Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 27, 2016 16:15:01 GMT -5
I look at reddit's amiugly sub-reddit some. When people are asking for the blunt truth, do you tell them? I have a hard time, but also see the benefit to the person asking. I don't think many people are ugly except for the ones who want to be. That said some of the people asking are not very attractive. Most are average, some are very attractive. I think it is wrong to answer bluntly that someone is ugly. But it okay to suggest improvements. Needless to say, it is wrong to tell someone they are ugly if they do not ask or to be hurtful. I have less trouble answering on the amisexy sub-reddit. What do you think? Do you answer honestly if asked? What do you think of the people who do answer bluntly that the OP is ugly?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 27, 2016 16:25:38 GMT -5
No, I wouldn't tell someone they were ugly unless they were acting ugly.
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bobosensei
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Post by bobosensei on Mar 27, 2016 16:28:50 GMT -5
Beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. While I might be inclined to tell someone I didn't find them attractive, that doesn't mean they are ugly- just not my type.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 27, 2016 16:29:09 GMT -5
No, I wouldn't tell someone they were ugly unless they were acting ugly. It is a message board where you post a picture and ask if you are ugly. There really aren't any actions there except the question and answers. Do you think people are wrong to answer honestly? I kind of do, but then,- dont ask the question if you dont want the answer.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 27, 2016 16:48:06 GMT -5
No, I wouldn't tell someone they were ugly unless they were acting ugly. It is a message board where you post a picture and ask if you are ugly. There really aren't any actions there except the question and answers. Do you think people are wrong to answer honestly? I kind of do, but then,- dont ask the question if you dont want the answer. I dont think they're wrong for answering with their honest opinion, as long as they aren't being mean about it. I just wouldn't choose to tell someone I think they're ugly. Unless they made me really angry......
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gregintenn
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Post by gregintenn on Mar 27, 2016 16:57:52 GMT -5
If you are ugly, do you really need someone to point it out for you?
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Tiny
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Post by Tiny on Mar 27, 2016 16:59:12 GMT -5
No, I wouldn't tell someone they were ugly unless they were acting ugly. It is a message board where you post a picture and ask if you are ugly. There really aren't any actions there except the question and answers. Do you think people are wrong to answer honestly? I kind of do, but then,- dont ask the question if you dont want the answer. I don't know... sounds like a place for really insecure people. Not really sure what would motivate someone to post a picture and ask the 'public' - particularly a 'public' that's particularly biased (ie the people who would frequent such a message board). Unless of course the question "am I ugly?" isn't really what they are asking... maybe they are asking "is this outfit flattering?" or "What do you think of this new hair style?" or "look at my new 'smile' - I finally got me teeth fixed does it look ok?" FWIW: The only time I would use the word 'ugly' to describe someone whould be because of their behavior. Generally, you can't help how you got put together and sometimes you can't hide it or change it. You CAN choose your behavior...
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Tiny
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Post by Tiny on Mar 27, 2016 17:02:42 GMT -5
If you are ugly, do you really need someone to point it out for you? LOL! Actually, if you think you are ugly - odds are people have been pointing it out to you (probably in subtle but specific ways) for years and years OR you've been comparing yourself to some "ideal" and feel bad that you can never be like that ideal.
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gregintenn
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Post by gregintenn on Mar 27, 2016 17:05:05 GMT -5
If you are ugly, do you really need someone to point it out for you? LOL! Actually, if you think you are ugly - odds are people have been pointing it out to you (probably in subtle but specific ways) for years and years OR you've been comparing yourself to some "ideal" and feel bad that you can never be like that ideal. Or you have access to a mirror?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 27, 2016 17:17:38 GMT -5
If you are ugly, do you really need someone to point it out for you? If you are not ugly, sometimes you do need to have it pointed out to you. People can be insecure about their looks. It is nice to be able to get an honest opinion. Most (not all) of the people who answer the question are nice and helpful. Or so it seems to me.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Mar 27, 2016 17:27:57 GMT -5
If you are ugly, do you really need someone to point it out for you? I think sometimes, yes. The way I look in my head is frequently not the way I actually look in the mirror or in a photo. Sometimes I see myself in photos and think - ye gods, I'm not that troll am I?!?!? As another example, a friend and I met an acquaintance's new girlfriend. Afterwards, my friend, who had a crush on that guy, was like "OMG, I'm better looking than her, right?!?!" The truth is that, no, she really wasn't. In all the way that society typical thinks of as qualities of attractiveness (symmetry, proportion, even skin tone, shiny hair, etc.) this other woman was far higher on those metrics. Even without going into the more subjective ones like coloring or weight. My friend had no idea. I think you just get used to seeing the good parts of yourself in the mirror in order to maintain any self-esteem.
