My dad

[TheOtherMe]

Dad has beneficiaries on the two accounts where that could be done

[swamp]

Jan 4, 2020 12:54:19 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

There is a reason an estate has to be opened.  It's due to a specific clause in the will. 

My reading of state law is that it is considered a small estate and there are not as many hoops to go through.

Do you think a bank is going to cash a check for $85K made out to the Estate of .......   They won't and that is one of the monies that is in the small estate.

I agree on IRA with named beneficiaries but bank wanted paperwork that sister is the executor.  Not sure why.

I am calling the attorney with my questions next week since sister doesn't keep me informed and I have questions as to why the joint accounts and the IRA and life insurance with named beneficiaries can't be distributed once death certificate arrives.

My sister and I are to each receive 50% of IRA and 50% of life insurance.  

swamp    Does it make sense that joint bank account monies can not be distributed once death certificate arrives?

No 

ETA. Unless he was on Medicaid. 

[TheOtherMe]

Thank you.  Like I said, I am calling the attorney to explain things to me on Monday.

No, he was not on Medicaid.  Paid full price for his 20 some days in the nursing home and wasn't close to being on Medicaid.

[TheOtherMe]

Dad's former employer has a health reimbursement account.  When I called them to tell them he had died, I was assured they would not put any more money in to his bank account.

This morning, they deposited $1000 in to his bank account.  I called them.  I had paperwork on file to talk to them when he was alive but now that he has died, they would only talk to the executor about if he is entitled to the money and how to send it back.

Good luck sister.  I will email her the information and it's in her hands.  

[finnime]

Hope you got good information from the attorney, TheOtherMe, and can now relax and recover.

[TheOtherMe]

I'm getting my list of questions together and am prepared to hire my own attorney if need be.  

On the above information on the HRA, her response was 1.  I don't do phone calls and 2. I haven't been appointed the executor by the court

If it was me, I would call to see the information they want and where to send it so I am ready when officially the executor.

Probably tomorrow, I'm going to ask her about the death certificate.  I need to get a copy to 3 of the places I dealt with.

[mollyanna58]

Kinda hard to be an executor if you "don't do phone calls".  

[swamp]

Jan 8, 2020 13:11:33 GMT -5 mollyanna58 said:

Kinda hard to be an executor if you "don't do phone calls".  

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Jan 8, 2020 12:46:32 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

I'm getting my list of questions together and am prepared to hire my own attorney if need be.  

On the above information on the HRA, her response was 1.  I don't do phone calls and 2. I haven't been appointed the executor by the court

If it was me, I would call to see the information they want and where to send it so I am ready when officially the executor.

Probably tomorrow, I'm going to ask her about the death certificate.  I need to get a copy to 3 of the places I dealt with.

I know you wanted it settled but personally I'd say tough shit.   If anyone calls you inform them your sister is the executor.  Repeat repeat repeat.   

I'd only involve yourself in things you may be entitled to.   Otherwise your father is deceased it's not like they can do much about it.  They want to be stupid and deposit $1k into the account they can figure out how to clean up the mess themselves.

[Deleted]

I would totally pawn this all off on your lazy ass sister.  I could see getting involved before when your dad's care could be compromised by her incompetence, but now?  Screw it.  She wants the power, she can make the stupid phone calls. 

[TheOtherMe]

She is going to make the phone calls.

I want to talk to the attorney because she isn't telling me much of anything.  She writes a few words and adds "I don't really understand it".

If what she says is right, he isn't treating the joint bank accounts as money that can be distributed once there is a death certificate and says the IRA and life insurance with named beneficiaries can't be distributed.

That's why I want the copy of the death certificate.  The life insurance claim is filed.  I filed it.  It just needs the death certificate filed through a portal to be paid.  The rep said the life insurance is such a small amount, that it won't take long to pay--once they have the death certificate.

[TheOtherMe]

Jan 8, 2020 13:25:47 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Jan 8, 2020 12:46:32 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

I'm getting my list of questions together and am prepared to hire my own attorney if need be.  

