My dad

[TheOtherMe]

Sister actually did make two phone calls yesterday.

She did call about the money from the health reimbursement account.  They gave her the same kind of run around they gave me.  They told her she was medical POA and they could not talk to her, that they could only talk to the executor.  Told them she was the executor but they would not listen.  She got transferred around and finally someone told her to fax in the executor papers.

She did say she didn't know how I made all of the phone calls, so I'm taking that as a back handed thank you.

The other call was emotionally difficult.  She had gotten a text reminder about an upcoming doctor appointment for dad.  My niece was supposed to make sure all of his appointments were canceled but forgot to do it.  Sister calls and the receptionist first gave her a hard time about not informing them sooner and then ended the call with "have a nice day".  Sister said she burst in to tears.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Sister calls and the receptionist first gave her a hard time about not informing them sooner

"I'm so sorry, next time we will make sure to tell the doctor to hurry up and pull the plug because the doctor's office needs sufficient notice".

[TheOtherMe]

Exactly.  Especially since the nursing home where he died is owned by the same hospital system that owns the clinic and a doctor from the clinic signed the death certificate.

[Chocolate Lover]

I'd probably be calling and asking to speak to said idiot's boss. They should know better than to ever give a hard time to someone calling to cancel a relative's appointment because of death. 

[TheOtherMe]

Sister said she didn't get her name when I suggested that.  I told her to call the number and ask for the supervisor and tell them what happened.

She said she doesn't like confrontation.  

That's the reason I've had to make so many phone calls.

[dannylion]

Feb 4, 2020 15:24:04 GMT -5 Chocolate Lover said:

I'd probably be calling and asking to speak to said idiot's boss. They should know better than to ever give a hard time to someone calling to cancel a relative's appointment because of death. 

Exactly.  I had to make several calls to cancel appointments and services after my dad passed away, and in every case the people I spoke to were kind and compassionate.  Maybe I was just lucky and got to speak with the employees who had proper social skills.  

There is nothing to be gained by heaping gratuitous abuse on someone who is grieving.  

[Chocolate Lover]

I don't like confrontation either, but I've done it to at least one doctor's office and it wasn't a matter like this either. Just a terrible attitude in general and the more I thought about it after, the less I wanted to put up with it.

[gacpa]

I actually called the doctor's office and left a message that Dad had passed.  This did not stop them from calling a few days later to remind us he had an appointment with the oncologist.  I told the lady dad had passed and I had called and left a message, but she seemed totally shocked.  Good thing I was too emotionally numb to let it bother me.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Feb 4, 2020 15:45:53 GMT -5 Chocolate Lover said:

I don't like confrontation either, but I've done it to at least one doctor's office and it wasn't a matter like this either. Just a terrible attitude in general and the more I thought about it after, the less I wanted to put up with it.

I'm in trouble if I fire my current clinic.  I'm seriously starting to run out of doctors because I hate their attitudes, their office staff attitudes and sloppy lab people.   I'll go ahead and die before I ever step foot in another CHI hospital or doctor's office.

[TheOtherMe]

Feb 4, 2020 15:48:22 GMT -5 gacpa said:

I actually called the doctor's office and left a message that Dad had passed.  This did not stop them from calling a few days later to remind us he had an appointment with the oncologist.  I told the lady dad had passed and I had called and left a message, but she seemed totally shocked.  Good thing I was too emotionally numb to let it bother me.

My niece works there and said she would take care of canceling the appointments.  She forgot and didn't do it.

Whoever sister talked to yesterday did say all of his appointments were canceled.  

It's been 6 weeks.  I am not in the numb stage.  Yes, I'm grieving but not numb.

[gacpa]

TOM,

My condolences on the loss of your dad.  I cannot imagine what life will be like to lose my mom.  She is 82 and I cannot fathom a world without her in it.  She is an old fashioned mom, not very affectionate, but taught us how to take care of ourselves and taught us right from wrong.  She stuck around no matter how obnoxious we got.  Really tough as nails.

[Deleted]

Feb 4, 2020 20:10:43 GMT -5 gacpa said:

TOM,

My condolences on the loss of your dad.  I cannot imagine what life will be like to lose my mom.  She is 82 and I cannot fathom a world without her in it.  She is an old fashioned mom, not very affectionate, but taught us how to take care of ourselves and taught us right from wrong.  She stuck around no matter how obnoxious we got.  Really tough as nails.

