MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Mar 28, 2016 11:22:09 GMT -5
This is a baby that is not cute Faceswap?
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moon/Laura
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Post by moon/Laura on Mar 28, 2016 11:26:43 GMT -5
I find I'm not able to be objective about my own self. I know I'm too heavy, but as far as actual appearance otherwise, I just don't know. That has a lot to do with the way that people treated me and things they said in school. That said, I find I don't really care all that much so I really can't see myself asking random strangers for their opinions.
Would I tell someone asking online the truth? No, probably not.
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ken a.k.a OMK
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Post by ken a.k.a OMK on Mar 28, 2016 11:38:50 GMT -5
moon/Laura You don't look heavy to me #51 (8th grade volleyball)
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moon/Laura
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Post by moon/Laura on Mar 28, 2016 11:43:19 GMT -5
I wasn't back then, Ken. I weighed 118 when I graduated HS, at 5'8" tall. I was skinny. But age, kids, sedentary job, etc., have taken care of that! LOL.
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ken a.k.a OMK
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Post by ken a.k.a OMK on Mar 28, 2016 11:44:39 GMT -5
Same here. OK I didn't give birth.
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gs11rmb
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Post by gs11rmb on Mar 28, 2016 11:53:34 GMT -5
I had a friend in college with an eating disorder whose mother actually tried to help her with the following statement: "I love you ... even though you're fat".
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Post by mojothehelpermonkey on Mar 28, 2016 12:09:57 GMT -5
When I was a teenager, I didn't necessarily think I was ugly, but I thought of myself as not very attractive. I think it was because I was always comparing myself to my stepsister and my dad's girlfriend's daughter. Now when I look at pictures from back then, I feel like I can objectively say that I was reasonably attractive, and they just both happened to be model-level pretty. Maybe Reddit could have boosted my self esteem if it had existed back then, but I don't think I would have had the nerve to post a picture of myself for strangers to scrutinize. Instead, I just stopped caring about how attractive I was in comparison to others.
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imawino
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Post by imawino on Mar 28, 2016 12:19:25 GMT -5
Yeah, lots of people on my facebook feed comment on those same unfortunate-looking children and say "OMG he/she is so handsome/beautiful!" So, maybe, maybe not. (I'm not saying your kid isn't cute, but the social pressure to affirm that belief in parents is high, and the downside is low. Except allowing parents to remain deluded.) lol! Wow, you are very jaded...or mean. Not sure which.
I actually don't lie. If I think a kid is beautiful or stunning I will say so on the picture. If I don't, I just say things like "great picture" or "aww, so cute"
I don't think that acknowledging the fact that not every human being on the planet, young or old, is objectively beautiful makes someone jaded or mean. It just means she has eyes. I don't think she was planning to go up to people and tell them that they or their kids are hideous wildebeests.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Mar 28, 2016 12:21:46 GMT -5
lol! Wow, you are very jaded...or mean. Not sure which.
I actually don't lie. If I think a kid is beautiful or stunning I will say so on the picture. If I don't, I just say things like "great picture" or "aww, so cute"
I don't think that acknowledging the fact that not every human being on the planet, young or old, is objectively beautiful makes someone jaded or mean. It just means she has eyes. I don't think she was planning to go up to people and tell them that they or their kids are hideous wildebeests. I thought they looked more like warthogs.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 28, 2016 12:23:33 GMT -5
I would not tell someone they are ugly. I can't even believe there is a place to do this.
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imawino
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Post by imawino on Mar 28, 2016 12:25:40 GMT -5
I don't think that acknowledging the fact that not every human being on the planet, young or old, is objectively beautiful makes someone jaded or mean. It just means she has eyes. I don't think she was planning to go up to people and tell them that they or their kids are hideous wildebeests. I thought they looked more like warthogs. LOL. I had to google warthog to see. Zoinks!
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imawino
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Post by imawino on Mar 28, 2016 12:27:50 GMT -5
I would not tell someone they are ugly. I can't even believe there is a place to do this. I can't imagine posting a picture there. I would suspect it is mostly people who actually do think they are good looking and just need others to tell them they agree - and a few poor souls who feel bad about themselves and end up regretting their decision to ask. But I've never been to the site so I can't be sure. And I do not plan on ever checking it out!
