what are you doing right now?

[lurkyloo]

Feeling nearly human after sleeping waaayyyy in.  Except PP got in on the action and threw up around 5 am on the light beige carpet.  I give up.

 Kudos to DH for booking an airbnb with 3.5 bathrooms though.  He said there wasn’t much choice after filtering for dogs allowed and access to indoor pool. We actually did use all 3 bedrooms too, that way he and I didn’t keep each other or DS awake that first night.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I agree on thanking spouses for the bare minimum.  It's not that I do not appreciate DH but he is an adult who lives in the house too so should be able to adult without having to be thanked for it like a dog. 

Even Wilbur and Charlotte do not get a treat every time they sit for me if we're going to stick with the analogy.  I expect them to be able to follow my basic commands and not always hold out for a treat. 

I really really chafe at the idea that men need to have their hands held and be constantly praised otherwise they won't adult.  Meanwhile as a woman I am expected to just do it because "well it's your nature".

No it's not I am ADHD up the yin yang.  I drove my dad insane with my pile of junk mail that I was always going to get to "someday" on my side table.  I joked that I was waiting to see if it would implode if the pile got big enough.  I regularly use the dryer as a laundry hamper which drives DH bonkers.

It actually takes a real effort for me to adult some days.  Yet according to society I don't need any help or expectation of reward/thanks because it is my duty since I am the one in the relationship with a vagina.

No, just no.  That is how men develop learned incompetence and eventually figure out how to weaponize it.  I expect DH to adult.  It was in 2020 when I was an essential worker and the kids were not in school that he finally had no choice but to nut up.  Our relationship is MUCH better now that DH behaves like a grown adult without expectations of a gold star.

That isn't to say I don't appreciate he takes the trash out in the summer because I refuse to do it due to an extreme fly/maggot phobia and I will thank him for it. But otherwise it's a chore that needs done regardless of who does it.  It is cleaning, maintaining and repairing something we all have to do to function in life.  It is not a grand adventure that deserves accolades.

[daisylu]

I thank DH for doing chores that he normally does not do or things that I have pointed out that he does not do that have started to annoy me. Then again, I am not doing certain things either. I do not mow grass, take trash to the , arrange car repairs, or repairs/improvements around the house (though I do supervise!). Not that I can't do those things just that I do not want to.

For instance, I left a load of towels washing while I went to the grocery store yesterday. I have recently complained to him when he did not move a load from the washer to the dryer when I was not around because "he does not hear it", which is likely true as his hearing is horrible and I really should turn the washer signal back on. When I returned home he was hunting and the towels were in the dryer. The thank he got from me was more like "thank you for listening and correcting your behavior". 

We have had discussions about him doing more inside the house, where I have made things easier - like robot vacuum (have to force it to run) and robot mop for the kitchen. That is still a work in progress. 

He does make sure that his laundry is done before I get home from traveling, so he knows how to do the stuff. It just does not occur him to do certain things.

[soupandstew]

Knee Deep in Water Chloe  Happy Birthday, Chloe!  Your dinner sounds delicious

[bean29]

Nov 4, 2024 8:52:00 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Looking at annual enrollment options for medical. None of which are ideal - I wish we had a marketplace type system like DH, but nope I am stuck with Anthem which no provider in this area likes to deal with.

We have Anthem too.  I don't love it as I am in a high deductible plan, but I have never had a provider complain.  We have only 2-3 major hospital chains in the area and most doctor's are in groups attached to the chains, so I think there is little price negotiation going on here.  

[soupandstew]

Nov 3, 2024 21:56:52 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

OAN, I have even more concerns about my safety at work now, because of the election, regardless of who wins. So my concerns are not IRT to debating politics, they are because I am a federal employee.

Several years ago, some random person made bomb threats regarding the federal buildings in the downtown area, including the building I work in. Idk what happened with the other federal buildings, but we had to go outside and wait while whatever agency handles those things, went through the building with their bomb sniffing dogs. That is not the only time we had a bomb threat and had to do the same thing.

Those things make me very wary about what chaos might ensue after the election, and concerned about my safety just because I work for the federal government. Not so much about what might happen at my home or whatever just because I work for the federal government, but moreso what might happen while I’m at work. 