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gregintenn
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Post by gregintenn on Mar 27, 2016 17:30:17 GMT -5
If you are ugly, do you really need someone to point it out for you? I think sometimes, yes. The way I look in my head is frequently not the way I actually look in the mirror or in a photo. Sometimes I see myself in photos and think - ye gods, I'm not that troll am I?!?!? As another example, a friend and I met an acquaintance's new girlfriend. Afterwards, my friend, who had a crush on that guy, was like "OMG, I'm better looking than her, right?!?!" The truth is that, no, she really wasn't. In all the way that society typical thinks of as qualities of attractiveness (symmetry, proportion, even skin tone, shiny hair, etc.) this other woman was far higher on those metrics. Even without going into the more subjective ones like coloring or weight. My friend had no idea. I think you just get used to seeing the good parts of yourself in the mirror in order to maintain any self-esteem. It's something I've never dwelled upon, so I never really considered that other people did. I guess some do. I've found that many people become either more attractive or less so, sometimes to a great degree, after you get to know them.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Mar 27, 2016 17:35:02 GMT -5
Awh this is kind of sad. Some of those girls are really pretty.
Maybe some of them are asking for validation. Maybe some of them are comparing themselves unfairly. Maybe some of them are genuinely looking for suggestions and are tired of people who know them telling them "you're fine, it's everyone else who is wrong".
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gregintenn
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Post by gregintenn on Mar 27, 2016 17:38:33 GMT -5
Awh this is kind of sad. Some of those girls are really pretty. Maybe some of them are asking for validation. Maybe some of them are comparing themselves unfairly. Maybe some of them are genuinely looking for suggestions and are tired of people who know them telling them "you're fine, it's everyone else who is wrong". Maybe they need to find something productive to do. This seems to be one of those "first world problems" like we had a thread about a while back.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 27, 2016 18:47:41 GMT -5
If you are ugly, do you really need someone to point it out for you? I think sometimes, yes. The way I look in my head is frequently not the way I actually look in the mirror or in a photo. Sometimes I see myself in photos and think - ye gods, I'm not that troll am I?!?!? As another example, a friend and I met an acquaintance's new girlfriend. Afterwards, my friend, who had a crush on that guy, was like "OMG, I'm better looking than her, right?!?!" The truth is that, no, she really wasn't. In all the way that society typical thinks of as qualities of attractiveness (symmetry, proportion, even skin tone, shiny hair, etc.) this other woman was far higher on those metrics. Even without going into the more subjective ones like coloring or weight. My friend had no idea. I think you just get used to seeing the good parts of yourself in the mirror in order to maintain any self-esteem. When I was a little kid I thought I was ugly. That was back when black girls with light skin and long hair were considered pretty. I wasn't light skinned and didn't have long hair. And I wore glasses, thick ones. By the time I became a teenager I'd decided I wasn't ugly and didn't care who thought otherwise. I'm grateful for whatever changed my mind because remembering that little girl who thought she was so ugly still makes me kind of sad, especially since most of it was because of the messages I was getting from society and my peers about what was attractive. I've embraced my brown skin and wouldn't trade it for anything, and at different points in my life I've chosen to wear my hair very, very short. I suppose my memories of how I use to think I was ugly are why I wouldn't say that to someone.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Mar 27, 2016 18:53:52 GMT -5
I think sometimes, yes. The way I look in my head is frequently not the way I actually look in the mirror or in a photo. Sometimes I see myself in photos and think - ye gods, I'm not that troll am I?!?!? As another example, a friend and I met an acquaintance's new girlfriend. Afterwards, my friend, who had a crush on that guy, was like "OMG, I'm better looking than her, right?!?!" The truth is that, no, she really wasn't. In all the way that society typical thinks of as qualities of attractiveness (symmetry, proportion, even skin tone, shiny hair, etc.) this other woman was far higher on those metrics. Even without going into the more subjective ones like coloring or weight. My friend had no idea. I think you just get used to seeing the good parts of yourself in the mirror in order to maintain any self-esteem. When I was a little kid I thought I was ugly. That was back when black girls with light skin and long hair were considered pretty. I wasn't light skinned and didn't have long hair. And I wore glasses, thick ones. By the time I became a teenager I'd decided I wasn't ugly and didn't care who thought otherwise. I'm grateful for whatever changed my mind because remembering that little girl who thought she was so ugly still makes me kind of sad, especially since most of it was because of the messages I was getting from society and my peers about what was attractive. I've embraced my brown skin and wouldn't trade it for anything, and at different points in my life I've chosen to wear my hair very, very short. I suppose my memories of how I use to think I was ugly are why I wouldn't say that to someone. Same, except it took me until I hit 30 to really embrace my looks.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Mar 27, 2016 18:56:37 GMT -5
