Slowly Going Back Into Debt (Update/Trigger Warning #420)

[shanendoah]

I haven't been on this board much lately (really haven't been anywhere much except for the Job Hunt and Interview the Member Below You threads), but I hope you'll allow me to come here and express my sadness to people who are likely to understand. 

A little over a year ago, with the selling of our previous house, we were debt free with the exception of our current house. We made more than we spent, and had significant liquid savings (around $21k).
Then June came, and a major family legal issue arose, and life fell apart in numerous ways. When I posted about getting our HELOC on YM in early fall, I got the advice of "call the lawyers and deal". Given the nature of this issue, that is NOT an option. We have had significant legal fees and will continue to have some for the next 6-8 months.

We opened a 0% interest (for a year) credit card from our credit union to handle some of it. We're making minimum monthly payments on that.
We opened a HELOC and have taken a couple of fixed rate, 15 year term advances on that that we're making payments on.
We have a payment plan with one of the lawyers involved.

Right now, our monthly income doesn't really cover our monthly bills. We have been draining savings to make payments.
As of today, our savings is down to $1,300, the barest of emergency funds to cover a pet, vehicle, or home emergency.
For the first time, I will not be paying off the complete current balance on one of our credit cards. I will be paying more than the previous statement balance, so should still be avoiding interest, but not being able to take the card down to 0 is killing me.

I remain our sole breadwinner. Due to the legal situation, it is not feasible for C to get a job until at least one part of it is completed. Once he can get a job, he'll be out there looking, and adding a second income (even $1,000 take home a month would put us back in the black), which should ease the strain.
Once each of the legal issues gets resolved, we'll get back the retainers currently required by the 2 other lawyers (yes, this is a 3 lawyer legal event).

But until then, we are falling back into debt. 

It's financial stress on top of the over the top emotional stress. And I hate it. 

There's really nothing that can be done right now, so I just needed somewhere to vent. Thanks for listening.

[mollyanna58]

I'm sorry to hear about the terrible stresses you are going through. I hope things will be resolved quickly, and as low cost as possible.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

We're in the same boat after having had multiple unemployments in the family.   We drained our savings and went $6k into debt.   I consolidated that because our card's interest rate is so high into a small private loan thru the bank at 8%.

We looked like we were going to get ahead and then the dog got sick, Gwen had cavities and the dentist required payment up front, both our cars decided now would be the perfect time to require several expensive yet routine if you've owned a car more than a couple years, parts replaced.

Then add in DH has had more freaking doctor's appointments this year than I can count between his kidney stones and trying to get his psoraic arthritis diagnosed.

I totally understand now why a lot of people give up and can never get ahead.   It's just one thing after another.

I try to remind myself that we'd be in a lot worse shape if we hadn't had any savings to begin with and that we will eventually get back on track.   But that mantra only gets me thru until the next balance statement for our CC comes in the mail.

[debthaven]

Shan I have to admit I'd been thinking about you and wondering how you were doing with these events. I looked at your blog posts / FB but you have given no clue there as to how things are going.

I'm so, so sorry that you are going through this.

The title of the thread hit a chord though, even before I realized it was you who had started the thread. We are going back into debt too, although we have no "good reason" to, unlike you.

For years all we owed was a small rental mortgage. Then DH insisted on getting a new kitchen (ours was over 30 years old and literally falling apart). He was going to pay for it. But of course it was more expensive than planned, so we borrowed the difference. That was in April.

In Nov we couldn't pay the property taxes on our rentals. So we borrowed from my sister.

It was a no-brainer, sell a rental. Except that one rental has been up for sale since April, and we've lowered the price 3 times, no bites. We put the other up for sale this month. No bites on that one either.

We don't go out, I pack lunch every single day but one per week, and keep it under $5 that day. In addition to my student classes, I teach faculty with an excellent level of English. Often they want to have their classes over lunch. I "juggle" them so I don't have to pay for lunch more than once a week. I obviously can't tell them that I can't afford to eat lunch out, otherwise they'd offer to pay for me, which is NOT an option. So I tell them I'm on a diet, which is true too LOL.