I am not trying to make my concerns about politics, because I am concerned regardless of whoever wins the election. I have been told that my employer has had “safety” talks about the possibility of civil unrest, but those meetings and talks were done on my regularly scheduled days off work, and I don’t know what was said. I am sure they had to do with our duties if there is civil unrest, but I am not sure they included anything about efforts to protect us while we perform those duties if there is civil unrest. 

My job was supposed to be just be a job when I first took it. Then came the pandemic, when I was an “essential” employee and had to put myself and my loved ones at risk because of my job, and how it was necessary to try to help make things happen for my fellow Americans, many of whom could stay safe at home and didn’t even respect me and my coworkers and the work we do. And now this. I had to take some kind of oath that I don’t even remember, when I got hired, and I had no idea that I was committing myself to this kind of shit, because the world was mostly normal back then. 

I hear you loud and clear and I am sad and angry that you have to be concerned about workplace safety.  We are at a sad juncture when honest workers have to be afraid not only of deranged coworkers, but also with assaults from the public.  

[soupandstew]

Nov 4, 2024 5:37:59 GMT -5 finnime said:

Good morning, voting invisipeeps, readying for the week before us. Welcome to Monday. I hope your day shows you a good path to make progress, and that no violence breaks out near you. I hope no one pees in your Cheerios.

THe show ended yesterday well. I'm pleased with how we did over all, but I think for the next shows I'll put bows and ribbon on a couple of pictures to give people a clue about gifting them. Everyone seemed to see them and make decisions based on their own wants. But it was good all told.

Franklin the Dog and I did get to the beach yesterday and will this morning, too. Here was the sun rising yesterday:

That's an outstanding idea!

[soupandstew]

Nov 4, 2024 10:29:41 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I agree on thanking spouses for the bare minimum.  It's not that I do not appreciate DH but he is an adult who lives in the house too so should be able to adult without having to be thanked for it like a dog. 

Even Wilbur and Charlotte do not get a treat every time they sit for me if we're going to stick with the analogy.  I expect them to be able to follow my basic commands and not always hold out for a treat. 

I really really chafe at the idea that men need to have their hands held and be constantly praised otherwise they won't adult.  Meanwhile as a woman I am expected to just do it because "well it's your nature".

No it's not I am ADHD up the yin yang.  I drove my dad insane with my pile of junk mail that I was always going to get to "someday" on my side table.  I joked that I was waiting to see if it would implode if the pile got big enough.  I regularly use the dryer as a laundry hamper which drives DH bonkers.

It actually takes a real effort for me to adult some days.  Yet according to society I don't need any help or expectation of reward/thanks because it is my duty since I am the one in the relationship with a vagina.

No, just no.  That is how men develop learned incompetence and eventually figure out how to weaponize it.  I expect DH to adult.  It was in 2020 when I was an essential worker and the kids were not in school that he finally had no choice but to nut up.  Our relationship is MUCH better now that DH behaves like a grown adult without expectations of a gold star.

That isn't to say I don't appreciate he takes the trash out in the summer because I refuse to do it due to an extreme fly/maggot phobia and I will thank him for it. But otherwise it's a chore that needs done regardless of who does it.  It is cleaning, maintaining and repairing something we all have to do to function in life.  It is not a grand adventure that deserves accolades.

[soupandstew]

We had an interesting conversation last night.  I have been "strongly encouraging" DH to expand his menu options so he selected tuna steaks for last night.  I offered to show him a very quick and easy side dish and how to achieve the rare middle we like on our tuna.  I coached and he prepared - dinner was delicious!  Normally whoever doesn't cook, cleans up, but he insisted on cleaning up as well since I had been in the kitchen with him the whole time.  I appreciated the fairness of the gesture and thanked him for it.  

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

We got the check for our share of FIL's house.

We ended up settling on we're going to do some neglected upkeep on the house instead.  It is WAY overdue that we get the siding replaced and we're also looking at replacing several of our windows especially the stupid picture window in the living room.  The rest of it will be carefully invested for our future.

I said we can always revisit the mortgage every few years and see if it would make sense to pay it off then or continue with it.  It's not set in stone that we have to continue for the full 30 year term.  I said I object to paying it off NOW because we're in a stage of life where we need our money working for us not tied up in a physical asset.  We're behind in investments for a lot of reasons. 

When he hits his 60s then it makes sense to sit down and really discuss paying it off.  For now IMO he should aggressively invest for the next 10 years.

