Sum Dum Gai
Senior Associate
Joined: Aug 15, 2011 15:39:24 GMT -5
Posts: 19,892
|
Post by Sum Dum Gai on May 17, 2011 18:07:40 GMT -5
My father traced his geneology back to before the mayflower Supposedly. You'll never know for sure whether or not any of those men are the real father of the kids under their name. That's the point.
|
|
Sum Dum Gai
Senior Associate
Joined: Aug 15, 2011 15:39:24 GMT -5
Posts: 19,892
|
Post by Sum Dum Gai on May 17, 2011 18:08:42 GMT -5
Technically, I don't even know for sure that my kids are really mine. I trust Loop so I never insisted on paternity testing.
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,448
|
Post by Firebird on May 17, 2011 18:16:48 GMT -5
Dark: ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/bravado.gif)
|
|
Sum Dum Gai
Senior Associate
Joined: Aug 15, 2011 15:39:24 GMT -5
Posts: 19,892
|
Post by Sum Dum Gai on May 17, 2011 18:21:13 GMT -5
What? I'm just keeping it real. Women have been lying about who the baby daddy be since biblical times. One of them even had the nerve to point the finger at the old man in the sky.
|
|
msgumby
Established Member
Joined: Feb 7, 2011 2:26:23 GMT -5
Posts: 438
|
Post by msgumby on May 17, 2011 18:21:50 GMT -5
Well part of my point was that the mother could be wrong on a family tree just as much as the father. The version of my family tree that my husband's relatives pushed onto him was that this american indian woman was not really the mother - unlike whatever birth records he had managed to track down. I do agree that it's easier to screw up the record of the father, but either one could be wrong.
And did you ever get maternity testing done to confirm that you children weren't switched at birth by the hospital?
|
|
Sum Dum Gai
Senior Associate
Joined: Aug 15, 2011 15:39:24 GMT -5
Posts: 19,892
|
Post by Sum Dum Gai on May 17, 2011 18:24:46 GMT -5
And did you ever get maternity testing done to confirm that you children weren't switched at birth by the hospital? Good point, we could be raising somebody else's kids entirely.
|
|
Loopdilou
Well-Known Member
AKA Mrs. Dark Honor
Joined: Feb 27, 2012 19:41:33 GMT -5
Posts: 1,365
|
Post by Loopdilou on May 17, 2011 19:24:18 GMT -5
And I wouldn't really care either way. Blood doesn't make you family.
And of course it won't be 100% accurate with the mother's name, but I'd be willing to bet it would be one heck of a lot more accurate.
|
|
wvugurl26
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 15:25:30 GMT -5
Posts: 21,769
|
Post by wvugurl26 on May 18, 2011 22:14:50 GMT -5
Having started my career and the collection of professional licenses I'd be inclined to keep my name if I were to get married. I also have 2 degrees in that name. I got a cpa license in one state this month and plan to apply for another next month. And then there's the aicpa certificate and all that jazz that go with the cpa license. I swear the cpas at my old firm had 4 or 5 different things framed between degrees and cpa related stuff. And I want to do the fraud examiner certification.
Plus my awards and plaques for work are in my current name. And I'm sure it would just complicate my security clearance renewal and they like any excuse to be an azz about that. At least the morons opm hired for us do anyway.
If you want to think I'm killing a tradition so be it. Guys aren't the ones who have to deal with the hassle of changing everything and I've established a lot of stuff in my name. Now had I gotten married say right after college I might have not cared so much. Now that I have another degree, professional licenses, a career, and a security clearance I do care.
If I had to decide today on kids I'd say no thanks but if I did have them they can have the dad's name. My stepmom took my dad's name and had no problems with having a different name than her kid. My mom remarried and changed her name she only had visitation but she was able to get me a new birth certificate and SS card when I needed them to get my license. Her job allowed more flexibility to go to the appropriate govt offices. I never had problems with teachers giving me work or stuff for my stepbrother, they knew we were siblings. Stepbrother was very sick when he was younger so I'd pick up his work from his teachers.
|
|
DVM gone riding
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 23:04:13 GMT -5
Posts: 3,383
Favorite Drink: Coffee!!
