what are you doing right now?

[raeoflyte]

Nov 4, 2024 13:09:50 GMT -5 steph08 said:

I have now progressed to a double ear infection + sinus infection that the first set of antibiotics did nothing for in 5 days, so now I'm on something stronger. 

The urgent care doctor also indicated this could be a flare-up of mono - that I had 19 years ago.   I was super stressed out about something a few weeks ago (which I'm almost never super stressed) which could have caused it to reactivate, and the exhaustion does mirror when I had mono the first time. If it is mono, then there's not much to be done except ride it out. 

I can power through the exhaustion, but I would like the stabbing ear pains to go away.

Ugh

I hope this round helps you feel better quickly and it's not mono.

[weltz]

[andi9899]

Nov 3, 2024 19:52:16 GMT -5 Peace77 said:

Nov 3, 2024 10:45:40 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Same. I want to clean up the paw prints on the floor, but they'll just be replaced with more the next time the twins go out. It's supposed to rain 5 of the next 7 days.

Did you see the video on The Woof World (Facebook page). The woofWorldTV on YouTube?

The dog comes in the house, turns on the water for the doggy foot bath, sticks in his front paws, turns around and washes his back paws.  Then, he barks to let his owner know he’s ready to be dried off.

Too bad the twins are heathens.

[daisylu]

It is very interesting to see all of the different views/attitudes about things when taking into consideration what stage people are at in life and differing home expectations. And different family dynamics.

For instance, Our kids have launched and I now travel a lot for work. This is hunting season, so DH is in the woods until dark - which until this week was 7PMish. So DH often has cheese and crackers or PB&J for dinner. When I am home and feel like making the effort to cook DH always thanks me. When he washes the sheets and makes the bed the day I get home from a trip I thank him. For us the thanks mean "things would have been just fine but I want you to know that I appreciate the time and effort you put into doing something that brings me happiness and I did not feel like doing".

[toomuchreality]

Nov 4, 2024 12:52:55 GMT -5 seriousthistime said:

Early happy birthday, weltz. I hope you have a good day and the election news is more reassurance than disappointment. 

Yeah that ^^^.

[azucena]

Nov 4, 2024 12:16:51 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Nov 4, 2024 10:13:04 GMT -5 seriousthistime said:

I get this.

I had just started a new job at a federal courthouse when 9/11 happened.  We had a mosque not more than a mile from the courthouse.  Terrorist attack from a foreign country, plus mosque, plus a plane headed to Washington, D.C., the seat of government -- yeah, we were all on edge. My boss was out of town but called us and told us to go home. He had unique high-level info on terrorist activities and he was worried. 

I think we are all braced for some level of violence surrounding the election. The people who are most at risk are the people working directly with election matters.  You work in a secured building, I think you said, so you should be okay, but stay alert and see how things shake out. Don't worry too much.   

The oath you took is probably the standard oath for federal employees.  

An individual, except the President, elected or appointed to an office of honor or profit in the civil service or uniformed services, shall take the following oath: "I, AB, do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter. So help me God."

5 U.S.C. 3331. 

That’s the thing, my building is not secure, even though it should be. The gates on our parking lot do not work, nor do the turnstiles to get from the parking lot to the building. The gate where the trucks exit onto the street does not work. So everything is wide open. 

That is why I said I am even more concerned now, I’ve been concerned for a while now, because it’s so easy to get inside. I didn’t really think about the election mess until yesterday when I was leaving and it was already dark outside. I hate this time of year when it’s dark when I get off work, since they changed my time last year. It’s only a few people that work the schedule I have now, so I’m often walking to my car by myself, and who knows who might be hanging around, up to no good.

Pink - seems like the union should be all over this. Is there a way to anonymously report all that is lacking?

[Pink Cashmere]

Nov 4, 2024 12:25:22 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Nov 4, 2024 12:03:41 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Under normal circumstances I would’ve at least acknowledged that Mister had cleaned the kitchen and floors even if I didn’t use the exact word “thank you”. And even though he doesn’t thank me when he comes home to a clean house.