He is considering leaving the $30k in stocks directly to the girls.  We have to talk to someone about that because if we get hit by a truck when they are minors I don't want a free $15k in cash coming their way. I know it is important to him to try to set up the girls like his parents did with him.  We can't achieve nearly what FIL achieved but the stocks would be a good start.  I would like something protected for the kids if we can. 

While I know that all the money went to their care as it is supposed to it still really pisses me off at times that my dad and I have put so much time, effort and stress into all their crap and we don't see a single fucking penny.

I don't want to screw my kids like that though I recognize I'm already ahead of the game just by considering it is not all about me when it comes to elder care.  I don't plan on leaving them the house because it will be sold for me to move if need me rather than them having to force me.  Plus they don't intend to live here so why plan to stick them with an out of state house they now need to sell?  Stocks are mobile.

[seriousthistime]

I'm not up to date on the FAFSA, but if you put the stocks in the girls' names now, would it affect any college financial aid they might qualify for? Or are you thinking you would set up a beneficiary designation so they'd get the money when one or both of you dies?

[minnesotapaintlady]

Nov 4, 2024 11:06:03 GMT -5 seriousthistime said:

I'm not up to date on the FAFSA, but if you put the stocks in the girls' names now, would it affect any college financial aid they might qualify for? Or are you thinking you would set up a beneficiary designation so they'd get the money when one or both of you dies?

Money in the student's name is counted almost 4X as much as money in the parent's name (unless it is in a 529 account in the student's name then it is assessed at the parent rate).  I would probably just keep it in a brokerage account in the parent's name and mentally earmark it for them.

[daisylu]

Nov 4, 2024 10:51:13 GMT -5 bean29 said:

Nov 4, 2024 8:52:00 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Looking at annual enrollment options for medical. None of which are ideal - I wish we had a marketplace type system like DH, but nope I am stuck with Anthem which no provider in this area likes to deal with.

We have Anthem too.  I don't love it as I am in a high deductible plan, but I have never had a provider complain.  We have only 2-3 major hospital chains in the area and most doctor's are in groups attached to the chains, so I think there is little price negotiation going on here.  

Our issue is we have only 1 hospital provider within 100 miles - even crossing into other states and they have a real dislike for Anthem. They have a huge monopoly in this area.

2 years ago there was a huge public outcry because it leaked out that the chain was determined to not renew with Anthem and it would no longer be accepted January 1st. A lot of businesses got involved with politics at that time because they save $$ by using Anthem for their employees.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Nov 4, 2024 11:06:03 GMT -5 seriousthistime said:

I'm not up to date on the FAFSA, but if you put the stocks in the girls' names now, would it affect any college financial aid they might qualify for? Or are you thinking you would set up a beneficiary designation so they'd get the money when one or both of you dies?

Oh no they wouldn't get it now.  I meant naming them as primary beneficiaries.

On our life insurance right now it's spouse as primary then the kids as secondaries.  I suggested to DH that he put the girls down as primary for the stocks.

There are A LOT of hoops we have to jump through because these are individual stocks to leave them to someone else.  Since DH has to do the legwork regardless I suggested just jumping ahead to naming the girls.

[bean29]

Knee Deep in Water Chloe Happy Birthday! I like to order Salmon in restaurants now too.  It is just something we don't cook at home.

finnime Awesome picture this morning.  I am glad your show went well.

Pink Cashmere Stay safe. Thank you for being an essential employee.

I also was concerned about our safety when voting, but did not express anything to DH until yesterday morning.  Sadly our early voting was closed on Friday.  I am especially concerned as during the last election Trump encouraged his voters not to early vote, but now it seems the Republicans are voting early en mass.  Why?  Maybe they plan violence at the polls or just general intimidation of voters.  We will go vote early tomorrow.  I have to decide what to do about my mom.  She can vote, and I think she would never vote anything but Republican, but one of us has to take her.  Hopefully my DB will bring it up.  I have asked him to do so much lately, I don't know if I want to ask for more.  DS and I were at mom's yesterday afternoon cleaning out more of the house.  We tossed most of the contents of her spice cabinets and set aside a lot of stuff for goodwill.  The garbage cart is full (they pick up on Friday) and I stopped at Goodwill on my way home and got rid of most of what we had set aside.  We have a big box of books we need to decide if we want to toss or donate.  At the rate we are going, It will be Late December before we are ready to list the house.  We really should try to get it listed by Thanksgiving. 

