My dad

[Deleted]

I joked with chiver that I'd wave my magic wand for her house to sell. Would that I could wave my magic wand and make it all better for you. It's hard, I know. I've been there but not in circumstances nearly as frustrating as yours. 

[TheOtherMe]

Had an email from my ex.  He said she obviously does not understand what being financial POA entails.  Nor does she understand that I can't do it without pretending to be her.  To do it, I need a copy of the POA.

Dad's mail is being forwarded to my house.

Thanks @missrigby  I appreciate your kind thoughts

[debthaven]

TheO it breaks my heart to see the toll your sister's attitude is taking on you. At this point, for YOUR sake, and your Dad's sake, might it be easier to just go to her house, get the POA in your hand and call while pretending to be her?

Have youo tried involving your niece? Because you're going in circles with your highly uncooperative sister.

ETA: I don't know if this is possible legally, but since your Dad can no longer make decisions, could SHE transfer her POA to you (or even her DD)?

[busymom]

Sadly, if TheOtherMe's sister keeps it up, I'm thinking she'll have to take her to court, since the sister isn't doing what's supposed to be done by a POA.  Maybe get an opinion from swamp, but that's how it used to be handled in my home state.  If the POA isn't up to the job, or just plain isn't doing it, the court will assign that responsibility to someone else.  Hopefully to TheOtherMe.

[TheOtherMe]

I don't know the legalities, but I don't think the POA can be assigned by my sister to me.  

Making phone calls really is not that hard.  I emailed her a list of phone numbers, along with the company names with the information I was told they needed.  

I am also not understanding why to change an address, Social Security told me that somebody would have to be dad's rep payee.  I may go in and do just that if she won't cooperate.  When I emailed her and told her about that, she did respond back with why would he need a rep payee, he has no bills beside the nursing home.  He does.  He still has a health insurance plan and Medicare Part D.  I don't think she ever dealt with the Part D either.

[Deleted]

busymom is probably right. I know that down here one's "fiduciary duty" can't be assigned to someone else; it has to go through the court system. 

Geez, TOM, it's not enough that your sister didn't want to deal with any of the problems before, but now it's critical, and she's the only one who can do it. I hope she steps up to the plate like, yanno, tomorrow!

[TheOtherMe]

I am going to try to cancel dad's renter's insurance tomorrow and call Social Security to change his address.  I think the person was wrong who told me dad needs a rep payee.  It isn't like we can't get to his money.  The three of us are joint tenants.  We can pay his bills.

[countrygirl2]

I am MIL's representative payee and also DD's, to do anything they need to sign off. At the time MIL was still able to do it and did.  We had to go to court to take care of things and yet I had to become a fiduciary for her VA payment and to do anything for her.  I had to be her guardian to take care of the VA!  It's crazy.  And if they have a POA did you know they can rescind it if they want to? That is why we became guardians. It cost us $2000, I don't know what it costs elsewhere.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

I'm hoping now that the holiday weekend is over your sister is able to talk to you. Otherwise, it sounds like you have a few things you can try tomorrow?

[Wisconsin Beth]

HOw are you doing TheOtherMe?  I hope your weekend went well enough. 

[Deleted]

TheOtherMe, my magic wand has been employed. Hoping for progress for you with your sister today and hoping for some peace for your dad. 

[Wisconsin Beth]

Dec 2, 2019 10:04:54 GMT -5 @missrigby said:

TheOtherMe , my magic wand has been employed. Hoping for progress for you with your sister today and hoping for some peace for your dad. 

I don't suppose your wand works on my family?  I got a bunch of medical updates this weekend.  There's a lot of older relatives of mine that aren't doing so hot.  And a guy we camp with who's got advanced stage liver cancer. 

[Deleted]

Wisconsin Beth, sure. I'll give it a whirl. Ought to work at least as well as thoughts and prayers!

[TheOtherMe]

Got dad's renter's insurance canceled and refund will be issued.

Just got off the phone with Social Security/Medicare.  I have dealt with the rep when I was a volunteer rep payee.  She told me all the good reasons for having a rep payee account.  I have an appointment in January.  It takes about a month after that to be officially appointed.

Of course, if sister doesn't provide letter that dad is blind and can't handle his affairs, this won't matter.

I sent her an email telling her that we would not be able to talk to Medicare without a rep payee in place.  We need a rep payee.

Yes, I will have to do reports, but that's fine.  

Weekend has been difficult at best.  I postponed my doctor appointment for tomorrow.  I just can't deal with it myself.

These are the last two phone calls I can make.  Sister has to do the rest or give me a copy of the POA.

Almost time for a shower, which will make me feel 100% better

[Wisconsin Beth]

AT least it's a bit of progress.  But still hugs. 

[TheOtherMe]

Her response to the email was "I don't know how to scan".  

Now I am going to her house to show her how to scan tomorrow.  I will see if I can talk her in to letting me make the phone calls.  At least then I know they will happen.

