cronewitch
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I identify as a post-menopausal childless cat lady and I vote.
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Post by cronewitch on Sept 12, 2018 22:42:55 GMT -5
I need help and don't want to ask. My nephew put in my window air conditioner and now it needs out. I might be able to do it, it weights 43lbs. I looked out the window and a gutter seems to be hanging so I need someone on a ladder, I am afraid to get on a ladder. Should I try it or invite people over then ask them to help me? My aunt is 90 and has had physical issues for years and always asked for help from everyone, nobody minded dumping a huge bag of dogfood into the dogfood container. Now her dil does all her housework.
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mmhmm
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It's a great pity the right of free speech isn't based on the obligation to say something sensible.
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Post by mmhmm on Sept 13, 2018 3:11:01 GMT -5
I need help and don't want to ask. My nephew put in my window air conditioner and now it needs out. I might be able to do it, it weights 43lbs. I looked out the window and a gutter seems to be hanging so I need someone on a ladder, I am afraid to get on a ladder. Should I try it or invite people over then ask them to help me? My aunt is 90 and has had physical issues for years and always asked for help from everyone, nobody minded dumping a huge bag of dogfood into the dogfood container. Now her dil does all her housework. You should definitely ask for help. It's not worth the risk of you falling off a ladder and landing with 43 lbs of air conditioner on your torso. Always try to remember: To ask for help when you need it is to give a gift. The person who helps you will gain from the experience just as much as you do. Don't you always feel good if you're able to help someone out?  |
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CCL
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Post by CCL on Sept 13, 2018 7:32:48 GMT -5
I need help and don't want to ask. My nephew put in my window air conditioner and now it needs out. I might be able to do it, it weights 43lbs. I looked out the window and a gutter seems to be hanging so I need someone on a ladder, I am afraid to get on a ladder. Should I try it or invite people over then ask them to help me? My aunt is 90 and has had physical issues for years and always asked for help from everyone, nobody minded dumping a huge bag of dogfood into the dogfood container. Now her dil does all her housework. You've helped your nephew so much he should be happy to come help you out. Give him a call. |
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stillmovingforward
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Hanging on by a thread
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Post by stillmovingforward on Sept 13, 2018 11:15:32 GMT -5
Call and ask. Don't ask them over and then ask for help! I'll show up in my good/work clothes for a visit and don't want to damage them or I might be very tired from working on my place. It makes me very annoyed. But if I'm coming over to help you, I'll come rested and dressed right and ready to help. Visiting is an added bonus then 😁 I like helping my elderly neighbors more than I like worrying about them up on ladders or carrying heavy items!
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Ava
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Post by Ava on Sept 21, 2018 23:56:30 GMT -5
Well, my mother went back home last Sunday.
The last two weeks were the best. Two weeks ago we went on a cruise. It was the first time cruising for both of us, and we had a lot of fun. Besides, no stress. I wasn't driving for hours every day, I wasn't working, and we had plenty of entertainment options on board. So we had a great time.
The last week was also good because we both knew we wouldn't see each other for a while.
And I actually miss her, a lot. And I do feel lonely without her.
But that doesn't negate the fact that it was very difficult for me to have her here all summer. It doesn't change the fact that she felt miserable being stuck in my home alone for many hours every day; that I was stressed out and angry having to drive her everywhere after a long commute to and from work every day. It doesn't change that at many points during her three months stay I felt invaded and without privacy.
Now we'll see each other during the holidays, when I go back home.
After that, I don't know. We talked a little bit about the future, and she said she plans to come again next summer.
I want her to come, but we have to find a way to fix the issues we have before her next visit. I am not going to drive two hours plus every day again. I refuse to do it; it was a nightmare for me and it made me angry and resentful. So let's see how it plays.