Talk about doing your part to keep things going at home, I am the slacker at my house.  DH is not complaining, but I think he is getting frustrated.  Our priorities are keeping our jobs until we are ready to retire - a few more years for me, and maybe 5+ for DH.  He said they are changing his commission structure again next year, and he expects to make significantly less.  (They are lowering commission on renewals and maybe increasing new business) they did the same last year, but due to the churning of policies last year, he ended up making more $$.  He was originally supposed to get 2.5 X his book of business if he left, now that # is down to 1.5 X.  there is also a non-compete clause attached to that payment, so I asked him if he could turn it down and just go work somewhere else.  He said there are quite a few agents (again) that are leaving.  A lot left last time they tinkered with the retention agreements.  My DH works almost every Saturday in his office.  There is just a lot of business transacted on Saturdays, so I just accept it w/o complaint.  DH chose to work 2 Saturdays Canvassing for the Democrats Last month, and I support that, so it is not something I will complain about.  We really need to clean out our garage.  DH plans to move his Mustang to the garage at his office this week.  We have owned that property for more than 15 years, and he has never parked a car there over winter.  We still need to clean out another space in the garage, but this is awesome, hopefully we will have 2 cars in our 3.5+ car garage this winter.

[Cheesy FL-Vol]

DH and I both keep things tidy, but I am the one that does all the cleaning. I guess I am okay with that, but I hate cleaning. One thing that drives me bonkers is that he will only wash HIS dishes. When I wash dishes, I wash whatever is in the sink. Yes, we have a dishwasher, but both of us prefer handwashing. He thanks me when I cook, which I do think is weird when I am making something for the both of us.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Nov 4, 2024 11:18:55 GMT -5 bean29 said:

Knee Deep in Water Chloe Happy Birthday! I like to order Salmon in restaurants now too.  It is just something we don't cook at home.

finnime Awesome picture this morning.  I am glad your show went well.

Pink Cashmere Stay safe. Thank you for being an essential employee.

I also was concerned about our safety when voting, but did not express anything to DH until yesterday morning.  Sadly our early voting was closed on Friday.  I am especially concerned as during the last election Trump encouraged his voters not to early vote, but now it seems the Republicans are voting early en mass.  Why?  Maybe they plan violence at the polls or just general intimidation of voters.  We will go vote early tomorrow.  I have to decide what to do about my mom.  She can vote, and I think she would never vote anything but Republican, but one of us has to take her.  Hopefully my DB will bring it up.  I have asked him to do so much lately, I don't know if I want to ask for more.  DS and I were at mom's yesterday afternoon cleaning out more of the house.  We tossed most of the contents of her spice cabinets and set aside a lot of stuff for goodwill.  The garbage cart is full (they pick up on Friday) and I stopped at Goodwill on my way home and got rid of most of what we had set aside.  We have a big box of books we need to decide if we want to toss or donate.  At the rate we are going, It will be Late December before we are ready to list the house.  We really should try to get it listed by Thanksgiving. 

Talk about doing your part to keep things going at home, I am the slacker at my house.  DH is not complaining, but I think he is getting frustrated.  Our priorities are keeping our jobs until we are ready to retire - a few more years for me, and maybe 5+ for DH.  He said they are changing his commission structure again next year, and he expects to make significantly less.  (They are lowering commission on renewals and maybe increasing new business) they did the same last year, but due to the churning of policies last year, he ended up making more $$.  He was originally supposed to get 2.5 X his book of business if he left, now that # is down to 1.5 X.  there is also a non-compete clause attached to that payment, so I asked him if he could turn it down and just go work somewhere else.  He said there are quite a few agents (again) that are leaving.  A lot left last time they tinkered with the retention agreements.  My DH works almost every Saturday in his office.  There is just a lot of business transacted on Saturdays, so I just accept it w/o complaint.  DH chose to work 2 Saturdays Canvassing for the Democrats Last month, and I support that, so it is not something I will complain about.  We really need to clean out our garage.  DH plans to move his Mustang to the garage at his office this week.  We have owned that property for more than 15 years, and he has never parked a car there over winter.  We still need to clean out another space in the garage, but this is awesome, hopefully we will have 2 cars in our 3.5+ car garage this winter.