[andi9899]

Dec 1, 2019 19:02:04 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

I am going to try to cancel dad's renter's insurance tomorrow and call Social Security to change his address.  I think the person was wrong who told me dad needs a rep payee.  It isn't like we can't get to his money.  The three of us are joint tenants.  We can pay his bills.

Why not just change the address on the renter's insurance to the nursing home? He probably will have stuff there and it will extend to cover his other stuff wherever it's stored. Plus he will have liability coverage.

[TheOtherMe]

He only has clothes at the nursing home.  At the independent living apartment, he had an apartment's worth of furniture.

His other stuff has now been inherited by my sister and me.  

Call has been made and it's done.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Dec 2, 2019 12:21:27 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Her response to the email was "I don't know how to scan".  

Now I am going to her house to show her how to scan tomorrow.  I will see if I can talk her in to letting me make the phone calls.  At least then I know they will happen.

Can't scan. .. it's called a library where they assist you either for free or like 10 cents a page.   

I am so sorry your sister is not performing her duties and seems to be trying her hardest to get out of them.

[dannylion]

Dec 2, 2019 10:53:11 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Got dad's renter's insurance canceled and refund will be issued.

Just got off the phone with Social Security/Medicare.  I have dealt with the rep when I was a volunteer rep payee.  She told me all the good reasons for having a rep payee account.  I have an appointment in January.  It takes about a month after that to be officially appointed.

Of course, if sister doesn't provide letter that dad is blind and can't handle his affairs, this won't matter.

I sent her an email telling her that we would not be able to talk to Medicare without a rep payee in place.  We need a rep payee.

Yes, I will have to do reports, but that's fine.  

Weekend has been difficult at best.  I postponed my doctor appointment for tomorrow.  I just can't deal with it myself.

These are the last two phone calls I can make.  Sister has to do the rest or give me a copy of the POA.

Almost time for a shower, which will make me feel 100% better

Well done accomplishing what you have so far.  If your sister truly does not want to do any of the activities required to accomplish the fairly straightforward transactions required to handle your Dad's affairs, it would be to her benefit to hand over to you whatever you need to get them done.  Maybe she will come to understand that before long.  

WRT the letter, you might have better luck getting that done if you write it and just have your sister sign it.  (You've probably already thought of that yourself, though).  

Is your sister unwilling to do these things for her own personal business, or is she just unwilling to do them for your Dad?  I'm really baffled by her attitude of "I don't" and "I don't know how" and "I can't" and apparently being satisfied to leave it at that.  That must be so frustrating for you.   

You are a good daughter to persevere for your Dad.  

[Chocolate Lover]

Dec 2, 2019 12:21:27 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Her response to the email was "I don't know how to scan".  

Now I am going to her house to show her how to scan tomorrow.  I will see if I can talk her in to letting me make the phone calls.  At least then I know they will happen.

Lots of hugs TheOtherMe

[NastyWoman]

Dec 2, 2019 12:37:27 GMT -5 dannylion said:

Dec 2, 2019 10:53:11 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Got dad's renter's insurance canceled and refund will be issued.

Just got off the phone with Social Security/Medicare.  I have dealt with the rep when I was a volunteer rep payee.  She told me all the good reasons for having a rep payee account.  I have an appointment in January.  It takes about a month after that to be officially appointed.

Of course, if sister doesn't provide letter that dad is blind and can't handle his affairs, this won't matter.

I sent her an email telling her that we would not be able to talk to Medicare without a rep payee in place.  We need a rep payee.

Yes, I will have to do reports, but that's fine.  

Weekend has been difficult at best.  I postponed my doctor appointment for tomorrow.  I just can't deal with it myself.

These are the last two phone calls I can make.  Sister has to do the rest or give me a copy of the POA.

Almost time for a shower, which will make me feel 100% better

Well done accomplishing what you have so far.  If your sister truly does not want to do any of the activities required to accomplish the fairly straightforward transactions required to handle your Dad's affairs, it would be to her benefit to hand over to you whatever you need to get them done.  Maybe she will come to understand that before long.  

WRT the letter, you might have better luck getting that done if you write it and just have your sister sign it.  (You've probably already thought of that yourself, though).  

Is your sister unwilling to do these things for her own personal business, or is she just unwilling to do them for your Dad?  I'm really baffled by her attitude of "I don't" and "I don't know how" and "I can't" and apparently being satisfied to leave it at that.  That must be so frustrating for you.   

You are a good daughter to persevere for your Dad.  

 and

[TheOtherMe]

Dec 2, 2019 12:37:27 GMT -5 dannylion said:

Dec 2, 2019 10:53:11 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Got dad's renter's insurance canceled and refund will be issued.

Just got off the phone with Social Security/Medicare.  I have dealt with the rep when I was a volunteer rep payee.  She told me all the good reasons for having a rep payee account.  I have an appointment in January.  It takes about a month after that to be officially appointed.