|
Post by DVM gone riding on May 19, 2011 0:32:19 GMT -5
dark because of this many states still have laws on the books legally declaring the husband the "father" regardless of anything else. in the olden days (like before the US) fathers "claimed" their children at birth, both legit and illegit children. At least good parents did, because if the father denied the child there was no recourse for the mother. And it was very common and well known for second sons to not be their father's children but they weren't usually denied the protection of their "father" (unless of course the guy wanted a divorce since this was one of the few ways to get it) so yes you are right there are tons of kids born into families and claimed as theirs that aren't, shoot my last uncle is well known in the family not to be his fathers son, despite that the judge gave his non-dad custody (this was the days when women did NOT get custody) because everyone in the town knew she was "committing adultery" it didn't seem to matter that so was the "father"
|
|
reader79
Well-Known Member
Joined: Dec 30, 2010 8:48:07 GMT -5
Posts: 1,053
|
Post by reader79 on May 19, 2011 1:54:43 GMT -5
Wow, so much going on in this thread.... Let's see.... I already have a hyphenated last name, not due to my mom keeping her maiden name, but due to religious reasons. I am ten years into a career - not a job, so if I got married I will probably keep my last name, but maybe drop the one at the end. Which now seems like it may send some guys into heart failure, but whatevs.... i'm not currently dating anyone so this is all theoretical.
I don't want an engagement ring. Part of this is practicality, in that I realize that I tend to not wear rings, even ones that I adore, because they annoy me. I also don't like the ownership implications, and if I am forced to wear one, he damn well better be wearing one too. So, i'm happy to wait until we are actually married and wearing our matching LOTR One Ring bands, LOL.
On having children, if I am married I have no problem with them having my husband's last name. They aren't popping out previously established in the world after all, and I would think that it would be hard for his family to get over if they took my name. However, if I am not married when I give birth they get my last name period. No middle names, Jr. designations, or any of that bullshit if you don't respect me enough to not make my child a bastard. A friend of mine has two children by the same man and she gave them both his last name - despite him changing his mind on their engagement before she gave birth to #2. What a douche canoe.
And, I am one of five girls with a single younger brother. He has my mother's maiden name as his middle name, and his first name is my father's uncle's name. He never minded us too much, he had way too many people doting on him for being the baby, and the only boy for it to matter.
|
|
tcu2003
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 31, 2010 15:24:01 GMT -5
Posts: 4,944
|
Post by tcu2003 on May 19, 2011 22:26:06 GMT -5
This one caused major heartburn for me. I eventually ended up keeping my first and middle names, and then having a two-word last name, so it's MaidenName Husband'sLastName. I didn't end up changing anything until 6 months after our wedding - I really didn't want to change my name at all (I love my maiden name, and am fairly well known professionally, not to mention the professional licensure in my mainden name), but eventually decided to go for the two word last name compromise since it was important to DH. We'd already discussed that any children we have would have his last name, so no issues there.
This name change has been a PITA. I was originally going to hyphenate, but the SS office screwed up, and I ended up with 2 SS cards: the first with a hyphen, the second without. They said I have to use the most current one, and as I didn't want to go back and wait in line again, I just decided to drop the hyphen. Everything has to get updated, and I keep finding stuff I missed (though I only changed it in January, so it hasn't been that long ago).
For now, I'm not changing my name professionally, but that's already starting to be a pain, so we'll see if I change my name. My name is updated at work for all the tax, payroll, travel, etc. forms, and I'm in the database/locator by my legal last name, but my email and business cards all only have my maiden name.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,873
|
Post by zibazinski on May 20, 2011 7:40:18 GMT -5
Certainly a valid reason for leaving it all alone. Before when women had no life/careers other than their husbands, maybe it made sense but now it does not.
|
|
8 Bit WWBG
Administrator
Your Money admin
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 8:57:29 GMT -5
Posts: 9,322
Today's Mood: Mega
|
Post by 8 Bit WWBG on May 20, 2011 7:56:10 GMT -5
More and more I hate the cheap copout argument of flipping things around and saying "well why won't YOU change YOUR name".
Like it or not, there are double-standards based on gender. Men benefit from some, women benefit from many more. Using the flip-argument opens up a useless discussion on each and every one of those.
