jambo101
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Post by jambo101 on Nov 18, 2015 3:21:54 GMT -5
The older spouse doesn't have a many tomorrows left to do these things like they dreamed. No way would I be the person who prevented the love of my life from doing the things he dreamed about his whole life. This is certainly a valid perspective. But at what cost? and - Is there no compromise? is renting a cabin on the lake for a month each summer not enough- does it have to purchased? And what if fulfilling all those dreams leaves the healthier spouse in poverty for 30 years on their own? Just to note, all these dreams of trips,cottage,condo in Florida etc are not just my dreams but shared dreams we have both talked about over the years.As an example Cruises and condo in Fla were definitely her dreams and IMO a total waste of money. Also while talking about these dreams nothing was ever mentioned that when she ultimately got this inheritance it would be placed in a private account never to be touched. The scenarios we dreamed about may have been realized 10 years ago when the inheritance was passed, its now a moot point as recent poor health has me not in the position to travel extensively or maintain a country cottage or drive an Rv around the country.. At this point whenever my inheritance comes in i may as well just sign it over to the kids or donate it to charity as i'll have no use for it. I'll say it again the intended focus of the topic was hearing other peoples experiences of receiving large inheritances and not to obsess over the few examples i gave of my own circumstance.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 18, 2015 5:40:09 GMT -5
Well, it is too bad that you feel this way about your wife's inheritance. Money does strange things to people. Hopefully the rest of your relationship has been more satisfactory in your mind.
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steph08
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Post by steph08 on Nov 18, 2015 9:05:43 GMT -5
I did get a few thousand when my favorite aunt passed away. I put the money into joint savings and we used it as part of our house downpayment.
Earlier this year my dad asked me if I had bought myself anything with the money (it was his sister who died). I said yes, our new house.
I asked my DH and he said if I got 500k (I won't) that it would be up to me what to do with it, but he would like to pay off the house. I can agree with that, or put it in the market for a few years before paying it off. We aren't phil-ites.
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emma1420
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Post by emma1420 on Nov 18, 2015 9:23:40 GMT -5
This is certainly a valid perspective. But at what cost? and - Is there no compromise? is renting a cabin on the lake for a month each summer not enough- does it have to purchased? And what if fulfilling all those dreams leaves the healthier spouse in poverty for 30 years on their own? Just to note, all these dreams of trips,cottage,condo in Florida etc are not just my dreams but shared dreams we have both talked about over the years.As an example Cruises and condo in Fla were definitely her dreams and IMO a total waste of money. Also while talking about these dreams nothing was ever mentioned that when she ultimately got this inheritance it would be placed in a private account never to be touched. The scenarios we dreamed about may have been realized 10 years ago when the inheritance was passed, its now a moot point as recent poor health has me not in the position to travel extensively or maintain a country cottage or drive an Rv around the country.. At this point whenever my inheritance comes in i may as well just sign it over to the kids or donate it to charity as i'll have no use for it. I'll say it again the intended focus of the topic was hearing other peoples experiences of receiving large inheritances and not to obsess over the few examples i gave of my own circumstance. I'm sorry that you seem bitter about the situation. I hope that is something that you can move past. Similar to your wife, my step-mom inherited about 200K from her dad. That money was kept separate from my dad, as she would like to be able to pass it down to her children. The major difference is my dad and step-mom saved most of their life to be able to have the retirement they wanted. They are not dependent upon an inheritance to travel or to do all the other things that they want to do. Therefore what my step-mother does with her inheritance is not relevant to their daily lives. And, I think that is really the key. If you are depending on a windfall to live the life you want then you are probably setting yourself up for disaster.
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Ombud
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Post by Ombud on Nov 18, 2015 10:55:26 GMT -5
My situation :
We inherited. Of the 5:
1. Kept it to herself but her marriage was rocky 2. Gave both kids about 100k for downpayment, fixed house, totally merged 3. Gave 30k to kid, 30k to church, 15k to charity, merged rest 4. Kept it separate but fixed home 5. I've doled it out to kids slowly
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ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Nov 18, 2015 11:12:39 GMT -5
When my grandmother died, my cousin inherited some money. She was married but not happily. She asked my mom, the executrix to not send her her inheritance until she divorced her husband, just in case it got commingled into their joint assets.
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buystoys
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Post by buystoys on Nov 18, 2015 11:15:52 GMT -5
I won't inherit anything. DH will likely inherit a low six-figure amount. He plans to share the inheritance no matter the amount. His money, his choice.
We have discussed this, so I know exactly what his thoughts are. He looks at our financial situation this way: I gave up a paid relocation package for a very good paying job in order to stay with him. (We weren't yet married when I received the offer.) He didn't want to move, so he considers the job loss as his "fault" even though I don't see it that way. I could be working now and increasing our net worth, but he likes having a SAHW. I enjoy being a SAHW. So his viewpoint is that I should share in anything he receives because I have and continue to make less over my lifetime to make him happy. (The reality is that our current situation makes us both happy, but he feels more strongly about me not working than I do. I'd go get a job if either of us felt we needed the money.)
Neither of us has kids, so that does play into how we both feel about the monies we came into our marriage with and how we will spend it.
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obelisk
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Post by obelisk on Nov 18, 2015 21:36:41 GMT -5
I do not expect anything from both side of the family. That is the way I planned my family's existence and future. Anything forthcoming is a bonus and will be spend accordingly and not by a so called perceived wish of the deceased. My family's needs come first within the future of our exiting family unit within the context of our uncertain future. Everything else is relative.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Nov 21, 2015 13:58:32 GMT -5
It is also one thing to sit and theorize about what you would do if you received a windfall. It is quite another matter to have all those zeroes accessible. Some would act on every whim. Others might purposely lock it up for a while just to force themselves to think it through thoroughly.
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Post by mojothehelpermonkey on Nov 21, 2015 17:31:18 GMT -5
For most people an inheritance is like a one time windfall, especially if you were more worried about supporting your parent in the future. I don't think there is a right or wrong way to deal with it. My reaction was to treat it like a safety net, so I wouldn't have to worry about not having a dad to help me out if I really needed it anymore. I don't know what goes on inside my brother's head, but I suspect that he looked at my dad's death as a reminder that life is short and you can't take any of it with you. I don't think there is a right or wrong approach, but you need to be on the same page if you have to share it with someone.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Nov 22, 2015 15:38:53 GMT -5
...:::"I've heard that even if you keep inheritances completely separate that doesn't mean they aren't considered in the event of a divorce, especially if the inheritance was enough to make a potentially significant change in lifestyle.":::...
I think that has come up on this board more than once, and it could end up being the same difference. Sure, technically that $250K is separate, but some judge can just award an uneven share of the joint assets to compensate.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 22, 2015 21:26:50 GMT -5
Yup, happened to DH.
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