wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Mar 8, 2016 7:21:59 GMT -5
I'm wondering what kind of biological father thinks it's okay for his children to live like that? One who doesn't give a damn. I get people make mistakes. When you have kids though maybe you should figure out what the problem is before you move in boyfriend #3.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Mar 8, 2016 7:32:50 GMT -5
Likely he doesn't know the full extent of what is going on and even if he did, there's not a whole lot he can do about it unless he can prove that the children are in danger. You can't ask a judge for a change in custody because mom's BF is hounding her about a budget. No, but you can about one guy after another moving in. At least rescue his son who isn't happy. The girls love it because they get more but the boy is an obstacle and feels it. Mom should at least let son escape but that means losing money and the implication that she's a bad mom.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Mar 8, 2016 7:38:41 GMT -5
Likely he doesn't know the full extent of what is going on and even if he did, there's not a whole lot he can do about it unless he can prove that the children are in danger. You can't ask a judge for a change in custody because mom's BF is hounding her about a budget. No, but you can about one guy after another moving in. At least rescue his son who isn't happy. The girls love it because they get more but the boy is an obstacle and feels it. Mom should at least let son escape but that means losing money and the implication that she's a bad mom. True. But I wonder how that would play out. It's been said that the father only comes around when it's convenient. He wouldn't want to sign up for the full time job of being a parent. The boy would likely be neglected even more than he is here. It may be putting him into an even worse situation.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Mar 8, 2016 7:41:29 GMT -5
I feel really bad for these poor kids. They didn't ask for this situation, but were thrust into it anyway. And if this relationship doesn't work out, they will likely get put into the same kind of situation when BF #4 is moved in because mom can't handle being alone and needs someone to take care of her.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Mar 8, 2016 7:42:17 GMT -5
That's what we are told. Maybe the dad only comes around because he doesn't like what he sees going on and feels powerless to change it. The boy is 14? I think that's the age they can ask to have custody changed.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Mar 8, 2016 7:43:19 GMT -5
Look at what those children are learning, especially the girls. It's very sad.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Mar 8, 2016 7:47:12 GMT -5
That's what we are told. Maybe the dad only comes around because he doesn't like what he sees going on and feels powerless to change it. The boy is 14? I think that's the age they can ask to have custody changed. Maybe. I for one would love to get his perspective as well as that of the GF.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Mar 8, 2016 7:47:19 GMT -5
My heart breaks for the boy. There's a world of hurt there.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Mar 8, 2016 7:51:22 GMT -5
Definitely. Poor kid is pushed off to the side so his mother can play house yet again. I also feel sorry for these poor girls. They're learning that they need a man to take care of them and they don't have to work for what they need or want, just keep a man in your house and he can do it for you. Not a good lesson to be teaching them.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Mar 8, 2016 7:52:49 GMT -5
I've seen this so many times. Then we wonder why kids act the way they do?
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Mar 8, 2016 7:54:29 GMT -5
Preach sister!
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beergut
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Post by beergut on Mar 8, 2016 15:52:27 GMT -5
He didn't have an issue with me moving in, the issue of trust came up when she asked about how he felt about her getting married again. It isn't like there is some checklist that I'm ticking off every day on whether or not I'm going to marry GF, like this is some huge test. I don't grade her every day and say, "Nope, not gonna marry her, she screwed up in areas 5,9, and 12 today." I'm not damning andi for not wanting men in her life around her kids, I'm damning her because she's made questionable decisions in her own life, yet she feels free to judge others. I'm damning her because she's screwed up, yet she still thinks she can judge others like she hasn't made mistakes in her past. Whoa. I totally missed this post before. You don't know that I have made questionable decisions in my past. You don't know anything about me but that you don't like me because I stand up to you. That's ok. I don't much like you either. But deflecting onto me when you don't hear what you want to hear isn't going to get your problems solved. You need to fix you and worry about how to get your life in order. And whoever said I screwed my life up. I for one, happen to love my life. I truly do hope that one day you can say the same. Everyone deserves to be able to say that. Right, because you planned to get knocked up out of wedlock and have kids without a father, right? You don't have to tell people you've made questionable decisions, one only needs to read your responses on this thread to see it. Of course you 'love your life', you refuse to ever admit being wrong (at least on the internet), so you wouldn't claim any different. I don't like you because you lack intelligence, and you're too dumb to know how much you don't know. This isn't deflection, this is me holding a mirror up to you and pointing out that you're not in a position to judge.
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beergut
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Post by beergut on Mar 8, 2016 15:54:54 GMT -5
My heart breaks for the boy. There's a world of hurt there. Oh yeah, he's suffering. He's the youngest in a house with three women, he's ridiculously spoiled. I'm pretty sure if I asked him directly 'what would you chance about your life?', he'd say, "I wouldn't have to take the garbage out", which is the one chore he has to do each week. But yeah, he's in a world of hurt.
