Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on May 15, 2011 11:08:48 GMT -5
I found the following article. finance.yahoo.com/family-home/article/112736/name-change-dilemma-women-marriage-wsj?mod=family-love_moneySo how do you feel on the topic of women changing their names after marriage? The article brings up a number of questions. First of all I wonder how a potential employer would know if you kept your maiden name or not, unless you kept both names and used them both (smith-jones). Does it really impact how people see you and your potential career? Does it really create a great deal of confusion in your professional life? Does it affect how people view you? It’s not uncommon for women to take their husbands surnames. To me, it’s just simpler for one person to take the surname of the other.
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MN-Investor
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Post by MN-Investor on May 15, 2011 11:28:04 GMT -5
To me, it’s just simpler for one person to take the surname of the other. Written by a person who's never changed his last name! Would you consider changing your last name to your wife's last name?
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on May 15, 2011 11:29:06 GMT -5
Personally, I don't care what anyone else does. I will say it's hard being a girl in this repsect. I like my maiden name. My whole name flows nicely.
With my first husband, I didn't want to change my name at all. He got a bit miffed about that, so I added his name. I didn't even want it hyphenated though. It certainly did cause confusion.
I changed my name completely the second time around--dropped my name and go by my husband's name. Part of it is I like this marriage/husband significantly better. Also, this last name flows better with my first name.
It's a pain in the ass to change one's name. The paperwork is immense; it takes years to get everything caught up and current. People one doesn't see often also add to the confusion.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on May 15, 2011 11:33:00 GMT -5
There was a VERY long thread on this topic a few months back. People site all kinds of reasons for both sides, but the way I see it, it basically comes down to personal preference. Although, for certain professions I think it makes a lot more sense to keep your name.
Lena
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Gardening Grandma
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Post by Gardening Grandma on May 15, 2011 11:35:11 GMT -5
I don't care whether someone changes their name or not. Having changed mine a number of times, it's a hugh PITA,
I did it when I was younger because that was the way it was done. I certainly support younger women who choose to keep their own names.
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dancinmama
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Post by dancinmama on May 15, 2011 11:43:16 GMT -5
I found the following article. finance.yahoo.com/family-home/article/112736/name-change-dilemma-women-marriage-wsj?mod=family-love_moneySo how do you feel on the topic of women changing their names after marriage? The article brings up a number of questions. First of all I wonder how a potential employer would know if you kept your maiden name or not, unless you kept both names and used them both (smith-jones). Does it really impact how people see you and your potential career? Does it really create a great deal of confusion in your professional life? Does it affect how people view you? It’s not uncommon for women to take their husbands surnames. To me, it’s just simpler for one person to take the surname of the other. I married young at age 22 before I had even started my career. I kept my maiden name as my middle name and took DH's last name. I would think that changing ones name when marrying would totally depend on how important their name was to promoting their profession/reputation. I can see why some would not want to change their name (Dr. Smith marries Mr. Jones) - she probably would not want to change her name if her credentials are under "Smith". For a manager or director at the corporate level, a name change is probably not that big of a deal.
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lurkyloo
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Post by lurkyloo on May 15, 2011 11:45:03 GMT -5
Just like the joint-vs-separate accounts, there are multiple possible answers and which one is best depends on the couple.
It's my firm belief that it should be totally up to the woman whether to change her name or not (or the man in the rare case he's changing his!) The partner's input should be considered, but not definitive--unless the person changing the name has no preference.
I do think hyphenated names are a pain the a@@. But obviously, my opinion only has bearing on me not wanting to hyphenate myself.
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dancinmama
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Post by dancinmama on May 15, 2011 11:47:00 GMT -5
To me, it’s just simpler for one person to take the surname of the other. Written by a person who's never changed his last name! Would you consider changing your last name to your wife's last name? I asked DH before we got married if he would do it and I got a resounding "NO". ha ha ha He has a really weird last name and now, so do I. ;D
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MN-Investor
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Post by MN-Investor on May 15, 2011 11:54:31 GMT -5
I took DH's last name when we got married. After a few years I realized that I hated that. His last name was short, easy to spell, and totally nondescript. My maiden name was clearly Scandinavian and not quite so easy to pronounce. I debated going back to my maiden name or hyphenating our names. I ended up hyphenating them (legally changed). If I had it to do over, I would have gone with my maiden name. The biggest problem with a hyphenated last name are computer programs which can't handle a hyphen. At the clinic I'm Investor Smithjones.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on May 15, 2011 12:01:33 GMT -5
If I had already established my career before marrying DH, I wouldn't have changed my name... but as it worked out, I was admitted to the state bar the day before our wedding, so it wasn't too big a deal. It also helps that I like DH's last name better than my maiden name Most of my female coworkers - and even some of the wives of my male coworkers - have kept their maiden names. It seems to be becoming more commonplace. I echo the others that say "whatever works for you." Though I'll admit the name-changing process was a real PITA.
