Aging Parent Support Thread

[Bonny]

Aug 26, 2018 19:26:45 GMT -5 stillmovingforward said:

My mother lives in an ADU attached to my house.  She is legally my dependent due to having only a small 401(k) and small social security.  I pay for her housing, utilities and most of her food.  I pay for her supplemental medical.  My parents never made much and she retired early to care for my dad who was quite ill.  When he died, she couldn't afford the bills where they lived.  She COULD have moved into senior housing.  However, I pointed out to her that 1) she wouldn't like it as she hates apartments and 2) when she gets sick or needs something, I have 4 kids and a demanding full time job and wasn't going to be able to run over to aid her.  The closest housing for her was an hour away.  

I built and she moved into the ADU, she spent a few years driving kids to school and taking care of them when they were sick so I could continue to work unencumbered. Then the kids got older and finally off to college. Worked out well for us. 

She also (bless her!) voluntarily went through most of her stuff and boxed or go rid of it.  I was pretty firm that I wasn't going to pay to store anything, she only had 'x' area to use as storage, and if she gave anything to me then it was mine to keep or get rid of.  Now, she asks for meals out and weekend jaunts as gifts.  If she can't eat it or experience it, she has no interesting in receiving it.  She loves it most if the person who is gifting it to her goes with her.  Want to go to the museum, take granny!  She'll be delighted (and most likely embarrass you.  One kid lives in a high LGBT area which fascinates her!)

This works well for us.  She keeps (mostly) out of my business unless I ask her opinion.  Because I've set those boundaries firmly.  She has her own place so we don't encroach on each other.  As she gets older, I'm driving her more and taking time off for medical but she doesn't need full time help yet. Just financial, help with tasks she can no longer do and some reminding (the coffee pot broke - here, I bought you a new one, call the dr. again, get your pills refilled, shower today, etc.). It's not bad.  But we both work at it and respect each other.  That is critical.  And she's poor, not crazy.  That helps a lot!

I am sincerely happy to hear about the situation working for you. I wish we could hear about more success stories like this one. Your mother sounds like a kind and respectful person and kudos to you for being up-front with your boundaries!

[Ava]

stillmovingforward I hope the situation continues like that.

It's great when living together is a pleasant experience and everybody feels happy.

[stillmovingforward]

It's been in affect for about 15 years now. Similar to a marriage, there has to be open communication amid periodic rebalancing of priorities. As she ages, I have to take over more of her 'life' but she also has a say in mine (moving for work, new pet, cost of fixing issues in house, etc.). The deciding factor is mine but I give her some input. And we both have to establish boundaries at times. That is THE most critical thing that allows our situation to work! AMD, as I will point out, its MY house. I didn't move into hers, its mine. She'll even tell people that!

[ilovedolphins]

Taking care of my parents is sometimes overwhelming and stressful.  It takes a lot of my time and patience.  Today I went up there just to get some watermelon that they wanted to give me and my mom had a list of stuff that she had waited for me to come up to do.  I feel bad complaining all the time about how much time I spend up there but then I look at them and realize that they can't do the stuff they need me to do.  And I don't know how I would feel if I was in their shoes just sitting around all day waiting for their kids to come visit them.  They are overwhelming a lot of the time but I also feel sorry for them that they have grown old with so many health problems.  I sometimes wonder when I get to be their age...will there be someone to help take care of me or will I just sit around hoping someone will stop by to see me.  

And then my dad will make a comment like "I don't have money for someone to paint my house so you (me) can pay someone to paint your house so then you can paint mine," and I'm like "what the heck".  He has the money but he just doesn't want to spend it.  But he thinks I have the money...being a single parent for my entire life my parents and brother think I am the richest one in the family.  My brother made over $100,000 several years and I have made minimum wage most of my life and he still thinks I am richer than he is....he just doesn't manage his money well.