When he cooks a really good meal, I tell him how good it was and thank you for cooking it. When he spends hours dealing with the details in our yard, I tell him thank you for making it look so good. 

I am not stingy with expressing my appreciation for what people do. I tell my grandchildren thank you for putting their plates in the sink, to encourage them to keep doing it. Even when I ask them or Kiddo to do something or help me do something, when it’s done, I tell them thank you. I believe in being polite to children too.

But as far as Mister and right now, I don’t feel like saying anything nice to him. When I get so disgusted about the trash cans overflowing to the point that trash is also on the floor and take it out myself, the thanks I get is trash still ends up on the floor next to the empty trash cans, because they miss and don’t bother to pick it up. He is supposed to take the trash out. Or heaven forbid YD notices it’s full and takes it out. 

He was still trying to play nice this morning. He washed the Tahoe yesterday and was planning to drive it to work today. Last night I told him I had to work my side gig this morning. I have some stuff in the back of the Tahoe, from driving it to my side gig last week, and this morning he was asking if I need to drive the Tahoe. My stomach was hurting and I didn’t want to talk to him, so I told him to just take the Tahoe. He asked if I wanted him to get my stuff out and I said I don’t care, I probably wouldn’t need it. He ended up driving his car, even though I’d told him to just take the Tahoe.

He definitely knows he messed up. But if he hasn't apologized directly for the incident that upset you it feels more like panic than accountability.

I'm projecting my own stuff on to you so disregard anything that doesn't sound right. But I hate the over the top niceness/check ins/offers to help when it's coming off of something like that when the actual issue hasn't been addressed. It feels manipulative- even if it's not meant that way.

He apologized that night when he followed me to the bedroom. I didn’t want to hear it. I have gotten weird about apologies over the last several years. It’s easy to say “I’m sorry”, with no intention of changing the behavior. So apologies often mean little to me anymore, even though they are nice to hear if it sounds sincere.

He also seemed apologetic when he called me while I was at work yesterday and asked if I was still mad at him. I don’t remember if he actually said the words “I’m sorry” again, but he did say that he didn’t mean to make me so upset. I just said “uh huh” and wouldn’t offer anything toward a conversation, so he got off the phone.

Last night he said we could talk tomorrow or Wednesday, he’s planning to take one of those days off work to handle some business. I know nothing will ever get better if I refuse to talk to him, but I’ve gotten to the point that I really just don’t want to. I stopped even trying a few months ago.

[Peace77]

Nov 4, 2024 13:15:46 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Nov 3, 2024 19:52:16 GMT -5 Peace77 said:

Did you see the video on The Woof World (Facebook page). The woofWorldTV on YouTube?

The dog comes in the house, turns on the water for the doggy foot bath, sticks in his front paws, turns around and washes his back paws.  Then, he barks to let his owner know he’s ready to be dried off.

Too bad the twins are heathens.

Lol!

[soupandstew]

Not surprisingly, my author no-showed this morning.  I am far too irritated to call him and do not feel this bodes well for our working together going forward.  After lunch we took the Halloweenies back to the storage locker (with the exception of the large spider I forgot  ) and brought home 2 turkeys.  

As soon as the morning storms pass tomorrow, we're going to the liquor store.  

[Pink Cashmere]

Nov 4, 2024 13:52:31 GMT -5 azucena said:

Nov 4, 2024 12:16:51 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

That’s the thing, my building is not secure, even though it should be. The gates on our parking lot do not work, nor do the turnstiles to get from the parking lot to the building. The gate where the trucks exit onto the street does not work. So everything is wide open. 

That is why I said I am even more concerned now, I’ve been concerned for a while now, because it’s so easy to get inside. I didn’t really think about the election mess until yesterday when I was leaving and it was already dark outside. I hate this time of year when it’s dark when I get off work, since they changed my time last year. It’s only a few people that work the schedule I have now, so I’m often walking to my car by myself, and who knows who might be hanging around, up to no good.