On the above information on the HRA, her response was 1.  I don't do phone calls and 2. I haven't been appointed the executor by the court

If it was me, I would call to see the information they want and where to send it so I am ready when officially the executor.

Probably tomorrow, I'm going to ask her about the death certificate.  I need to get a copy to 3 of the places I dealt with.

I know you wanted it settled but personally I'd say tough shit.   If anyone calls you inform them your sister is the executor.  Repeat repeat repeat.   

I'd only involve yourself in things you may be entitled to.   Otherwise your father is deceased it's not like they can do much about it.  They want to be stupid and deposit $1k into the account they can figure out how to clean up the mess themselves.

Joint bank account and named beneficiary accounts are who I will deal with.  

It also won't take anything to send the death certificate to dad's former employer since they have my name and address and mailed their letter to me.  

[TheOtherMe]

Funeral home misplaced death certificate.  

Sister is pissed and is going to call the director.  She said the woman she talked to was quite snooty about it, like it was our fault they misplaced the death certificate.  

They have had it since December 31.  Sister received copies yesterday and took a copy to attorney.  Court has appointed her executor so newspaper notice is being readied.  

She still doesn't know how to scan.  

[nikiz628]

Jan 16, 2020 12:27:03 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Funeral home misplaced death certificate.  

Sister is pissed and is going to call the director.  She said the woman she talked to was quite snooty about it, like it was our fault they misplaced the death certificate.  

They have had it since December 31.  Sister received copies yesterday and took a copy to attorney.  Court has appointed her executor so newspaper notice is being readied.  

She still doesn't know how to scan.  

Good lord. 🙄

[TheOtherMe]

First words out of her mouth were that she was calling the funeral home director.  

You can't do anything without the death certificate.

[shanendoah]

Jan 16, 2020 14:09:58 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

First words out of her mouth were that she was calling the funeral home director.  

You can't do anything without the death certificate.

See, she does do phone calls...

[TheOtherMe]

Jan 16, 2020 15:40:25 GMT -5 shanendoah said:

Jan 16, 2020 14:09:58 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

First words out of her mouth were that she was calling the funeral home director.  

You can't do anything without the death certificate.

See, she does do phone calls...

Or scans   

She had the bank scan it and they would only email it to her and she did figure out how to forward it to me.

When it's in her interest, she CAN do phone calls. 

I thought the bill came for the money that was incorrectly deposited in to dad's account.  Nope, it was an explanation of what the deposit covered.  I am to send her who she is to contact on that problem because they will only talk to the executor and wouldn't even tell me how the executor informed them who it was.  I did tell her after being transferred 3 times, I told them they could file a claim after it was published in the newspaper.  

She has not called the funeral home director yet but she has opened up the checking account for probate.  

[TheOtherMe]

She also had our aunt and uncle go to the funeral home to get her precious 31 bag.  Then she drove 3 hours each way to get the bag.  

[TheOtherMe]

Sister told me she didn't like the death certificate.  She said the right doctor didn't sign it.  Uh, it's a doctor from dad's family doctor's practice.  What does it matter who signed it as long as it's a doctor?

Looked it over again last night.  What she doesn't like is the word dementia is on the death certificate and dad didn't have dementia.  

[gs11rmb]

Jan 17, 2020 8:27:16 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Sister told me she didn't like the death certificate.  She said the right doctor didn't sign it.  Uh, it's a doctor from dad's family doctor's practice.  What does it matter who signed it as long as it's a doctor?

Looked it over again last night.  What she doesn't like is the word dementia is on the death certificate and dad didn't have dementia.  

On the one hand I think your sister is being ridiculous.  On the other hand I understand that grief can warp our sense of reality and appropriateness at times.  It's not a rational process.

[TheOtherMe]

She always denied dad had dementia.  Always.  Right up until the end.

That was our big disagreement for the last 18 months of his life.  She got a wake up call when hospice said they wouldn't accept him while he lived alone in the apartment because it was not a safe living situation.

If you would ask her today, she still thinks dad didn't have dementia.  He did and now there is written proof on the death certificate.  