[Deleted]

Aug 28, 2018 18:59:11 GMT -5 ilovedolphins said:

Taking care of my parents is sometimes overwhelming and stressful.  It takes a lot of my time and patience.  Today I went up there just to get some watermelon that they wanted to give me and my mom had a list of stuff that she had waited for me to come up to do.  <snip>

And then my dad will make a comment like "I don't have money for someone to paint my house so you (me) can pay someone to paint your house so then you can paint mine," and I'm like "what the heck".  He has the money but he just doesn't want to spend it.  

Dolphins, this is sad.  First of all, it's not right for your mother to offer you some watermelon and then hand you a To Do list when you arrive.  You need to take care of yourself.   If your parents can't maintain their house and won't/can't  pay anyone else to do it, then they need to sell it and move.  You work FT and you're trying to provide for yourself because probably no one else will.  Don't let them guilt-trip you.

[stillmovingforward]

That is sad and hard. Maybe a few times of 'sorry, I didn't schedule time for doing chores, just picking up x. Send me a text later this week on what needs to be done and I'll tell you when I can stop by and do them.'
As far as heavy lifting, if you know he has the money to pay someone to do the chore, say no. It's hard but you need to set boundaries with both your time and your money.

[happyhoix]

Aug 28, 2018 18:59:11 GMT -5 ilovedolphins said:

Taking care of my parents is sometimes overwhelming and stressful.  It takes a lot of my time and patience.  Today I went up there just to get some watermelon that they wanted to give me and my mom had a list of stuff that she had waited for me to come up to do.  I feel bad complaining all the time about how much time I spend up there but then I look at them and realize that they can't do the stuff they need me to do.  And I don't know how I would feel if I was in their shoes just sitting around all day waiting for their kids to come visit them.  They are overwhelming a lot of the time but I also feel sorry for them that they have grown old with so many health problems.  I sometimes wonder when I get to be their age...will there be someone to help take care of me or will I just sit around hoping someone will stop by to see me.  

And then my dad will make a comment like "I don't have money for someone to paint my house so you (me) can pay someone to paint your house so then you can paint mine," and I'm like "what the heck".  He has the money but he just doesn't want to spend it.  But he thinks I have the money...being a single parent for my entire life my parents and brother think I am the richest one in the family.  My brother made over $100,000 several years and I have made minimum wage most of my life and he still thinks I am richer than he is....he just doesn't manage his money well.

"Sorry Dad if I had the time to paint a house, I'd paint my own, but I don't so I have to hire someone to paint it for me. Want me to let you now if they do a good job or not, so you can hire them to paint yours if you want to?"

My Mom was the queen of asking for the moon, without realizing/caring how difficult it made things for me, so I got good at deflecting .

[ilovedolphins]

I know there is usually no such thing as just stopping by my parents house for a few minutes.  It's usually a couple of hours each time I am there.  I help my mom with her shower on Thursday nights which take about 1 to 1 1/2 hours...not just the shower but I also refill her medication and whatever else is on a list.  Then every Friday I take an hour off work to take her to get her hair done.  Then on Friday after work I take my dad to the grocery store and where ever else he needs to shop.  Then when I drop him off I take my mom to do whatever shopping she has to do.  They can't do them together because my dad doesn't want to stand around and wait on my mom while she looks at everything.  Then whatever they come up with on the weekends...addressing birthday cards, rummaging in the garage, etc.

I told them I would take them shopping on Fridays because it seemed like every day off they were needing or wanting to go shopping for just a thing or two.  So last week they weren't ready for a gallon of milk yet on Friday shopping so I had to take them a gallon on a different day and spend 2 hours dropping it off.

I wouldn't sometimes feel so upset over it if my brother didn't live just across the street and doesn't do much for them.  He sometimes mows their grass but that's like once a week for an hour.  So when he stops by their house they sit around and visit and eat dessert and when I stop by their house it's to do work.

One time when he was complaining about the parents I told him at least he hasn't given up his life to take care of them and I have given up mine.  Sometimes he has 8 days off in a row and doesn't even go over to their house...I get one day off and they have plans for me.