You probably already know this but if you don't I would shake those books out really good before you donate.  Elderly people like to hide cash in books.  We found cash squirreled all over the place in FIL's house.  My dad found about $3k in my grandma's house.

[bean29]

Nov 4, 2024 11:21:50 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Nov 4, 2024 11:18:55 GMT -5 bean29 said:

Knee Deep in Water Chloe Happy Birthday! I like to order Salmon in restaurants now too.  It is just something we don't cook at home.

finnime Awesome picture this morning.  I am glad your show went well.

Pink Cashmere Stay safe. Thank you for being an essential employee.

I also was concerned about our safety when voting, but did not express anything to DH until yesterday morning.  Sadly our early voting was closed on Friday.  I am especially concerned as during the last election Trump encouraged his voters not to early vote, but now it seems the Republicans are voting early en mass.  Why?  Maybe they plan violence at the polls or just general intimidation of voters.  We will go vote early tomorrow.  I have to decide what to do about my mom.  She can vote, and I think she would never vote anything but Republican, but one of us has to take her.  Hopefully my DB will bring it up.  I have asked him to do so much lately, I don't know if I want to ask for more.  DS and I were at mom's yesterday afternoon cleaning out more of the house.  We tossed most of the contents of her spice cabinets and set aside a lot of stuff for goodwill.  The garbage cart is full (they pick up on Friday) and I stopped at Goodwill on my way home and got rid of most of what we had set aside.  We have a big box of books we need to decide if we want to toss or donate.  At the rate we are going, It will be Late December before we are ready to list the house.  We really should try to get it listed by Thanksgiving. 

Talk about doing your part to keep things going at home, I am the slacker at my house.  DH is not complaining, but I think he is getting frustrated.  Our priorities are keeping our jobs until we are ready to retire - a few more years for me, and maybe 5+ for DH.  He said they are changing his commission structure again next year, and he expects to make significantly less.  (They are lowering commission on renewals and maybe increasing new business) they did the same last year, but due to the churning of policies last year, he ended up making more $$.  He was originally supposed to get 2.5 X his book of business if he left, now that # is down to 1.5 X.  there is also a non-compete clause attached to that payment, so I asked him if he could turn it down and just go work somewhere else.  He said there are quite a few agents (again) that are leaving.  A lot left last time they tinkered with the retention agreements.  My DH works almost every Saturday in his office.  There is just a lot of business transacted on Saturdays, so I just accept it w/o complaint.  DH chose to work 2 Saturdays Canvassing for the Democrats Last month, and I support that, so it is not something I will complain about.  We really need to clean out our garage.  DH plans to move his Mustang to the garage at his office this week.  We have owned that property for more than 15 years, and he has never parked a car there over winter.  We still need to clean out another space in the garage, but this is awesome, hopefully we will have 2 cars in our 3.5+ car garage this winter.

You probably already know this but if you don't I would shake those books out really good before you donate.  Elderly people like to hide cash in books.  We found cash squirreled all over the place in FIL's house.  My dad found about $3k in my grandma's house.

This is why DS and I have been sorting through the stuff without DB's help.  We have found maybe $500.  DS found another $100 in a plain envelope in a drawer of recipes and stuff in the kitchen yesterday.  I think DS already went through all those books.  Her DH brought up the same concern.  When my grandma died, we were tearing the house apart looking for the keys to the safe deposit box the day of the funeral.  One of my cousins had lived near her for a while and remembered her wearing an old barn coat to the bank all the time.  It was hanging on the back of the bathroom door, and everyone was just looking past it.  He looked at it after awhile and thought to check the pockets and Wala.  I don't remember why they wanted in the safe deposit box, maybe if they did not open it asap they would not be able to get in it until after probate or something?

[TheOtherMe]

Pink Cashmere    In my experience, safety has always been an issue for federal employees.  I only have experience at that level of government employment.

During the Viet Nam war, there were regular bomb threats on the federal building where I worked as well as anti-war protests.  The day Nixon came to town and his "headquarters" were in our building and on our floor.  We were not allowed to use the bathrooms on our floor.  Patricia Nixon did come through and thank each woman for the inconvenience before they left.  

