Open Letter from SAHM to Breadwinner Husband.

[Deleted]

Aug 31, 2016 13:38:23 GMT -5 Miss Tequila said:

Aug 31, 2016 13:37:09 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Turn off the 24 hour news channels.  I don't even have cable.  All they ever report on is the negative crap.  I'm sure the poor were complaining about the rich back then too you just didn't watch it while eating your dinner.   My parents talked about all the war protests and flag burnings.   I think gang violence was worse in the past than it is now too.  

I actually don't watch tv!lol  But I do scan the news on the internet each day. 

No internet in the 50's!  I do think media is to blame for a lot of this.  Especially when you have people getting all their info from Facebook memes. 

[ken a.k.a OMK]

 I know many people believe what they read without fact checking, but there is no excuse for some of the media getting a story out so quickly they don't fact check. 

[Miss Tequila]

Aug 31, 2016 13:41:00 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Aug 31, 2016 13:38:23 GMT -5 Miss Tequila said:

I actually don't watch tv!lol  But I do scan the news on the internet each day. 

No internet in the 50's!  I do think media is to blame for a lot of this.  Especially when you have people getting all their info from Facebook memes. 

LOL...good point on the internet...see, better era!lol

I would hope people don't get their info from FB memes!

[Miss Tequila]

Aug 31, 2016 13:43:29 GMT -5 ken a.k.a OMK said:

 I know many people believe what they read without fact checking, but there is no excuse for some of the media getting a story out so quickly they don't fact check. 

I shake my head at what people on my FB post...at least go to snopes FFS!

[Deleted]

Aug 31, 2016 13:43:51 GMT -5 Miss Tequila said:

Aug 31, 2016 13:41:00 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

No internet in the 50's!  I do think media is to blame for a lot of this.  Especially when you have people getting all their info from Facebook memes. 

LOL...good point on the internet...see, better era!lol

I would hope people don't get their info from FB memes!

Um....yeah...they do.   I had to block most of my ex's family because they were driving me insane.  Anything in print is true.

[ken a.k.a OMK]

I would hope people don't get their info from FB memes!

The ones here are so much funnier. 

[Miss Tequila]

Aug 31, 2016 13:45:38 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Aug 31, 2016 13:43:51 GMT -5 Miss Tequila said:

LOL...good point on the internet...see, better era!lol

I would hope people don't get their info from FB memes!

Um....yeah...they do.   I had to block most of my ex's family because they were driving me insane.  Anything in print is true.

I have people on both sides of the political spectrum posting incorrect info...I just crack up.  One is my old high school teacher. She only taught art so I guess that's an excuse for not knowing how to research!

[ken a.k.a OMK]

Miss T. FB just said I may know you (real account).  Yes we have many mutual friends. Is it monitoring our posting here? 

[swamp]

There have always been lazy entitled people. They just didn't have social media and 24/7 news cycle to broadcast their idiocy

[Miss Tequila]

Aug 31, 2016 14:03:49 GMT -5 ken a.k.a OMK said:

Miss T. FB just said I may know you (real account).  Yes we have many mutual friends. Is it monitoring our posting here? 

<<backs away from the Twilight zone>> lol

[ken a.k.a OMK]

[Peace Of Mind]

Aug 29, 2016 20:39:25 GMT -5 oped said:

I'm guessing my husband would respond that I've concurrently made his life better by limiting the times he EVER has to enter a grocery store (etc) to a handful.

We both like what we do and how we do it. We both benefit from what we do and how we do it. If we didn't, we wouldn't do it...  

Us too but my DH loves to shop. I figure he's going to spend money he might as well get what we need instead of crap we don't so I provide lists.    

And back to the OP DH constantly thanks me for doing what I do and I constantly thank him for doing what he does.  He loves working and I love working at home keeping things nice and clean and organized (if you pay attention you will never see me on the declutter threads since I have the time now to avoid such things).  I used to do everything on the weekends after working all week so we rarely had the time or energy to have so much fun as we do now.  We spend it at the beach, at our property, in Mt. Dora, St. Augustine...   We get the best of both worlds, we're both happy, and it works for us and it's 2016!    But we've been doing it since 1999 so we've been partying like it's 1999.   


ETA:  DH has the freedom to tell the boss he quits.  We have a strong emergency fund of about 2 years.  I have his/our backs since I handle the finances!  We'd be dirt poor even if I still worked if he handled them.  LOL!

[ken a.k.a OMK]

 POM. Are you expecting much rain?

[Peace Of Mind]

Aug 30, 2016 8:41:20 GMT -5 whoisjohngalt said:

Aug 30, 2016 8:28:47 GMT -5 justme said:

I don't think it's nitpicking to base my opinion on exactly what she said. I wasn't reading between the lines or putting my own color on it. She said her life is cushy. And listed all her dreams that she got to do and listed all the things he can't do because he's chained to his job to let her do all her dreams.

