My dad

[Deleted]

I know that as much as you wanted your Dad to live somewhere that he could get appropriate care, you didn’t want anything to happen to cause that kind of change in his living situation. I’m sorry to read this.

Take care TOM. I’ll be thinking of you and you Dad.

[empress of self-improvement]

I'm sorry about your dad Theo. Hugs and wishes. Your sister is still a pill. If it wasn't for the fact that nobody in my family has EVER made it to 95, I'd ask if we were related. We have the same type of sister.

[TheOtherMe]

Nov 21, 2019 17:24:43 GMT -5 CCL said:

I'm sorry your dad is going thru this.

I can't help but wonder if this contributed to his confusion and even hearing loss. Did they not do an MRI when the confusion started/worsened?

When we took him for the dementia screen, he answered every question with the correct answer.  He took it as a challenge and we could see him thinking about the answers.  

No MRI has been done since he moved here.  I don't think anything ever happened before then that would have called for one.

Since mom died, he didn't want to see any doctors.  He would only go to the hearing aid doctor, the pacemaker check up and to get his toe nails cut.  

Otherwise, he refused to go.

[TheOtherMe]

Nov 21, 2019 18:02:33 GMT -5 empress of self-improvement said:

I'm sorry about your dad Theo. Hugs and wishes. Your sister is still a pill. If it wasn't for the fact that nobody in my family has EVER made it to 95, I'd ask if we were related. We have the same type of sister.

Dad's family is amazingly long lived.  

His mother lived to 94 and all of his older siblings lived past 95.

[Lizard Queen]

Sorry about your dad, TOM, but I'm glad to hear that you are getting the relief of knowing that he's finally getting enough care. I know that feeling well.

[Deleted]

Nov 21, 2019 18:15:31 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Nov 21, 2019 17:24:43 GMT -5 CCL said:

I'm sorry your dad is going thru this.

I can't help but wonder if this contributed to his confusion and even hearing loss. Did they not do an MRI when the confusion started/worsened?

When we took him for the dementia screen, he answered every question with the correct answer.  He took it as a challenge and we could see him thinking about the answers.  

No MRI has been done since he moved here.  I don't think anything ever happened before then that would have called for one.

Since mom died, he didn't want to see any doctors.  He would only go to the hearing aid doctor, the pacemaker check up and to get his toe nails cut.  

Otherwise, he refused to go.

I think this presents a quandary for a lot of children of elderly parents. We want them to go get this and that checked out, but they may refuse. And as long as we’re pretty sure they’re still in their right mind, do we insist, or respect their wishes?

My Mom and Aunt had to make a really tough decision when my Grandmother had what turned out to be a fatal heart attack, but at least they were on the same page and united when they went against what the hospital doctors wanted to do. They both knew what my Grandma had said for years that she wanted and didn’t want.

My heart really does go out to you TOM, and your sister too, even though she’s been in denial for a while about the reality of your Dad’s situation. As for your sister, I would imagine that it’s hard to accept that a parent that has always been so strong and independent, has become a shell of what they use to be, and needs more help than we can give them..... needs us to make decisions about what’s truly best for them regardless of what we or they would prefer....... just like they had to do for us when we were younger. Once a man, twice a child, and all that. All of you are deserving of compassion, you, your sister, and your Dad. He is truly blessed to have family to look out for him, even if you and your sister have disagreed in the past about what needed to be done.

I don’t know if you are an atheist, agnostic, or a believer in the power of prayer, but I said a prayer for all of you anyway.

[TheOtherMe]

Thank you.

My sister said (I totally agree) that this final path was easier with mom because mom was fully aware of what she wanted and she made her own decisions about her final days.  She made the decision to refuse surgery and choose hospice.  While still difficult, she was able to sign off on her wishes.

I do not envy my sister and niece who have to sign the paperwork.  Dad has gotten increasingly quieter during the time since he lost mom.  About the only direction he has given us is no nursing home and if I fall, let me die.  

With the way it's happened, my sister didn't have to make the decision about a nursing home.  It got made for her.  

Dad is more confused than ever because he can't see.  I can not imagine what he must be going through in his mind.  

[ners]

TheOtherMe

[zibazinski]

Nov 22, 2019 6:52:06 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Thank you.

My sister said (I totally agree) that this final path was easier with mom because mom was fully aware of what she wanted and she made her own decisions about her final days.  She made the decision to refuse surgery and choose hospice.  While still difficult, she was able to sign off on her wishes.

I do not envy my sister and niece who have to sign the paperwork.  Dad has gotten increasingly quieter during the time since he lost mom.  About the only direction he has given us is no nursing home and if I fall, let me die.  

With the way it's happened, my sister didn't have to make the decision about a nursing home.  It got made for her.  

