telling someone they are ugly

[Green Eyed Lady]

Mar 28, 2016 15:29:52 GMT -5 Miss Tequila said:

Talk about putting things in perspective. We have a thread where we are talking about kids being "unfortunate" looking and right below is Angels thread about almost dying.

Ever since Angels post I am really trying to rid myself of negativity. I dont like kids being judged over somethig as shallow as looks so i relapsed. Seeing her thread made me realize that I don't want to be involved in petty shit

A young lady across the way (not personally known to me) committed suicide last week. She was 16 years old. Kids teased her incessantly about looking like she was 10 year old as she was apparently very petite. The other girls made fun of her make up - asking why she bothered with eye shadow since her eyes were so "squinty" (she was Asian). There may have been other things going on in her life - I don't know - only the reports of a blog or something she left.  According to some of the kids who went to school with her, she was stunningly intelligent and kind to everyone. Apparently those things don't mean as much as her eye shadow or her lack of curves.

Where do these kids become so shallow and mean?  Most of the time, I'm betting it's because they were raised by shallow and mean parents. Take solace in the fact that because you have a good heart, your kids are highly unlikely to be the cause of pain to others. I'm not sure we can hope for much more.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

A young lady across the way (not personally known to me) committed suicide last week. She was 16 years old. Kids teased her incessantly about looking like she was 10 year old as she was apparently very petite

Kids in middle school used to stop me at the door and tell me I was lost.  I must be looking for the pre-school down the street.

Shame she killed herself over it.  If I could I would tell her that it gets better and when she reaches 32 people will be jealous she looks so young.

[Pants]

Oh good grief...

[swamp]

Mar 28, 2016 15:43:42 GMT -5 Green Eyed Lady said:

Mar 28, 2016 15:29:52 GMT -5 Miss Tequila said:

Talk about putting things in perspective. We have a thread where we are talking about kids being "unfortunate" looking and right below is Angels thread about almost dying.

Ever since Angels post I am really trying to rid myself of negativity. I dont like kids being judged over somethig as shallow as looks so i relapsed. Seeing her thread made me realize that I don't want to be involved in petty shit

A young lady across the way (not personally known to me) committed suicide last week. She was 16 years old. Kids teased her incessantly about looking like she was 10 year old as she was apparently very petite. The other girls made fun of her make up - asking why she bothered with eye shadow since her eyes were so "squinty" (she was Asian). There may have been other things going on in her life - I don't know - only the reports of a blog or something she left.  According to some of the kids who went to school with her, she was stunningly intelligent and kind to everyone. Apparently those things don't mean as much as her eye shadow or her lack of curves.

Where do these kids become so shallow and mean?  Most of the time, I'm betting it's because they were raised by shallow and mean parents. Take solace in the fact that because you have a good heart, your kids are highly unlikely to be the cause of pain to others. I'm not sure we can hope for much more.

I have to disagree.  I know some very good people whose kids are just rotten little assholes, and then there are some really nice kids that come from jerks.

yes, if you are taught to be kind, you will usually be kind, but not always.

And if I ever catch my kids picking on another kid I will blister their butts.     There's a huge difference in thinking someone is unattractive and telling them they are.   Every thought does not need to be conveyed.

[emma1420]

Mar 28, 2016 14:00:21 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

I understand that you don't want their worth or value to be based on their attractiveness because it shouldn't be. But wanting to feel at least somewhat attractive is almost instinctual at some point in your life. I don't tell DS how cute he is a lot - most of my emphasis is how he is a big boy now and what that means re: what his behavior should be like. But somewhere down the line people will comment on it to him... Especially his peers. I dunno - I don't think you can escape all forms of visual scrutiny your entire life.

To be honest, I think it's critical that you tell children that they are beautiful and attractive.  But, then I grew up never being told I was attractive or pretty.  I didn't think much about my looks until I was a teenage and then I was plagued with the idea that I was ugly.  Because in my mind if the two people who were supposed to love me the most didn't think I was pretty enough to comment on it, then why would anyone else thing I was attractive?