I am not against sahp. I was raised by one. While both my parents made sacrifices to make it happen I know my dad didn't give up all his hobbies and dreams while my mom was able to chase all of hers.

But that's just the thing - her husband might consider his life cushy as well.  What she is seeing as  his sacrifice, he might be seeing as his cushy life and her sacrifice.

So all she is doing is thanking him for the life she has with him.  I just don't see anything bad about it.

It would be the same if a child thanked his parents at the college graduation for working 2 jobs and sacrificing for him while his parents thought of it as their privilege to allow their child to reach for his dreams.

I guess in today's world, where people feel so entitled to everything, I view it as a good thing when someone actually thanks someone.

I think people are projecting their own misery's here by their comments.  They find their jobs soul crushing and resent those who have found a good balance or who have choices.

Which is why I post less and less here.  Too many miserable people who do nothing but bash other's way of life and think their opinions only matter.  Bleh!  Only mine does!!!! 

[Peace Of Mind]

Aug 31, 2016 14:37:15 GMT -5 ken a.k.a OMK said:

 POM. Are you expecting much rain?

According to the talking heads we're probably all going to drown this weekend.

Of course we are!  DH is taking a 4 day weekend from his soul crushing job so he'll be stuck here at home eating, drinking, and watching  movies with me!  Poor bastard. 

[justme]

Aug 31, 2016 14:37:15 GMT -5 ken a.k.a OMK said:

 POM. Are you expecting much rain?

It's Florida, it's always raining! From what I hear the west coast will get note on its current track. It'll prob rain for like 24 hours straight. I dunno if they know how hard yet.

(I'm prob within 20 miles of POM)

[Miss Tequila]

Aug 31, 2016 14:44:03 GMT -5 Peace Of Mind said:

Aug 30, 2016 8:41:20 GMT -5 whoisjohngalt said:

But that's just the thing - her husband might consider his life cushy as well.  What she is seeing as  his sacrifice, he might be seeing as his cushy life and her sacrifice.

So all she is doing is thanking him for the life she has with him.  I just don't see anything bad about it.

It would be the same if a child thanked his parents at the college graduation for working 2 jobs and sacrificing for him while his parents thought of it as their privilege to allow their child to reach for his dreams.

I guess in today's world, where people feel so entitled to everything, I view it as a good thing when someone actually thanks someone.

I think people are projecting their own misery's here by their comments.  They find their jobs soul crushing and resent those who have found a good balance or who have choices.

Which is why I post less and less here.  Too many miserable people who do nothing but bash other's way of life and think their opinions only matter.  Bleh!  Only mine does!!!! 

I hope you don't think I'm bashing your way of life...I'm wishing I had it!  But I can't win...I say I like the simplicity of that era and all I get hit with are bad things (not all of which I consider bad, btw).  I say I wouldn't be a sahm person only because I don't trust someone else with my security and I get bashed for that....people just like to bash me!  Good thing I have thick skin

[movingforward]

Aug 31, 2016 14:14:11 GMT -5 swamp said:

There have always been lazy entitled people. They just didn't have social media and 24/7 news cycle to broadcast their idiocy

It's the same thing with crime.  People act as if criminals and mean people didn't used to exist.  They have ALWAYS existed but it didn't used to be shoved down our throats 24/7. Crime statistics have shown over and over again that things like child abduction are no more prevalent now than they ever were but we are lead to believe so because we just hear about it more.  Also, there used to be more of a focus only on local crime whereas today we know what is constantly happening all over the world.

I dumped cable a few months back.  Honestly, it has been absolutely wonderful.  Not only do I never see commercials but now I only see this year's crazy ass election stuff and daily news when I choose to look online. 

[rob base]

Aug 31, 2016 10:19:08 GMT -5 imawino said:

Aug 30, 2016 21:48:40 GMT -5 rob base said:

What is the "political" message about marriage? Is it right wing or left wing? Sorry but I just don't see it.......I am wondering if we read the same thing

Boo hoo the guy had to work, we all have to work, most of us can't just willy nilly take off in the middle of the week to have "me" time....nothing unusual that this guy has to go though the same thing most of us do.....

Actually, the author of the letter doesn't.  Nor, she posits, do the women lucky enough to have "breadwinner husbands".  It's sort of the whole fucking point of the article.  Perhaps the fact that you didn't comprehend that is why you're not seeing the same things as some other people, and keep asking the same question over and over?