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countrygirl2
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Post by countrygirl2 on Sept 30, 2018 18:38:16 GMT -5
Same thing happened to me way back when. It was exhausting and I too was at wits end. Perhaps you could suggest she come for a shorter visit. Mom was a different circumstance, she wanted to go go to but wasn't really well enough to do so. Her vision was so bad the last time we took her out to eat she almost turned a table over. Hubs refused to go with us anymore. DD wanted to go to movies she couldn't see good enough and we had to quit going. I ended up having to quit work, it was a disaster, finally ended up having her go to assisted living but I still had to deal with DD. I was able to quit work and never go back again. It worked out, but hubs was not happy for a long time when I had to quit. I was so stressed anyway took me a year to unwind. But it worked out finally. I'm sure you will find a less drastic solution.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Sept 30, 2018 19:24:02 GMT -5
Well, my mother went back home last Sunday. The last two weeks were the best. Two weeks ago we went on a cruise. It was the first time cruising for both of us, and we had a lot of fun. Besides, no stress. I wasn't driving for hours every day, I wasn't working, and we had plenty of entertainment options on board. So we had a great time. The last week was also good because we both knew we wouldn't see each other for a while. And I actually miss her, a lot. And I do feel lonely without her. But that doesn't negate the fact that it was very difficult for me to have her here all summer. It doesn't change the fact that she felt miserable being stuck in my home alone for many hours every day; that I was stressed out and angry having to drive her everywhere after a long commute to and from work every day. It doesn't change that at many points during her three months stay I felt invaded and without privacy. Now we'll see each other during the holidays, when I go back home. After that, I don't know. We talked a little bit about the future, and she said she plans to come again next summer. I want her to come, but we have to find a way to fix the issues we have before her next visit. I am not going to drive two hours plus every day again. I refuse to do it; it was a nightmare for me and it made me angry and resentful. So let's see how it plays. Ava-i believe you are Hispanic? Are there any Hispanic senior organizations you can hook your mom up with next summer? Some organization which offers daytime activities along with pickup/return home transportation or even just return home (you bring mom to the place on your way to work). |
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tskeeter
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Post by tskeeter on Nov 1, 2018 19:02:17 GMT -5
Well, my mother went back home last Sunday. The last two weeks were the best. Two weeks ago we went on a cruise. It was the first time cruising for both of us, and we had a lot of fun. Besides, no stress. I wasn't driving for hours every day, I wasn't working, and we had plenty of entertainment options on board. So we had a great time. The last week was also good because we both knew we wouldn't see each other for a while. And I actually miss her, a lot. And I do feel lonely without her. But that doesn't negate the fact that it was very difficult for me to have her here all summer. It doesn't change the fact that she felt miserable being stuck in my home alone for many hours every day; that I was stressed out and angry having to drive her everywhere after a long commute to and from work every day. It doesn't change that at many points during her three months stay I felt invaded and without privacy. Now we'll see each other during the holidays, when I go back home. After that, I don't know. We talked a little bit about the future, and she said she plans to come again next summer. I want her to come, but we have to find a way to fix the issues we have before her next visit. I am not going to drive two hours plus every day again. I refuse to do it; it was a nightmare for me and it made me angry and resentful. So let's see how it plays. When his Mom couldn’t drive any more, my BIL arranged for a car service to take her wherever she wanted to go. Would something similar be suitable for your Mother? A specific Uber driver she can call? A specific cab company? An arrange like that would give your Mother more mobility and flexibility. And would relieve you of providing taxi services after a long day of work. Are there some activities in your area that your Mother could be involved in while you are at work? A volunteer activity? Something similar to what she does with her time at home? Be a friend for an immigrant from your home country? |
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Post by empress of self-improvement on Nov 2, 2018 20:26:01 GMT -5
Bah. MIL is in hospital with a UTI. Niece's DH is in hospital after having a stroke due to mycoplasmic pneumonia. Now all I need is DH to go in hospital due to the weeping wound on his foot that he won't let me take him to the doctor for and I will be falling into a bottle of vodka.  Shoot me now please. |
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finnime
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Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.
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Post by finnime on Nov 2, 2018 20:43:10 GMT -5
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ners
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Post by ners on Nov 2, 2018 22:23:50 GMT -5
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Post by empress of self-improvement on Nov 2, 2018 23:13:45 GMT -5
Thank you. Life just seems to be piling the crap on all at once. I want to hit someone!! As it is, I need to look for a new job before I haul off and beat the shit out of a coworker.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 3, 2018 8:32:06 GMT -5
Bah. MIL is in hospital with a UTI. Niece's DH is in hospital after having a stroke due to mycoplasmic pneumonia. Now all I need is DH to go in hospital due to the weeping wound on his foot that he won't let me take him to the doctor for and I will be falling into a bottle of vodka. Shoot me now please. Hugs |
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countrygirl2
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Post by countrygirl2 on Nov 3, 2018 8:33:59 GMT -5
I'm sorry for you, I have been overwhelmed with health issues of family before too and it beats the hell out of you. Especially when you know something needs to be done and they will not cooperate. You just feel like pulling your hair out sometimes. I hope you can get your hubs to go, that infection will just get worse, it makes you wonder about people sometimes.