Of course if your spouse to be uses the flip on you, its a cinch she'll hate having it used on herself. One of my fondest memories of a fight (sorry, I mean a re-alignment of outcomes) with DF was when I used her "no, I said MAYBE I'd <x>" on her. The look on her face was priceless when she realized what had just happened, and her usage of the 'maybe' trick decreased sharply.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,873
|
Post by zibazinski on May 20, 2011 8:11:12 GMT -5
No one should be forced or pressured to change their name. Some do for good reasons, some don't, for good reasons. It's going to be a MAJOR hassle to change mine but I want DF"s and don't want my EX's so its fine for me.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,873
|
Post by zibazinski on May 20, 2011 8:13:20 GMT -5
BUT if my Dad had been the only boy so me being the only child, I would not have changed my name from his ever. Yes, my son would have had his father's but I would have had mine 'til I died and then on the headstone. But he had a brother who had a son who had a son so it was all good. My Dad would not have cared but I would have.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Jul 2, 2024 0:12:17 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 20, 2011 8:40:48 GMT -5
Interesting point, Zib. I am the last person in my family (other than my parents) with my last name. But we have a super-common name. I'm basically the last of the Smiths.
As I advance further in my career, I sometimes wonder how I would handle this choice, because I am getting to be known for my name. As there is no marriage on the horizon for me at the moment (damn, I seriously need a date), sharing a name with kids may be a moot point.
And just to add fuel to the previous fires, if marriage were in my future, I would want us both to have wedding rings. Frankly, they are a convenience to those of us who are still single. Personally, I wouldn't want that symbol of my forever love to be the symbol of another failed love. So, if I were Kate Middleton, I wouldn't have wanted Diana's ring. I might have worn it as a cocktail ring - because day-um, that thing is purty - but not as a wedding/engagement ring.
So, I wouldn't need a bigger rock, but I'd want a different rock (or no rock, whatev). I would also require a new mattress. That is all.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,873
|
Post by zibazinski on May 20, 2011 8:58:15 GMT -5
Same here. No way would I have worn that cursed ring but then again, no way would I have become a running joke like Waitie Katie. DF will wear a ring, he didn't with first wife, he already wears a man Claddagh ring on his right ring finger that I got him. We have an all new bed.
|
|
8 Bit WWBG
Administrator
Your Money admin
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 8:57:29 GMT -5
Posts: 9,322
Today's Mood: Mega
|
Post by 8 Bit WWBG on May 20, 2011 9:15:16 GMT -5
...:::"It's going to be a MAJOR hassle to change mine but I want DF"s and don't want my EX's so its fine for me.":::...
In your case, you get additional value for doing it. Your alternative is to keep our ex's name, or change back to your maiden name (which would be a real slap in the face as you'd be doing the same work, but not taking your future husband's name).
A fair point that there are good and bad reasons though. I'm sure some women change just to stop having to hear their husbands complain. I'm sure others avoid changing because god forbid they do anything that might imply they are controlled or owned by a man.
And yes, others have positive and constructive reasons.
...:::"So, if I were Kate Middleton, I wouldn't have wanted Diana's ring.":::...
I am not sure it works that way. Calling Diana's ring a "cursed rock" is myopic and naive. Monarchy in general is probably the most prominent example of "old world tradition" and "protocol". Each and every jewel in the crown has a specific meaning, and is mounted in a very precise place. Any wrong word could be considered an egregious gaffe and insult generations, not to mention national pride.
Plus, there is no shortage of women who want to marry royalty, so keep that in mind.
...:::"Waitie Katie":::...
I never heard that, but I'm sure the result was worth the wait.
...:::"but I'd want a different rock (or no rock, whatev":::...
DQ made a very good point about an inanimate object having as much or as little symbolism attached to it as the owners decide.
...:::"I would also require a new mattress.":::...
How do you deal with hotels? Do you pull the same thing when sleeping at the homes of friends or relatives?
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,873
|
Post by zibazinski on May 20, 2011 9:27:55 GMT -5
No, but sleeping in the same bed as wife number one would be a bit creepy to me. She kept the bed so it wasn't an issue. Geez, Waitie katie was all over the place. I'm sure she feels it was worth it. Public humiliation is not my thing. I've had enough of that with my EX.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,873
|
Post by zibazinski on May 20, 2011 9:30:00 GMT -5
My passport, my drivers license, my ss card, my trust and all bank accounts, my legal papers. Enough to make you cry. ![:(](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/sad.png)
|
|
|
Post by illinicheme on May 20, 2011 9:31:05 GMT -5
Yeah - I don't understand the new mattress thing.