Such a potty mouth

maybe its cause no one has "splained" it to me yet....there are stay at home husbands too

And there are EXCEPTIONS to everything, thus the "we all have to work" thing was meant for the majority of us.....

[imawino]

No one was bashing anyone. 

If it works for your family to have a stay at home person, have a stay at home person.  If it doesn't, don't. 

If you want to thank your husband for something, thank him; and if you want to write an op-ed about how our culture just doesn't value breadwinner husbands enough, write one. Just please don't do the latter and pretend it's the former.  Easy peasy.

[Peace Of Mind]

Aug 31, 2016 14:54:46 GMT -5 Miss Tequila said:

Aug 31, 2016 14:44:03 GMT -5 Peace Of Mind said:

I think people are projecting their own misery's here by their comments.  They find their jobs soul crushing and resent those who have found a good balance or who have choices.

Which is why I post less and less here.  Too many miserable people who do nothing but bash other's way of life and think their opinions only matter.  Bleh!  Only mine does!!!! 

I hope you don't think I'm bashing your way of life...I'm wishing I had it!  But I can't win...I say I like the simplicity of that era and all I get hit with are bad things (not all of which I consider bad, btw).  I say I wouldn't be a sahm person only because I don't trust someone else with my security and I get bashed for that....people just like to bash me!  Good thing I have thick skin

I'm still reading and never saw that you were doing that so far but I was talking about the general attitude over here whether in this thread or other's we've had.  But you are so sweet saying that and I remember you feeling that way about trusting, etc.  I used to feel the same way because of how my mom felt in her personal situation.  She always taught me to have my own job, money, independence... and not be stuck with a man and have to rely on him, etc.  Which is probably why I never had kids.  It's easier to be free when it's just you to take care of.  And some kitties.    

ETA:  I totally get what you mean about the simple way of life "back in the day".  I'm not so black and white in my thinking and realize not everything was great and not everything was awful.  Then or now. 

[imawino]

Aug 31, 2016 15:01:51 GMT -5 rob base said:

Aug 31, 2016 10:19:08 GMT -5 imawino said:

Actually, the author of the letter doesn't.  Nor, she posits, do the women lucky enough to have "breadwinner husbands".  It's sort of the whole fucking point of the article.  Perhaps the fact that you didn't comprehend that is why you're not seeing the same things as some other people, and keep asking the same question over and over?

Such a potty mouth

maybe its cause no one has "splained" it to me yet....there are stay at home husbands too

And there are EXCEPTIONS to everything, thus the "we all have to work" thing was meant for the majority of us.....

So it was not meant to have any relevancy to the actual thread we are on?  Good to know.

[Miss Tequila]

Aug 31, 2016 15:03:06 GMT -5 Peace Of Mind said:

Aug 31, 2016 14:54:46 GMT -5 Miss Tequila said:

I hope you don't think I'm bashing your way of life...I'm wishing I had it!  But I can't win...I say I like the simplicity of that era and all I get hit with are bad things (not all of which I consider bad, btw).  I say I wouldn't be a sahm person only because I don't trust someone else with my security and I get bashed for that....people just like to bash me!  Good thing I have thick skin

I'm still reading and never saw that you were doing that so far but I was talking about the general attitude over here whether in this thread or other's we've had.  But you are so sweet saying that and I remember you feeling that way about trusting, etc.  I used to feel the same way because of how my mom felt in her personal situation.  She always taught me to have my own job, money, independence... and not be stuck with a man and have to rely on him, etc.  Which is probably why I never had kids.  It's easier to be free when it's just you to take care of.  And some kitties.    

Well since I'm divorced now I think my fear of relying on my husband was a real one....lol  But I do understand how much easier life would be if I wasn't pulled in different directions...some day, dammit, some day!

[Miss Tequila]

Aug 31, 2016 15:03:06 GMT -5 Peace Of Mind said:

Aug 31, 2016 14:54:46 GMT -5 Miss Tequila said:

I hope you don't think I'm bashing your way of life...I'm wishing I had it!  But I can't win...I say I like the simplicity of that era and all I get hit with are bad things (not all of which I consider bad, btw).  I say I wouldn't be a sahm person only because I don't trust someone else with my security and I get bashed for that....people just like to bash me!  Good thing I have thick skin

I'm still reading and never saw that you were doing that so far but I was talking about the general attitude over here whether in this thread or other's we've had.  But you are so sweet saying that and I remember you feeling that way about trusting, etc.  I used to feel the same way because of how my mom felt in her personal situation.  She always taught me to have my own job, money, independence... and not be stuck with a man and have to rely on him, etc.  Which is probably why I never had kids.  It's easier to be free when it's just you to take care of.  And some kitties.    