When I got to Denver, we were in privately owned office space.  Yes, there was a sign that said who we were but there were lots of other businesses located in the building.  

There were definitely situations where I did not feel safe being on the premises of a business by myself.  In today's world, I would feel much less safe than I did then.

I was threatened by one of my taxpayers.  He actually told his accountant and the accountant told me because he didn't want to be a part of seeing me injured.  I was not believed by the people who were supposed to protect me.  This was a fraud case and the Special Agent I was working with was the one who believed me and protected me.  If that man had not gotten cancer and died, he would have gone to prison for tax fraud so he was going to have me killed.  

That's hard to deal with in the days before cell phones, etc.  That's when I got my phone number changed and unlisted for anyone.  It cost more.  I felt i should be reimbursed for that cost but it was denied.

[TheOtherMe]

DN1 has officially had all of his student loans forgiven.  The 6 figure one went away about a month ago now.  That was the one that almost cost them the mortgage on their apartment and caused them to have to refinance in 3 years instead of 5 in Canada.  Now that's gone so they are not concerned about the refi.  

The smaller one that he said they could pay off has now been forgiven.  He apparently had overpaid so a refund check will be coming to my house.  

So that burden has been lifted from his shoulders.  

[TheOtherMe]

Feeling really stupid this morning.  For some reason I decided the clock in my car didn't automatically change to the correct time.  This morning I moved it back an hour.  It had changed itself just like it is supposed to do.  So I have to reset it.  

I don't know why I didn't look at the phone or watch when I decided to reset it.   

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

We found the safety deposit box key in my GU's office in a random Tupperware container that was older than time itself.   We had spent weeks looking for it because GU couldn't get on Medicaid till we dealt with it and found nothing.

Luck was on our side that I had found a random safe deposit key in grandma's stuff and it matched so we had hers.  Dad had to pay to get a new key for GU so we could open it.  All it had in it was random bank statements also older than time.  Of which thousands were in his office. 

If looks could have killed I would have been vaporized on the spot.  My dad was PISSED. 
Bob asked me if I was tempted to pull a Princess Bride and go "What gate key? I have no gate key."  I said yes but then dad probably would have torn my arms off.  

[Pink Cashmere]

Under normal circumstances I would’ve at least acknowledged that Mister had cleaned the kitchen and floors even if I didn’t use the exact word “thank you”. And even though he doesn’t thank me when he comes home to a clean house.

When he cooks a really good meal, I tell him how good it was and thank you for cooking it. When he spends hours dealing with the details in our yard, I tell him thank you for making it look so good. 

I am not stingy with expressing my appreciation for what people do. I tell my grandchildren thank you for putting their plates in the sink, to encourage them to keep doing it. Even when I ask them or Kiddo to do something or help me do something, when it’s done, I tell them thank you. I believe in being polite to children too.

But as far as Mister and right now, I don’t feel like saying anything nice to him. When I get so disgusted about the trash cans overflowing to the point that trash is also on the floor and take it out myself, the thanks I get is trash still ends up on the floor next to the empty trash cans, because they miss and don’t bother to pick it up. He is supposed to take the trash out. Or heaven forbid YD notices it’s full and takes it out. 

He was still trying to play nice this morning. He washed the Tahoe yesterday and was planning to drive it to work today. Last night I told him I had to work my side gig this morning. I have some stuff in the back of the Tahoe, from driving it to my side gig last week, and this morning he was asking if I need to drive the Tahoe. My stomach was hurting and I didn’t want to talk to him, so I told him to just take the Tahoe. He asked if I wanted him to get my stuff out and I said I don’t care, I probably wouldn’t need it. He ended up driving his car, even though I’d told him to just take the Tahoe.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Nov 4, 2024 12:03:41 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Under normal circumstances I would’ve at least acknowledged that Mister had cleaned the kitchen and floors even if I didn’t use the exact word “thank you”. And even though he doesn’t thank me when he comes home to a clean house.

When he cooks a really good meal, I tell him how good it was and thank you for cooking it. When he spends hours dealing with the details in our yard, I tell him thank you for making it look so good. 

I am not stingy with expressing my appreciation for what people do. I tell my grandchildren thank you for putting their plates in the sink, to encourage them to keep doing it. Even when I ask them or Kiddo to do something or help me do something, when it’s done, I tell them thank you. I believe in being polite to children too.