I hope my kids feel at least this generous toward me. Mostly I thought my role was to raise them to be productive, kind, and honest, to keep a roof over their heads, clothes on their backs, food on their plates. I sure wasn't very affectionate, probably because I came from a family of undemonstrative people. I was so busy doing the above that they didn't get much by way of hugs or any outward expressions of affection.

There have been occasions when they've been beyond obnoxious and quite unlovable, but I stuck around anyway, forgave them for not understanding what it was like to be a mother since they weren't mothers, loved them no matter what and still do.

[TheOtherMe]

Feb 4, 2020 20:10:43 GMT -5 gacpa said:

TOM,

My condolences on the loss of your dad.  I cannot imagine what life will be like to lose my mom.  She is 82 and I cannot fathom a world without her in it.  She is an old fashioned mom, not very affectionate, but taught us how to take care of ourselves and taught us right from wrong.  She stuck around no matter how obnoxious we got.  Really tough as nails.

Thank you.  

Dad had dementia.  I somehow thought it would be easier to lose him than it was to lose mom.  It didn't matter that he was 95 and had dementia.  I miss my dad.  I miss the dad of even 2 years ago.  

My parents taught us right from wrong.  They both worked in a time when most mothers did not work outside the home.  My mom worked her tail off as a waitress.  

They were married 67 years.  As far as dad was concerned, they were married 72 years.  He still celebrated their anniversary--even his past October.

My parents were not affectionate either but I know they each loved me.  

[Chocolate Lover]

Feb 4, 2020 17:14:50 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Feb 4, 2020 15:45:53 GMT -5 Chocolate Lover said:

I don't like confrontation either, but I've done it to at least one doctor's office and it wasn't a matter like this either. Just a terrible attitude in general and the more I thought about it after, the less I wanted to put up with it.

I'm in trouble if I fire my current clinic.  I'm seriously starting to run out of doctors because I hate their attitudes, their office staff attitudes and sloppy lab people.   I'll go ahead and die before I ever step foot in another CHI hospital or doctor's office.

This was way back when DD was almost 2, she's 18 now. This was also not a long time doctor and a place I moved away from. It was much easier than it would have been at a place I'd been a regular at. 

[TheOtherMe]

Called the life insurance company for the umpteenth time this morning.

Good think I am persistent.

Last week, I was told the payout would be made within 7-10 business days of receipt of claim with death certificate.  That was done on January 24 so payout should have been made last Friday (using 10 business days).

Call this morning.  The claim has been transferred and that will result in a delay of 7-10 business days.  Asked how many times it has been transferred.  This was the second transfer so it will be about 20 more business days because of two transfers and, by the way, the person who has it now just now transferred it again.  So add 7-10 more business days.

Told them this was unacceptable for a straight forward claim.  Did it professionally and as calmly as possible.

They finally put me through to the analyst who now has the claim.  She looked at it and said she had to review the death certificate.  Told her what it said.  She looks at it and says it's a "straight forward" claim with dementia as cause of death.

Had previously been told that they had the addresses for the two beneficiaries.  Analyst says she needs the addresses to issue the checks, so I gave her those.  

Checks are to be issued on Friday and "someone" will call to let me know they have been issued.  I also have her direct line if I don't hear anything on Friday.

It's being treated as a priority claim now.

Perseverance.  Patience. 


I don't understand all of the incompetence I have encountered with these places in dealing with them since dad died.

[finnime]

Good for you, following up persistently, TheOtherMe. I'm with you, I can't understand how typical it is for straightforward transactions to be bent  into pretzels.

[TheOtherMe]

It's a $5000 policy.  He died of dementia.  They have the paperwork.  Cut the check.

Analyst said we have to look for suspicious causes of death.  I don't think dying at age 95 of dementia while in a nursing home is suspicious.  I actually said that.   

[shanendoah]

In dealing with life insurance companies for both MIL and my step-mother, it never went exactly smoothly. I am glad you followed up. Hopefully, this will soon be one more thing you no longer have to think about.

[TheOtherMe]

It's the last thing that I will be dealing with personally.    I will call them again Friday afternoon if I have no heard anything.  I will not go away.  

I'm letting the executor deal with everything else.  

[TheOtherMe]

I'm really blowing my inheritance.  This money will be paying for a radon mitigation system.  Sounds like fun.  

[nikiz628]

TheOtherMe, Good for you for being so persistent! Even though he is gone, you still continue to rock being his daughter. It's a true shame that shoddy customer service tends to be the norm when dealing with places like this. I am sure there are real instances that things would need to be delayed, but for the "average joe" claim, just cut the dang check and move on with the next case. I hope they actually follow up with you once it's issued. 

