NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 47,241
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Mar 22, 2011 13:12:11 GMT -5
The intent behind a man giving the message to the waiter of what the woman wants is the idea that both he and the waiter are there to serve the lady and see to her pleasureDH can't get a phone message correct, the last thing I want is him trying to communicate to a waiter what I want.
|
|
Bob Ross
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 14:48:03 GMT -5
Posts: 5,882
|
Post by Bob Ross on Mar 22, 2011 13:29:12 GMT -5
I'd definitely buy later a happy meal on the first date to get the appreciation points. However, I'd only let her super size it if she promised to put out. Stilettos would warrant an apple pie to boot!
|
|
Elizabeth
Familiar Member
"The inner mechanations of my mind are an enigma."
Joined: Jan 31, 2011 23:46:40 GMT -5
Posts: 711
|
Post by Elizabeth on Mar 22, 2011 13:44:14 GMT -5
The intent behind a man giving the message to the waiter of what the woman wants is the idea that both he and the waiter are there to serve the lady and see to her pleasure. Ya, I know some do it in a different way. But when the intent is good that is what it is. That's pretty much how I see it. I don't feel like I am being belittled or having my opinion taken away or anything like that. And I guess I should clarify that I'm not a submissive wife either. I just let him do a couple little things because he likes to.
|
|
|
Post by illinicheme on Mar 22, 2011 13:53:15 GMT -5
I guess I can't understand the ordering thing, because I rarely order the same thing. At Thai restaurants, DH could probably correctly order for me (I pretty much always get yellow curry with chicken/carrots/onions/potatoes if it's available), but anywhere else, I'd have to tell DH what I want first, and then he'd tell the server. That amounts to adding a middleman for no good reason!
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Apr 28, 2024 2:27:30 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 22, 2011 14:04:32 GMT -5
I'd definitely buy later a happy meal on the first date to get the appreciation points. However, I'd only let her super size it if she promised to put out. Stilettos would warrant an apple pie to boot! See, it's not a hard system to understand. If I don't super size you know you ain't getting any
|
|
Sum Dum Gai
Senior Associate
Joined: Aug 15, 2011 15:39:24 GMT -5
Posts: 19,892
|
Post by Sum Dum Gai on Mar 22, 2011 14:06:08 GMT -5
See, it's not a hard system to understand. Yeah, if you're a hooker. He pays, you put out. Nice and simple.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Apr 28, 2024 2:27:30 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 22, 2011 14:06:59 GMT -5
"That amounts to adding a middleman for no good reason!"
The idea is that it then becomes the middleman's job to make sure you get exactly what you want. I don't go with this one either but I find the idea kinda cute.
"DH can't get a phone message correct, the last thing I want is him trying to communicate to a waiter what I want."
LOL Too true!
|
|
8 Bit WWBG
Administrator
Your Money admin
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 8:57:29 GMT -5
Posts: 9,322
Today's Mood: Mega
|
Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Mar 22, 2011 14:29:19 GMT -5
One of my friends orders for his gf. She seems to like it. I wouldn't mind ordering for DF, though I'd imagine she'd have told me what she wants beforehand.
I liked the point made earlier about writing your own ticket. I think that is the only safe bet if you are looking for a compatible long term relationship. I'm seeing so many women in this thread with mixed opinions about this and that. Some like the door thing. Some hate the door thing. How the hell will I know which is which. As much as I'd hate to be disqualified for doing something I thought was nice but she thought was mean, I'd hate MORE to have to try and constantly second guess what school of thought she belongs to. Much safer for me to just do what I do, and let her judge.
Yeah, so glad I'm not dating...
|
|
whoisjohngalt
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:12:07 GMT -5
Posts: 9,140
|
Post by whoisjohngalt on Mar 22, 2011 14:34:00 GMT -5
Hmmm, my DH is pretty "gentlemanly", but I don't think it ever occurred to him to order for me, I'll have to ask why. Most likely bc I, myself, never know what I want, I don't know how he could. But if he did, I don't think I would see it as patronizing.