Pink - seems like the union should be all over this. Is there a way to anonymously report all that is lacking?

The union knows. I’m not sure who to report it to that has the power to insist that something be done. I’ll have to look into that. The premises are supposed to be secure, not even really for our safety, but because of the work we do.

[daisylu]

For the first time in years I did not early voting during a presidential election year and will do in person tomorrow morning. I live in a large county, but in a very rural area of the county. The school where I vote usually has an in and out time of 15 minutes. Not worried about it, even if it takes more time. What bothers me is what I learned the identification requirement from the state. I usually pay no attention until I looked up state laws. 

[soupandstew]

I am saddened that some women continue to push the gender-based stereotype that men are brainless beings who need to be rewarded with pretty language or sexual favors in order to be responsible members of a family.  The problem with regarding the male half of the species as sub-par based on their sex organs is that many choose to return the favor and think of women as non-sentient sexualized objects.  

Women are often women's worst enemies it seems.

[raeoflyte]

Nov 4, 2024 14:18:52 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Nov 4, 2024 12:25:22 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

He definitely knows he messed up. But if he hasn't apologized directly for the incident that upset you it feels more like panic than accountability.

I'm projecting my own stuff on to you so disregard anything that doesn't sound right. But I hate the over the top niceness/check ins/offers to help when it's coming off of something like that when the actual issue hasn't been addressed. It feels manipulative- even if it's not meant that way.

He apologized that night when he followed me to the bedroom. I didn’t want to hear it. I have gotten weird about apologies over the last several years. It’s easy to say “I’m sorry”, with no intention of changing the behavior. So apologies often mean little to me anymore, even though they are nice to hear if it sounds sincere.

He also seemed apologetic when he called me while I was at work yesterday and asked if I was still mad at him. I don’t remember if he actually said the words “I’m sorry” again, but he did say that he didn’t mean to make me so upset. I just said “uh huh” and wouldn’t offer anything toward a conversation, so he got off the phone.

Last night he said we could talk tomorrow or Wednesday, he’s planning to take one of those days off work to handle some business. I know nothing will ever get better if I refuse to talk to him, but I’ve gotten to the point that I really just don’t want to. I stopped even trying a few months ago.

I wish I didn't feel this.

[giramomma]

the missy used to thank us for changing her diaper.

i mean the alternative would be considered abusive parenting.

even though it was our expected job as a parent, and no we should not be rewarded for bare minimum parenting, i absolutely was grateful to hear that come from a little person

[azucena]

Nov 4, 2024 14:35:43 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Nov 4, 2024 14:18:52 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

He apologized that night when he followed me to the bedroom. I didn’t want to hear it. I have gotten weird about apologies over the last several years. It’s easy to say “I’m sorry”, with no intention of changing the behavior. So apologies often mean little to me anymore, even though they are nice to hear if it sounds sincere.

He also seemed apologetic when he called me while I was at work yesterday and asked if I was still mad at him. I don’t remember if he actually said the words “I’m sorry” again, but he did say that he didn’t mean to make me so upset. I just said “uh huh” and wouldn’t offer anything toward a conversation, so he got off the phone.

Last night he said we could talk tomorrow or Wednesday, he’s planning to take one of those days off work to handle some business. I know nothing will ever get better if I refuse to talk to him, but I’ve gotten to the point that I really just don’t want to. I stopped even trying a few months ago.

I wish I didn't feel this.

Me too.

Doesn't help that DH has tomorrow off and a few more off days sprinkled in thru yearend as a result of extra vacation days that he negotiated instead of more pay.

Hard not to be resentful when those extra days will be mostly pissed away as almost 100% his own free time rather than helping with family to do list. Meanwhile I'm using my more limited PTO days to take care of kid appts.

And, yes, I could delegate those to him but then the appts won't be as effective bc he doesn't ask questions or come home with notes and both DD16 and DD12 have stated their strong preferences for me to go with them based on past experience with him.

[raeoflyte]

It's not the thank yous that I have a problem with. It's the 1 sided expectations. Women take on an extra hour per day of domestic labor when they get married. Mens workload goes down.

