midjd
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Post by midjd on Feb 4, 2016 16:58:06 GMT -5
What about guys who are genetically male but on the very very low end of the bell curve when it comes to endowment? I am guessing most women would be disappointed by that or even find it a deal-breaker... but is it actually dishonest not to bring it up before the clothes come off? Or is it really just about not having the XY chromosomes? For me it is totally about the XY chromosome. Ive come a long way in being more accepting of people htat are different of me...as long as it doesn't impact me personally. I kiss someone that was born with a vagina because the person didn't tell me and I would freak the fuck out...seriously, freak the fuck out! Thanks for responding No judgment either way, just curious!
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Feb 4, 2016 16:58:51 GMT -5
Being attracted to a transman does not make a person a lesbian! They are still straight! To you...to me, I would never get passed the fact that they had a vagina...that is not something I would ever be interested in.
And since I can carry on this conversation without tossing out insults but you can't, I'm done with the discussion.
Oh...and a funny. A friend of a guy I'm dating had this happen to him. And he did freak the fuck out! He met "her" online and they flirted for many weeks before meeting in person. Her face looked very female in the pictures...when he met her, he about died because he immediately knew she wasn't born a female. He just left. A little honesty up front would have prevented this.
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quince
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Post by quince on Feb 4, 2016 17:00:41 GMT -5
She can still freak the fuck out, though. I would freak the fuck out if I kissed a blatant racist. Despite my sole preference for male anatomy, kissing someone with female anatomy would at worse result in a Bleh. (freak out levels may increase based on how many bases have been covered.)
People do have the right to their preferences, especially when it comes to people they are being physically or emotionally intimate with.
I like Mid's example of a felony conviction- that's rarer and less likely to come up as a topic of conversation than STD status or finances. Hell, I DO ask unusual questions- husband got a point blank question about his sexuality (and we were dating, so probability was that he was at least a little interested in women.)
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Kolt!
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Post by Kolt! on Feb 4, 2016 17:00:44 GMT -5
Or a little acceptance
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on Feb 4, 2016 17:01:24 GMT -5
Kolt! - Please take some advice from someone a few years older than you...
If two people are in an established romantic relationship, and one of them then discloses to the other that they are trans, sometimes the non-trans person is going to break up with the trans person. Sometimes the non-trans person will feel hurt and betrayed, and yes, disgusted, by what they have learned, and they will end the relationship immediately. And then the trans person will feel hurt and betrayed, and yes, disgusted by the person they had previously been in love with. Each will think the other is the a-hole, and each will be able to find plenty of people who agree with them and support their position.
But here's the thing- that's a possibility in all relationships. There is always a chance that you will reveal something to your partner that will make them feel hurt, betrayed, or disgusted - like (as mid brought up) one of them has a felony record from their juvenile years, or has an addiction to porn, or had an addiction to drugs, or was in the military and killed someone.... There are a million things that can be deal breakers in relationships. Some do not seem like a big deal to you (or me), but that doesn't mean they won't be a big deal to someone else. It is one of the risks we take in opening up ourselves to other people. Just because you cannot understand their feelings does not make their feelings any less valid to them, just as their inability to understand your feelings on the matter doesn't make your feelings any less valid, either.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Feb 4, 2016 17:01:32 GMT -5
I know very welll you dont accept me as a man. You made that very clear actually. You made it very clear that to you a man is only a man if he was born with the correct part. You made it clear that to you i lack and am less then a male I wouldn't want to date you, no. But beyond that, I honestly don't care. And I mean that. I have a lesbian aunt so I have been surrounded by gays and lesbians my entire life. I have no idea if any of them are trans and I don't care. I lilke some of them as people and some I can't stand (just because of personality). But I dont' want to be intimate or involved with any of them.
I am attacted to what I'm attracted to and that's that.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Feb 4, 2016 17:03:45 GMT -5
She can still freak the fuck out, though. I would freak the fuck out if I kissed a blatant racist. Despite my sole preference for male anatomy, kissing someone with female anatomy would at worse result in a Bleh. (freak out levels may increase based on how many bases have been covered.) People do have the right to their preferences, especially when it comes to people they are being physically or emotionally intimate with. I like Mid's example of a felony conviction- that's rarer and less likely to come up as a topic of conversation than STD status or finances. Hell, I DO ask unusual questions- husband got a point blank question about his sexuality (and we were dating, so probability was that he was at least a little interested in women.) To be honest, I never thought of asking if someone was always a male. Because of the type of guys I am attracted to, I kind of considered it a given. I could be wrong about that though.