I guess....sometimes I think they forget how tiring it was working full time and taking care of a house without taking on another household.  They never had to take care of their parents.

[Deleted]

Dolphins, you are LETTING their care take over your life.   Don't do it.  As long as you jump every time they call you and do everything on their lists, the calls will keep coming and the lists will increase. Addressing birthday cards?  Rummaging in the garage?  How are their bodies and their minds?  (I ask this seriously- curious about what they actually can and cannot do by themselves.)  I"m sure it's a treat for your mother to get her hair done weekly, but it's a "want".  How often do you get yours done?  


Two thoughts: first, can they get groceries delivered by Wal-Mart or some other place? That might force them to plan ahead and anticipate what they need for a week.  And if they run out of something, let your brother fetch it.  Second:  think about telling them what days/hours YOU will be there.  Show up, work as long as agreed, then leave, even in mid-task.  They have to learn that they don't own you and that slavery has been illegal in this country for 150 years.


I've read your posts over the years.  You work hard, you dream of trips you never take (as far as I know), and at one point were trying to lose weight, which I'm sure is nearly impossible when you spend every waking hour working at your job or tending to your parents.  Too much time on the road, no time for a gym membership, probably no time to prepare healthy meals.

Please set limits with your parents (and tell them to ask your brother to run their errands) and do something that makes YOU happy.  


 

[stillmovingforward]

And this is one reason why I told my parent that if she wanted my help, she had to live next door. And yes, if she wants groceries outside of my normal shopping time, she has to text me during the work day so I can swing by the store on my way home. Once I'm home, I'm not going out again.
Granted, this isn't easy. She goes thru stages where she wants me to take days off to take her places for fun, at the last minute. She seems to forget how work needs to be treated. Sometimes, those reminders have to be pretty firm. Polite but firm.

[TheOtherMe]

Another Thursday morning, another day spent taking dad for circle words and groceries.  Another day with me in tears when I get home.

BIL is taking him for a haircut today.

[buystoys]

Aug 30, 2018 12:00:41 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Another Thursday morning, another day spent taking dad for circle words and groceries.  Another day with me in tears when I get home.

BIL is taking him for a haircut today.

[Bonny]

Arrrgh with the Sunday calls this morning!

 

I went first calling Dad at 8:30 this a.m. At least he could hear better this call. He and his g/f keep mixing up the date of his eye appt which will determine whether he loses his eye. They keep saying it's the 12th but then they have to go back and check the calendar and confirm that it's really the 10th. My  brother told me he would take Dad to the doctor but my father says my brother hasn't spoken to him. Dad sounds very, very tired just like when he was finished with his treatments. He was still in bed at 8:30 and he's normally up at 5:30.

I advise Dad that I'm hiking next week and will be out of communication. But we're driving down to So. CA on the 10th and I can visit him on the 12th. During the course of our conversation Dad tells me that he prefers I take him to his appointments than my brother. I'm quick to point out that there's only so much I can do and that it's good that my brother and his two older sons are willing to help.  No way am I going to take on that guilt trip!

DH's phone call with MIL ended up with a "I CAN afford a $1M house and if you won't take care of me I'll just have to cut ties."

 She is such a mean, selfish person. No one should have to put up with that kind of abuse.

[TheOtherMe]

Sister and BIL took on dad and his lack of wearing clean clothes, etc. this morning.  Dad told him he isn't going to change shirts every day and he doesn't care if his shirts or dirty.      While he was trying on some clothes (that she made him keep), she put some of the worn, stained clothes in the bag she brought new clothes in and they are gone from his apartment.

BIL changed the blades in his razor and they told dad to shave.  He took one swipe across his face and said he was done.  No wonder he looks like he doesn't shave.  He doesn't shave.  They made him shave.  

Sounds like she is going to start doing his laundry and the worn out clothes will slowly disappear.  