And that level of self-consciousness has stuck.  It wasn't until my niece was born a few years ago, that i stopped the negative talk about my looks.  Because my niece looks exactly like me.  We all joke about her being my little clone.  I never want her to think that she's not attractive.  

[swamp]

I'm not sure why we're discussing some kid who killed herself over being picked on for her looks.

The site hickle is talking about it completely voluntary, and these people are fishing for compliments and/or feedback. I think it's stupid, but whatever, I don't go to that site.

But why is it bad to think someone is unattractive?  It doesn't mean I think they are a bad person, or I think any less of them as a person, they just aren't pleasing to look at. It's not like I run around rating people's appearances.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

People can hear your thoughts.

[swamp]

Mar 28, 2016 15:58:09 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

People can hear your thoughts.

that deserves a big old "OH FUCK" right there, lol!!!

[imawino]

Mar 28, 2016 15:59:07 GMT -5 swamp said:

Mar 28, 2016 15:58:09 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

People can hear your thoughts.

that deserves a big old "OH FUCK" right there, lol!!!

hahahahahaha!!! That would be problematic for sure!!

[Green Eyed Lady]

Mar 28, 2016 15:46:23 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

A young lady across the way (not personally known to me) committed suicide last week. She was 16 years old. Kids teased her incessantly about looking like she was 10 year old as she was apparently very petite

Kids in middle school used to stop me at the door and tell me I was lost.  I must be looking for the pre-school down the street.

Shame she killed herself over it.  If I could I would tell her that it gets better and when she reaches 32 people will be jealous she looks so young.

I wish you could have, too. Maybe somebody did. I've never honestly cared enough about my looks to be upset over what anybody else says about them. There are plenty of other things I'm overly sensitive about - just not that one! I'm guessing there had to be other issues, too. I don't know. It could have just been the straw that broke the camel's back.

[mojothehelpermonkey]

Mar 28, 2016 15:46:23 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

A young lady across the way (not personally known to me) committed suicide last week. She was 16 years old. Kids teased her incessantly about looking like she was 10 year old as she was apparently very petite

Kids in middle school used to stop me at the door and tell me I was lost.  I must be looking for the pre-school down the street.

Shame she killed herself over it.  If I could I would tell her that it gets better and when she reaches 32 people will be jealous she looks so young.

I hated looking younger than other people my age until I was in my 30s. It is frustrating to be treated like a small child at that age, even if the adults you are dealing with sincerely think you are one. Now I am starting to appreciate it, but I still get annoyed when someone gives me a hard time while carding me.

[Miss Tequila]

Mar 28, 2016 15:41:29 GMT -5 imawino said:

Mar 28, 2016 15:16:12 GMT -5 Miss Tequila said:

There is a big difference between not being beautiful and beig unfortunate looking. I don't see a lot of unfortunate looking children out there. So to have that many on her newsfeed makes me question her.::is she just mean or is she jealous or what? Or maybe I like kids and don't see them as unfortunate looking?

I don't understand what you are saying. If you think a grown person is unattractive it's okay, but if you are aware that a 10 year old is not visually appealing it makes you jealous and mean?  Where is the exact cutoff where you can objectively acknowledge whether someone was genetically gifted?

Earlier you even commented that  3 year old was "honestly" pretty.  As opposed to what - the ones who honestly weren't? 

And are you actually also honestly saying you genuinely like every kid you've met as well?  That seems unlikely.  Never ever thought a kid was a brat?   

As I just got done saying in a previous post, life is too short to argue about petty shit. If you want to pick apart everthing I say have fun. I am choosing the high road and ignoring negativity :-)

[Pants]

[imawino]

Mar 28, 2016 16:18:56 GMT -5 Miss Tequila said:

Mar 28, 2016 15:41:29 GMT -5 imawino said:

I don't understand what you are saying. If you think a grown person is unattractive it's okay, but if you are aware that a 10 year old is not visually appealing it makes you jealous and mean?  Where is the exact cutoff where you can objectively acknowledge whether someone was genetically gifted?