This thread has been fascinating (as many YM threads are).
Lena
|
|
|
Post by illinicheme on Mar 22, 2011 14:40:55 GMT -5
Some like the door thing. Some hate the door thing. How the hell will I know which is which. As much as I'd hate to be disqualified for doing something I thought was nice but she thought was mean, I'd hate MORE to have to try and constantly second guess what school of thought she belongs to. Much safer for me to just do what I do, and let her judge. Yeah, so glad I'm not dating... I'd certainly never disqualify a guy for opening a door for me, because I know it's a societal expectation. I just personally don't understand it and find it annoying at times. (I think it is polite for anyone of any gender to hold open a door for folks coming behind them and/or open the door and stand to the side for anyone behind them. I have no problem with it if it makes sense in the flow of how people are walking. What I hate is the awkward dance that comes from a guy insisting on holding a door when you weren't expecting it.) I agree that I'm also glad I'm not in the dating world...
|
|
Pants
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 27, 2010 19:26:44 GMT -5
Posts: 7,579
|
Post by Pants on Mar 22, 2011 14:50:31 GMT -5
One of my friends orders for his gf. She seems to like it. I wouldn't mind ordering for DF, though I'd imagine she'd have told me what she wants beforehand. I liked the point made earlier about writing your own ticket. I think that is the only safe bet if you are looking for a compatible long term relationship. I'm seeing so many women in this thread with mixed opinions about this and that. Some like the door thing. Some hate the door thing. How the hell will I know which is which. As much as I'd hate to be disqualified for doing something I thought was nice but she thought was mean, I'd hate MORE to have to try and constantly second guess what school of thought she belongs to. Much safer for me to just do what I do, and let her judge. Yeah, so glad I'm not dating... The one that always got me was a guy who put his hand on the small of my back to kind of "guide" me when we were walking. I understand it's chivalrous and very good manners, but it always made me want to hurry up and run ahead, or look behind me at what I was being "shooed" away from. I know lots of women would have melted over this particular gentlemanly thing, while it bugged the crap out of me.
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 47,241
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Mar 22, 2011 14:52:12 GMT -5
The one that always got me was a guy who put his hand on the small of my back to kind of "guide" me when we were walkingDH does this sometimes and I thought it was because he was a gentleman but it turns out it is because I don't pay attention to where I am going and will run into something if he doesn't.
|
|
Phoenix84
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 17, 2011 21:42:35 GMT -5
Posts: 10,056
|
Post by Phoenix84 on Mar 22, 2011 20:11:02 GMT -5
"The idea of dating as 'ritual' where the guy pays, the woman laughs at his jokes even though they aren't funny, the woman wears shoes she doesn't want to wear because she is supposed to, the guy pretends to like movies he doesn't really want to watch...just seems to be an exercise in style over substance. "
I know exactly what you mean. I always hate these stupid mind games some people play while dating. Women offer to pay, but won't date you anymore if you accept. They pretend to like you when they really don't, you have to pretend to like what they like when you don't.
One thing I learned early on is just try to be yourself. I'd rather be myself and alone than try to play games and be someone I'm not just to get someone else's approval.
"The door thing - I don't mind it being held for me when someone gets to it first, but I REALLY hate the awkward dance that some men do to make sure they let you go first."
DING DING DING, Karma for you...
I have absolutely NO idea why so many women seem to think holding doors is the single most important, encompassing thing a man can do. It's so foolish how much weight some people put on it. I'll open doors (for men and women) if I'm already at the door before they are. I'm not going to dance around you to open your door. Most of the time I walk either beside someone or behind them since I'm tall, so it can often be an awkward dance if I want to open the door for someone. I hardly see the point in opening car doors either. It seems inefficient for me to get out of the car, shut the door, walk around the car, and open the door for the other person.