She thinks it's because he misses mom.  I think it's the dementia and he needs to be where he receives help with personal care.  No, he doesn't, according to her.

[Bonny]

Sept 2, 2018 17:48:40 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Sister and BIL took on dad and his lack of wearing clean clothes, etc. this morning.  Dad told him he isn't going to change shirts every day and he doesn't care if his shirts or dirty.      While he was trying on some clothes (that she made him keep), she put some of the worn, stained clothes in the bag she brought new clothes in and they are gone from his apartment.

BIL changed the blades in his razor and they told dad to shave.  He took one swipe across his face and said he was done.  No wonder he looks like he doesn't shave.  He doesn't shave.  They made him shave.  

Sounds like she is going to start doing his laundry and the worn out clothes will slowly disappear.  

She thinks it's because he misses mom.  I think it's the dementia and he needs to be where he receives help with personal care.  No, he doesn't, according to her.

She'll get tired of it.

Does your dad have the resources to go to a facility?

[Tennesseer]

Sept 2, 2018 17:48:40 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Sister and BIL took on dad and his lack of wearing clean clothes, etc. this morning.  Dad told him he isn't going to change shirts every day and he doesn't care if his shirts or dirty.      While he was trying on some clothes (that she made him keep), she put some of the worn, stained clothes in the bag she brought new clothes in and they are gone from his apartment.

BIL changed the blades in his razor and they told dad to shave.  He took one swipe across his face and said he was done.  No wonder he looks like he doesn't shave.  He doesn't shave.  They made him shave.  

Sounds like she is going to start doing his laundry and the worn out clothes will slowly disappear.  

She thinks it's because he misses mom.  I think it's the dementia and he needs to be where he receives help with personal care.  No, he doesn't, according to her.

When I retired I stopped with the blade and shaving crem routine. I went electric shaver route. Not a close shave like with a blade,but make me presentable.

So maybe an electric shaver for dad?

[busymom]

Parents can wear you down rather quickly.  I loved my Mom dearly, but some days I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.  I ordered groceries for her each week, and although she knew which day and time I'd call every week, she never even began to put her list together until I was on the telephone with her, and then she'd be going back & forth from the telephone to the fridge to see if she needed a certain item, or not.  EVERY TIME.  I never got off the telephone in less than a 1/2 hour, and this was when my kids were smaller, and I was still holding down a pt job.  I don't regret helping her, but wonder what could've been done to make the experience less stressful. And no, retired parents DON'T remember how time-consuming jobs & kids are.  That's no longer a part of their world.  And sadly, they just wait around some days to hear from you.  

[TheOtherMe]

Yes, he has the $$$ to go to either assisted living or a nursing home.  I don't think she will get tired of doing his laundry.  As her sons say, she loves to do their laundry.  

Dad uses an electric razor.  BIL changed the blade on that.  Dad has a heavy beard.  He needs to shave daily.  If mom and dad were going out in the evening, he would shave again.

Dad does have the grocery list ready but he gets confused about which day of the week I am taking him.  He tells my sister I forgot to take him.  I didn't.  I take him on Thursday and he has told her I forgot to take him on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday.

He can't talk on the phone because he is so hard of hearing.  

Looking back, mom pretty much raised us without a lot on input from dad.  He either worked evenings or he bowled 5 nights a week and on Sunday afternoon.  

[nittanycheme]

Sept 3, 2018 8:56:01 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Yes, he has the $$$ to go to either assisted living or a nursing home.  I don't think she will get tired of doing his laundry.  As her sons say, she loves to do their laundry.  

Dad uses an electric razor.  BIL changed the blade on that.  Dad has a heavy beard.  He needs to shave daily.  If mom and dad were going out in the evening, he would shave again.

Dad does have the grocery list ready but he gets confused about which day of the week I am taking him.  He tells my sister I forgot to take him.  I didn't.  I take him on Thursday and he has told her I forgot to take him on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday.

He can't talk on the phone because he is so hard of hearing.  