[TheOtherMe]

I had set a 3 PM deadline in my mind to hear about the life insurance.  Of course, I didn't hear from them.

I was rather surprised when I called the direct line of the claims agent and she answered the phone.  No, she had not gotten around to paying the claim yet.  

Is it a bad thing that she knew what I was calling about without me telling her?   She even knew dad's name. 

I asked her if all she needs to do is check a box and hit submit to pay the claim and she said yes.  I said then why don't you do that while we are on the phone.  She said she did that and also put it to go out overnight mail on Monday.  3 PM is after their deadline to cut checks for the day and also for mailing.  

This is such a small amount of life insurance that I think this is ridiculous for a 95 year old who died of dementia and that is what the death certificate says.  

I talked to a friend of mine.  I don't live in an area where overnight mail gets here overnight.  If the check doesn't arrive on Wednesday, I am calling the state insurance commissioner.  It's time for a complaint because I am not going away.  The friend is my former boss at the IRS.  He said he taught me well.  He was my on the job coach.  

[finnime]

Good for you at getting it done, TheOtherMe. I don't understand at all either why pushing is so often needed, but it is.

[wvugurl26]

If you don't get overnight service, you'll need to wait until Thursday. There's no mail service Monday so they can't send it until Tuesday. I hope you do get the check next week.

[TheOtherMe]

Feb 14, 2020 19:31:56 GMT -5 wvugurl26 said:

If you don't get overnight service, you'll need to wait until Thursday. There's no mail service Monday so they can't send it until Tuesday. I hope you do get the check next week.

Thanks for the reminder.  I didn't even think of that.  I also don't know what service they use, as in USPS, UPS or Fedex.  I also don't know if that matters because of the holiday.

It should not be this hard to get this paid out for employer life insurance for a 95 year old man.  

[Wisconsin Beth]

Feb 14, 2020 19:48:29 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Feb 14, 2020 19:31:56 GMT -5 wvugurl26 said:

If you don't get overnight service, you'll need to wait until Thursday. There's no mail service Monday so they can't send it until Tuesday. I hope you do get the check next week.

Thanks for the reminder.  I didn't even think of that.  I also don't know what service they use, as in USPS, UPS or Fedex.  I also don't know if that matters because of the holiday.

It should not be this hard to get this paid out for employer life insurance for a 95 year old man.  

It really shouldn't. 

[TheOtherMe]

Received an email that the life insurance check has been sent overnight by UPS.  The tracking shows it should arrive tomorrow.

Talked to my sister and she made her phone call.  She actually got someone who explained that we do owe back the money to dad's former employer.  Apparently they tried to take it out, but it didn't work.  They are going to send a bill.

Sister also called the funeral home and we do not owe them any more money.  She did tell the owner about the delay in the death certificate.  It was picked up at the courthouse on the day of dad's funeral and we could have had it that day.  I came home the next day so if it wasn't ready on the day of the funeral, I could have picked it up that day.

[countrygirl2]

I'm glad you are getting resolution. I'm going to call VA AGAIN. I have a live person just needing to end a payment so she doesn't lose Medicaid. We can't use the money, so its not hers and like you I imagine its check a box to stop it.  She will get $90 a month after that and take the money out. How hard could this get? They will not even let you talk to the people processing it.  I remember when I was trying to get VA and it took a year, the last person I talked to said they had found the file just sitting on a desk, probably the same thing now, but they then processed it.  What a nightmare.

I feel for son when he has to take care of paperwork for us. It's possible he could be overseas and not even here at that time.

[TheOtherMe]

Life insurance check is in the bank!  

Another box checked.

My "executor" duties are now complete.  It's up to the official executor to finish this.

We have 95 days until the 120 days that creditors have to file claims to go.  On day 90, the letter goes out to me and my half sister to see if we want to contest the will.  

Hopefully, the half sister does not decide to contest the will, but time will tell.

My sister did say yesterday that the attorney who drew up the will, put a handwritten note in the file about the conversation he had with dad in the office the day the will was prepared and also about how he would stop and talk to dad when he walked home from work and some anecdotes from those conversations.  I know that was done to show that he was competent at that time.

It was a year ago in March, that we had the dementia evaluation done and that doctor said he passed the screening.  

So incompetency at the time the will was made is not going to fly.

[TheOtherMe]

Received the bill for the repayment of the Health Insurance Reimbursement Account.  Check will go out tomorrow after I copy and scan everything.