It absolutely SUCKS to be going backwards. Christmas is completely freaking me out. The only reason we've gotten through the past few months is that I refuse to leave the house unless it's absolutely necessary. And now that's causing friction with DH. It's FINE (more or less, let's say it used to be) when it's just DH and I, not so much when all our kids are coming home for Christmas and 2 out of 4 have much more disposable income than we do.

I hope that things go better for you soon Shan. I don't know what you're dealing with but clearly, it's something very major.

Many hugs to you, and thank you for starting this thread. 

ETA: Also, life does throw curveballs. DH's uncle died a few weeks ago and we had to go to England for the funeral. Even taking the very cheapest Eurostar, and staying in literally the cheapest AirBnB that wasn't a garden shed without a bathroom (no, I'm not kidding), it all adds up. So did train fares to get our DS3 back from his university (in the UK) to the funeral and back.

[shanendoah]

Thanks for the hugs and commiseration.

I can sadly say that 2016 has been the worst year of my life so far. And to add insult to injury, it set things up for the possibility of 2017 being even worse. Odds are 2017 won't be worse, but the possibility is there.

NomoreDramaQ1015 - I seriously considered draining a good portion of that meager EF to pay off the full balance of the card. BUT, the dogs have their annual vet exam/vaccinations due in January. And Junebug's neck issues may be developing to a point where we have to do something surgical. So, meager EF must stay.

debthaven - When the worst is over, I'll do an epic blog post that will explain the situation to the world (mostly so that I can point people to it instead of having to tell the story a billion times, because I know I won't have the emotional energy to do so). But until the worst is over, the situation is not going anywhere online/social media. And honestly, only 4 members of my family know (mom, dad, step-mom, brother) and our closest friends know. But I would say at least 2/3 -3/4 of the people in my life know absolutely nothing of what's going on, and that's purposeful.


I guess I have the somewhat light at the end of the tunnel of knowing when the payments to the lawyer will stop. And that as long as the absolute worst doesn't happen, next year at this time, we should be on our way to recovery. But a year is a long time. The last 6 months have taken forever.

I hope everyone else going through this kind of thing can also find a light. Until then, I hope we can all keep on keeping on. (As I tell my therapist, my main method of coping is simply to cope - one foot in front of the other and keep moving. I do expect there I will have one or two breakdowns as the different parts of this finally wind down.)

[debthaven]

Shan you also need to be prepared for the fact that sometimes the judicial process takes forever. We are 5.5 years out from DH's accident, and now we've been told that it could take another 2-3 years.

I hope that won't happen for either of us but it seems to me that these things rarely go as fast as we hope they will.

[taz157]

Earlier in 2016, we also went through a money crisis in a way.  A year, my DH was laid off from his job and we decided to move back to our "home" state about 4 months after he was let go.  We had a house that we had been in the midst of renovating so we needed to finish that before we could list it.  We listed it on our DD's 5th birthday and about a month later, we got an offer.  5 days after our DD's birthday, DD and I went to our "home" state while DH dealt with clearing out the old home once we got a contract and moving our stuff to a storage unit here.  DD and I left earlier as she started kindergarten this year and we didn't want to make her change schools mid-way through.  DD and I stayed with friends for 3 weeks then we moved in with my mom while we are having a house built.

Once our house was sold and we had the closing proceeds, we finally had money to pay off all the credit cards.  During DH's initial unemployment, we had been using our EF to pay off all the credit cards but we decided to stop that 5-6 months in.  We didn't want to drain our savings in case we needed it for an unexpected emergency.  For our piece of mind, it was worth it to pay the interest.  As soon as those closing funds cleared, those credit cards were paid off.

You and your DH needs to do what's best for you, DH, and Pop Tart.  I'm very sorry you/DH are going through this and I hope it resolves as soon as it can. 

[taz157]

Dec 8, 2016 16:20:17 GMT -5 debthaven said:

Shan you also need to be prepared for the fact that sometimes the judicial process takes forever. We are 5.5 years out from DH's accident, and now we've been told that it could take another 2-3 years.

I hope that won't happen for either of us but it seems to me that these things rarely go as fast as we hope they will.

and

I hope it resolves soon. I also hope you get a contract very soon on either of your rentals (hopefully the one you really want gone more than the other).