Genuine appreciation is great. But required appreciation for minimal effort is what pisses me off.

[Peace77]

Nov 4, 2024 11:01:04 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

We got the check for our share of FIL's house.

We ended up settling on we're going to do some neglected upkeep on the house instead.  It is WAY overdue that we get the siding replaced and we're also looking at replacing several of our windows especially the stupid picture window in the living room.  The rest of it will be carefully invested for our future.

I said we can always revisit the mortgage every few years and see if it would make sense to pay it off then or continue with it.  It's not set in stone that we have to continue for the full 30 year term.  I said I object to paying it off NOW because we're in a stage of life where we need our money working for us not tied up in a physical asset.  We're behind in investments for a lot of reasons. 

When he hits his 60s then it makes sense to sit down and really discuss paying it off.  For now IMO he should aggressively invest for the next 10 years.

He is considering leaving the $30k in stocks directly to the girls.  We have to talk to someone about that because if we get hit by a truck when they are minors I don't want a free $15k in cash coming their way. I know it is important to him to try to set up the girls like his parents did with him.  We can't achieve nearly what FIL achieved but the stocks would be a good start.  I would like something protected for the kids if we can. 

While I know that all the money went to their care as it is supposed to it still really pisses me off at times that my dad and I have put so much time, effort and stress into all their crap and we don't see a single fucking penny.

I don't want to screw my kids like that though I recognize I'm already ahead of the game just by considering it is not all about me when it comes to elder care.  I don't plan on leaving them the house because it will be sold for me to move if need me rather than them having to force me.  Plus they don't intend to live here so why plan to stick them with an out of state house they now need to sell?  Stocks are mobile.

Paying down the house doesn’t have to be all or nothing.  You could pay a small amount such as $1,000 or one extra payment towards the principal and it would cut down on the number of future payments and interest.

I suggest getting wills if you don’t have them already.  Leave your assets to them in your will or set up a trust.  Don’t assume that you will end up in a nursing home, not everyone does.  You may need funds for other things after retirement.

[TheOtherMe]

Nov 4, 2024 14:38:49 GMT -5 giramomma said:

the missy used to thank us for changing her diaper.

i mean the alternative would be considered abusive parenting.

even though it was our expected job as a parent, and no we should not be rewarded for bare minimum parenting, i absolutely was grateful to hear that come from a little person

When I changed J's diaper, he thanked me.  I have not witnessed him thanking his parents.  I kept telling him he had to help me because I had not changed a diaper for a long time and I didn't know what I was doing.  He did everything I asked him to do.  

I had watched him be all squirmy for his parents, so he did cooperate with me.  I was starting to thank him for being good when he said thank you to me.  

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Nov 4, 2024 14:54:04 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

It's not the thank yous that I have a problem with. It's the 1 sided expectations. Women take on an extra hour per day of domestic labor when they get married. Mens workload goes down.

Genuine appreciation is great. But required appreciation for minimal effort is what pisses me off.

Married men live longer wives.  Married women live shorter lives.

There is a reason for this.

The idea that I have to train DH like a dog and give him constant praise to do things that I was expected to absorb though osmosis because I am a woman is what pisses me off.  Bullshit you don't know how to do X.  You know you are just used to having your mom enable you and you expect me to do the same.  That ain't happening I am your wife and partner not your house bitch.

No way I would praise DH for taking out the garbage AFTER it has gotten to the point where he can't cram more into it and half of it is on the floor as in Pink's example.  That's blatant deliberate incompetence hoping someone else will have had enough before you do and take the garbage out.

Mister shouldn't be cleaning because Pink is "mad at him" he should be cleaning because that is what adults do and he respects his partner enough to not want her to live with garbage on the floor.  He'll likely stop doing it the moment he feels she isn't pissed at him anymore.

Real change deserves recognition.  Performance art to get your nagging ball and chain off your back does not.

[swamp]

Nov 4, 2024 8:46:41 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

All these other ladies looking cute in their sweatshirts and jeans.  Here I am looking like a mini Trunchbull. 