Looking back, mom pretty much raised us without a lot on input from dad.  He either worked evenings or he bowled 5 nights a week and on Sunday afternoon.  

While i know that a lot of people fight against leaving their homes, if they are someone who is fairly outgoing and likes people they might actually like moving to a retirement home type environment if they are alone.  For your dad - maybe one with a bowling alley.  My grandmother moved to one with her sister, and they both needed some help, but not a lot.  My grandmother had osteoporosis quite bad, and was pretty fragile so moving somewhere without steps really helped her.  And they both loved to play cards and board games; they got in with a crowd playing pinochle and bridge, and another group that played different board games.  While my mom lived with my grandmother, my grandmother was still pretty lonely during the day and wasn't supposed to go stairs on her own.  She owned a 1900's semi-detached house, so the stairs were too narrow and steep for a lift.

[nittanycheme]

Aug 16, 2018 6:51:16 GMT -5 happyhoix said:

Aug 15, 2018 20:02:54 GMT -5 nittanycheme said:

My parents had actually looked into that about 10 years when my grandpa (dad's side) and grandmother (mom's side) starter getting frailer and stairs started to get difficult when they would visit.  Unfortunately, they have a house that was built in about 1920, and there is only one small closet on the 1st floor.  The closet is about 2.5' wide (just enough to have molding around a "normal door" and 2.5' deep.  So, not really large enough for a toilet and a small sink.  It's on the corner of the house, with the stairs on the third wall and the door is perpendicular to the front door.  The rest of the 1st floor is the kitchen, dining room and living room, all of which are either too small to cut out spot, or would be architecturally strange (ie, in theory they have some space where the bay window is in the living room....  yuck).  If they really want to, they would need to add on to the back of the house.  There is a sliding glass door that goes out to a deck off the dining room.  They'd have to put it there.  Might be easier to just put a port-a-potty out there on the deck.  Although the deck is only 10' x 10'. 

While my house isn't stairless, it is a split level so there is only 6 stairs at a time.  Hopefully will be more senior friendly. 

My mom bought a split level house for their 'retirement' house. The short sets of stairs weren't too much of an issue, but to get the groceries from the garage into the kitchen, you had to bring them into the bottom level, go up six steps to the front door, then up another six steps to the main floor where the kitchen is, and that got to be a problem for her, as she aged.

I had hoped she'd get a plain small ranch house on a small lot for her retirement but she insisted she needed a four bedroom with formal living and dining room - even though she had no kids living with her anymore. Not sure why she thought she had to have 3 guest rooms, but she did.

My split level is actually pretty small.  It was built in 1958.  I have three bedrooms - although if you put a twin bed in the one room you'd barely be able to walk around it.  My house is set up that from the garage there is 6 steps up the main level with the kitchen/dining area, living room, and a sun room.  The garage has a bathroom in it that is fairly nice, and has a shower stall plus the washer/dryer.  That is the bathroom that I'd like to make a little more senior friendly - mostly by enlarging the shower stall.  If I had to, I could really just stay between those two levels.  The second floor is 6 stairs up from the living room, and that is the main bath (with a tub/shower combo) plus the 3 bedrooms.  Its only 1200 sq ft above ground.  There's another 500 sq ft in the finished basement, but other than the utilities being down there, I could really just abandon that room (although it is 6 stairs down from the garage).  My husband, on the other hand, would move down there.  With his big screen TV and band setup, he'd just need a small freezer and microwave to survive down there (plus access to the garage bathroom).

[raeoflyte]

Sept 2, 2018 17:48:40 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Sister and BIL took on dad and his lack of wearing clean clothes, etc. this morning.  Dad told him he isn't going to change shirts every day and he doesn't care if his shirts or dirty.      While he was trying on some clothes (that she made him keep), she put some of the worn, stained clothes in the bag she brought new clothes in and they are gone from his apartment.