Earlier you even commented that  3 year old was "honestly" pretty.  As opposed to what - the ones who honestly weren't? 

And are you actually also honestly saying you genuinely like every kid you've met as well?  That seems unlikely.  Never ever thought a kid was a brat?   

As I just got done saying in a previous post, life is too short to argue about petty shit. If you want to pick apart everthing I say have fun. I am choosing the high road and ignoring negativity :-)

I apologize, it is impossible to take that seriously when on this exact page from an hour ago is a comment where you called someone jealous and mean, and haven't bothered to go edit it. If that is the "high road" and a non focus on negatively, then we disagree on what all those words mean.

[hoops902]

I don't see anything wrong with telling ugly people that they are ugly if they ask you (particularly if you're impartial and that's what they're looking for). The site sounds stupid though, it's almost definitely 99% populated by people fishing for compliments or in desperate need of some self-esteem (neither group should be considered as looking for impartial feedback on their looks, because they aren't really). I think the philosophical idea behind getting impartial opinions is fine, but the practicality is that this isn't really happening on this site for most people.

[Miss Tequila]

Mar 28, 2016 16:26:24 GMT -5 imawino said:

Mar 28, 2016 16:18:56 GMT -5 Miss Tequila said:

As I just got done saying in a previous post, life is too short to argue about petty shit. If you want to pick apart everthing I say have fun. I am choosing the high road and ignoring negativity :-)

I apologize, it is impossible to take that seriously when on this exact page from an hour ago is a comment where you called someone jealous and mean, and haven't bothered to go edit it. If that is the "high road" and a non focus on negatively, then we disagree on what all those words mean.

Aww, hugs and kisses to you, too :-)

[MJ2.0]

Didn't there used to be a site called Hot or Not? Isn't this site basically that?

[dannylion]

As someone most people would likely consider ugly, I don't really care whether or not anyone cares to inform me that I am ugly. For those who do feel compelled to share their opinion of my looks, it doesn't tell me anything new about myself, but it tells me everything I need to know about them.

[Miss Tequila]

Mar 28, 2016 17:55:05 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

Didn't there used to be a site called Hot or Not? Isn't this site basically that?

Such a ludicrous thing in my mind. why let random people from the Internet determine if you are pretty or not?

[Miss Tequila]

Mar 28, 2016 16:12:05 GMT -5 mojothehelpermonkey said:

Mar 28, 2016 15:46:23 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

A young lady across the way (not personally known to me) committed suicide last week. She was 16 years old. Kids teased her incessantly about looking like she was 10 year old as she was apparently very petite

Kids in middle school used to stop me at the door and tell me I was lost.  I must be looking for the pre-school down the street.

Shame she killed herself over it.  If I could I would tell her that it gets better and when she reaches 32 people will be jealous she looks so young.

I hated looking younger than other people my age until I was in my 30s. It is frustrating to be treated like a small child at that age, even if the adults you are dealing with sincerely think you are one. Now I am starting to appreciate it, but I still get annoyed when someone gives me a hard time while carding me.

Im 44...I would tip an ungodly amount if I got carded!lol

[Deleted]

Mar 28, 2016 18:11:30 GMT -5 Miss Tequila said:

Mar 28, 2016 16:12:05 GMT -5 mojothehelpermonkey said:

I hated looking younger than other people my age until I was in my 30s. It is frustrating to be treated like a small child at that age, even if the adults you are dealing with sincerely think you are one. Now I am starting to appreciate it, but I still get annoyed when someone gives me a hard time while carding me.

Im 44...I would tip an ungodly amount if I got carded!lol

Go to Golden Corral and tell them you want the senior discount.

[Miss Tequila]

Mar 28, 2016 18:36:17 GMT -5 @hickle said:

Mar 28, 2016 18:11:30 GMT -5 Miss Tequila said:

Im 44...I would tip an ungodly amount if I got carded!lol

Go to Golden Corral and tell them you want the senior discount.

