human nature.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on May 21, 2011 6:49:55 GMT -5
...:::"In hindsight, I should have told him that he can pick the kids last names, and I get to pick their first names.":::...
No, you shouldn't have. My friend's wife did exactly this. She told him that he already got his name, so the baby was going to have her fathers name. He was VERY resentful. He felt he had no say in the matter thanks to a decision that had already been made long before kids were a possibility. It felt like milking a past independent action for a future benefit.
Above all, I think he feared it would be the first in a downward cascade of (as was said before) "my uterus, my rules" type edicts.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 21, 2011 7:13:34 GMT -5
While it sounds like this particular wife expressed her name choice as an ultimatum, in which case I can see where the friction might arise, but seriously...
"This baby will have your last name, connecting him to your family. I would like his first name to provide a connection to my family - what if we named him Bill for my Dad" - seems like a pretty reasonable freakin' request to me.
Is he just pissed that he couldn't name the kid Douchey McDoucherson IV? Why couldn't he have said "I don't love the name Bill, but how about we use your Dad's middle name" or something?
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on May 21, 2011 7:47:03 GMT -5
...:::"Is he just pissed that he couldn't name the kid Douchey McDoucherson IV? Why couldn't he have said "I don't love the name Bill, but how about we use your Dad's middle name" or something?":::... No. As I said, it was more the fact that he felt he had no say in the matter because she was using the fact that the kid would have his last name, (which she would have taken anyway) as the justification. The actual name was probably fine, but it was the WAY she went about demanding it just seemed selfish. And I mean she was pretty nasty about it too, saying stuff like "you already GOT your name". Part of me thinks he should have still said no, just to see what she would do. I seriously doubt she'd have gone through changing her name back to her maiden name. Not sure where she saw that one going. He's a nice guy, and he didn't fight it because he knew it was important to her. But she went about getting it in a way that cost her a lot of respect. But perhaps I should try a variation of the trick. We bought in this area because we both wanted to live here. So I'll tell DF that since we moved where she wanted to live, I get to choose our next car. ![:)](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/smiley.png)
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 21, 2011 9:59:49 GMT -5
Whatever works for you. Because there had been no girls born for 7 generations, the joke was I got to name the boy and he got to name the girl. Well, I lost and he named the girl 2 names that she just hates and for very good reasons. Sometimes compromise is not a good thing. In my family the first born female has a middle name that starts with J, (thank you mother for not sticking me with yours and grandmas middle names.) My idol was Katherine Hepburn so I wanted a Katherine Jane so when DD complains about her name, I tell her what it would have been and she isn't any happier with that!!! She would have been a "Kate" before everyone and their sister became a Kate. The name would have suited her btw.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 21, 2011 10:02:55 GMT -5
BTW, it isn't easy finding someone who isn't a financial or emotional/mental train wreck. Took me 10 years and a lot of toads along the way. Is DF perfect? Certainly not but then again, neither am I. I wanted love and fidelity, he gives me that, plus he is financially secure enough to have the resources to care for himself when it becomes necessary so I don't kill myself or bankrupt myself doing it. At my age, what more can you ask for?
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 21, 2011 10:03:24 GMT -5
My DS is almost 28 and the pickins' are scarce.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on May 21, 2011 10:31:18 GMT -5
...:::"it isn't easy finding someone who isn't a financial or emotional/mental train wreck":::...
Exactly, or who doesn't need to be a perpetual teen. One thing I LOVED and still love about DF is that she is not the type who needs to go clubbing from Thurs. through Sunday. She enjoys reading and being at home. She is also a good deal in the sense that she does not come attached to a gaggle of difficult friends, or weird family.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 21, 2011 10:35:26 GMT -5
THAT is a GODSEND!!! My family is WEIRD but far away. His is mostly dead but whats alive is weird, too. DS liked a girl then went home to meet her family. Whackadoodles, all of them. He said she didn't even have enough sense to keep them under wraps so he was afraid she thought dysfunctional was OKAY. Well, not to him.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on May 21, 2011 13:16:06 GMT -5
...:::"THAT is a GODSEND!!!":::...
Totally. Socialize this as one of my DF's very strong points, for both the family AND friends point.
I've seen guys who married women that were pretty much package deals. The friends were there first, and the friends would be there afterward, and they had full commenting privileges on every aspect of everything.
...:::"My DS is almost 28 and the pickins' are scarce.":::...
And in some areas, at 28, you will be very hard pressed to find ANYONE that doesn't at LEAST have a divorce under her belt, if not a kid or two.
DC on the other hand, 28 is the "whats your friggin hurry" age. I am so glad I live here, because if we lived anywhere else, I wouldn't have gotten any peace without a proposal once we turned 24. Not to mention that if that council of friends existed, I'd have to deal with them hissing at me like espresso machines with boobs.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on May 22, 2011 8:52:36 GMT -5
DC on the other hand, 28 is the "whats your friggin hurry" age. I am so glad I live here, because if we lived anywhere else, I wouldn't have gotten any peace without a proposal once we turned 24. Not to mention that if that council of friends existed, I'd have to deal with them hissing at me like espresso machines with boobs. You must have met some really awful women to form these opinions.
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on May 22, 2011 10:58:32 GMT -5
I'm sure there are some whackadoodles in this area ![:P](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/tongue.png) Anyway I do agree with WWBG that people aren't in such a hurry to get married around here. They are too busy working crazy hours to get their careers established. They don't have time for relationships. I mean our outside auditors were saying oh the crazy hours are ok bc we can say we work for E&Y. Yeah they are working 6 days a week on my audit, I don't know when they are bragging about working for E&Y.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on May 22, 2011 11:58:25 GMT -5
"And in some areas, at 28, you will be very hard pressed to find ANYONE that doesn't at LEAST have a divorce under her belt, if not a kid or two."
Depends a lot on the area. In the south, I'm always amazed at how young people get married there. In metropolotin areas with lots of jobs, 28 is considered young to get married because people are trying to establish careers. In my experience, I think being 26 is kind of young to be seriously dating around here.
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