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buystoys
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Post by buystoys on Nov 3, 2018 9:05:28 GMT -5
Thank you. Life just seems to be piling the crap on all at once. I want to hit someone!! As it is, I need to look for a new job before I haul off and beat the shit out of a coworker. Just hugs. And lots of them. |
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Post by empress of self-improvement on Nov 3, 2018 20:00:15 GMT -5
I'm sorry for you, I have been overwhelmed with health issues of family before too and it beats the hell out of you. Especially when you know something needs to be done and they will not cooperate. You just feel like pulling your hair out sometimes. I hope you can get your hubs to go, that infection will just get worse, it makes you wonder about people sometimes.EXACTLY!!!! He has been informed that I am making an appointment with his neurologist on Monday. He was stupid enough to tell me today that he is feeling weaker and I swear he is slurring a bit when he speaks. He has also been getting more upset about everything lately. So he needs the appointment and I need a social worker. MIL is not doing any better. The UTI is apparently from E. Coli due to forgetfulness (dementia is a bitch!) about hygiene. She also has chronic kidney disease that she and her utterly worthless NP neglected to inform anyone about, for a YEAR!!!, and she has nasal MRSA. God almighty. |
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 3, 2018 20:19:06 GMT -5
I'm sorry for you, I have been overwhelmed with health issues of family before too and it beats the hell out of you. Especially when you know something needs to be done and they will not cooperate. You just feel like pulling your hair out sometimes. I hope you can get your hubs to go, that infection will just get worse, it makes you wonder about people sometimes.EXACTLY!!!! He has been informed that I am making an appointment with his neurologist on Monday. He was stupid enough to tell me today that he is feeling weaker and I swear he is slurring a bit when he speaks. He has also been getting more upset about everything lately. So he needs the appointment and I need a social worker. MIL is not doing any better. The UTI is apparently from E. Coli due to forgetfulness (dementia is a bitch!) about hygiene. She also has chronic kidney disease that she and her utterly worthless NP neglected to inform anyone about, for a YEAR!!!, and she has nasal MRSA. God almighty. Omg |
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Post by empress of self-improvement on Nov 3, 2018 20:22:20 GMT -5
EXACTLY!!!! He has been informed that I am making an appointment with his neurologist on Monday. He was stupid enough to tell me today that he is feeling weaker and I swear he is slurring a bit when he speaks. He has also been getting more upset about everything lately. So he needs the appointment and I need a social worker. MIL is not doing any better. The UTI is apparently from E. Coli due to forgetfulness (dementia is a bitch!) about hygiene. She also has chronic kidney disease that she and her utterly worthless NP neglected to inform anyone about, for a YEAR!!!, and she has nasal MRSA. God almighty. Omg No kidding! |
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 3, 2018 20:25:55 GMT -5
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Post by empress of self-improvement on Nov 3, 2018 20:30:21 GMT -5
I'll take them. It's hard to even get hugged now because I'm usually just holding him up. I miss actual human contact. Sometimes. |
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Nov 3, 2018 20:48:44 GMT -5
You do have your hands more than filled.
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countrygirl2
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Post by countrygirl2 on Nov 3, 2018 22:09:31 GMT -5
I know what you are going through, I think all of you remember me dealing with MIL, her sister, and DD. I almost lost my mind. I know it doesn't give you actual help like you need. But at least I can give you moral support.