BIL changed the blades in his razor and they told dad to shave.  He took one swipe across his face and said he was done.  No wonder he looks like he doesn't shave.  He doesn't shave.  They made him shave.  

Sounds like she is going to start doing his laundry and the worn out clothes will slowly disappear.  

She thinks it's because he misses mom.  I think it's the dementia and he needs to be where he receives help with personal care.  No, he doesn't, according to her.

If he's putting on dirty clothes (to reduce how much laundry he has to do) your sister can hang up clean clothes the same way the dirty ones were.  Instead of trying to fight with him which just makes its worse.  

[tractor]

One thing I have been struggling with is my dad moved in with use because he said he couldn’t sit still and needed to have something to do. I have plenty of things for him to do, almost a mile of private walking trails, and two houses to maintain (and three dogs who love to go for walks). Instead he sits in his chair all day watching TV complaining that he’s bored.

In general, I’ve given him plenty of options, the senior center is only a few miles away with lots of daily activities and opportunities to volunteer exist throughout the county. I think he would have been better off in an independent living apartment with scheduled social events, etc to keep him moving. As it is now, he complains about being in poor shape, but won’t even walk down the driveway to get the mail, he rides his lawnmower everywhere (which he parks on the front porch).

What’s the secret to getting old people up and out of their chair?

[happyhoix]

Sept 2, 2018 17:48:40 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Sister and BIL took on dad and his lack of wearing clean clothes, etc. this morning.  Dad told him he isn't going to change shirts every day and he doesn't care if his shirts or dirty.      While he was trying on some clothes (that she made him keep), she put some of the worn, stained clothes in the bag she brought new clothes in and they are gone from his apartment.

BIL changed the blades in his razor and they told dad to shave.  He took one swipe across his face and said he was done.  No wonder he looks like he doesn't shave.  He doesn't shave.  They made him shave.  

Sounds like she is going to start doing his laundry and the worn out clothes will slowly disappear.  

She thinks it's because he misses mom.  I think it's the dementia and he needs to be where he receives help with personal care.  No, he doesn't, according to her.

This is exactly what my dad did when his Alzheimers started to kick in. He had to be told to change clothes, take a shower, etc. He stopped shaving because he didn't remember how to shave. (He didn't want to have a beard, but didn't like other people attempting to shave him). Sometimes he'd try to put his pants on over his pj bottoms.

My mom did not handle this well at all. She accused him of screwing with her - of pretending to not understand her, or not remember how to shave. She accused him of being lazy and of trying to make her life hard. We BEGGED mom to please find an alzheimers facility for him, but she insisted she couldn't afford to pay for one, and besides, Dad was only 'pretending' to need help.

Right up until he died she claimed he was faking and would call up her kids, ranting to us about how useless and lazy he was, how he made her life so hard by being messy and not helping around the house, how he was purposefully trying to make her life hell. After he died, she told me "I guess he really was as bad as he pretended to be." It was all I could do to not slap her in the face.

Could you and sister do a joint visit to a doctor who specializes in elder care and get the doctor to determine if it's ok for your dad to live alone? A lot of times, people will listen to doctors when they won't listen to relatives. (Unless you're my Mom, who did not listen to anyone at all).

[happyhoix]

Sept 5, 2018 6:47:43 GMT -5 tractor said:

One thing I have been struggling with is my dad moved in with use because he said he couldn’t sit still and needed to have something to do. I have plenty of things for him to do, almost a mile of private walking trails, and two houses to maintain (and three dogs who love to go for walks). Instead he sits in his chair all day watching TV complaining that he’s bored.

In general, I’ve given him plenty of options, the senior center is only a few miles away with lots of daily activities and opportunities to volunteer exist throughout the county. I think he would have been better off in an independent living apartment with scheduled social events, etc to keep him moving. As it is now, he complains about being in poor shape, but won’t even walk down the driveway to get the mail, he rides his lawnmower everywhere (which he parks on the front porch).

What’s the secret to getting old people up and out of their chair?