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Mar 28, 2016 12:40:28 GMT -5
My mom used to tell me I was pretty and had a shape men desired.
I didn't believe her, because I was expected to diet with her. And exercise with her. To support her.
I couldn't understand why I had to lose weight if I was so desirable.
We don't really tell our kids anything, when it comes to validating their attractiveness. Actually, it was kind of weird that someone who was being nice said that DD1 will look beautiful in her First Holy communion dress. Even when DD1 puts on lip gloss, I don't tell her I think she looks prettier with it on. I'm just like "Oh, I like your choice of lip gloss today" Or if she takes time with her hair I'll say "Oh, it looks like you spent a good amount of time combing/fixing your hair today. or "Those earrings really match your shirt."
To other adults, I say that I'm going to have trouble with DS once he decides he likes girls. He's blond haired and blue eyed. He's going to be tall. More importantly, he can be charming..and the kid is super nice without a mean bone in him. He won't even jaw with other kids on the playground for fear of hurting their feelings.
In front of our kids, though. We just try to model good habits. Dh does a better job of this than I do.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Mar 28, 2016 13:14:25 GMT -5
I think it's kind of weird if you're going out of your way to not validate your kids' attractiveness. I didn't think there was anything wrong with "you look nice today". I tell DS he looks handsome when he lets me comb his hair and when he gets a haircut.
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gs11rmb
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Post by gs11rmb on Mar 28, 2016 13:32:14 GMT -5
My mom used to tell me I was pretty and had a shape men desired. I didn't believe her, because I was expected to diet with her. And exercise with her. To support her. I couldn't understand why I had to lose weight if I was so desirable. We don't really tell our kids anything, when it comes to validating their attractiveness. Actually, it was kind of weird that someone who was being nice said that DD1 will look beautiful in her First Holy communion dress. Even when DD1 puts on lip gloss, I don't tell her I think she looks prettier with it on. I'm just like "Oh, I like your choice of lip gloss today" Or if she takes time with her hair I'll say "Oh, it looks like you spent a good amount of time combing/fixing your hair today. or "Those earrings really match your shirt." To other adults, I say that I'm going to have trouble with DS once he decides he likes girls. He's blond haired and blue eyed. He's going to be tall. More importantly, he can be charming..and the kid is super nice without a mean bone in him. He won't even jaw with other kids on the playground for fear of hurting their feelings. In front of our kids, though. We just try to model good habits. Dh does a better job of this than I do. Aren't you concerned that this might backfire and your children may never feel attractive?
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Mar 28, 2016 14:00:21 GMT -5
I understand that you don't want their worth or value to be based on their attractiveness because it shouldn't be. But wanting to feel at least somewhat attractive is almost instinctual at some point in your life. I don't tell DS how cute he is a lot - most of my emphasis is how he is a big boy now and what that means re: what his behavior should be like. But somewhere down the line people will comment on it to him... Especially his peers. I dunno - I don't think you can escape all forms of visual scrutiny your entire life.
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cronewitch
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Post by cronewitch on Mar 28, 2016 14:24:50 GMT -5
Easter my great niece had her two best friends with her, the girls are 15-17 the oldest is fat and ugly, younger not to great looking either but they are her best friends for years. They tease each other but not her they told her mom they don't tease her because it is her house. Adults were teasing the oldest one, we were talking about the zombie apocalypse and someone said she didn't have to worry because they were after brains and she didn't have any. Nobody would ever tell the teens the aren't attractive. These sisters have been best friends to the girl with down syndrome since they were young always treated her as an equal. They come from a large family who doesn't seem to care about them so my niece has them over for sleep overs takes them bowling and camping and pretty much acts like she has three girls. When the girls were about 13 she asked them to watch my great niece for a few minutes and that was the first time they found out she had down syndrome they said they thought she was just a dork like them.