It's been a fact for a long time.  She has been in denial for all of that time and apparently still is.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Jan 17, 2020 8:27:16 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Sister told me she didn't like the death certificate.  She said the right doctor didn't sign it.  Uh, it's a doctor from dad's family doctor's practice.  What does it matter who signed it as long as it's a doctor?

Looked it over again last night.  What she doesn't like is the word dementia is on the death certificate and dad didn't have dementia.  

So what then she wants somebody to go find her the "right" doctor that will give her the answer she wants?

This is so absurd. It's to the point where I'd be looking for hidden cameras.

[raeoflyte]

I was crushed when I saw starvation as the cause of death on dgf death certificate. It felt cruel, like we weren't taking care of him. It still upsets me to think of someone seeing it without an explanation. We tried to get him to eat and offered a feeding tube but he refused and eventually he did starve. I can control my rational response but probably because I wasn't in charge of anything. I just got to process my feelings. I didn't have to look at it over and over.

[TheOtherMe]

Hospice said dad was starving.  He was.  He was refusing food and drink.  He refused it at the nursing home.

He had made the decision of no feeding tube long before the dementia.

I would not have been surprised to see starvation on the death certificate.

Dad accused a SIL of murdering his brother when he refused to eat.  No, she did nothing wrong.  His brother was done with life and refused to eat.

My 102 year old aunt that just passed away told people the nursing home starved her husband because they didn't want to take care of him any more.  No, he was done with living and refused to eat.

[TheOtherMe]

Jan 16, 2020 15:40:25 GMT -5 shanendoah said:

Jan 16, 2020 14:09:58 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

First words out of her mouth were that she was calling the funeral home director.  

You can't do anything without the death certificate.

See, she does do phone calls...

Sister did call funeral home about death certificate but she never called them back to complain about some things she was unhappy about.

This afternoon, I got a notice by email that dad's estate owes money back to his health reimbursement account.  It was erroneously deposited in to his bank account in January.  I have been telling my sister they would only talk to the executor and had refused to talk to me.

I forwarded the email to her and typed I suggested she make that phone call.

She called to see if there was some way I can make that phone call.  No, there is not.  She said she is going to make the call.  We shall see.

I know that money has to be paid back and I've known it since the day it went in to the bank account.  Her solution was to let them file a claim against the estate within 120 days.  

[TheOtherMe]

NomoreDramaQ1015  

Funeral etiquette question

I think I know the answer.  Received a sympathy card yesterday and they made note to say they sent a donation to the charity we had selected.  

I think I need to send a thank you to them.  Correct?

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Feb 4, 2020 9:23:50 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

NomoreDramaQ1015   

Funeral etiquette question

I think I know the answer.  Received a sympathy card yesterday and they made note to say they sent a donation to the charity we had selected.  

I think I need to send a thank you to them.  Correct?

Correct.

BUT if you don't it's not a huge deal.  People should understand you got a lot on your plate and you are grieving.   People who get a stick up their ass about it aren't your true support network.

[TheOtherMe]

I can do it.  I just wasn't sure of the etiquette because my sister said the charity would send out the thank you.

The mother of these cousins was very close to my mom when they were young.  They definitely understand grieving as they lost both parents when a tornado hit their car.  She mentions that on the card.  

[Tennesseer]

Feb 4, 2020 11:21:14 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

I can do it.  I just wasn't sure of the etiquette because my sister said the charity would send out the thank you.

The mother of these cousins was very close to my mom when they were young.  They definitely understand grieving as they lost both parents when a tornado hit their car.  She mentions that on the card.  

Ugh. My condolences to their family.

[TheOtherMe]

Feb 4, 2020 11:27:02 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

Feb 4, 2020 11:21:14 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

I can do it.  I just wasn't sure of the etiquette because my sister said the charity would send out the thank you.

The mother of these cousins was very close to my mom when they were young.  They definitely understand grieving as they lost both parents when a tornado hit their car.  She mentions that on the card.  

Ugh. My condolences to their family.

This was some time ago now.

A terrible tragedy.  They were driving and always listened to a Christian radio station so had no idea the tornado was coming.  

Their daughters said it was fast and they never knew what happened.  So shocking to the family left behind.