We had the same problem with my mom. She was physically active up until dad died, then she spent about a year not doing much, other than driving to her bridge groups and to church. Her ability to walk dropped dramatically within about 18 months. She kept saying she was going to join a gym, going to start swimming, etc., but like your dad could barely make it to the mailbox and back. Eventually she ended up in a wheelchair, still insisting she was going to start exercising more and get her legs strong again.

If your dad is a social guy and there is a senior center near by, could he be a day visitor there a few days a week? Give him a chance to interact socially, do some crafts, get some exercise, that might help. Is he starting to get unstable on his legs? I think sometimes as you get older you start to need a cane or walker to keep your balance, but you don't want to admit that you need it, and that keeps you in your chair more. My dad always refused to use any mobility assists.

[tractor]

I think his legs are getting weaker than he is willing to admit. He says he doesn’t like to walk because his feet hurt. He has been to the doctor, and tried different shoes, so far nothing. He does not have diabetes, which I was sure was the cause for the foot pain originally.

He wanted to ride a bike, so we got one for him, he ride it once, said it was too hard, and never got back on 😡. I keep trying to motivate him, but since I work all day, he has plenty of time to be lazy when i’m not there.

[TheOtherMe]

Sept 5, 2018 7:13:30 GMT -5 happyhoix said:

Sept 2, 2018 17:48:40 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

I have asked my sister to do this in the past.  Her response has always been that she has medical POA and he does not have dementia.  Even after everything this weekend, she says he doesn't have dementia.  She says he is stubborn and selfish.  

[TheOtherMe]

Dad does live in a facility.  He is in the independent living part with his own apartment.  The only thing he will do socially is play bingo.  There are activities most days but he refuses to participate.

There is also assisted living in the same building.  Residents have priority in getting in to an associated nursing home.  

[NastyWoman]

Sept 5, 2018 6:47:43 GMT -5 tractor said:

One thing I have been struggling with is my dad moved in with use because he said he couldn’t sit still and needed to have something to do. I have plenty of things for him to do, almost a mile of private walking trails, and two houses to maintain (and three dogs who love to go for walks). Instead he sits in his chair all day watching TV complaining that he’s bored.

In general, I’ve given him plenty of options, the senior center is only a few miles away with lots of daily activities and opportunities to volunteer exist throughout the county. I think he would have been better off in an independent living apartment with scheduled social events, etc to keep him moving. As it is now, he complains about being in poor shape, but won’t even walk down the driveway to get the mail, he rides his lawnmower everywhere (which he parks on the front porch).

What’s the secret to getting old people up and out of their chair?

 (from one almost old person's POV)  

eta: and food but I saw no emoticon for that 

[stillmovingforward]

Vacation. I threaten my mother with not taking her on vacation because she can't keep up. Works a great! Disney at 80 rocks according to her!

[empress of self-improvement]

Sept 5, 2018 14:43:08 GMT -5 NastyWoman said:

Sept 5, 2018 6:47:43 GMT -5 tractor said:

One thing I have been struggling with is my dad moved in with use because he said he couldn’t sit still and needed to have something to do. I have plenty of things for him to do, almost a mile of private walking trails, and two houses to maintain (and three dogs who love to go for walks). Instead he sits in his chair all day watching TV complaining that he’s bored.

In general, I’ve given him plenty of options, the senior center is only a few miles away with lots of daily activities and opportunities to volunteer exist throughout the county. I think he would have been better off in an independent living apartment with scheduled social events, etc to keep him moving. As it is now, he complains about being in poor shape, but won’t even walk down the driveway to get the mail, he rides his lawnmower everywhere (which he parks on the front porch).

What’s the secret to getting old people up and out of their chair?

 (from one almost old person's POV)  

eta: and food but I saw no emoticon for that 

Lots of liquid and don't put their Depends on them. Of course, if they don't make it to the throne in time, then you get to clean the floor but hey! At least it'll be clean. So I keep telling myself at least once a week now.