Slowly Going Back Into Debt (Update/Trigger Warning #420)

[taz157]

I'm sorry Shane for you and your whole family. I hope everyone ultimately gets the help they need.

[Lizard Queen]

I'm so sorry that you've had to deal with all of this. Damn. It just really sucks all the way around. I just gotta say, you're a way better person than me.

[Deleted]

Aug 9, 2017 12:08:49 GMT -5 oped said:

My aunt and uncle adopted 5 of their 8 kids and fostered countless.  They went through something similar with one of the fosters making allegations against my uncle and while it was a mess, it never got to this point.  Near as I can remember the child was turned over to another family and their license to foster was suspended for quite a while during the investigation, then the girl accused THAT family, and I think credibility went out the window.   

Some of those older children in the system carry some serious baggage. 

[Deleted]

I deleted the quote.

[busymom]

I'm so sorry with everything you are dealing with.  <HUGS>


(Just for the record, an old friend of mine has a sister who has done foster care.  False charges of abuse, sadly, are fairly common for the child to "get back" at their foster parents for perceived injustices.  Even a "time out" for bad behavior could end up with the child calling their social worker to lodge a complaint.  The system needs improvement.)

[Blonde Granny]

I am so sorry all this has happened. For me, I wish you the best as this all gets sorted out. 

You have been brave and supportive ,and I admire your strength and courage.

[Peace Of Mind]

Aug 9, 2017 12:18:37 GMT -5 taz157 said:

I'm sorry Shane for you and your whole family. I hope everyone ultimately gets the help they need.

  I'm also sorry and you are between two people that you love.  I  honestly thought Pop Tart's parents or a family member was trying to take her away from you.  Now I wish that's all it was.  May the best result come out for all of you.  

[andi9899]

Oh no! I'm sorry. I remember there being some difficulty with her. I thought she was older, like college age though. Maybe I'm thinking of someone else.

[andi9899]

So what happens if later it is found that he actually is innocent?

[cael]

I'm so sorry Shane, what a difficult situation. I hope you can find some peace w/ whatever the outcomes of everything is and whatever your decisions are.

[debthaven]

Oh Shan I'm so so sorry you're all going through this.

[NastyWoman]

Aug 9, 2017 12:58:34 GMT -5 @sroo4 said:

Oh boy.   Devastating is the only word that comes to mind, for everyone involved. 


I'm not in a position to pass judgment on anyone in this situation.   Just know that you have my support as you navigate this.   

[chiver78]

Aug 9, 2017 12:58:34 GMT -5 @sroo4 said:

Oh boy.   Devastating is the only word that comes to mind, for everyone involved. 


I'm not in a position to pass judgment on anyone in this situation.   Just know that you have my support as you navigate this.   

 


more hugs coming from me. I can't imagine being put in that position. 

also, what Andi said. would there be any further investigation into C's innocence? what would happen at that point?

[resolution]

I'm really sorry that you are in this situation. I will keep you in prayer for wisdom.

[Pants]

Shane - I'm sorry this is happening, for everyone involved. I hope you are able to come to the best possible resolution for all involved - whatever that may be. 

[Sam_2.0]

Oh Shane. I am so, so sorry. I wish you all the best as you navigate through your next steps.

[Poptart]

Aug 9, 2017 13:36:03 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

Aug 9, 2017 12:58:34 GMT -5 @sroo4 said:

Oh boy.   Devastating is the only word that comes to mind, for everyone involved. 


I'm not in a position to pass judgment on anyone in this situation.   Just know that you have my support as you navigate this.   

 


more hugs coming from me. I can't imagine being put in that position. 

also, what Andi said. would there be any further investigation into C's innocence? what would happen at that point?

I doubt there would be more investigations, its a waste of resources when someone has taken a plea, my best guess is that unless Poptart tells someone she lied the case and conviction will remain, I doubt she'll change her story, especially if she kept it up for a year.

[swamp]

I'm sorry this is happening. It's tough circumstances for everyone.

I'm sure your lawyer is giving you sound legal advice, but keeping a relationship with C means poptart isn't going to live with you.

My best wishes to you.

[andi9899]

Where is Poptart living now? Is she in foster care, or is she elsewhere? And what does this mean for your other fosters or any future fosters?

[kittensaver]

Shane - there are not enough words to tell you how sorry I am that you're going through this. You have been put in an untenable position by a damaged child that desperately needs to be loved but doesn't know how to have a normal family life. That just sucks, and I'm sorry. If I were you, I'd be pissed as hell that this child is tearing my family apart. You're a waaaaaaaaaay bigger person than I am, and I admire you for it.

I hope you can find someone IRL to be "in your corner." A therapist, a religious counselor - SOMEONE to help you navigate all the complications facing you in a non-judgmental manner.

Sending you many, many, many virtual hugs

[WholeLottaNothin]

I wish you the best, Shan. What an awful situation all around. Many hugs 

[Miss Tequila]

Oh Shan, I'm so truly sorry. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers as you navigate this nightmare.

[shanendoah]

To answer some questions:

No, there will be no further investigation. This is a he said/she said case - no physical evidence of any kind. Unless Pop Tart (at some point in the future) takes back her allegations, there is nothing that can be done, and that's not likely anytime in the next 5+ years. (Its possible, but neither of us count on it.) He took a plea. That is what it is.

The second the allegations came out we relinquished our foster care license. I could conceivably foster again, since the allegations against me came back unfounded, but I am not going to.

So, the law says Pop Tart can live with me, even if I don't believe the allegations. I can maintain a relationship with C and have Pop Tart home, as long as I make sure to never break the no contact order that will exist until she is 18/out of high school (or even longer). C can never live in (or even be in) the same house Pop Tart lives in, but we could still see each other elsewhere when she was not present.

There is still an open family court case. I will say there is officially a dependency, so she is in state care. I still have some rights, so they have to keep me involved, but, again, there's a lot going on here that is more about Pop Tart than it is me, so I'm not comfortable talking about it here, even if it were not still an active case.

[finnime]

I am so sorry to hear this. To have your family rent and in such a way as to be irreparable - you have my best wishes for strength and grace now and for the future. I admire your ability to keep on moving forward when everything is blasted apart. I hope you can visit your DH often, and I hope Poptart can find the help she needs and you find peace.

[empress of self-improvement]

I'm sorry Shanen. That just sucks all around. How is C doing? Hopefully he has someone to talk to.

[Wisconsin Beth]

I'm sorry for all of you. I assumed it had something to do with Pop Tatt but I assumed it was the biological family.

My adopted niece is going through a lot, sometimes it's not what you do or didn't do for your child, they're just going to do their own thing.

[dee27]

Shane,

Stay strong. I am so sorry that your family is going through such drama. 

[Poptart]

I also think it would be very unfair of you to keep Poptart if you choose to continue your relationship with C. Can you imagine how hard it would be for her (if the accusations are true) to have to live with someone who not only does not believe her but who continues to have a relationship with her abuser?

Now, let's say her accusations are untrue, are you willing to risk her making accusations against you, a roommate or other family members? And although you love her can you raise her without feeling resentment towards her, because let's face it, this is going to have huge repercussions on your life because I assume C will have to register as a sex offender, right?

[alabamagal]

Shanen. Sorry to hear about your problems. Good luck on making the correct decisions.

[TheOtherMe]

Shane, my heart is with you, C and Poptart.   So many children in foster care are very broken. 

I hope you and C can work out what is best for you and I hope Poptart gets the help she obviously needs. 

I know from reading what you write here than you will think very carefully about the relationship between you and Poptart.

I don't think you need lecturing from anybody here.