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imawino
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Post by imawino on Mar 28, 2016 14:26:57 GMT -5
My mom used to tell me I was pretty and had a shape men desired. I didn't believe her, because I was expected to diet with her. And exercise with her. To support her. I couldn't understand why I had to lose weight if I was so desirable. We don't really tell our kids anything, when it comes to validating their attractiveness. Actually, it was kind of weird that someone who was being nice said that DD1 will look beautiful in her First Holy communion dress. Even when DD1 puts on lip gloss, I don't tell her I think she looks prettier with it on. I'm just like "Oh, I like your choice of lip gloss today" Or if she takes time with her hair I'll say "Oh, it looks like you spent a good amount of time combing/fixing your hair today. or "Those earrings really match your shirt." To other adults, I say that I'm going to have trouble with DS once he decides he likes girls. He's blond haired and blue eyed. He's going to be tall. More importantly, he can be charming..and the kid is super nice without a mean bone in him. He won't even jaw with other kids on the playground for fear of hurting their feelings. In front of our kids, though. We just try to model good habits. Dh does a better job of this than I do. Aren't you concerned that this might backfire and your children may never feel attractive?
Or that they might be very susceptible to the charms of whoever does tell them they are attractive?
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Mar 28, 2016 14:32:54 GMT -5
My mom used to tell me I was pretty and had a shape men desired. I didn't believe her, because I was expected to diet with her. And exercise with her. To support her. I couldn't understand why I had to lose weight if I was so desirable. We don't really tell our kids anything, when it comes to validating their attractiveness. Actually, it was kind of weird that someone who was being nice said that DD1 will look beautiful in her First Holy communion dress. Even when DD1 puts on lip gloss, I don't tell her I think she looks prettier with it on. I'm just like "Oh, I like your choice of lip gloss today" Or if she takes time with her hair I'll say "Oh, it looks like you spent a good amount of time combing/fixing your hair today. or "Those earrings really match your shirt." To other adults, I say that I'm going to have trouble with DS once he decides he likes girls. He's blond haired and blue eyed. He's going to be tall. More importantly, he can be charming..and the kid is super nice without a mean bone in him. He won't even jaw with other kids on the playground for fear of hurting their feelings. In front of our kids, though. We just try to model good habits. Dh does a better job of this than I do. I find it bizarre that you are so against telling your kids that they are pretty or attractive. Im not saying to only focus on their looks but I would hate for my kids to think I didnt thjnk they were pretty. And make up does usually make someone more attractive. Nothing wrong with telling a girl that she looks pretty when she has made an effort to enhance her looks. God knows I don't do my hair and make up for the hell of it. I do it to look more attractive.
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Spellbound454
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Post by Spellbound454 on Mar 28, 2016 14:40:08 GMT -5
I've told my kids they are loved and beautiful every day of their lives......I'm their mum.... When it comes to clothes shopping....I'll tell my daughter "I preferred the other one" or "why don't you try this one" but she knows I'll never think she is anything less than lovely...whatever she does. I would never tell anyone they are ugly. Firstly because its rude and secondly because it isn't my business. Who am I to judge.
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chen35
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Post by chen35 on Mar 28, 2016 14:49:59 GMT -5
No no, I get what you're saying. There are kids on my feed who are just beautiful, and others who are just not quite as beautiful as others seem to think they are. I mostly just "like" baby and kid pictures anyway. Even the least attractive baby is still cute. I have yet to see an ugly baby. Oh, there are ugly babies! My niece is a beautiful girl, but she I'd say her first 10 months she just looked meh. Most babies are ugly their first few months. I mean, how would you look after being forced out of a tight space?! I had to unfollow someone because she would post multiple pictures of her daughter, who has the misfortune of looking like her father. But I'm not rude enough to say anything to someone. I keep that shit to myself or post about it anonymously here. :-) An acquaintance of mine had a baby that was scary looking. Enough so that when people saw her picture they would visibly recoil. After a few months she looked fine, but her birth must have been a doozy!
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Mar 28, 2016 14:55:38 GMT -5
Yeah, lots of people on my facebook feed comment on those same unfortunate-looking children and say "OMG he/she is so handsome/beautiful!" So, maybe, maybe not. (I'm not saying your kid isn't cute, but the social pressure to affirm that belief in parents is high, and the downside is low. Except allowing parents to remain deluded.) No no, I get what you're saying. There are kids on my feed who are just beautiful, and others who are just not quite as beautiful as others seem to think they are. I mostly just "like" baby and kid pictures anyway. Even the least attractive baby is still cute. I have yet to see an ugly baby. You have not seen enough babies, or you have very low standards.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Mar 28, 2016 15:16:12 GMT -5
lol! Wow, you are very jaded...or mean. Not sure which.
