Happy prose
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Post by Happy prose on Jun 18, 2016 5:25:48 GMT -5
Last night we celebrated Father's Day for my husband due to everyone's schedule. No big deal. My daughter and her fiance came over for dinner. Their gift to my husband was tickets to a MLB game....3 tickets- daughter, fiance, my husband. I was more than shocked, but hid it well. Don't you think they should have gotten me a ticket? Or if money was an issue (probably), don't you think my daughter should have asked me if I wanted to buy a ticket when they ordered them? I don't know what they bought for his father, but will find out. Not to compare gifts, but to see if they excluded his mom from an event. I highly doubt it. I want to call my daughter and say that my husband and I want to take HER to dinner, no fiance. We would never do that! If just my daughter was taking her dad out, it wouldn't bother me. But the three of them ?!!! The funny part is, my husband hates going to events, and I love it. I don't think I can get past this! I will mention it to my daughter at a later date, but want to cool down some. My husband didn't really see anything wrong with this until I pointed out different scenerios, like leaving HIS mother out of an event. So, is it me, or is it rude? Sorry for the rant, but I'm so pissed off.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 18, 2016 6:09:37 GMT -5
It's going to depend on the reason. I think that it was to be a Father's Day gift just for him but of course your daughter wanted to be with him. Somehow she brought her fiancé into it, probably because he wanted to go. Just my thoughts. I don't think she meant to be rude. What does your husband think?
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Happy prose
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Post by Happy prose on Jun 18, 2016 6:39:20 GMT -5
I don't think she intended to be rude, but I still think it is. Her fiance will be the one driving into NY, which we don't do. At first my husband thought nothing of it, until I pointed out how rude it was. We would never exclude his mother, nor we would have ever excluded daughter's fiance from anything. But to me, this is a game changer.
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mollyanna58
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Post by mollyanna58 on Jun 18, 2016 6:52:36 GMT -5
I don't think she intended to be rude, but I still think it is. Her fiance will be the one driving into NY, which we don't do. At first my husband thought nothing of it, until I pointed out how rude it was. We would never exclude his mother, nor we would have ever excluded daughter's fiance from anything. But to me, this is a game changer. So, now you want to treat your daughter differently? Or be a mean mother-in-law to fiancé?
Does your daughter include your DH in Mother's Day plans?
I understand being upset at being excluded. But it's more likely to be thoughtlessness than deliberately rude behavior. Mention to your daughter that you were unpleasantly surprised to be left out, and then she will know that this kind of exclusion is not acceptable in the future.
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Happy prose
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Post by Happy prose on Jun 18, 2016 7:03:12 GMT -5
Yes, As I've said, I don't think they were deliberatly rude. And yes, I'm so mad that I do want to be a mean mother/ MIL. I did say I would bring it up with her at a later date when I'm cooler. But my mind doesn't forget.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Jun 18, 2016 7:07:28 GMT -5
I do not think this is rude. It's Father's Day.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 18, 2016 7:44:14 GMT -5
Add me to the I don't think it's rude either. Father's Day. Present to father. Seriously I think you are really blowing this way out of proportion. Sorry, but I'd be careful how I handled disappointment in this case. You may find yourself invited to less instead of more.
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Jun 18, 2016 8:16:08 GMT -5
What did you get for Mother's Day? Did your Mother's Day gift "benefit" your husband (the Dad, I assume). Guess you should lay down the ground rules to your daughter and her fiancée soon or there are going to be a lot of years of "oops" and "oops" they done me wrong.
ETA: I find it interesting that you had to point it out to your husband. Now he can feel guilty about going to an event with his daughter and her fiancée without you.
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alabamagal
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Post by alabamagal on Jun 18, 2016 8:17:45 GMT -5
If the event - MLB game - is something you both enjoy doing, then it would have been nice to invite both of you. But I also think it is ok to want to do something with just Dad. When you bring up finding out how much she spent on FIL that is being petty.
My son will take DH to a movie tomorrow. I don't usually enjoy movies, so I love it when they go together and I will get a couple hours of me time. If they were going to a baseball game I would love to be included and my son knows that.