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DVM gone riding
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Post by DVM gone riding on May 15, 2011 13:08:25 GMT -5
My career is established and I have debated this issue back and forth. I did promise my mom I would never saddle my kids with hyphenated names. What I want to do is a bit complicated but I know others that have done it ok. I want to change my name legally but keep all of my credentials in my maiden name. So I would be Dr. Smith but Mrs. Jones How well it works depends on were you work and how well they will work with you but I think it could work. One of my friends is doing that right now so we will see. One wanted to but didn't quite insist on it enough.
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lurkyloo
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Post by lurkyloo on May 15, 2011 13:14:04 GMT -5
I changed my name legally, but keep the original professionally, and I've had no problems at work. I do make a point of signing Jane O. Marriedname rather than Jane Originalname whenever there are legal implications, like my lab notebooks (which are legal documents).
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 15, 2011 13:15:40 GMT -5
I chose not to change mine. I never liked the idea even when I was in high school. My first husband grumbled but his sister had also kept her name after marriage and that really helped. My son has my Ex's last name but it never bothered him that mine was different. After all, it was the same last name as one set of grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins! Current DH cheerfully tells people, "she didn't change her last name and I didn't change mine, either". After we moved to the Midwest, DH took DS to the bank to set up an account and DS told the banker that we were ine family with 3 last names. I agree that it's an individual choice- I'd do it all over again the same way. What I want to do is a bit complicated but I know others that have done it ok. I want to change my name legally but keep all of my credentials in my maiden name. So I would be Dr. Smith but Mrs. Jones But where do you draw the line? If you travel on business as Dr. Smith but your driver's license and passport say Mrs. Jones, they aren't going to let you on the plane! Your employer pays you as Dr. Smith but it goes into the bank account of Mrs. Jones (who has the same SSN as Dr. Smith)? I had one stupid mortgage company put me on the mortgage as Mrs. HusbandsLastName, then they wrote later and told me I gave them a fake SSN because the government database couldn't match it with the name in their records. Idiots. Much easier to use one name everywhere.
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busymom
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Post by busymom on May 15, 2011 13:20:02 GMT -5
I seriously considered keep my last name when I married DH. The problem here, is that any of our children would be required to take DH's last name. I didn't want to be "Mrs. Jones" taking the "Smith" kids to conferences. It seemed less confusing for everyone in our family to have the same last name.
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sbcalimom
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Post by sbcalimom on May 15, 2011 13:21:09 GMT -5
I got married at 25 and changed my name primarily because I wanted the simplicity of having the same name as my children plus I actually liked my husband's last name more than my maiden name. As a child, I had a different name from my mom (who reverted to her maiden name after divorcing my dad) and then a different name from my step-father as well. This created so many problems and so much annoyance that I decided I would change my name and just keep whatever my kids had regardless of what happened to the marriage. I do think though that it is a personal choice though that has many reasons behind it.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 15, 2011 13:23:14 GMT -5
I did not take my husband's name because it sounded funny with the rest of mine. He didn't care one bit. It has caused some confusion with insurance etc. at times but not much. In my profession I don't think it's made any difference at all. I occasionally get mail to me with his last name, he gets some occasionally with mine. We laugh about our alias's/aka. We don't have kids, may be different with children.
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Post by illinicheme on May 15, 2011 13:26:07 GMT -5
I kept my name. It was the right choice for me. (I did agonize about it around the time of the wedding. After several bouts of tears and stress, I decided I couldn't do it. It's reasonably common to keep one's maiden name in my peer group.)
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 15, 2011 13:32:16 GMT -5
I wish I had kept my maiden name. I am going to switch back now and it's a PITA. But it only became an issue when I got divorced. If I had stayed married it wouldn't matter. "In case we get divorced" probably isn't the best reason to keep your name.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on May 15, 2011 14:06:41 GMT -5
"Would you consider changing your last name to your wife's last name?"
Sure, why not? Only problem is it might be looked at as "weird" by the rest of society. I don't feel strongly one way or the other, though I refuse to have a hyphonated last name. if I were getting married and she refused to take my name, I'd consider taking hers.