I seem to always look like I'm here to fix your plumbing. 

[swamp]

Nov 4, 2024 11:18:01 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Nov 4, 2024 11:06:03 GMT -5 seriousthistime said:

I'm not up to date on the FAFSA, but if you put the stocks in the girls' names now, would it affect any college financial aid they might qualify for? Or are you thinking you would set up a beneficiary designation so they'd get the money when one or both of you dies?

Oh no they wouldn't get it now.  I meant naming them as primary beneficiaries.

On our life insurance right now it's spouse as primary then the kids as secondaries.  I suggested to DH that he put the girls down as primary for the stocks.

There are A LOT of hoops we have to jump through because these are individual stocks to leave them to someone else.  Since DH has to do the legwork regardless I suggested just jumping ahead to naming the girls.

Don't do that. 

If the owners die before they turn 18, it's a hassle. 

[NastyWoman]

Nov 4, 2024 15:18:19 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Nov 4, 2024 14:54:04 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

It's not the thank yous that I have a problem with. It's the 1 sided expectations. Women take on an extra hour per day of domestic labor when they get married. Mens workload goes down.

Genuine appreciation is great. But required appreciation for minimal effort is what pisses me off.

Married men live longer wives.  Married women live shorter lives.

There is a reason for this.

The idea that I have to train DH like a dog and give him constant praise to do things that I was expected to absorb though osmosis because I am a woman is what pisses me off.  Bullshit you don't know how to do X.  You know you are just used to having your mom enable you and you expect me to do the same.  That ain't happening I am your wife and partner not your house bitch.

No way I would praise DH for taking out the garbage AFTER it has gotten to the point where he can't cram more into it and half of it is on the floor as in Pink's example.  That's blatant deliberate incompetence hoping someone else will have had enough before you do and take the garbage out.

Mister shouldn't be cleaning because Pink is "mad at him" he should be cleaning because that is what adults do and he respects his partner enough to not want her to live with garbage on the floor.  He'll likely stop doing it the moment he feels she isn't pissed at him anymore.

Real change deserves recognition.  Performance art to get your nagging ball and chain off your back does not.

Nope, it is not. That is blatant indifference or entitlement and has absolutely nothing to do with incompetence weaponized or not.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

One of the major changes when we blended families is that DH has it embedded that people thank each other regularly for mundane household tasks. It was so weird to me.
—a meal gets handed to you and you (regardless if you’re a child or adult) say thank you
—someone does their routine chores and you notice, you say thank you.
—someone does something of yours, you say thank you

Etc.

However, once I got used to saying it and accepting someone’s thanks, the embedded acknowledgement is really nice.

[andi9899]

The new house is starting to come together. I only have 5 boxes left. I can't wait until the ducts are cleaned and I can get the dog smell out of the house. I also need the tree guy to come back and trim the trees. With the weather we're having it makes me so nervous that a branch is going to fall and do some damage. I have insurance, but I'd rather just get the trees trimmed.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Nov 4, 2024 15:32:56 GMT -5 NastyWoman said:

Nov 4, 2024 15:18:19 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Married men live longer wives.  Married women live shorter lives.

There is a reason for this.

The idea that I have to train DH like a dog and give him constant praise to do things that I was expected to absorb though osmosis because I am a woman is what pisses me off.  Bullshit you don't know how to do X.  You know you are just used to having your mom enable you and you expect me to do the same.  That ain't happening I am your wife and partner not your house bitch.

No way I would praise DH for taking out the garbage AFTER it has gotten to the point where he can't cram more into it and half of it is on the floor as in Pink's example.  That's blatant deliberate incompetence hoping someone else will have had enough before you do and take the garbage out.

Mister shouldn't be cleaning because Pink is "mad at him" he should be cleaning because that is what adults do and he respects his partner enough to not want her to live with garbage on the floor.  He'll likely stop doing it the moment he feels she isn't pissed at him anymore.

Real change deserves recognition.  Performance art to get your nagging ball and chain off your back does not.