Certain formal settings may be different, but the opening door ritual can be cumbersom if you're just going out to a sports bar for drinks.
|
|
wvugurl26
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 15:25:30 GMT -5
Posts: 21,698
|
Post by wvugurl26 on Mar 22, 2011 21:29:37 GMT -5
So reading this thread made me realize I might have misclassified some dinners as just dinners with a friend. I blame it on meeting him at work training. I went out with him after that and assumed we were getting separate checks. Oops at least he didn't seem offended. Although some date if you want to call it that, my brother called me and like a fool I answered. Turns out he couldn't find me in the house and car was at house so he called looking for me and lectured me about being out on a work night. It was opening monday night football! If I offer to pay or split the check I won't be offended if someone takes me up on that offer. I figure once you get past a couple dates, you split things. And I really couldn't care about the door thing. I guess if you are dressed up, it is nice so you can gracefully exit. Other than that its not a big deal to me. I was in the elevator this morning with guys who insisted on me exiting first.
|
|
share88
Junior Member
Joined: Jan 28, 2011 2:36:24 GMT -5
Posts: 182
|
Post by share88 on Mar 23, 2011 1:56:29 GMT -5
I don't split cost of dates either.
Of course, I am generally lower paid then the men I date so could be why I don't feel any guilt. I guess if they don't like it they can stop asking me out.
|
|
The J
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 11:01:13 GMT -5
Posts: 4,821
|
Post by The J on Mar 23, 2011 11:55:19 GMT -5
I was in the elevator this morning with guys who insisted on me exiting first. They weren't being gentlemanly -- they were getting a view
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Apr 28, 2024 2:27:30 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 23, 2011 11:59:25 GMT -5
wvu it you thought you were on a dinner with a friend and answering your cell phone, you were on a dinner with a friend. It isn't a date unless both people know it.
|
|
wvugurl26
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 15:25:30 GMT -5
Posts: 21,698
|
Post by wvugurl26 on Mar 23, 2011 16:49:47 GMT -5
Guess I have nice friends who insist on paying for my dinner. Or maybe its that he knows he makes like $32k more than me. He asked what grade he was, I'm assuming he knows where to look it up. I really shouldn't look up what other grades make, his new one puts him further above me than my whole salary. Come to think of it the only time he let me pay was when we were traveling and getting per diem. Eh whatever. Speaking from experience
|
|
ohsuzanna
New Member
Joined: Mar 23, 2011 18:32:02 GMT -5
Posts: 35
|
Post by ohsuzanna on Mar 23, 2011 18:59:50 GMT -5
I am impressed when the man wants to pay. But I would be prepared t pay myself.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,865
|
Post by zibazinski on Mar 24, 2011 8:37:01 GMT -5
It's interesting how other people think about this, both men and women.
|
|
TD2K
Senior Associate
Once you kill a cow, you gotta make a burger
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 1:19:25 GMT -5
Posts: 10,931
|
Post by TD2K on Mar 24, 2011 10:07:14 GMT -5
They weren't being gentlemanly -- they were getting a view
Speaking from experience
Job perk
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Apr 28, 2024 2:27:30 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 24, 2011 10:45:15 GMT -5
The more I read this thread the happier I get that I am no longer on the "Single and Dating" Scene.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Apr 28, 2024 2:27:30 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 24, 2011 13:07:21 GMT -5
Hey! Dating is a lot of fun. Mind you I'm not dating the guys on this thread, that might make a difference
|
|
wvugurl26
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 15:25:30 GMT -5
Posts: 21,698
|
Post by wvugurl26 on Mar 24, 2011 16:18:11 GMT -5
Too bad for them I don't work in their office. And I'm pretty sure that's not one of the places I will be doing audits at. Sorry about their luck. Although they were asking about my audits... Today I realized there was a guy in training that sounded exactly like my friend. They could be from the same general region so I guess that explains the accents. But damn he sounded just like him.
|
|
8 Bit WWBG
Administrator
Your Money admin
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 8:57:29 GMT -5
Posts: 9,322
Today's Mood: Mega
|
Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Mar 24, 2011 16:32:41 GMT -5
...:::"I'd certainly never disqualify a guy for opening a door for me, because I know it's a societal expectation. I just personally don't understand it and find it annoying at times.":::...