I do always ask if they are married (got burned on that once) and I google them to see if they have been arrested.
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Kolt!
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Post by Kolt! on Feb 4, 2016 17:04:03 GMT -5
My point is in no way is someone required to tell someone theyre trans. And if later they find out and have a problem with it...thats on them.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Feb 4, 2016 17:05:23 GMT -5
Accepting you as a person and being attracted to you are two different things.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Feb 4, 2016 17:06:21 GMT -5
My point is in no way is someone required to tell someone theyre trans. And if later they find out and have a problem with it...thats on them. And if a person flat out asked you, would you lie?
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Kolt!
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Post by Kolt! on Feb 4, 2016 17:06:40 GMT -5
Accepting you as a person and being attracted to you are two different things. Not what i meant >.>
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Kolt!
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Post by Kolt! on Feb 4, 2016 17:09:52 GMT -5
My point is in no way is someone required to tell someone theyre trans. And if later they find out and have a problem with it...thats on them. And if a person flat out asked you, would you lie?
No but i also said if someone asked that would be decietful but as i said im upfront now with my being trans
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Kolt!
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Post by Kolt! on Feb 4, 2016 17:12:40 GMT -5
But if its not asked i dont think they need to mention. Its not an importance to all trans. To us we are male and always have been and dont feel a need to ever label ourselves
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 4, 2016 17:23:50 GMT -5
Kolt why would you even want to go out with someone that is not attracted to trans and has no interest in being intimate with a trans person?
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Feb 4, 2016 17:26:40 GMT -5
Some people don't want to date someone who was born a different sex. Does that make them an asshole? Maybe, maybe not. But they need to be allowed to make an informed decision. I personally have never dated anyone trans. Does that mean that I won't? I don't know. I've never had the opportunity to tell you how I would react. Doesn't mean I don't want to know. I don't want to fight about it, I was just curious. I'm sure you would know once they've decided you can be trusted to be told. There's a lot of things people don't confess right up front in the beginning of a relationship. I would assume a large amount are very cautious about who they tell because of the amount of hate still felt toward them. I don't have any trans friends and am pretty sure I've never dated anyone that was. I'm sure it's something that would take a bit to get my head around and there'd be a whole pile of feelings but I'd hope the first wouldn't be anger or something worse. Who the hell knows, but I do think I'd understand them feeling like they had the right to keep quiet a while. I didn't think you were trying to pick a fight.
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Kolt!
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Post by Kolt! on Feb 4, 2016 17:26:57 GMT -5
Kolt why would you even want to go out with someone that is not attracted to trans and has no interest in being intimate with a trans person? I dont? But its not like that always comes up either. But i know straight girls with transmen that never thought theyd date a transguy. The girl im with or well i dont know what we are right now is bisexual so ive never really had issues before with her.
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Kolt!
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Post by Kolt! on Feb 4, 2016 17:29:07 GMT -5
I havent only been speaking for myself. As ive mentioned im upfront about being trans.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 4, 2016 17:38:44 GMT -5
Not telling someone that you are going to have sex with that your trans takes away their choice. To me it's in the same category as getting someone drunk so they will have sex with you. It's slimy.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 4, 2016 17:43:42 GMT -5
Why? Not being funny, being serious. If you think they're male, and they know they are and have had all the work done, then what's the difference? Thank you. A trans person has always been male. They are male. Theres nothing to say for some of them. Theyre male. They dont have to add a trans label if they dont want. They were male and always have been its as simple as that. Not physically. And even you don't believe it or you would not have changed anything. It made enough of a difference to you that you had to transition so you do understand that it is significant.
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Kolt!
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Post by Kolt! on Feb 4, 2016 17:46:04 GMT -5
I am so sick of people comparing this to rape or disgusting things men do to hook up with a girl.
I loved the last girl i was with and she loved me. Im fucking sick of being accussed of rape
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Feb 4, 2016 17:48:04 GMT -5
I am so sick of people comparing this to rape or disgusting things men do to hook up with a girl. I loved the last girl i was with and she loved me. Im fucking sick of being accussed of rape If you are withholding important information, information that if the other person had they wouldn't have sex with you, then there is a major issue. Im not sure I would go as far as rape but I would feel very violated.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 4, 2016 17:48:28 GMT -5
I am so sick of people comparing this to rape or disgusting things men do to hook up with a girl. I loved the last girl i was with and she loved me. Im fucking sick of being accussed of rape Then be upfront and don't take away a woman's choice. And recommend that your trans friends are upfront as well.