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Post by mojothehelpermonkey on Mar 8, 2016 16:05:18 GMT -5
I wouldn't call this kid spoiled when it sounds like his basic needs for stability and security are not being met.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Mar 8, 2016 16:11:02 GMT -5
Whoa. I totally missed this post before. You don't know that I have made questionable decisions in my past. You don't know anything about me but that you don't like me because I stand up to you. That's ok. I don't much like you either. But deflecting onto me when you don't hear what you want to hear isn't going to get your problems solved. You need to fix you and worry about how to get your life in order. And whoever said I screwed my life up. I for one, happen to love my life. I truly do hope that one day you can say the same. Everyone deserves to be able to say that. Right, because you planned to get knocked up out of wedlock and have kids without a father, right? You don't have to tell people you've made questionable decisions, one only needs to read your responses on this thread to see it. Of course you 'love your life', you refuse to ever admit being wrong (at least on the internet), so you wouldn't claim any different. I don't like you because you lack intelligence, and you're too dumb to know how much you don't know. This isn't deflection, this is me holding a mirror up to you and pointing out that you're not in a position to judge. No. You don't like me because I'm not going to put up with your crap. And you're entitled to have an opinion as to whether or not you believe something about me or any other person, what you don't get to do is be an asshole just because you don't like something. But then again, you don't respect women, so I really should lower my expectations of you. And whether you think I like my life or planned to do the things that I did/didn't do doesn't matter. At the end of the day I'm the one who has to be satisfied with who stares back at me in the mirror.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Mar 8, 2016 16:17:33 GMT -5
My heart breaks for the boy. There's a world of hurt there. Oh yeah, he's suffering. He's the youngest in a house with three women, he's ridiculously spoiled. I'm pretty sure if I asked him directly 'what would you chance about your life?', he'd say, "I wouldn't have to take the garbage out", which is the one chore he has to do each week. But yeah, he's in a world of hurt. I'm sure that if he were in a therapist's office, this is not all he would say. His parents are divorced which he had no say in. His mom keeps moving boyfriends in even though one of them traumatized him in some sort of way and he got no say in that. The current one in the home doesn't care that he's uncomfortable with him being there, just so long as he gets to sleep with his mom at night. His dad only comes around sporadically at best. The list goes on and on. Are you really going to stand behind the statement that he wouldn't change anything else about his current situation. All three of these poor kids need to talk to a professional and get some counseling. Sounds like everyone in the home does.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Mar 8, 2016 16:19:14 GMT -5
OK, the back and forth about who is an asshole and who isn't has gone on long enough. Any more sniping and the thread will be locked. Debate the subject, not the poster(s).
-Mid/mod
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Mar 8, 2016 16:25:36 GMT -5
OK, the back and forth about who is an asshole and who isn't has gone on long enough. Any more sniping and the thread will be locked. Debate the subject, not the poster(s). -Mid/mod Yeah. Asshole probably shouldn't have come from me, but I refuse to put up with blatant disrespect.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Mar 8, 2016 16:51:17 GMT -5
I realize you don't have children but there are issues here that if you care about these children at all, please get them help.
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ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Mar 8, 2016 16:53:24 GMT -5
mother knows best
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Mar 8, 2016 17:01:40 GMT -5
Not always. Certainly not in this case.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Mar 8, 2016 17:03:55 GMT -5
Not in this instance. Their mother is sabotaging them by making a man more important than they are. She moves men into her house with her children because her loneliness and inability to care for herself and support her children on her own is so much more important than the well being of her children. It's very sad.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Mar 8, 2016 17:04:12 GMT -5
Not always. Certainly not in this case. Jinx!