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flamingo
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Post by flamingo on Jun 18, 2016 8:40:48 GMT -5
Every year I take my dad to a sporting event for Father's Day. We live in different states so sometimes it's near Father's Day, other times it's months away from the actual day. Never do I buy a ticket for my mom. In fact most times I don't even offer. I tell her, hey I see baseball team has a home game the weekend I'll be in your town I'm going to take dad for Father's Day. She says ok good plan.
Would she enjoy going? Probably. But she understands it's my time with my dad. Would she be upset if my DH went with us? I doubt it. this year my DH and I went to a game with my dad in our city and my mom didn't even come with him. For Mother's Day I do something for her without dad-usually take her shopping.
I think your overreacting. I think you should tell your daughter you are disappointed that she didn't talk to you about it so you could have gone and celebrated too since this bothers you so much. But I think you should let her have the day with her dad. And I think it's nice that she's including her fiancé. It's a good chance for dad and fiancé to get to know each other and "bond". Enjoy your day by yourself doing exactly what you want to do with no interference. That, to me, would be a nicer gift than a ticket to whatever event they are going to surrounded by thousands of people!! :-)
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Jun 18, 2016 8:44:14 GMT -5
Eh.
When I was little, my mom would make my Dad and I go out and do something just to two of us.
For Father's Day Part 1, DH, DS, and FIL are going out to an event today, which FIL/MIL paid for. The girls and I will be at home cleaning, doing laundry, etc, in preparation for having non-father's day related guests at our house tomorrow. (Actually, a lesbian couple. Can't get more non-father's day than that.) Also, on father's day, DD1 and I will be packing for our trip.
We're doing the rest of Father's Day in July.
All I can suggest is please be gentle. It's going to take the new couple a while to integrate all families as they forge their own.
I personally had a hard time. I'm going to try to avoid that with my own kids. There's no handbook for engaged couples and soon to be extended families..
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Jun 18, 2016 9:04:03 GMT -5
How is this rude? It's a present for your husband for Father's day - HIS day. Why is it rude to want to spend time with just him?
May be your DD wants it to be a bonding experience for her future husband (father of her future children) with her Dad. I think it's great, not rude.
Why do you think you have to be included in everything?
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billisonboard
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Post by billisonboard on Jun 18, 2016 9:06:51 GMT -5
Perhaps they wanted to focus attention on the Father as a Father's Day gift and were worried that including others would end up making the event all about the other. Mmmmm, wonder if there is any evidence that could be a concern?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 18, 2016 9:08:18 GMT -5
ETA: I find it interesting that you had to point it out to your husband. Now he can feel guilty about going to an event with his daughter and her fiancée without you. And one of the things I was thinking is that daughter now has a partner to help her 'make sense' of the actions of others as well... Ie. Her fiancé can explain to her when and how he thinks her relatives might be out of line. One of the reasons I voted for caution.
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Happy prose
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Post by Happy prose on Jun 18, 2016 9:46:10 GMT -5
What did you get for Mother's Day? Did your Mother's Day gift "benefit" your husband (the Dad, I assume). Guess you should lay down the ground rules to your daughter and her fiancée soon or there are going to be a lot of years of "oops" and "oops" they done me wrong.
ETA: I find it interesting that you had to point it out to your husband. Now he can feel guilty about going to an event with his daughter and her fiancée without you. He doesn't feel guilty at all. He doesn't like live sporting events, so he's more worried about himself getting 'stuck' going. He knows I'll get over it.
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Happy prose
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Post by Happy prose on Jun 18, 2016 9:47:34 GMT -5
If the event - MLB game - is something you both enjoy doing, then it would have been nice to invite both of you. But I also think it is ok to want to do something with just Dad. When you bring up finding out how much she spent on FIL that is being petty. My son will take DH to a movie tomorrow. I don't usually enjoy movies, so I love it when they go together and I will get a couple hours of me time. If they were going to a baseball game I would love to be included and my son knows that. I would have enjoyed it. It wouldn't bother me if just my daughter was taking Dad out, but this is both of them. To me it makes a difference. And re-read my post...I don't care what they spend on the other dad, I was curious if they were excluding his mom from an event also.