Nope, it is not. That is blatant indifference or entitlement and has absolutely nothing to do with incompetence weaponized or not.

Either way it's not Pink's job or obligation to train a grown ass man to take out the garbage and praise him like a puppy when he finally obeys.

[NastyWoman]

Nov 4, 2024 15:37:46 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Nov 4, 2024 15:32:56 GMT -5 NastyWoman said:

Nope, it is not. That is blatant indifference or entitlement and has absolutely nothing to do with incompetence weaponized or not.

Either way it's not Pink's job or obligation to train a grown ass man to take out the garbage and praise him like a puppy when he finally obeys.

I very strongly agree. What I wanted to point out is that there is a difference between incompetence, which has the connotation of can't do it, and won't do it. 

[minnesotapaintlady]

Nov 4, 2024 15:33:47 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

One of the major changes when we blended families is that DH has it embedded that people thank each other regularly for mundane household tasks. It was so weird to me.
—a meal gets handed to you and you (regardless if you’re a child or adult) say thank you
—someone does their routine chores and you notice, you say thank you.
—someone does something of yours, you say thank you

Etc.

However, once I got used to saying it and accepting someone’s thanks, the embedded acknowledgement is really nice.

Both my kids do this and I have no idea where it came from. My usual response, is "You're welcome, I slaved all day over it." (which of course is a joke because it's normally something out of the air fryer or a frozen pizza or something along those lines).

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Nov 4, 2024 15:42:09 GMT -5 NastyWoman said:

Nov 4, 2024 15:37:46 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Either way it's not Pink's job or obligation to train a grown ass man to take out the garbage and praise him like a puppy when he finally obeys.

I very strongly agree. What I wanted to point out is that there is a difference between incompetence, which has the connotation of can't do it, and won't do it. 

I'm going to turn into Bills and DJ for a second but weaponized incompetence is the deliberate act of choosing not to do something and feigning you either did not notice or do not know how.


Weaponized incompetence is a passive-aggressive behavior where someone intentionally or unknowingly avoids responsibility by pretending to be unable to perform a task. It can occur in many settings, including romantic relationships, friendships, and the workplace.


Here are some examples of weaponized incompetence:

In a relationship

A partner might avoid doing household tasks, like cooking or folding laundry, and shift the responsibility to their partner. They might also refuse to improve at tasks, even when their partner asks for help.

In the workplace

An employee might refuse to learn how to use a program at work, claiming it's too confusing.

In a grocery store

A person might choose the wrong items from the grocery list so they won't be asked to shop again.

Weaponized incompetence can lead to an unequal division of labor and can have negative effects on relationships.

[msventoux]

Nov 4, 2024 15:57:46 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Nov 4, 2024 15:33:47 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

One of the major changes when we blended families is that DH has it embedded that people thank each other regularly for mundane household tasks. It was so weird to me.
—a meal gets handed to you and you (regardless if you’re a child or adult) say thank you
—someone does their routine chores and you notice, you say thank you.
—someone does something of yours, you say thank you

Etc.

However, once I got used to saying it and accepting someone’s thanks, the embedded acknowledgement is really nice.

Both my kids do this and I have no idea where it came from. My usual response, is "You're welcome, I slaved all day over it." (which of course is a joke because it's normally something out of the air fryer or a frozen pizza or something along those lines).

When I got to a certain age as a kid I noticed my mom was pretty much taken for granted and expected to do everything for everyone, with the only acknowledgment being complaints if she didn’t meet someone’s expectations.  I started thanking her for dinner on my own (the only meal of the day that was cooked) and for random other things she did for me.  She did tell me on more than one occasion that it was nice to get acknowledged for her efforts; it didn’t catch on with my father and brother.  I justified it as we typically thanked the server when going out for meals that we’re paying for and were generally polite to strangers in public, why are we treating those closest to us that are making our lives easier worse than we treat random strangers we may never see again?

[TheOtherMe]

In an hour, my women's basketball season starts!  I'm so happy.