I guess you all run with a different circle than i'm familiar with. I don't know of anyone who kept their maiden names. it just seems odd to be Mr. Smith and Mrs. jones. It makes it sound like you're not together. And it just seems odd for Mrs. Smith to take the Jones kids out or Mr. Smith to take the jones kids.
Also, if you have kids whose name do they take?
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swamp
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Post by swamp on May 15, 2011 14:11:24 GMT -5
I did not change my name when I got married. I was 33 and was a name partner in my law firm. My husband doesn't care, so I dont see why it matters to anyone else. Even if I wasn't a name partner, I probably would have not changed my name because I think it's a silly tradition. I didn't change when I got married, so why should I change my name.
My children have DH's last name. Having different names hasn't caused any problems.
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MN-Investor
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Post by MN-Investor on May 15, 2011 14:17:05 GMT -5
I smile when I think of my nephew's wife's name. She took my nephew's last name and it rhymes with her first name. Sort of like the old Married With Children TV show's Marcy Darcy.
Parents go through the whole process when they name their children of thinking about how FirstName MiddleName LastName sounds, along with what the initials might spell out. Some women's first names sound great with their husband's last names, some just sound awkward.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on May 15, 2011 14:17:49 GMT -5
This thread reminds me of my shakespear:
"Would a rose by any other name smell as sweet?"
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MN-Investor
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Post by MN-Investor on May 15, 2011 14:21:32 GMT -5
With so many marriages ending in divorce, I would think that it'd be easier for a woman to just keep her maiden name. I remember one gal at work who had three different last names during the time we worked together. Actually, it was maiden name, then 1st husband's name, then 2nd husband's name, then back to maiden name.
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chiver78
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Post by chiver78 on May 15, 2011 14:21:33 GMT -5
I think it depends where everyone is in their professional lives, TBH. my (maiden) last name is a pretty common French name, but not too common in my area. I've been in the same small industry for my entire professional career. I would probably keep my name, or do like lurkyloo, were I to continue in this industry. "Would you consider changing your last name to your wife's last name?" Sure, why not? Only problem is it might be looked at as "weird" by the rest of society. I don't feel strongly one way or the other, though I refuse to have a hyphonated last name. if I were getting married and she refused to take my name, I'd consider taking hers. as far as this, I've got an acquaintance from grade school (recently reconnected on FB) whose husband changed his last name to hers. I did a triple-take at first, but it's all good. really, if marriage in this day and age is supposed to be a partnership, why should it always be the woman who changes her name? fwiw, I know a married lesbian couple who both changed their names. I can't remember whose family the chosen name came from, but it's still a family name. it's just neither of the maiden names.
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lurkyloo
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Post by lurkyloo on May 15, 2011 14:36:15 GMT -5
I book my own travel, although I can see where that might cause confusion if you don't do it yourself. (FWIW, I also kept my passport with maiden name on it until it expired.) I think airlines and possibly if you have a high security clearance or top-secret job are the only scenarios where you're likely to run into trouble with having two names. For everything else, my DL says Jane Originalname Marriedname and most places will accept that along with an brief explanation.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on May 15, 2011 14:40:12 GMT -5
I've booked travel for DH and I, and he's done the same. No problems.
The only place that's given me a problem is the cell phone company. I've learned to just tell them I'm Swamp Husbandname instead of Swamp Maidenname. They don't know any different.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on May 15, 2011 15:19:24 GMT -5
So if people keep their original names then who are the kids named after?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 15, 2011 15:25:17 GMT -5
In my case, DS has the last name of his father (my Ex). He was a new person and I didn't mind following tradition there; I just didn't like the idea of changing my own name. By the time they're old enough to figure out that you have a different last name, it doesn't matter. You're Mommy anyway.
As for the schools, there are enough other moms with a different last name due to divorce or widowhood and remarriage- they may as well get used to it. The public school always called me Mrs. HusbandsLastName, but when I DS him to private school they adressed me correctly, maybe because my Ex never set foot there and they knew who signed the checks.
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sil
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Post by sil on May 15, 2011 15:30:27 GMT -5
So if people keep their original names then who are the kids named after?
********************************************************** Worse yet, if a baby girl is given a hyphenated last name, what happens if she gets married after she's already established her career?
"Dr. Smith-Jackson-Jones, you are needed in the O.R.!"
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on May 15, 2011 15:41:42 GMT -5
"Dr. Smith-Jackson-Jones, you are needed in the O.R.!"
I wondered that too. One of my classmates in college had a fairly long hyphonated last name, I shutter to think what her last name would be if she married and wanted to add more hyphons.
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