ETA:  I totally get what you mean about the simple way of life "back in the day".  I'm not so black and white in my thinking and realize not everything was great and not everything was awful.  Then or now. 

Exactly.  I was pointing out the things I like about back then...but all comebacks to me were "but what about"...can't I like parts of then and parts of now? 

And you are smart having kitties...kids are damn expensive

[movingforward]

People should absolutely do what works for them.  What would work for me is to have a job working 30 hrs a week making 100K a year with 4 weeks of vacation (okay, I would take 80K).  Is that too much to ask for, dammit

[Peace Of Mind]

Aug 31, 2016 15:08:03 GMT -5 Miss Tequila said:

Aug 31, 2016 15:03:06 GMT -5 Peace Of Mind said:

I'm still reading and never saw that you were doing that so far but I was talking about the general attitude over here whether in this thread or other's we've had.  But you are so sweet saying that and I remember you feeling that way about trusting, etc.  I used to feel the same way because of how my mom felt in her personal situation.  She always taught me to have my own job, money, independence... and not be stuck with a man and have to rely on him, etc.  Which is probably why I never had kids.  It's easier to be free when it's just you to take care of.  And some kitties.    

Well since I'm divorced now I think my fear of relying on my husband was a real one....lol  But I do understand how much easier life would be if I wasn't pulled in different directions...some day, dammit, some day!

LOL! You will get there! Like me you are stubborn and stay on course no matter how hard it is. Then you'll kick your feet up and say "Remember when I had all that stress and had to deal with passive aggressive assholes and worked my ass off all day when I really wasn't up for it?"  Then you'll point and laugh... 

[Miss Tequila]

Aug 31, 2016 15:13:52 GMT -5 movingforward said:

People should absolutely do what works for them.  What would work for me is to have a job working 30 hrs a week making 100K a year with 4 weeks of vacation (okay, I would take 80K).  Is that too much to ask for, dammit

Ooh...that's exactly what I want! It isn't that I don't want to work...I just dont' want to work this much!lol Ok, well I would really like to not work but I'm not there yet

[imawino]

Aug 31, 2016 15:13:52 GMT -5 movingforward said:

People should absolutely do what works for them.  What would work for me is to have a job working 30 hrs a week making 100K a year with 4 weeks of vacation (okay, I would take 80K).  Is that too much to ask for, dammit

Not at all!!!

[Lizard Queen]

Aug 31, 2016 15:03:06 GMT -5 Peace Of Mind said:

Aug 31, 2016 14:54:46 GMT -5 Miss Tequila said:

I hope you don't think I'm bashing your way of life...I'm wishing I had it!  But I can't win...I say I like the simplicity of that era and all I get hit with are bad things (not all of which I consider bad, btw).  I say I wouldn't be a sahm person only because I don't trust someone else with my security and I get bashed for that....people just like to bash me!  Good thing I have thick skin

I'm still reading and never saw that you were doing that so far but I was talking about the general attitude over here whether in this thread or other's we've had.  But you are so sweet saying that and I remember you feeling that way about trusting, etc.  I used to feel the same way because of how my mom felt in her personal situation.  She always taught me to have my own job, money, independence... and not be stuck with a man and have to rely on him, etc.  Which is probably why I never had kids.  It's easier to be free when it's just you to take care of.  And some kitties.    

ETA:  I totally get what you mean about the simple way of life "back in the day".  I'm not so black and white in my thinking and realize not everything was great and not everything was awful.  Then or now. 

Sorry about that. Some parts of my life are really miserable right now, and I'm sure everyone would get sick of hearing how awesome my husband is. So what's there left to talk about, the weather? 😜

[Peace Of Mind]

Aug 31, 2016 15:23:51 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

Aug 31, 2016 15:03:06 GMT -5 Peace Of Mind said:

I'm still reading and never saw that you were doing that so far but I was talking about the general attitude over here whether in this thread or other's we've had.  But you are so sweet saying that and I remember you feeling that way about trusting, etc.  I used to feel the same way because of how my mom felt in her personal situation.  She always taught me to have my own job, money, independence... and not be stuck with a man and have to rely on him, etc.  Which is probably why I never had kids.  It's easier to be free when it's just you to take care of.  And some kitties.    

ETA:  I totally get what you mean about the simple way of life "back in the day".  I'm not so black and white in my thinking and realize not everything was great and not everything was awful.  Then or now. 

Sorry about that. Some parts of my life are really miserable right now, and I'm sure everyone would get sick of hearing how awesome my husband is. So what's there left to talk about, the weather? 😜

NOOOOOooooooooooo!  That's why I came here!  I'm stuck inside almost all day.

Sorry you don't have an awesome husband to talk about instead.  Do you have awesome pets?  Job?  Friends?  Family?  Try that.