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Happy prose
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Post by Happy prose on Jun 18, 2016 9:50:10 GMT -5
How is this rude? It's a present for your husband for Father's day - HIS day. Why is it rude to want to spend time with just him? May be your DD wants it to be a bonding experience for her future husband (father of her future children) with her Dad. I think it's great, not rude. Why do you think you have to be included in everything? Fiance and my husband spend time together watching games on tv, etc. We don't get to go to too many events (mainly because my husband doesn't want to), so it does feel like a big deal to not be invited. I think I'm more shocked, because this is so ething I would never do.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 18, 2016 9:53:01 GMT -5
Why is this different? It isn't like 'spouses were invited and I'm a spouce'... Fathers, fathers in law... Maybe it's different in my family, but my husband calls my Dad, Dad... Maybe they do in fiancé's family too. The kids are taking Dad to the event for Father's Day. That's it. As far as i can see.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jun 18, 2016 10:10:55 GMT -5
I just don't get why you are upset. There have been times when I took my dad only out for things, just like I took my mom only. The dynamics are different.
What did your daughter get you for Mother's Day? Did your husband benefit?
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Happy prose
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Post by Happy prose on Jun 18, 2016 10:11:17 GMT -5
Why is this different? It isn't like 'spouses were invited and I'm a spouce'... Fathers, fathers in law... Maybe it's different in my family, but my husband calls my Dad, Dad... Maybe they do in fiancé's family too. The kids are taking Dad to the event for Father's Day. That's it. As far as i can see. Ok, if we were to invite my daughter out to dinner for her birthday, do you think it would be ok to not invite her partner? They live together. I think that would be an awful thing to do!
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Happy prose
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Post by Happy prose on Jun 18, 2016 10:12:19 GMT -5
I just don't get why you are upset. There have been times when I took my dad only out for things, just like I took my mom only. The dynamics are different. What did your daughter get you got Mother's Day? Did your husband benefit? For mother's day, we went to their house for pizza, and of course my husband was invited too.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jun 18, 2016 10:14:14 GMT -5
Why is this different? It isn't like 'spouses were invited and I'm a spouce'... Fathers, fathers in law... Maybe it's different in my family, but my husband calls my Dad, Dad... Maybe they do in fiancé's family too. The kids are taking Dad to the event for Father's Day. That's it. As far as i can see. Ok, if we were to invite my daughter out to dinner for her birthday, do you think it would be ok to not invite her partner? They live together. I think that would be an awful thing to do! If you took your daughter to a spa for her birthday, would you take her SO? That is more comparable.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 18, 2016 10:20:29 GMT -5
I just don't get why you are upset. There have been times when I took my dad only out for things, just like I took my mom only. The dynamics are different. What did your daughter get you got Mother's Day? Did your husband benefit? For mother's day, we went to their house for pizza, and of course my husband was invited too. Was dinner your present?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 18, 2016 10:24:11 GMT -5
So, if fiancé had asked your husband to a game without daughter that would have been ok right? Cause it actually sounds like maybe it's fiancé asking dad and daughter got to go along...
I honestly think you need to be very careful here. You are going to set the entire tone of developing relationships with your responce.
Can't you focus on the joy of the occasion instead of imaging and focusing on some manufactured slight? You have said you don't think their intention was negative. Why must you interject that into the situation then? Why can't it be about the kids doing something for/with dad?
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whoami
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Post by whoami on Jun 18, 2016 10:24:45 GMT -5
I think you are being ridiculous.
You have already decided you are right so why ask everyone else's opinion then tell them why they are wrong.
I think its nice she wanted to take her father out. Who cares if the boyfriend was there. I don't think father's (in general) get enough credit. Most of the one's I know would never pitch a fit about being "excluded" the way a mother would.
You are on your way to being "that relative" that everyone rolls their eyes at wondering how to accommodate them so they wont be offended when making family plans.
It didn't work out very well for my MIL because I'm not kissing anyone's rear.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Jun 18, 2016 10:32:14 GMT -5
What did you get for Mother's Day? Did your Mother's Day gift "benefit" your husband (the Dad, I assume). Guess you should lay down the ground rules to your daughter and her fiancée soon or there are going to be a lot of years of "oops" and "oops" they done me wrong.