[debthaven]

Thank you Taz.

[debthaven]

Taz, we bugged the lawyer for 5 years about how much we'd get in the settlement. She refused to tell us. Last August (end of the 5 year period to settle amicably) she filed and we finally saw what she'd requested.

She said, I've been doing this for decades. You'll get only a fraction of what I've filed for. Can you imagine if I'd told you, and you went out and borrowed that money?

She really irritated us at the time. She said, you have to live your lives despite the accident, despite your DH's disability, and with what you earn. If and when the settlement comes, it will be a bonus, but I will not let you plan your lives on it.

Ultimately, as frustrating as it is sometimes, she was absolutely right.

[Wisconsin Beth]

We're sliding backwards too. We don't have any excuse other than "poor decisions" which include failing to scale back on anything.

Hugs Shane and debt. And Taz. I was wondering how you were doing last weekend. I was hoping for better.

[shanendoah]

debthaven - There is part of this that could realistically last another 5.5 years, a total of 6 years. However, the worst part we have *some* control over, and the lawyer will not let it last that long.

taz157 - C hates the idea of going back into credit card debt. Now, if we could look at it and know for sure we'd only be paying interest for a few months, we might decide to let it go, but he's very afraid of what NomoreDramaQ1015 mentioned - falling back in and deciding it's not worth it to get out. He grew up poor, so his idea of having a funded retirement is owning your home (so you have a roof over your head), and not much more. But credit card debt is the main thing he saw holding people back.


As long as the worst doesn't happen, we will be fine, if a year or two behind in savings. If the worst happens, well, debt will be the least of my issues.

[debthaven]

I think the hardest part in these situations is realizing, and accepting, that there are things that are out of your control. That was certainly the case for me.

[raeoflyte]

Hugs Shane!

[taz157]

Dec 8, 2016 17:00:10 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

We're sliding backwards too. We don't have any excuse other than "poor decisions" which include failing to scale back on anything.

Hugs Shane and debt. And Taz. I was wondering how you were doing last weekend. I was hoping for better.

Overall, we are doing okay now that we no longer how the house down south. I work remotely and DH is job hunting. He is bummed he didn't get a panel interview for a job he REALLY wanted but things happens. Onward to the next thing. He and I do believe things happen for a reason, even if it's not evident at the time.

FWIW, it was planned to rent an apartment or stay with family for when our house is being built so that part isn't a surprise. Staying with family helps with "rent" as our "rent" is household groceries. We didn't want to put a contract on a house until closing was fully done and we had the closing proceeds is hand. It turned out for the better that we wanted as we are looking to built in a better lot than others initially available, with a layout that will work better than what we had initially thought we wanted.

It would just be nice if DH was employed as he's going stir crazy right now. On Saturday will mark 1 year since he was laid off through no fault of his own.

[mmhmm]

shanendoah, I'm so sorry! Sounds like your plates are more than full. I do hope it all turns out for the best and you can get back to a normal, relatively stress-free life.

Same to you, debthaven!

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Dec 8, 2016 17:12:38 GMT -5 debthaven said:

I think the hardest part in these situations is realizing, and accepting, that there are things that are out of your control. That was certainly the case for me.

It doesn't help that a constant refrain on the boards is everything is in your control and if you stumble it's due to a personal defect.

[shanendoah]

Dec 8, 2016 17:40:27 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Dec 8, 2016 17:12:38 GMT -5 debthaven said:

I think the hardest part in these situations is realizing, and accepting, that there are things that are out of your control. That was certainly the case for me.

It doesn't help that a constant refrain on the boards is everything is in your control and if you stumble it's due to a personal defect.

That's why I chose to post this over on WIR instead of YM or even YMOT. When I posted on YM about this originally, trying to get people to understand that while I am stressed about the finances involved, they are absolutely not the most important part of this situation was very hard. Especially since everyone was certain we were destined for bankruptcy.

At least over here, there is a better understanding that finances are just one part of our many faceted lives, and not always the most important. There's also a better understanding of the emotional aspect of money.

