Slowly Going Back Into Debt (Update/Trigger Warning #420)

[TheOtherMe]

So sorry, Shane.  It will get better.  Hugs to you and yours.

[dee27]

Hugs, Shane. There is light at the end of the tunnel even when you hit speed bumps along the way. 

[Sharon]

Shane hugs to you and C. 

[suesinfl]

I'm sorry, shanendoah, keep looking at that light at the end of the tunnel. It seems very dull and far away, but as you move on through life, that light will become brighter and the end of the tunnel will have an end.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Jul 25, 2017 19:50:20 GMT -5 suesinfl said:

I'm sorry, shanendoah, keep looking at that light at the end of the tunnel. It seems very dull and far away, but as you move on through life, that light will become brighter and the end of the tunnel will have an end.

hugs Shane. I hope it gets better, faster.

[tcu2003]

Jul 25, 2017 19:52:10 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

Jul 25, 2017 19:50:20 GMT -5 suesinfl said:

I'm sorry, shanendoah, keep looking at that light at the end of the tunnel. It seems very dull and far away, but as you move on through life, that light will become brighter and the end of the tunnel will have an end.

hugs Shane. I hope it gets better, faster.

All of this. I am so sorry. Sending good wishes, thoughts and prayers up for you and yours.

[TheHaitian]

Jul 25, 2017 12:45:18 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

So sorry, Shane.  It will get better.  Hugs to you and yours.

X 2

One day at a time!

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

[bean29]

Shane, my prayers have been added to TCU's, hugs. Hope things get better soon.

[seriousthistime]

shanendoah, this too shall pass. 

I'm looking forward to that day for you. 

[snapdragon]

 Hugs Shane. 

[Jaguar]

<<< BIG BIG HUGS >>> to shanendoah

[TheHaitian]

Any updates???

[shanendoah]

Things will be finalized tomorrow. I'll update here when I have the emotional energy to do so.

[bean29]

Praying for a good outcome for you.

[Jaguar]

Sending my prayers and thoughts to you.

[flamingo]

Sending good thoughts your way, Shane. 

[tcu2003]

Aug 7, 2017 10:26:19 GMT -5 flamingo said:

Sending good thoughts your way, Shane. 

This. Praying for strength for you and yours, and healing as you will finally be able to close this chapter and move on to the next.

[andi9899]

Fingers crossed!

[debthaven]

Thinking of you Shan.

[TheOtherMe]

Aug 7, 2017 9:15:41 GMT -5 shanendoah said:

Things will be finalized tomorrow. I'll update here when I have the emotional energy to do so.

Once things are over, you and your family can heal.  I can't imagine how difficult this has been.  

[dee27]

Aug 7, 2017 9:25:54 GMT -5 bean29 said:

Praying for a good outcome for you.

[resolution]

Just wanted to let you know your family is in my thoughts and prayers today.

[Sharon]

Aug 8, 2017 8:18:31 GMT -5 resolution said:

Just wanted to let you know your family is in my thoughts and prayers today.

[seriousthistime]

Aug 8, 2017 8:18:31 GMT -5 resolution said:

Just wanted to let you know your family is in my thoughts and prayers today.

Me too, shanendoah!

[debthaven]

I hope yesterday went as well as possible Shan.

[shanendoah]

Alright, here's the update. It needs to be preceded by a trigger warning for anyone who has dealt with abuse or sexual assault. Also, it is possible some of you will read this and feel you can no longer support me/be my friend. Please know I understand. Feel free to block me on here. If we're connected on FB, feel free to unfriend me. I won't be checking. And I know for some people, that is what they will need to do. It's okay.


A little over a year ago, Pop Tart made allegations of sexual abuse against C. I do not believe those charges. There are multiple reasons why, but I don't feel the need to go into that here. In addition to making the allegations against C, she made allegations of physical abuse against me. However, the allegations against me did not rise to criminal actions, were investigated quickly, and had a finding of "unfounded". But allegations of sexual abuse are not that simple. And that's what we have been dealing with.

For the record, I still love Pop Tart with all my heart. We were obviously failing her in some way we could not even fathom. We knew she was struggling with depression and anxiety, but we had not realized everything. I had regular visitation with her up through the end of April. But that's when we entered the stage of criminal trial will be... Originally, it was supposed to be in early May. It was then pushed out multiple times, to a final start date of yesterday.

The allegations Pop Tart made a year ago were over the top in many ways. When she was finally interviewed by the defense attorney a few months ago the story was very different. And on some level, more believable, or at least, much easier to believe that she believes what she says now than what she said a year ago.

Yesterday, instead of starting trial, something that would not do any of us any good, and given the prosecutor's strategy (noticed in family court) of attacking C by attacking me, could possibly have made mine and Pop Tart's relationship even more strained, C chose to take a plea deal. This means we don't owe his criminal attorney the $15k for trial.

He entered what is called an Alford plea, which means he maintains his innocence, but understands the risks of trial, especially the risks in this kind of case, and decided to enter a plea in order to take advantage of the deal the prosecutor was offering. As of yesterday, C is in jail. He won't officially be sentenced until October, but the plea deal says the prosecution will ask for 11.25 months. Our system assumes good behavior, so if that is his sentence, he'll be out in 8 months. (There's more, but that's the most relevant part.)

This means the expense of two of our lawyers goes away - his criminal attorney (we've already paid everything we owe), and his family court lawyer. By taking the plea, he's guaranteed a restraining order between him and Pop Tart until she is 18/graduated high school. There is nothing he can do in family court.

We will still have my family court lawyer. Exactly what will happen with our family I don't know. It remains a constant struggle. I love my husband. I love my daughter. My decision making has been along the lines of
1) Can I live with this decision? (And this is why I didn't throw C under the bus, because my life over the last year would have been much easier if I could have. It's also why I haven't just declared this a failed adoption and terminated my parental rights, something the state has actually been pushing for. That also would have made life easier. But neither is a decision I could live with.)
2) What is best for my daughter? (This is a struggle because the state doesn't have to listen to me at all.)
3) What is best for our family as a whole?
4) What is best for C?
5) What is best for me?

Exactly how things will work out, I don't know. I will keep fighting for what I believe is best for Pop Tart (and it may not be coming home to me - this is obviously a very complex issue). I will continue to support C. And I will cope the same way I have always coped - putting one foot in front of the other and keeping on keeping on.

I am stressed by being back in debt. And I've got another $5,500 bill from my lawyer for last month which will have to go on a card. But the truth is I am still in better financial shape than I have been for most of my adult life.

[Deleted]

I wish i could help with your decisions. It's a difficult position to be in. Keeping you in my thoughts. 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Oh geez Shane, I am so sorry. 

[Sharon]

<< hugs >> for you as you deal with this and continue to deal with this.  I hope you are all able to find some level of peace in your lives down the road.