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gs11rmb
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Post by gs11rmb on Mar 8, 2016 18:17:05 GMT -5
Not in this instance. Their mother is sabotaging them by making a man more important than they are. She moves men into her house with her children because her loneliness and inability to care for herself and support her children on her own is so much more important than the well being of her children. It's very sad. I agree but I'm also not sure she realizes that's what she's doing. The description of her doesn't make her seem like a neglectful parent who doesn't love her children. I suspect she isn't aware that her choices regarding men are damaging to her children. Again, this isn't a dig at Beergut but an attempt to highlight the lack of awareness from his girlfriend. She, as well as the children, would probably benefit from counseling.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Mar 8, 2016 19:23:19 GMT -5
Not in this instance. Their mother is sabotaging them by making a man more important than they are. She moves men into her house with her children because her loneliness and inability to care for herself and support her children on her own is so much more important than the well being of her children. It's very sad. I agree but I'm also not sure she realizes that's what she's doing. The description of her doesn't make her seem like a neglectful parent who doesn't love her children. I suspect she isn't aware that her choices regarding men are damaging to her children. Again, this isn't a dig at Beergut but an attempt to highlight the lack of awareness from his girlfriend. She, as well as the children, would probably benefit from counseling. Probably. I don't get the feeling that she's a monster who shouldn't be allowed to reproduce. I think she may just have some self esteem issues and need some counseling to realize her full worth and how to be strong. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Some need a little more help than others.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Mar 8, 2016 19:26:03 GMT -5
I agree but I'm also not sure she realizes that's what she's doing. The description of her doesn't make her seem like a neglectful parent who doesn't love her children. I suspect she isn't aware that her choices regarding men are damaging to her children. Again, this isn't a dig at Beergut but an attempt to highlight the lack of awareness from his girlfriend. She, as well as the children, would probably benefit from counseling. Probably. I don't get the feeling that she's a monster who shouldn't be allowed to reproduce. I think she may just have some self esteem issues and need some counseling to realize her full worth and how to be strong. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Some need a little more help than others. I completely agree with this. My ex-BFF is the same way. She thinks she is mother-of-the-year because she spouls the kids financially. But she breaks up with her fiancé of 12 years and within a few months moves in another guy. When she divorxed her husband she almost immediately moved in the fiancé (she has a son by the ex husband and a daughter by the ex fiancé). She can't be without a man and it is maddening.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Mar 8, 2016 19:50:40 GMT -5
I have a friend like that. But she has so many more redeeming qualities that I keep her as a friend.
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beergut
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Post by beergut on Mar 8, 2016 21:26:23 GMT -5
Right, because you planned to get knocked up out of wedlock and have kids without a father, right? You don't have to tell people you've made questionable decisions, one only needs to read your responses on this thread to see it. Of course you 'love your life', you refuse to ever admit being wrong (at least on the internet), so you wouldn't claim any different. I don't like you because you lack intelligence, and you're too dumb to know how much you don't know. This isn't deflection, this is me holding a mirror up to you and pointing out that you're not in a position to judge. No. You don't like me because I'm not going to put up with your crap. And you're entitled to have an opinion as to whether or not you believe something about me or any other person, what you don't get to do is be an asshole just because you don't like something. But then again, you don't respect women, so I really should lower my expectations of you. Don't be so arrogant to think you represent all women. I respect women, I just don't respect you.
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beergut
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Post by beergut on Mar 8, 2016 21:42:13 GMT -5
Oh yeah, he's suffering. He's the youngest in a house with three women, he's ridiculously spoiled. I'm pretty sure if I asked him directly 'what would you chance about your life?', he'd say, "I wouldn't have to take the garbage out", which is the one chore he has to do each week. But yeah, he's in a world of hurt. I'm sure that if he were in a therapist's office, this is not all he would say. His parents are divorced which he had no say in. His mom keeps moving boyfriends in even though one of them traumatized him in some sort of way and he got no say in that. The current one in the home doesn't care that he's uncomfortable with him being there, just so long as he gets to sleep with his mom at night. His dad only comes around sporadically at best. The list goes on and on. Are you really going to stand behind the statement that he wouldn't change anything else about his current situation. All three of these poor kids need to talk to a professional and get some counseling. Sounds like everyone in the home does. Look, I realize by your repeated spouting of untruths that the truth means nothing to you, but if you can't understand why I read statements like these and seriously question your intelligence, I can't help you. You keep making crap up and spouting it as truth, and then passing off judgement based on your fantasy land, and it gets annoying. It has been 10-11 years since GF became divorced. In the time since then, there have been two boyfriends that she allowed to move in, each stayed for no more than a year, if that. Do the math, and you're looking at roughly 9 years when it has just been the three of them there. That is hardly someone who 'keeps moving boyfriends in' as you state in your little fantasy world. I've said it multiple times before, and I'll state it again one last time, because you seem to struggle with understanding a simple concept: He doesn't have a problem with me living there. If he had a problem with me living there, I would have never moved in. His hesitancy came when his mother asked him about us getting married.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Mar 8, 2016 21:50:15 GMT -5
No. You don't like me because I'm not going to put up with your crap. And you're entitled to have an opinion as to whether or not you believe something about me or any other person, what you don't get to do is be an asshole just because you don't like something. But then again, you don't respect women, so I really should lower my expectations of you. Don't be so arrogant to think you represent all women. I respect women, I just don't respect you. Yeah. I must have misconstrued your "grab your ball sack and put your woman in her place" comment in the wedding thread. You're right, you totally respect women.
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