My dad

[debthaven]

I'm glad you didn't have to deal with her TheO. Have a quiet and restorative day with Lucy Cat.

[TheOtherMe]

A family friend who lives where dad had been living just heard about dad this morning.  She called and left a long voice mail and wanted me to call ASAP.

That is not today.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Hugs TheOtherMe  You do what you need to do for you.  Everyone and everything else can wait, well, except for Lucy cat. 

[ners]

Dec 26, 2019 9:36:52 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

Hugs TheOtherMe   You do what you need to do for you.  Everyone and everything else can wait, well, except for Lucy cat. 

[TheOtherMe]

I did not want the phone calls hanging over my head any longer.  All phone calls have been made regarding dad's finances.

All outgoing moneys have been stopped.

He gets one more check from his pension and credit union will let that go through.

Social Security may or may not go in to account but it's not his money so they will take it back.

Waiting death certificate for everything else and not one place needs an original death certificate.

[Wisconsin Beth]

If it makes you feel better/finished/something, then it's a great thing to have accomplished. 

[NoNamePerson]

Dec 26, 2019 10:38:32 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

I did not want the phone calls hanging over my head any longer.  All phone calls have been made regarding dad's finances.

All outgoing moneys have been stopped.

He gets one more check from his pension and credit union will let that go through.

Social Security may or may not go in to account but it's not his money so they will take it back.

Waiting death certificate for everything else and not one place needs an original death certificate.

I found that to be true when my mother passed away. I still have them all. I did check with SS and VA about her checks since they went in on 1st and she died on 6th. They said no to taking back. But I did leave the account open for a few months to be safe since my name was on account too.

[NoNamePerson]

Dec 26, 2019 10:48:06 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

If it makes you feel better/finished/something, then it's a great thing to have accomplished. 

 I understand the wanting to get some things done. And I think it’s in TheOtherMe  dna given her profession

[TheOtherMe]

Sister came and got things from the funeral home.  

So far, I've stolen her Thirty-One bag and her photos.

The funeral home gave me a bag with their name on it and a box.  They did not give me a Thirty-One bag of any kind.

I told her where her photos are.

Then she wonders why I don't want to deal with her.  Make the accusation.  "You can't have the bag".  I don't have the bag and I don't want any bag of hers.

[Deleted]

Wow. Has she always been like that or did it just start when your dad started failing? 

[TheOtherMe]

She has never accused me of keeping her things before. 

I told her the funeral home must have it.  When I went back to pick up everything, they were having a funeral that they had not known about until about the time dad's funeral started.  

My guess is somebody was rushing around trying to get out stuff out of there and put everything in a box.  

The problem is now she has to call the funeral home.  

No, I will not be calling the funeral home for her.

[finnime]

Sorry your sister is being--what she is. Good for you taking care of those last tasks. Now for some rest as you need in mourning.


 TheOtherMe

[Value Buy]

Just caught up on this thread, as I have not been around much.
I am so sorry.

[TheOtherMe]

I know I have a few more thank you notes to write.

I do have a question.  Christmas cards that were sent to dad are being forwarded to my address.  I'm feeling like I owe it to these people to let them know he has passed.  

I am not up to a letter.  Is a note card satisfactory?

[Wisconsin Beth]

Yes.  A note card is fine. 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

A note card is satisfactory.   Thank them for the card, deliver the news and leave it at that.

[TheOtherMe]

Dec 27, 2019 11:59:03 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

A note card is satisfactory.   Thank them for the card, deliver the news and leave it at that.

You must know my state of mind.  My next question was going to be what do I say.

Thanks, Drama.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

My grandmother was the queen of funeral etiquette.  If I didn't know these things she'd haunt my house even more than she already does.

[TheOtherMe]

The funeral home has the bag and towels but she forgot to ask them to mail them to her.  

[Chocolate Lover]

Dec 27, 2019 16:45:31 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

The funeral home has the bag and towels but she forgot to ask them to mail them to her.  