|
|
CarolinaKat
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 16:10:37 GMT -5
Posts: 6,364
|
Post by CarolinaKat on May 20, 2011 9:34:05 GMT -5
This one caused major heartburn for me. I eventually ended up keeping my first and middle names, and then having a two-word last name, so it's MaidenName Husband'sLastName. I didn't end up changing anything until 6 months after our wedding - I really didn't want to change my name at all (I love my maiden name, and am fairly well known professionally, not to mention the professional licensure in my mainden name), but eventually decided to go for the two word last name compromise since it was important to DH. We'd already discussed that any children we have would have his last name, so no issues there. This name change has been a PITA. I was originally going to hyphenate, but the SS office screwed up, and I ended up with 2 SS cards: the first with a hyphen, the second without. They said I have to use the most current one, and as I didn't want to go back and wait in line again, I just decided to drop the hyphen. Everything has to get updated, and I keep finding stuff I missed (though I only changed it in January, so it hasn't been that long ago). For now, I'm not changing my name professionally, but that's already starting to be a pain, so we'll see if I change my name. My name is updated at work for all the tax, payroll, travel, etc. forms, and I'm in the database/locator by my legal last name, but my email and business cards all only have my maiden name. How do you indicate it's a 2 word last name instead of 2 middle names without a hyphen?
|
|
kiskis
Initiate Member
Joined: May 18, 2011 13:26:36 GMT -5
Posts: 59
|
Post by kiskis on May 20, 2011 9:41:38 GMT -5
To me, it’s just simpler for one person to take the surname of the other. ![](http://i239.photobucket.com/albums/ff155/JiminiChristmas/smileys/75_75.gif) Written by a person who's never changed his last name! Would you consider changing your last name to your wife's last name? DH actually suggested this. I'm the only one procreating out of a number of cousins on my paternal side, and my grandparents are really sad about no one carrying on the family name (traditional asians). I thought it was sweet, but yeah, societal norms would find that weird. We settled on making my maiden name mine and our first-born's middle names. Same as another poster. I took DH's name because I was young and had just started my career, so it was an easy thing to add into a transition period. If I was already established as a professional with name recognition, I would have had to seriously think about it. I still probably would have changed because I am fairly traditional and think mixed last names in a family make things very confusing for kids and new acquaintances.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,873
|
Post by zibazinski on May 20, 2011 9:48:50 GMT -5
My lawyer kept her EX's name even when she remarried because she was known by his last name. Wonder how her new husband felt?
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,873
|
Post by zibazinski on May 20, 2011 9:49:52 GMT -5
I think its not wanting to sleep in the same mattress that the first wife slept in. Like not wanting to wear her clothes or jewelry.
|
|
swamp
Community Leader
Don't be a fool. Call me!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,430
|
Post by swamp on May 20, 2011 9:52:44 GMT -5
My lawyer kept her EX's name even when she remarried because she was known by his last name. Wonder how her new husband felt? A dentist around here does that. I don't think her second husband really cares as long as she keeps bringing home the cash.
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 47,533
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on May 20, 2011 9:53:06 GMT -5
How do you indicate it's a 2 word last name instead of 2 middle names without a hyphen?
I don't have a hypen either. You indicate it is two last names because you put two last names in the box marked "last name" whenever you register or give the two names when asked.
When I filled out the SS application it had a box for my first name, my middle name, my maiden name and my new last name.
Legally I have two last names.
I've never really had a real problem with it. DH forgot to tell the tax guy that I have two last names (he just gave his last name) when we filed last year, but a quick phone call from the tax guy straightened all that out.
That wasn't even a problem of having two last names, it was DH not paying attention.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Jul 2, 2024 0:12:17 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 20, 2011 9:59:59 GMT -5
Yeah - I don't understand the new mattress thing. It goes back to the idea of inanimate objects carrying whatever symbolism we place upon them. My concern wouldn't be cooties - hence, hotels are fine - but I believe in the symbolism of a marriage bed. And I wouldn't want my partner to have shared my marriage bed with anyone else.
|
|
|
Post by illinicheme on May 20, 2011 10:03:37 GMT -5
Yeah - I don't understand the new mattress thing. It goes back to the idea of inanimate objects carrying whatever symbolism we place upon them. My concern wouldn't be cooties - hence, hotels are fine - but I believe in the symbolism of a marriage bed. And I wouldn't want my partner to have shared my marriage bed with anyone else. Maybe it's because DH and I started dating in grad school and each had a bed we shared with other people that I never really thought about it. We couldn't afford new furniture at the time anyway. I suppose by the time we officially got married it was a new bed that no one else had shared, but that's only because the grad school mattresses had worn out by that time.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,873
|
Post by zibazinski on May 20, 2011 10:14:28 GMT -5
;D So much going through my mind with that statement.
|
|