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gregintenn
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Post by gregintenn on Feb 4, 2016 17:49:04 GMT -5
It appears to me you've been given more acceptance here than you've shown for other thus far.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Feb 4, 2016 17:53:30 GMT -5
It appears to me you've been given more acceptance here than you've shown for other thus far. I couldn't agree more. I
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Kolt!
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Post by Kolt! on Feb 4, 2016 17:56:23 GMT -5
IF. I do not want to have to put a label on myself I should NOT have to put a label on myself.
If I WANT to blend in with the world as a cismale that SHOULD be my right.
--
She wanted to have sex with me when I wasn't even sure I was ready to have sex to begin with as a transitioned male. It was CONSENSUAL.
I was not giving her an STD. I was not forcing her to have sex with me. I will NOT recommend it to all of my trans friends. A transman that has a hook up with a girl should not be forced to tell every girl he sleeps with he is trans. He should not be forced to tell someone he is trans that he doesn't trust. A transman should have the right to sleep with someone just as much as a cismale as well without worrying about their identity being put through a blender.
SHOULD we just never have sex? It's not easy to trust people with being transgender. It's not easy to trust it won't get out. Does that mean we don't deserve to be loved? Does that mean we don't deserve to have sex for fun like other cismen? Or have an intimate relationship with a women?
It took me years to come out as trans. YEARS. And I have to worry about my future but I want love and I want to be loved. I tell girls as of now but it's my right not to if I'm to move and want to get into a job where nobody knows me. I'm not going to trust a person right off the back with me being trans after only a few months of knowing them if my job is on the line. And that's my right. It's my right to not want to be labeled. It's my right to just want to identify as a male and not a transmale. That is my RIGHT.
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Kolt!
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Post by Kolt! on Feb 4, 2016 17:58:54 GMT -5
But, I'm sorry if it appears I don't accept people.
I do accept people. What I wasn't accepting was a view that were less of a man for not being born with a penis. That we should have to tell every person were with were trans early on and that being compared to rape if we don't.
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gregintenn
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Post by gregintenn on Feb 4, 2016 17:59:03 GMT -5
IF. I do not want to have to put a label on myself I should NOT have to put a label on myself. If I WANT to blend in with the world as a cismale that SHOULD be my right. -- She wanted to have sex with me when I wasn't even sure I was ready to have sex to begin with as a transitioned male. It was CONSENSUAL. I was not giving her an STD. I was not forcing her to have sex with me. I will NOT recommend it to all of my trans friends. A transman that has a hook up with a girl should not be forced to tell every girl he sleeps with he is trans. He should not be forced to tell someone he is trans that he doesn't trust. A transman should have the right to sleep with someone just as much as a cismale as well without worrying about their identity being put through a blender. SHOULD we just never have sex? It's not easy to trust people with being transgender. It's not easy to trust it won't get out. Does that mean we don't deserve to be loved? Does that mean we don't deserve to have sex for fun like other cismen? Or have an intimate relationship with a women? It took me years to come out as trans. YEARS. And I have to worry about my future but I want love and I want to be loved. I tell girls as of now but it's my right not to if I'm to move and want to get into a job where nobody knows me. I'm not going to trust a person right off the back with me being trans after only a few months of knowing them if my job is on the line. And that's my right. It's my right to not want to be labeled. It's my right to just want to identify as a male and not a transmale. That is my RIGHT. ...and since you posted all this on a public forum, it's Miss Tequila's right to disagree.
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ken a.k.a OMK
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Post by ken a.k.a OMK on Feb 4, 2016 17:59:51 GMT -5
Life used to be more simple. You are attracted to someone. You spend time getting to know each other. Then comes the dreaded meeting the family. First time sex could be great or a learning experience.
Many interesting points brought up here besides the trans part. Criminal record, financial debt, life goals, health, previous marriages. I lot goes into picking a life partner.
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gregintenn
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Post by gregintenn on Feb 4, 2016 18:00:00 GMT -5
But, I'm sorry if it appears I don't accept people. I do accept people. What I wasn't accepting was a view that were less of a man for not being born with a penis. That we should have to tell every person were with were trans early on and that being compared to rape if we don't. It sounds like you accept people who agree with your life decisions. For others; not so much.
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gregintenn
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Post by gregintenn on Feb 4, 2016 18:00:48 GMT -5
Life used to be more simple. You are attracted to someone. You spend time getting to know each other. Then comes the dreaded meeting the family. First time sex could be great or a learning experience. Many interesting points brought up here besides the trans part. Criminal record, financial debt, life goals, health, previous marriages. I lot goes into picking a life partner....and a bit of luck as well.
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