Sounds like her problem still. Glad she found them. I assume she didn't apologize to you though. 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Dec 27, 2019 16:45:31 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

The funeral home has the bag and towels but she forgot to ask them to mail them to her.  

That's her problem.  If she demands you do it agree and then send them to a random address.

Yeah she might be grieving but like I've said previously that does not give you free pass to be a bitch, especially to someone who is grieving just as much as you AND had to do the lion's share of the work the past few weeks because you "don't know how" to do things even my 5 year old can do in 2019.

[TheOtherMe]

Never and, yes, she is going to have to call them.

I will give her credit.  She and BIL went to see the estate attorney today.  He's very conservative in his approach to dad's estate but better safe that sorry, I guess.

Mom and dad and their attorney had them set up the bank accounts her with my sister and I as joint tenants.   That way the funds would pass outside of an estate.  

Because of the way dad's will is written, (possibility of half sister contesting), we are not to close any of those accounts.

We can only touch the named beneficiary accounts (life insurance through previous employer and IRA).  Can't do either of those until the death certificate is received.  Sister said the doctor who needs to sign death certificate is on his annual trip to Florida so it isn't getting signed until after first of year.

There are some complications with what the bank wants for the IRA but that can happen as soon as that paperwork is received by bank.

Of course, dad's attorney didn't notarize the will.  Sister had the original will.  The attorneys have to work that out.  Like my sister said, if the original attorney doesn't get it corrected next week, we will drive to his office. 

I don't know why dad used him.  The guy has been disciplined 3 times in the last ten years.  Twice for stuff like this and once for something that got him suspended from practicing for 30 days.  

[TheOtherMe]

As soon as the will paperwork is corrected, the attorney who did the financial POA is getting a piece of my mind in writing.

She has no idea if we owe any money to the funeral home.  Ask them?

She wanted to put the obituary in 3 papers.  The funeral home had told her how expensive they are.  I told her if she wants them, they come out of her pocket.  No obituaries in papers.

[TheOtherMe]

I just called the funeral home.  The receptionist has one question for the owner.  She will call me on Monday to tell me if we owe or if we get a refund.  

Very simple to do.

[Deleted]

Yabbut, she's too distressed and grief-stricken to make that call (or any others.)

BTW, I don't know about where you are, but down here, the executor of the will or estate can "pay" themselves a percentage. Last time I needed to know that was 16 years ago, and it was 2.5% of monies coming into the estate and 2.5% of monies paid out. I didn't pay myself. My guess is that your sister will pay herself. 

[CCL]

I suspect she contacted the attorney for her own selfish reasons.

[TheOtherMe]

Dec 27, 2019 18:44:47 GMT -5 CCL said:

I suspect she contacted the attorney for her own selfish reasons.

Not for her selfish reasons.  Part of the money has to go through probate.  But there is a much more important reason to contact an attorney.

There is a provision in the will that may result in someone trying to contest the will.  We have talked about the provision over the years and I have always told her to use an attorney for this.

I am surprised by his advice that we not take the other money once the death certificate is received.

A portion of the money also has to go to probate.

We shall see if she takes a fee.  My reading of state law is that the portion that has to go through probate is less than $100,000.  State law says the fee can be no more than 3% of the gross estate.  

[TheOtherMe]

Dec 27, 2019 12:05:38 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

My grandmother was the queen of funeral etiquette.  If I didn't know these things she'd haunt my house even more than she already does.

Funeral etiquette duties complete.  Thanks for the assistance.

[TheOtherMe]

Dec 27, 2019 18:44:47 GMT -5 CCL said:

I suspect she contacted the attorney for her own selfish reasons.

ABSOLUTELY NOT TRUE

[Deleted]

It is easy to focus on the little stuff so you don't have to deal with the bigger stuff.

You don't seem to be doing that. I am less sure about your sister.

Hang in there! And PM if you need to silently scream