I think sometimes, yes. The way I look in my head is frequently not the way I actually look in the mirror or in a photo. Sometimes I see myself in photos and think - ye gods, I'm not that troll am I?!?!? As another example, a friend and I met an acquaintance's new girlfriend. Afterwards, my friend, who had a crush on that guy, was like "OMG, I'm better looking than her, right?!?!" The truth is that, no, she really wasn't. In all the way that society typical thinks of as qualities of attractiveness (symmetry, proportion, even skin tone, shiny hair, etc.) this other woman was far higher on those metrics. Even without going into the more subjective ones like coloring or weight. My friend had no idea. I think you just get used to seeing the good parts of yourself in the mirror in order to maintain any self-esteem. When I was a little kid I thought I was ugly. That was back when black girls with light skin and long hair were considered pretty. I wasn't light skinned and didn't have long hair. And I wore glasses, thick ones. By the time I became a teenager I'd decided I wasn't ugly and didn't care who thought otherwise. I'm grateful for whatever changed my mind because remembering that little girl who thought she was so ugly still makes me kind of sad, especially since most of it was because of the messages I was getting from society and my peers about what was attractive. I've embraced my brown skin and wouldn't trade it for anything, and at different points in my life I've chosen to wear my hair very, very short. I suppose my memories of how I use to think I was ugly are why I wouldn't say that to someone. I think my post came out wrong. I meant do ugly people not realize - and I think they sometimes don't. Not that someone should point it out.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 27, 2016 19:04:18 GMT -5
When I was a little kid I thought I was ugly. That was back when black girls with light skin and long hair were considered pretty. I wasn't light skinned and didn't have long hair. And I wore glasses, thick ones. By the time I became a teenager I'd decided I wasn't ugly and didn't care who thought otherwise. I'm grateful for whatever changed my mind because remembering that little girl who thought she was so ugly still makes me kind of sad, especially since most of it was because of the messages I was getting from society and my peers about what was attractive. I've embraced my brown skin and wouldn't trade it for anything, and at different points in my life I've chosen to wear my hair very, very short. I suppose my memories of how I use to think I was ugly are why I wouldn't say that to someone. Same, except it took me until I hit 30 to really embrace my looks. Ma'am, I've seen your picture, far from ugly. What took you so long to actually see yourself? Sidenote to hickie.... if I thought mj was actually unattractive, I would have just liked her post and kept it moving because I try not to lie either. See how that works? lol
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 27, 2016 19:05:57 GMT -5
When I was a little kid I thought I was ugly. That was back when black girls with light skin and long hair were considered pretty. I wasn't light skinned and didn't have long hair. And I wore glasses, thick ones. By the time I became a teenager I'd decided I wasn't ugly and didn't care who thought otherwise. I'm grateful for whatever changed my mind because remembering that little girl who thought she was so ugly still makes me kind of sad, especially since most of it was because of the messages I was getting from society and my peers about what was attractive. I've embraced my brown skin and wouldn't trade it for anything, and at different points in my life I've chosen to wear my hair very, very short. I suppose my memories of how I use to think I was ugly are why I wouldn't say that to someone. I think my post came out wrong. I meant do ugly people not realize - and I think they sometimes don't. Not that someone should point it out. No, I just quoted you because your post reminded me of when I thought I was ugly and I just started rambling lol. Sorry.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 27, 2016 19:09:57 GMT -5
Same, except it took me until I hit 30 to really embrace my looks. Ma'am, I've seen your picture, far from ugly. What took you so long to actually see yourself? Sidenote to hickie.... if I thought mj was actually unattractive, I would have just liked her post and kept it moving because I try not to lie either. See how that works? lol I certainly see how that works. I think it is different if it is on an anomymous board where people are specifically asking because they want to know. There are worse things in the world then being ugly and no one needs to be ugly if they want to put in effort. I am like you though in that I would never tell someone he/she is ugly. I do understand that some people want unfiltered honesty in some questions. I am not one to give that on this subject. Do you think it might be nice to be able to ask the question and get an honest answer? When you were a child, you would have gotten a lot of "no, you are not ugly at all" and known people were telling the truth.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Mar 27, 2016 19:16:36 GMT -5