But as far as Mister and right now, I don’t feel like saying anything nice to him. When I get so disgusted about the trash cans overflowing to the point that trash is also on the floor and take it out myself, the thanks I get is trash still ends up on the floor next to the empty trash cans, because they miss and don’t bother to pick it up. He is supposed to take the trash out. Or heaven forbid YD notices it’s full and takes it out. 

He was still trying to play nice this morning. He washed the Tahoe yesterday and was planning to drive it to work today. Last night I told him I had to work my side gig this morning. I have some stuff in the back of the Tahoe, from driving it to my side gig last week, and this morning he was asking if I need to drive the Tahoe. My stomach was hurting and I didn’t want to talk to him, so I told him to just take the Tahoe. He asked if I wanted him to get my stuff out and I said I don’t care, I probably wouldn’t need it. He ended up driving his car, even though I’d told him to just take the Tahoe.

And you shouldn't have to.  He weaponizes incompetence.  His dad clearly did it based on what you said here.  His brother does it.  His aunt does it.  He has taught YD to do it.

No way on God's green Earth should you thank anyone for taking out the garbage at that stage in the game.   Animals are cleaner than they are being.   Taking out a garbage can only after it is overflowing isn't something anyone should get praised over.  Nor should you be praised for pulling your head out of your ass and doing it before then.  If you won't take out the garbage unless you get a thank you then you need your head examined because you're deliberately living in filth to prove a point/get your way.  We don't let toddlers get away with that crap why should grown adults?

Taking out the trash because I am terrified of maggots in the summer yes I do thank DH for that.  To me that is above and beyond normal trash take out. We do have a city trash can now with a really heavy lid so that is less of an issue but it's a major phobia of mine.  

In turn I handle kid sick because he is the same way about vomit.  Do I like it?  No but it's part of being a parent and as a partner I feel if DH is willing to do something less pleasant for me the least I can do is take over a task he finds unpleasant.

[Pink Cashmere]

Nov 4, 2024 10:13:04 GMT -5 seriousthistime said:

Nov 3, 2024 21:56:52 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

OAN, I have even more concerns about my safety at work now, because of the election, regardless of who wins. So my concerns are not IRT to debating politics, they are because I am a federal employee.

Several years ago, some random person made bomb threats regarding the federal buildings in the downtown area, including the building I work in. Idk what happened with the other federal buildings, but we had to go outside and wait while whatever agency handles those things, went through the building with their bomb sniffing dogs. That is not the only time we had a bomb threat and had to do the same thing.

Those things make me very wary about what chaos might ensue after the election, and concerned about my safety just because I work for the federal government. Not so much about what might happen at my home or whatever just because I work for the federal government, but moreso what might happen while I’m at work. 

I am not trying to make my concerns about politics, because I am concerned regardless of whoever wins the election. I have been told that my employer has had “safety” talks about the possibility of civil unrest, but those meetings and talks were done on my regularly scheduled days off work, and I don’t know what was said. I am sure they had to do with our duties if there is civil unrest, but I am not sure they included anything about efforts to protect us while we perform those duties if there is civil unrest. 

My job was supposed to be just be a job when I first took it. Then came the pandemic, when I was an “essential” employee and had to put myself and my loved ones at risk because of my job, and how it was necessary to try to help make things happen for my fellow Americans, many of whom could stay safe at home and didn’t even respect me and my coworkers and the work we do. And now this. I had to take some kind of oath that I don’t even remember, when I got hired, and I had no idea that I was committing myself to this kind of shit, because the world was mostly normal back then. 

I get this.

I had just started a new job at a federal courthouse when 9/11 happened.  We had a mosque not more than a mile from the courthouse.  Terrorist attack from a foreign country, plus mosque, plus a plane headed to Washington, D.C., the seat of government -- yeah, we were all on edge. My boss was out of town but called us and told us to go home. He had unique high-level info on terrorist activities and he was worried. 

I think we are all braced for some level of violence surrounding the election. The people who are most at risk are the people working directly with election matters.  You work in a secured building, I think you said, so you should be okay, but stay alert and see how things shake out. Don't worry too much.   

The oath you took is probably the standard oath for federal employees.  

An individual, except the President, elected or appointed to an office of honor or profit in the civil service or uniformed services, shall take the following oath: "I, AB, do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter. So help me God."