Lol

[mmhmm]

Years ago, DH and I went to be introduced to a friend's new baby girl. Mom and dad met us at the door with the little one swaddled in a receiving blanket. Mom turned back the corner of the blanket covering the baby's face and ... well, this nose burst forth. To this day, I really, really hope I didn't gasp. The size of that nose was awe-inspiring. I often remember that moment and assure myself that little girl grew into that nose just as her parents had each grown into theirs.

[Cookies Galore]

[Peace Of Mind]

LOL at the turn of this thread! It got me thinking of the Janice from Friends episode when she had her little boy and wanted him and Emma (Rachel's new baby girl) to get married and when they saw the kid they recoiled with horror.   I admit to never seeing a baby that ugly to get such a reaction but I will say not all babies are beautiful.  Unless you like little old red faced bald men or cone heads and think they are beautiful.    But that always changed soon after birth.  


I'll see if I can find that episode and post it.  It was hilarious!


ETA:  I can't find the best one but here is a little snippet: 

[cronewitch]

Why does it matter if little kids or babies are ugly or even old people? I can see it being important at 16-22 but then you shouldn't care that much. I remember my cousins as little kids, not fantastic looking, now they are all over 50 and still not fantastic looking. My favorite is very short with kinda wide hips even when she has dieted. She was in the service and now works in IT for the city and a nice woman, who cares if she looks odd? Mom was pretty much always ugly even when young, once my brother told her she was pretty except her face. She was short and very skinny with bad acne and depressed so not smiling much. Then when she aged she looked pretty good for a while then gained a lot of weight. Nobody cares that at 86 she was fat around the middle and skinny on the shoulders and her hair turned gray.

[Miss Tequila]

Mar 29, 2016 4:46:11 GMT -5 cronewitch said:

Why does it matter if little kids or babies are ugly or even old people? I can see it being important at 16-22 but then you shouldn't care that much. I remember my cousins as little kids, not fantastic looking, now they are all over 50 and still not fantastic looking. My favorite is very short with kinda wide hips even when she has dieted. She was in the service and now works in IT for the city and a nice woman, who cares if she looks odd? Mom was pretty much always ugly even when young, once my brother told her she was pretty except her face. She was short and very skinny with bad acne and depressed so not smiling much. Then when she aged she looked pretty good for a while then gained a lot of weight. Nobody cares that at 86 she was fat around the middle and skinny on the shoulders and her hair turned gray.

There is a big difference between truly beautiful or stunning (which is a very, very small % of the population) and ugly or "unfortunate looking". 

The issue I had with another poster is she claimed that her FB newsfeed was "filled with unfortunate-looking children".  Hence my comment she is either mean, jaded or jealous.  Because just like there is a very small % of truly beautiful people there is also a very small % of truly unfortunate-looking people.  So to see THAT MANY unfortunate looking children says something about that poster and not those children.  Of course, I'm the one that gets attacked for pointing that out...story of my life!lol

I love kids and would be hard pressed to find one that was truly unfortunate looking or down right ugly.  Not all kids are gorgeous but neither are all people.  Those that I would think were unfortunate looking would be those deformed or mutilated by accidents...and that is absolutely heart breaking to me.  But as a mom, I bet I will still think my child was beautiful. 

[Pants]

Please stop insulting me. If you want to be obtuse and miss my point, that's fine. But please stop with calling me mean, jealous and jaded.

[Miss Tequila]

Mar 29, 2016 8:33:41 GMT -5 Pants said:

Please stop insulting me. If you want to be obtuse and miss my point, that's fine. But please stop with calling me mean, jealous and jaded.

I'm not insulting you. 

[Pants]

Mar 29, 2016 8:36:28 GMT -5 Miss Tequila said:

Mar 29, 2016 8:33:41 GMT -5 Pants said:

Please stop insulting me. If you want to be obtuse and miss my point, that's fine. But please stop with calling me mean, jealous and jaded.

I'm not insulting you. 

Of course not. War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength.

Carry on.