ETA: I find it interesting that you had to point it out to your husband. Now he can feel guilty about going to an event with his daughter and her fiancée without you. He doesn't feel guilty at all. He doesn't like live sporting events, so he's more worried about himself getting 'stuck' going. He knows I'll get over it. OK, so knowing this - I still don't think it's rude, but I do think it's weird that they are taking him to something he doesn't really like What they should have done is do pizza at their house for Father's day and take you to the game for Mother's day as it seems you would actually enjoy it. OK, so here is a story for you - I don't know if this will make you feel better or you will think I am too nutty to even be posting on your thread. Last year my husband won tickets to a NY Yankees game in NYC. Now, I have less than zero interest in baseball, but for my MIL is the second best thing in life after her family and Yankees IS her team. So, my husband asked his mother to go bc "she LOVES baseball and you hate it". To me it was "you are taking your mother, but not me to NY?" Bc ever since we had kids we've never gone anywhere overnight just the two of us. I thought it would have been awesome to go to NY and the baseball game would be something I just have to suffer through but we could have a blast otherwise. To him it made no sense not to take his mother, who is pretty much married to baseball. I still think I was right to feel hurt. But I seem to be the only one. So, may be just casually ask your DD what made them decide to do what they did. Her answer might surprise you. But again to OP - I don't think it was rude.
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Happy prose
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Post by Happy prose on Jun 18, 2016 10:33:00 GMT -5
So, if fiancé had asked your husband to a game without daughter that would have been ok right? Cause it actually sounds like maybe it's fiancé asking dad and daughter got to go along... I honestly think you need to be very careful here. You are going to set the entire tone of developing relationships with your responce. Can't you focus on the joy of the occasion instead of imaging and focusing on some manufactured slight? You have said you don't think their intention was negative. Why must you interject that into the situation then? Why can't it be about the kids doing something for/with dad? I agree. Last night when they came over and gave it to him, I pretended I was happy. Very shocked that my daughter though.
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Happy prose
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Post by Happy prose on Jun 18, 2016 10:39:19 GMT -5
He doesn't feel guilty at all. He doesn't like live sporting events, so he's more worried about himself getting 'stuck' going. He knows I'll get over it. OK, so knowing this - I still don't think it's rude, but I do think it's weird that they are taking him to something he doesn't really like What they should have done is do pizza at their house for Father's day and take you to the game for Mother's day as it seems you would actually enjoy it. OK, so here is a story for you - I don't know if this will make you feel better or you will think I am too nutty to even be posting on your thread. Last year my husband won tickets to a NY Yankees game in NYC. Now, I have less than zero interest in baseball, but for my MIL is the second best thing in life after her family and Yankees IS her team. So, my husband asked his mother to go bc "she LOVES baseball and you hate it". To me it was "you are taking your mother, but not me to NY?" Bc ever since we had kids we've never gone anywhere overnight just the two of us. I thought it would have been awesome to go to NY and the baseball game would be something I just have to suffer through but we could have a blast otherwise. To him it made no sense not to take his mother, who is pretty much married to baseball. I still think I was right to feel hurt. But I seem to be the only one. So, may be just casually ask your DD what made them decide to do what they did. Her answer might surprise you. But again to OP - I don't think it was rude. I'm guessing the reason was money. (I would have gladly paid for my ticket though). And she's always harping on my husband that he would enjoy himself if he went out more, so I guess she wants to show him. We (me, daughter, fiance) have gone plenty of places, but my husband always bows out. Also, my daughter and fiance went to three football games last year with both his parents, but none of the games were as a gift. And I completely understand why you were hurt!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 18, 2016 10:40:03 GMT -5
You were shocked at your daughter... Because the present she gave her father for Father's Day did not include you?
Do you not hear how that sounds. I stop bringing 'extra gifts for not the occasion person' at age 2. In other words the only people I expect to maybe not be able to understand that the day is not about them is a toddler.
I know that sounds harsh. I really don't want to be, but you aren't responding to anything else. Is it not possible, reading all the responses, that you are in the wrong here?
It s nothing to me really. I understand sometimes we can't help how we feel even if it isn't rational. But you do need to make decisions about how to go forward without this coloring your relationships.
Daughter is setting up her own family. That will now take presidence over yours. Could you be struggling with this idea?
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Ryan
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Post by Ryan on Jun 18, 2016 10:40:35 GMT -5
Not rude, maybe they didn't think it all the way thru. do your hubby and son in law like sports and you do not?
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