If you are ugly, do you really need someone to point it out for you? I think sometimes, yes. The way I look in my head is frequently not the way I actually look in the mirror or in a photo. Sometimes I see myself in photos and think - ye gods, I'm not that troll am I?!?!? As another example, a friend and I met an acquaintance's new girlfriend. Afterwards, my friend, who had a crush on that guy, was like "OMG, I'm better looking than her, right?!?!" The truth is that, no, she really wasn't. In all the way that society typical thinks of as qualities of attractiveness (symmetry, proportion, even skin tone, shiny hair, etc.) this other woman was far higher on those metrics. Even without going into the more subjective ones like coloring or weight. My friend had no idea. I think you just get used to seeing the good parts of yourself in the mirror in order to maintain any self-esteem. I tend to be much harder on myself than any one else. I truly thought I was ugly for many years. I didn't believe that any guy would find my attractive. Now I look back on pics when I was younger and wonder what it was thinking. I still don't think I am particularly attractive.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Mar 27, 2016 19:17:38 GMT -5
I wrote a long post talking myself into and out of this. And I think the only time this is going to do any good is if someone approaches you to ask this in the true spirit of self-improvement or confusion AND there is something to be done about it (I.e., hair removal, odd makeup, weird hair, bad posture.) And I still wouldn't tell someone they were ugly.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 27, 2016 19:18:31 GMT -5
Ma'am, I've seen your picture, far from ugly. What took you so long to actually see yourself? Sidenote to hickie.... if I thought mj was actually unattractive, I would have just liked her post and kept it moving because I try not to lie either. See how that works? lol I certainly see how that works. I think it is different if it is on an anomymous board where people are specifically asking because they want to know. There are worse things in the world then being ugly and no one needs to be ugly if they want to put in effort. I am like you though in that I would never tell someone he/she is ugly. I do understand that some people want unfiltered honesty in some questions. I am not one to give that on this subject. Do you think it might be nice to be able to ask the question and get an honest answer? When you were a child, you would have gotten a lot of "no, you are not ugly at all" and known people were telling the truth. "Ugly" is so subjective, I don't really get why people would even ask random people that. I think that if they're ok with themselves, that's all that really matters. What one person thinks is unattractive, the next person may not, so what does the person asking really gain from the answers? My Mom knew I thought I was ugly. She tried to tell me I wasn't. But sheesh, she's my Mom, she's suppose to say that, so I didn't believe her.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 27, 2016 19:26:21 GMT -5
I certainly see how that works. I think it is different if it is on an anomymous board where people are specifically asking because they want to know. There are worse things in the world then being ugly and no one needs to be ugly if they want to put in effort. I am like you though in that I would never tell someone he/she is ugly. I do understand that some people want unfiltered honesty in some questions. I am not one to give that on this subject. Do you think it might be nice to be able to ask the question and get an honest answer? When you were a child, you would have gotten a lot of "no, you are not ugly at all" and known people were telling the truth. "Ugly" is so subjective, I don't really get why people would even ask random people that. I think that if they're ok with themselves, that's all that really matters. What one person thinks is unattractive, the next person may not, so what does the person asking really gain from the answers? My Mom knew I thought I was ugly. She tried to tell me I wasn't. But sheesh, she's my Mom, she's suppose to say that, so I didn't believe her. It is not people who are okay with themselves that ask. Of course your mother said you were not ugly. That is the appeal of the website I posted. For the most part you will get an honest answer. Ugly is subjective. That said if a majority of people give similar answer, that is most likely the way you are seen by most people. I don't really disagree with your view.
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tskeeter
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Post by tskeeter on Mar 27, 2016 19:32:22 GMT -5
No, I wouldn't tell someone they were ugly unless they were acting ugly. It is a message board where you post a picture and ask if you are ugly. There really aren't any actions there except the question and answers. Do you think people are wrong to answer honestly? I kind of do, but then,- dont ask the question if you dont want the answer. I'm in the "there is someone for everyone" camp. A lot of folks who are not classically attractive find mates they are very happy with. Take my nephew as an example. Male model good looks. Married a girl that most people would not describe as pretty or cute. But, she is very smart, a wonderful mother, and has many other attributes that make her an outstanding addition to our family. And she is the right partner for my nephew. So, how do you answer someone's question about whether they are attractive or not? I think I'd answer that physical features are only one of the attributes that make someone unique and special. And that the concept of beauty varies from culture to culture and changes over time (think all those Rubens models that would be considered over weight by today's standards).