In the perfect vision of hindsight, it is conceivable we could have prevented this issue, but not super likely. And if it hadn't been this, there would have been the possibility for something even worse in the future.

But yeah, the social darwinism of YM sometimes really gets me, too. (I try to argue against it as I can, but especially in the last 6 months, my emotional energy to engage in that sort of thing has been low.)

[suesinfl]

Shane, I'm sorry to here that life is sucking donkey balls for you guys right. I'm not taking on more debt, but I feel like I take two steps forward and then I'm right back to were I started.

2016 was a bad bleeder year for me, so far the bleeding has stopped, but I'm not making any headway. Life is hard, but you and C are strong people and will get through this together.

I'm wishing your family the best and keep that light at the end of the tunnel in sight. Hopefully soon it will start shining brighter.  This goes for all who are struggling right now.

[zibazinski]

Dec 8, 2016 17:20:13 GMT -5 taz157 said:

Dec 8, 2016 17:00:10 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

We're sliding backwards too. We don't have any excuse other than "poor decisions" which include failing to scale back on anything.

Hugs Shane and debt. And Taz. I was wondering how you were doing last weekend. I was hoping for better.

Overall, we are doing okay now that we no longer how the house down south. I work remotely and DH is job hunting. He is bummed he didn't get a panel interview for a job he REALLY wanted but things happens. Onward to the next thing. He and I do believe things happen for a reason, even if it's not evident at the time.

FWIW, it was planned to rent an apartment or stay with family for when our house is being built so that part isn't a surprise. Staying with family helps with "rent" as our "rent" is household groceries. We didn't want to put a contract on a house until closing was fully done and we had the closing proceeds is hand. It turned out for the better that we wanted as we are looking to built in a better lot than others initially available, with a layout that will work better than what we had initially thought we wanted.

It would just be nice if DH was employed as he's going stir crazy right now. On Saturday will mark 1 year since he was laid off through no fault of his own.

Can he pick up some holiday work or night work stocking shelves?

[Happy prose]

Wow, I'm sorry to hear of everyone's troubles. It scares me how fragile our lives are. One wrong turn of events can ruin you. There but for the grace of God walks I. I wish you all the best.

[wvugurl26]

I hope 2017 is better for you shanendoah. The waiting and having no control over it would drive me absolutely insane. I hate those situations more than anything.

[cameragrrl]

I don't post here much, but I've lurked here for years and have appreciated your well thought arguments and advice. I'm sorry to hear that you're having to deal with this. Is there any chance that your employer has a legal aid support available? Sometimes this is part of an EAP or sometimes they have it separated out. I hope things get better soon.

[TheOtherMe]

Another one who hopes 2017 is better for you.  Also for me.  2016 has sucked for a lot of people and that includes me.

[suesinfl]

You know, I don't wish anything bad for anyone and I'm sorry that people in our "community" are going through hard times. I'm just glad to know that there are others struggling like I am and that life sucks no matter how much you try.

That sounds wrong and I'm sorry. It just helps to know that I'm not alone trying to do everything right and life just keeps throwing curve balls. I'm very glad that we have each other to "talk" to, thank you.

[Jaguar]

2016 was very bad for me moneywise, I couldn't save a dollar to save my life. That is all changing in 2017, I'm going to save my ass off. 2016 just threw curve ball after curve ball my way. 2017 is going to kick 2016's butt and big time.

It just was a blue funk year that is all.

[dee27]

Shane,

I hope 2017 is a better year for your family and the legal situation is resolved quickly.

[Jaguar]

I hope everyone kicks butt, big time in 2017.

[ners]

shanendoah Sorry, Hope the issues are settled quickly.

[3catslady]

I'm sorry to hear of everyone's status.  I am going back into debt, too.  I had to get a new to me car and now things are going wrong with the house and I had to get a personal loan.  Now I am $7500 back in debt.  My savings is down to $100 from over $3500.  I am working at least 30 hours a week and I'll be 70 on my next birthday.  I don't think I'll ever see the "golden years".

My sister's husband is being let go after 35+ years with the same company.  She was let go after 11 years with the same company.  At least we are not the only ones in this mess.  I really hope 2017 is a better year.