I actually don't lie. If I think a kid is beautiful or stunning I will say so on the picture. If I don't, I just say things like "great picture" or "aww, so cute"
I don't think that acknowledging the fact that not every human being on the planet, young or old, is objectively beautiful makes someone jaded or mean. It just means she has eyes. I don't think she was planning to go up to people and tell them that they or their kids are hideous wildebeests. There is a big difference between not being beautiful and beig unfortunate looking. I don't see a lot of unfortunate looking children out there. So to have that many on her newsfeed makes me question her.::is she just mean or is she jealous or what? Or maybe I like kids and don't see them as unfortunate looking?
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Mar 28, 2016 15:21:19 GMT -5
According to my MIL, BIL was an ugly baby. She said she hates to say that about babies but he was. Shortly after she gave birth they came into the room with this little blond cherub (this was back before they could scan the bracelets). She kept telling them it wasn't her kid and they kept insisting it was. Finally she told them "that's not my baby, mine's the ugly one!" She said she was glad he was so distinct looking otherwise she might have ended up coming home with the wrong baby. He's quite attractive now.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Mar 28, 2016 15:29:52 GMT -5
Talk about putting things in perspective. We have a thread where we are talking about kids being "unfortunate" looking and right below is Angels thread about almost dying.
Ever since Angels post I am really trying to rid myself of negativity. I dont like kids being judged over somethig as shallow as looks so i relapsed. Seeing her thread made me realize that I don't want to be involved in petty shit
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ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Mar 28, 2016 15:31:52 GMT -5
Talk about putting things in perspective. We have a thread where we are talking about kids being "unfortunate" looking and right below is Angels thread about almost dying. Ever since Angels post I am really trying to rid myself of negativity. I dont like kids being judged over somethig as shallow as looks so i relapsed. Seeing her thread made me realize that I don't want to be involved in petty shit her thread should inspire you to live life to the fullest. And what is life if not a series of never ending petty shit?
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Mar 28, 2016 15:32:25 GMT -5
Talk about putting things in perspective. We have a thread where we are talking about kids being "unfortunate" looking and right below is Angels thread about almost dying. Ever since Angels post I am really trying to rid myself of negativity. I dont like kids being judged over somethig as shallow as looks so i relapsed. Seeing her thread made me realize that I don't want to be involved in petty shit her thread should inspire you to live life to the fullest. And what is life if not a series of never ending petty shit? Lol!
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Mar 28, 2016 15:34:03 GMT -5
Talk about putting things in perspective. We have a thread where we are talking about kids being "unfortunate" looking and right below is Angels thread about almost dying. Ever since Angels post I am really trying to rid myself of negativity. I dont like kids being judged over somethig as shallow as looks so i relapsed. Seeing her thread made me realize that I don't want to be involved in petty shit her thread should inspire you to live life to the fullest. And what is life if not a series of never ending petty shit? there is always big shit thrown in with the petty shit.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Mar 28, 2016 15:36:46 GMT -5
her thread should inspire you to live life to the fullest. And what is life if not a series of never ending petty shit? there is always big shit thrown in with the petty shit.
Im uncomfortable with all of the shot you are throwing around!
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imawino
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Post by imawino on Mar 28, 2016 15:41:29 GMT -5
I don't think that acknowledging the fact that not every human being on the planet, young or old, is objectively beautiful makes someone jaded or mean. It just means she has eyes. I don't think she was planning to go up to people and tell them that they or their kids are hideous wildebeests. There is a big difference between not being beautiful and beig unfortunate looking. I don't see a lot of unfortunate looking children out there. So to have that many on her newsfeed makes me question her.::is she just mean or is she jealous or what? Or maybe I like kids and don't see them as unfortunate looking? I don't understand what you are saying. If you think a grown person is unattractive it's okay, but if you are aware that a 10 year old is not visually appealing it makes you jealous and mean? Where is the exact cutoff where you can objectively acknowledge whether someone was genetically gifted?
Earlier you even commented that 3 year old was "honestly" pretty. As opposed to what - the ones who honestly weren't?
And are you actually also honestly saying you genuinely like every kid you've met as well? That seems unlikely. Never ever thought a kid was a brat?
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