Of course, if sister doesn't provide letter that dad is blind and can't handle his affairs, this won't matter.

I sent her an email telling her that we would not be able to talk to Medicare without a rep payee in place.  We need a rep payee.

Yes, I will have to do reports, but that's fine.  

Weekend has been difficult at best.  I postponed my doctor appointment for tomorrow.  I just can't deal with it myself.

These are the last two phone calls I can make.  Sister has to do the rest or give me a copy of the POA.

Almost time for a shower, which will make me feel 100% better

Well done accomplishing what you have so far.  If your sister truly does not want to do any of the activities required to accomplish the fairly straightforward transactions required to handle your Dad's affairs, it would be to her benefit to hand over to you whatever you need to get them done.  Maybe she will come to understand that before long.  

WRT the letter, you might have better luck getting that done if you write it and just have your sister sign it.  (You've probably already thought of that yourself, though).  

Is your sister unwilling to do these things for her own personal business, or is she just unwilling to do them for your Dad?  I'm really baffled by her attitude of "I don't" and "I don't know how" and "I can't" and apparently being satisfied to leave it at that.  That must be so frustrating for you.   

You are a good daughter to persevere for your Dad.  

The Social Security Rep says the letters needs to come from dad's doctor.  I'm guessing the information sent home from the hospital has that (not about not being able to take care of his own affairs) but will say he is blind.

I think my sister has her husband do any of this kind of stuff.  

Yes, it's frustrating as h*ll.  I spent my career making difficult phone calls.  I can make the phone calls that are needed to be made.  Dad can't sign another financial POA but if she will let me have a scan or copy of it, I will ask if I can call and say that I am her.  Then I will know this will all get done.  

I just put dad's financial information and my check list of what's been done and still remains on a thumb drive.

[TheOtherMe]

The bolded is what has me totally baffled.  I've made the calls to find out what has to be done.  Now do it.

[bean29]

I know Hindsight is 20/20 but how in the world did your DS end up as the financial POA?

I find this kind of scary too b/c my DS is my Mom's Financial POA/Executor I think... and DH pointed out to me a number of years ago that she does not have a track record of good financial decisions. I gently tired to get Mom to change that part of her will, but the decision is made, and she is not changing it. I don't think we will have issues as extreme as what you are dealing with though. Geesh. It is her responsibility to do this stuff. She should have refused the responsibility otherwise.

I am attempting to wave my own magic wand on your behalf...

[shanendoah]

TheOtherMe *more hugs*

I am so glad that we had C's mom do a joint POA that included both of us, so that I could make all the calls. (Though back when she first had her accident, I did pretend to be her on the phone a couple of time just to get companies to send us copies of her bills so that we could pay them.)

[TheOtherMe]

Dec 2, 2019 16:03:06 GMT -5 bean29 said:

I know Hindsight is 20/20 but how in the world did your DS end up as the financial POA?

I find this kind of scary too b/c my DS is my Mom's Financial POA/Executor I think... and DH pointed out to me a number of years ago that she does not have a track record of good financial decisions. I gently tired to get Mom to change that part of her will, but the decision is made, and she is not changing it. I don't think we will have issues as extreme as what you are dealing with though. Geesh. It is her responsibility to do this stuff. She should have refused the responsibility otherwise.

I am attempting to wave my own magic wand on your behalf...

I "think" it had something to do with I was living in Colorado and my sister lived here.  

Nothing was ever changed when I moved back.

I also don't know if my parents knew how difficult this would be for her.

I wish it was joint as in shanendoah's case.  My life and my sister's life would be easier today.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Scanning documents and making phone calls should not be hard considering you've done much of the leg work for her.

If she's that deep in denial why not just give you a copy and let you pretend to be her while she can keep her head up her butt unless absolutely necessary.
Boom done. Unable to scan is a freaking excuse.



Any stress she has is on her. Any stress you have is on her too.

[Deleted]

TheOtherMe, I'm with NomoreDramaQ1015 on this. First your sister was in denial that there was anything wrong with your dad. Now she's in denial that time is of the essence regarding anything needed for his care and comfort and unwilling to bestir herself to get the job done. I hope you don't have to get snippy in order to make it abundantly clear that it's past time for her to step up to the plate.

You said you emotionally exhausted yourself. Nope. That's on your sister, too. Geez. I'm functionally illiterate when it comes to computers, but even I can scan stuff. And I loathe talking on the phone, but I will if push comes to shove. 

Hoping that by this time tomorrow everything that needs to be done will be.



>>MissRigby goes off in search of her magic wand<<

[TheOtherMe]

Dec 2, 2019 20:18:03 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Scanning documents and making phone calls should not be hard considering you've done much of the leg work for her.

If she's that deep in denial why not just give you a copy and let you pretend to be her while she can keep her head up her butt unless absolutely necessary.
Boom done. Unable to scan is a freaking excuse.



Any stress she has is on her. Any stress you have is on her too.

I am going to tell her it would be easier if she lets me pretend to be her