5 U.S.C. 3331. 

That’s the thing, my building is not secure, even though it should be. The gates on our parking lot do not work, nor do the turnstiles to get from the parking lot to the building. The gate where the trucks exit onto the street does not work. So everything is wide open. 

That is why I said I am even more concerned now, I’ve been concerned for a while now, because it’s so easy to get inside. I didn’t really think about the election mess until yesterday when I was leaving and it was already dark outside. I hate this time of year when it’s dark when I get off work, since they changed my time last year. It’s only a few people that work the schedule I have now, so I’m often walking to my car by myself, and who knows who might be hanging around, up to no good.

[raeoflyte]

Nov 4, 2024 12:03:41 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Under normal circumstances I would’ve at least acknowledged that Mister had cleaned the kitchen and floors even if I didn’t use the exact word “thank you”. And even though he doesn’t thank me when he comes home to a clean house.

When he cooks a really good meal, I tell him how good it was and thank you for cooking it. When he spends hours dealing with the details in our yard, I tell him thank you for making it look so good. 

I am not stingy with expressing my appreciation for what people do. I tell my grandchildren thank you for putting their plates in the sink, to encourage them to keep doing it. Even when I ask them or Kiddo to do something or help me do something, when it’s done, I tell them thank you. I believe in being polite to children too.

But as far as Mister and right now, I don’t feel like saying anything nice to him. When I get so disgusted about the trash cans overflowing to the point that trash is also on the floor and take it out myself, the thanks I get is trash still ends up on the floor next to the empty trash cans, because they miss and don’t bother to pick it up. He is supposed to take the trash out. Or heaven forbid YD notices it’s full and takes it out. 

He was still trying to play nice this morning. He washed the Tahoe yesterday and was planning to drive it to work today. Last night I told him I had to work my side gig this morning. I have some stuff in the back of the Tahoe, from driving it to my side gig last week, and this morning he was asking if I need to drive the Tahoe. My stomach was hurting and I didn’t want to talk to him, so I told him to just take the Tahoe. He asked if I wanted him to get my stuff out and I said I don’t care, I probably wouldn’t need it. He ended up driving his car, even though I’d told him to just take the Tahoe.

He definitely knows he messed up. But if he hasn't apologized directly for the incident that upset you it feels more like panic than accountability.

I'm projecting my own stuff on to you so disregard anything that doesn't sound right. But I hate the over the top niceness/check ins/offers to help when it's coming off of something like that when the actual issue hasn't been addressed. It feels manipulative- even if it's not meant that way.

[weltz]

Nov 3, 2024 23:18:31 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

Nov 3, 2024 20:46:54 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

DH cued up an Allison Krauss cd today, so tonight I poked around and found some YouTube videos of her performing.  One was a cover of Seven Spanish Angels, and another was her with Robert Plant doing Please Read the Letter.  It was good.


weltz Music always makes me think of you - please check in when you can

She has such an amazing voice.

Lately, I've been listening to Etran de L'Air. It  was  voted Video of the year. It was all filmed on cllphoness


and Sona Jabarte. She's phemom........the only woman on the planet who has mastered the kora Womem weren't to play, so she said fuck this! I'm playing
Tomoorrow is my birthday. I've beem invited to lunch ad dinner, but I'll  be glued to the TV on election day.

[seriousthistime]

Early happy birthday, weltz. I hope you have a good day and the election news is more reassurance than disappointment. 

[minnesotapaintlady]

Nov 4, 2024 12:51:10 GMT -5 weltz said:

Tomoorrow is my birthday. I've beem invited to lunch ad dinner, but I'll  be glued to the TV on election day.

You may as well go and enjoy your lunch and dinner, it's not like results will start coming in before you're home anyhow. 

[steph08]

I have now progressed to a double ear infection + sinus infection that the first set of antibiotics did nothing for in 5 days, so now I'm on something stronger. 

The urgent care doctor also indicated this could be a flare-up of mono - that I had 19 years ago.   I was super stressed out about something a few weeks ago (which I'm almost never super stressed) which could have caused it to reactivate, and the exhaustion does mirror when I had mono the first time. If it is mono, then there's not much to be done except ride it out. 

I can power through the exhaustion, but I would like the stabbing ear pains to go away.