These two statements conflict. If you know it is a societal expectation, then you understand it enough to let it go. Its the fact that you find it annoying that proves what I was saying. Its good you wouldn't outright disqualify a guy just for that. The larger issue that guys are brought up to think that "<x> is good" while today's women decide "<x> is bad" that cause big problems.
...:::"It isn't a date unless both people know it.":::...
I disagree with that. Poor communication on the part of one or both parties (and possibly some general obliviousness, again on the part of one or both parties) could indeed leave one person thinking "this is a date" and the other thinking "dinner with friend".
|
|
Plain Old Petunia
Senior Member
bloom where you are planted
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 2:09:44 GMT -5
Posts: 4,840
|
Post by Plain Old Petunia on Mar 24, 2011 16:52:15 GMT -5
If a man asked me out for a date and then expected me to pay, I would think he was cheap or socially retarded or both. I would have no problem paying for the next one, but would not offer (again assuming he asked me). By the third date, I would insist on paying. It is silly for one person to always pay.
I've never asked a man first. If I did, I would expect to pay.
|
|
|
Post by illinicheme on Mar 24, 2011 16:58:27 GMT -5
...:::"I'd certainly never disqualify a guy for opening a door for me, because I know it's a societal expectation. I just personally don't understand it and find it annoying at times.":::... These two statements conflict. If you know it is a societal expectation, then you understand it enough to let it go. Its the fact that you find it annoying that proves what I was saying. Its good you wouldn't outright disqualify a guy just for that. The larger issue that guys are brought up to think that "<x> is good" while today's women decide "<x> is bad" that cause big problems. I don't think the two statements conflict. I'm not going to think a guy is a bad guy because he holds a door. I'm going to continue to think it's a silly tradition when the annoying little dance at the door occurs, and patiently wait for the societal norms to change. Once dating someone, I could mention that they don't need to worry about doing things like opening car doors for me. (I honestly don't even remember anything about doors from when DH and I first started dating.) I'm realizing that mostly I get annoyed by the door thing in my working life and non-dating situations. It's awkward to have men treating you differently with regards to doors and whatnot when you're trying to be equal and respected colleagues.
|
|
wvugurl26
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 15:25:30 GMT -5
Posts: 21,698
|
Post by wvugurl26 on Mar 24, 2011 18:14:56 GMT -5
Yeah maybe me thinking it was just dinner and football with a friend was wrong. Who knows maybe he's just a nice friend paying bc he knows he makes so much more than me? I might go hang out with him again next week. And hang out were the words he used. I think after tomrrow we will no longer work for the same division so who knows? All in all I think this is too much thought for what should be a fun night out with a friend. And me answering my phone could just be me being rude I wouldn't have answered it for just anyone but my brother usually wants something when he's calling me so I tend to answer it if I can.
|
|
quotequeen
Well-Known Member
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 15:51:15 GMT -5
Posts: 1,448
|
Post by quotequeen on Mar 24, 2011 20:55:48 GMT -5
I would disqualify a guy who continually refused to let me pay for anything on dates.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Apr 28, 2024 2:27:30 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 24, 2011 20:58:51 GMT -5
...:::"It isn't a date unless both people know it.":::... I disagree with that. Poor communication on the part of one or both parties (and possibly some general obliviousness, again on the part of one or both parties) could indeed leave one person thinking "this is a date" and the other thinking "dinner with friend". If I change my shirt or spend more than 5 minutes on my hair, I'm counting it as a date. Helps cushion the blow of a dry spell.
|
|