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Post by empress of self-improvement on Nov 3, 2018 22:16:29 GMT -5
I know what you are going through, I think all of you remember me dealing with MIL, her sister, and DD. I almost lost my mind. I know it doesn't give you actual help like you need. But at least I can give you moral support. And I thank you. I actually do think of you and your dealings with your MIL when my SIL starts going on about her. I suppose it may be mean to say that I feel lucky we don't have to do as much day to day for her because DH is unable and I have to care for him but then again.... I had offered to have her at my house once a week but am now very glad they all thought it would be too much for me. As it is, right now, he does not seem to want to stay awake long enough to really think about anything. Another reason he needs to go to the doctor's. |
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buystoys
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Post by buystoys on Nov 4, 2018 10:09:55 GMT -5
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countrygirl2
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Post by countrygirl2 on Nov 4, 2018 15:30:19 GMT -5
We are doing ok for now with MIL. She is still in assisted living. After the doc put her on Zoloft I believe its calmed her down, hubs says she is doing better. However, the day will come that she will have to go to a more secure and higher level of care place. I know that's going to be hard for him, I'm just thankful I don't have to care for her. I'm to old and crazy enough now so sure don't need that.
EofSD, I hope you can get hubs to the doc or maybe a visiting nurse? to come in and look at that draining wound, that is dangerous.
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Post by empress of self-improvement on Nov 4, 2018 16:59:27 GMT -5
countrygirl2: your MIL has dementia as well, correct? I am glad I don't have to deal directly with the ongoing saga but since DH is one of her boys, he gets included in the discussions. Not that he actually remembers them himself, mind you. It's the blind leading the blind there. Of course, I'm also kind of keeping my own notes for future reference and I have learned of resources through my own community. Currently, still in hospitalbut may be moving to rehab tomorrow. Just a matter of insurance and who has a bed. Joy. I have the day off so if someone needs to be around, that will be me. For happier news: today is a good day. I finally got him into the shower!!! Then sprayed his chair down with Lysol and wiped the arms off. Currently he is attempting to shave himself which means I will be joining him in a bit to finish it off. He looks like he's trying to scrape gum off for crying out loud! But he'll smell better and hopefully feel a little better. We shall see.
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countrygirl2
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Post by countrygirl2 on Nov 4, 2018 22:39:21 GMT -5
Does your husband have dementia? I guess I don't know. If so believe me I'm sorry. Went through lots of issues with mom too but that was over 20 years ago, between she and DD is when I had to give up working. Life sure gets messy trying to deal with all the stuff you get thrown at you.
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cronewitch
Junior Associate
I identify as a post-menopausal childless cat lady and I vote.
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Post by cronewitch on Nov 5, 2018 2:13:07 GMT -5
Call and ask. Don't ask them over and then ask for help! I'll show up in my good/work clothes for a visit and don't want to damage them or I might be very tired from working on my place. It makes me very annoyed. But if I'm coming over to help you, I'll come rested and dressed right and ready to help. Visiting is an added bonus then 😁 I like helping my elderly neighbors more than I like worrying about them up on ladders or carrying heavy items! He called to invite me to go to his parents house so I asked him to remove my air conditioner when he picked me up. A gutter company came and replaced all my gutters with some that never need cleaned. Thanksgiving my nephew is hosting and my ISO is coming. I asked him to bring a chain saw and ladder. He will change all my smoke detector batteries and cut down dead bushes while he is here and take the dead bushes for his fire pit. He might stay 2-3 nights so I lined him up about an hour of chores. |
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Post by empress of self-improvement on Nov 5, 2018 19:54:15 GMT -5
countrygirl2-my husband has multiple sclerosis. His mother has dementia. Unfortunately, his MS is rendering him weaker and weaker and he is now permanently wheelchair bound. He also likes to act like a 5 year old having a temper tantrum when it comes to anything medically related. He makes it very trying sometimes to have to deal with it. I called his neurologist and she wants him to see his PCP about the foot/leg, which I have discovered today is hot to the touch so now I'm getting a little more freaked out. I called the PCP and left a message since they were assisting other patients but haven't heard back. Have to call back when I get up tomorrow. On the I spent too much money side, I ordered DH a power lift chair from Jordan's Furniture to be delivered on THursday. He'll be able to get in and out without having to wake me up 5 times a morning to help him. WIN!!!! Now I just need slippers for swollen feet and pivot disks for the shower and car.
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countrygirl2
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Post by countrygirl2 on Nov 5, 2018 20:01:43 GMT -5
Ok, I didn't realize what is wrong. I'm so sorry for both of you. I have a friend that has it she won't go out and won't let us even come to see her. That is sad, I hate to see it.
I hope you can get him to the doctor, when an infection gets hot that can be serious. We have a good minor emergency clinic, is something like that available there?
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