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violagirl
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Post by violagirl on Mar 27, 2016 20:01:18 GMT -5
I don't really understand people who would post to this subreddit.
Maybe you notice a person's looks when you first meet them, but once you know a person, the way they look tends to fade to the background. Then if asked to describe a person you only seem to remember their kind eyes or straight teeth or something. Most people if they are making a minimal effort will have one feature that is not ugly.
So if someone can't ever get a date - I would be asking another question. Forget the looks - how is your personality? Are you an idiot? Are you kind to others?
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Mar 27, 2016 20:32:25 GMT -5
Other than insecurity about one's appearance, I don't know why anyone would put themselves out there asking strangers if they are ugly. I further don't understand why any stranger would respond in a negative manner. Are these tweens and teens asking this question and responding?
I would move onto a different internet site.
I find character more attractive/appealing than superficial good looks. Looks fade. Character doesn't.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Mar 27, 2016 20:34:40 GMT -5
I think sometimes, yes. The way I look in my head is frequently not the way I actually look in the mirror or in a photo. Sometimes I see myself in photos and think - ye gods, I'm not that troll am I?!?!? As another example, a friend and I met an acquaintance's new girlfriend. Afterwards, my friend, who had a crush on that guy, was like "OMG, I'm better looking than her, right?!?!" The truth is that, no, she really wasn't. In all the way that society typical thinks of as qualities of attractiveness (symmetry, proportion, even skin tone, shiny hair, etc.) this other woman was far higher on those metrics. Even without going into the more subjective ones like coloring or weight. My friend had no idea. I think you just get used to seeing the good parts of yourself in the mirror in order to maintain any self-esteem. When I was a little kid I thought I was ugly. That was back when black girls with light skin and long hair were considered pretty. I wasn't light skinned and didn't have long hair. And I wore glasses, thick ones. By the time I became a teenager I'd decided I wasn't ugly and didn't care who thought otherwise. I'm grateful for whatever changed my mind because remembering that little girl who thought she was so ugly still makes me kind of sad, especially since most of it was because of the messages I was getting from society and my peers about what was attractive. I've embraced my brown skin and wouldn't trade it for anything, and at different points in my life I've chosen to wear my hair very, very short. I suppose my memories of how I use to think I was ugly are why I wouldn't say that to someone. I'm sorry 6 year old Pink thought she was ugly. No child should think that about themselves. I want to give her a huge hug.
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tallguy
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Post by tallguy on Mar 27, 2016 20:42:42 GMT -5
When I was a little kid I thought I was ugly. That was back when black girls with light skin and long hair were considered pretty. I wasn't light skinned and didn't have long hair. And I wore glasses, thick ones. By the time I became a teenager I'd decided I wasn't ugly and didn't care who thought otherwise. I'm grateful for whatever changed my mind because remembering that little girl who thought she was so ugly still makes me kind of sad, especially since most of it was because of the messages I was getting from society and my peers about what was attractive. I've embraced my brown skin and wouldn't trade it for anything, and at different points in my life I've chosen to wear my hair very, very short. I suppose my memories of how I use to think I was ugly are why I wouldn't say that to someone. Same, except it took me until I hit 30 to really embrace my looks. I'd embrace those looks right now, baby, if you weren't so far away.
(Uhh, what do you look like? I should probably ask that first, right?)
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 27, 2016 20:51:24 GMT -5
Other than insecurity about one's appearance, I don't know why anyone would put themselves out there asking strangers if they are ugly. I further don't understand why any stranger would respond in a negative manner. Are these tweens and teens asking this question and responding? I would move onto a different internet site. I find character more attractive/appealing than superficial good looks. Looks fade. Character doesn't. I am pretty sure insecurity about one's appearance is the whole point of the subreddit. Strangers might respond in a negative way because the sub-reddit's value is based on the fact that some will give an honest answer to a question that is hard to get an honest answer to. That character is more appealing then looks does not negate the fact that many people care about and are insecure about their looks. When you worked in human resources did you ever have to tell someone a hard truth? Sometimes it helps to fix a problem just knowing for sure you have that problem. Or am I wrong?
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