Dad is more confused than ever because he can't see.  I can not imagine what he must be going through in his mind.  

I’m so sorry. Even though it is horrible for the survivors , my parents and DH went the way they would have wanted to. My grandpa didn’t and I never want my children to witness me like that.

[TheOtherMe]

Dad isn't sleeping.  He can't understand why he can't see.  He isn't eating.  He is still hospitalized so is receiving fluids by IV.

This is not what he wanted either.  

It's so hard to watch.

[Deleted]

Nov 23, 2019 9:02:34 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Dad isn't sleeping.  He can't understand why he can't see.  He isn't eating.  He is still hospitalized so is receiving fluids by IV.

This is what he wanted either.  

It's so hard to watch.

After one of his falls, my husband wanted his leg amputated because it hurt so bad.  He begged the ER doctor so hard that the doctor suggested he must have hit his head as well.

He begged another ER doctor for a feeding tube because he hadn't been able to eat for weeks.

And he begged me to keep the Jack Daniel flowing after he became bedridden.  

We can't always give them what they "want."  You just have to accept that and do the best you can.

Hang in there!  You are indeed a wonderful daughter.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Wow, this is quite the development. 
I glad there are answers, but I'm sad that your dad is so confused. 
Many hugs for you. 

[TheOtherMe]

He is so confused that he is afraid to go to sleep.  

[finnime]

How frightening it must be to suddenly lose your sight and be moved to a new place (hospital) where you don't understand what's going on.


 for you, TheOtherMe, and to your dad.

[dannylion]

I'm so sorry, TOM.  This is hard on everyone involved.  I hope your dad can be made comfortable in mind and body.  

[resolution]

I am keeping your family in my prayers. 

[Happy prose]

Sorry to hear all this TOM. 

[nikiz628]

Piling on the hugs TheOtherMe. 

[NastyWoman]

I'm so sorry for all this TheOtherMe. Sending you lots of   and 

[seriousthistime]

Nov 23, 2019 21:48:15 GMT -5 nikiz628 said:

Piling on the hugs TheOtherMe . 

Yes, so sorry about all this.  It is a difficult time for all of you.  

Add me to the pile of hugs. 

[TheOtherMe]

Nov 23, 2019 13:57:13 GMT -5 finnime said:

How frightening it must be to suddenly lose your sight and be moved to a new place (hospital) where you don't understand what's going on.


 for you, TheOtherMe , and to your dad.

I don't think he comprehends there will be another move--to a nursing home.

Dad was adamantly opposed to going to a nursing home.  That's the major reason my sister opposed that option.  Now the decision was made for her.  

[Wisconsin Beth]

I'm sorry TOE.  It's so hard and painful for all of you.  Hugs and sympathies. 

[TheOtherMe]

Home from getting the last of the photo albums and all of dad's financial stuff.  Also changed his address to my address.

Now I have to call some places to change his address.

Dad did not sleep for 48 hours.  The hospital did not leave him alone in the room.  Once he is weaned off one to one care, he can go to the nursing home.  The hospitalist contacted hospice on Friday, two days after dad was hospitalized.

DN1 and his wife came to visit Grandpa.  That shocked me given his relationship with his parents and siblings.  Grandpa meant so much to the four grandchildren.  Grandpa used to take the boys on bus trip to see the Cubs.  All three boys remember those trips.  DN1 has a foul ball he caught on their first trip.  He has kept it all these years.  

[debthaven]

That's so hard TheO. Can't the hospital give him something to relax him and help him sleep?

[TheOtherMe]

Nov 25, 2019 16:01:12 GMT -5 debthaven said:

That's so hard TheO. Can't the hospital give him something to relax him and help him sleep?

They said they can't because he has never been prescribed that type of drug.

Hospice will have medication they can give him.

[Blonde Granny]

Hospice frequently uses morphine and antivan when needed.  Morphine in case the patient has any pain, and antivan if patient might feel any anxiety.

[moneysquirrel]

Continuing to keep you and your family in prayer.

[debthaven]

That seems crazy to me TheO, leaving him in that state.

I hope he can be released soon. He'll probably be much more comfortable once he goes to the nursing home and hospice can help care for him.

You're in my thoughts friend.

[TheOtherMe]

The plan at present is for him to go to the nursing home in the morning.  

I know hospice gave mom some medication for her anxiety.

[wvugurl26]

That's too bad they won't give him anything.

When my grandpa was hospitalized after open heart surgery, they gave him Ativan. He had a breathing mask and two chest tubes. He was super agitated and they couldn't risk him pulling the tubes out. He had zero history of taking any such drugs.

If he could get hospice care in the nursing home that would probably be the best situation. I hope they do get him moved tomorrow.